We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
Our Recent Essays Behind the Front Page
Saturday, August 24. 2019
Saturday notes from all over:
And yet somehow I can still buy a 50" television for $180. There seems to be a disconnect between the reporting and the reality on this topic. Can't imagine why.
That's silly. The hobo bathing in the men's room sink, however...
And every Washington Post story is secretly a political infomercial. Ho hum.
I hear upcycled pallet lumber coffee tables burn best.
Holy moley. That would have made a hell of movie. In 1966. Now, not so much. Stick to Batman, fellers, it's all you know.
They can't wait to give Facebook millions to carry ads that say social media hates conservatives. Well, they couldn't wait.
The article is 129 words. Reuters labels it a "1 min read." Reuters staff must wear hockey helmets to ride the bus.
Netflix thinks spending lots of cash will result in good entertainment. Disney thinks having good entertainment will result in lots of cash. I know which way I'd bet.
If a subsidy falls in a Chinese forest, does Elon Musk make a sound?
Shopify should just buy a newspaper, and say that it isn't a mistake.
Happy Saturday, everyone!
Friday, August 23. 2019
Internet wags make jokes about the NSA spying on everyone. There's a hint of whistling past the graveyard in the humor. If you sense a dreadful thing nearby, but can't quite see it, your mind runs a bit wild, and you resort to nervous laughter to break the spell. The average computer programmer is a mental patient about online tracking, for instance. They're constantly touting the privacy benefits of Linux, whenever they can get their computers to work enough to type a sentence. Microsoft is sending telemetry! I don't know what telemetry is, but it sounds bad! Then they load forty apps on a homing beacon, AKA a smartphone, and pay for everything with it. They follow it up with a demand to be anonymous on their Twitter account.
Everyone's mistaken, or lying, on the internet, sometimes both. There's only one real fear here. People are whistling past the graveyard of obscurity, not Warhollian panopticontroversy. The nameless dread they hold is the fear that the NSA, and every other two-bit news or data aggregator for that matter, doesn't care if they're alive or dead, never mind what they're doing online at 2 AM. Their life is like a children's game from the fifties: Look at me, look at me, look at me, DON'T LOOK AT ME! One, two, three, GREEN LIGHT!
Don't get me wrong. Someone, or more accurately, many someones are tracking your movements, purchases, and daily interests, no matter how trivial, ephemeral and chaotic they are. It goes into huge hadoop hoppers and gets sifted and sold hither and yon to anyone who will pay. It shouldn't happen, but no one ever asks me what should happen, so place the blame somewhere else. Yell your dissatisfaction with tracking into your Amazon Echo, or your Nest thermostat, or your doorbell, or I don't know, maybe your refrigerator.
And what good is all that info? Not much. I know absolutely everything about myself, for instance, but I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. What chance does Acxiom have at figuring it out?
The photo at the top of this post is real, and the subject of the photo really wrote that on the margin, as nearly as I can tell. It's from a fairly notable book of photographs from a fellow named Jim Goldberg. You can find out all sorts of things about Jim Goldberg on the internet, and I think you can still buy this book of photos and captions, even though it was originally published 35 years ago. Look up Countess Viviana de Blonville. All you'll find is see Jim Goldberg.
Is dying alone, unmourned, and unloved made better if it's posted to Facebook? I am beset by doubts. On to today's news!
People believe hoaxes because hoaxes are more interesting than real life. It's voluntary behavior, really. Just a smidgen of reality mixed in with the bosh is all you need to dupe most folks. I've seen fistfights over the last donut in the break room, so killing a crone for a gingerbread recipe wouldn't strike me as far fetched, either.
If you collect and store sensitive info, you should be required to protect it. Make companies that hoard data take out bonds and insurance to cover all potential liabilities. You need to post bonds to undertake real world construction projects in many cases. Want to build a database instead of a strip mall? What's the difference? Can't wait to see what the number at the bottom of the policy would be for creepy stalkers like Facebook.
Remember when CEOs wore short-sleeve dress shirts under their polyester suits and did boring things like turning a profit? Now they're all android people on booster seats in congressional hearings, new-age gurus, and old short-bus James Bond here.
" Jalopy" is an entirely underused word. I'm going to go out of my way to say "jalopy" today. Go forth, brethren, and spread the word of jalopy! And watch Bullitt.
You're only as old as the women you feel.
Now that's some weapons-grade name dropping. BTW, Fat Man and Little Boy is a good movie, in the parts Paul Newman is in. The parts he isn't in are still technically a movie, I guess. Leslie Groves was the genius in that bunch. Except for Von Neumann, the rest were just really smart plumbers. And Von Neumann isn't in the movie.
It's Australia. That baby should eat a dingo.
I expect a photo of the charred remains of Hansel and Gretel's victim to show up soon.
When my gut bacteria talks, my wife listens and leaves the room.
Attention Apple users: farting through silk is now mandatory to use their products, not just to afford them.
Hansel and Gretel committed a murder over a coffee and crumble. They were pikers compared to Starbucks
Have a great Friday, everyone!
Thursday, August 22. 2019
When I was younger, I discovered stoicism. At first I was put off by their slogan, Amor fati, because hey, no fat chicks. Then I dug a little deeper. I got out my Rosetta stone, and translated from Latin into Greek, and then into Demotic, and back into Latin because my cuneiform is pretty rusty, and finally back into English. That's when I discovered Amor fati only tangentially refers to dating plus-size girls. A closer reading of the texts resulted in a truer meaning: "Sh*t happens." I decided right then and there that this was a worldview I could get behind, if not walk behind.
So I'm a stoic now. I'm in good company. Shakespeare said that there was nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. Or maybe it was Rodney Dangerfield. In any case, there are a lot of us stoics out there. For instance, often I'll say something extremely stoic, if that's even possible, and people will remark that stoics are really out there.
To get you in the stoic swing, I've decided to invite the granddaddy of all the stoic scribblers, Marcus Aurelius, to weigh in on today's news items.
"The man who has a house everywhere has a home nowhere"
"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."
"The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject."
"If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it."
"Never act without purpose and resolve, or without the means to finish the job."
"Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, THE ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial"
"A wrongdoer is often a man who has left something undone, not always one who has done something."
"Nothing has such power to broaden the mind as the ability to investigate systematically and truly all that comes under thy observation in life."
"He who eats my bread, does my will."
"...if a man comes to his fortieth year, and has any understanding at all, he has virtually seen - thanks to their similarity - all possible happenings, both past and to come."
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
Have a modestly successful Thursday, everyone, whether you want to or not. That's how stoics do it. I hope you enjoyed Ol' Mark's take on today's news. Remember, don't get down in the mouth about today's events. To quote the two most famous stoic philosophers:
"Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so." -Marcus Aurelius
"They don't think it be like it is but it do." - Oscar Gamble
Wednesday, August 21. 2019
The internet used to be sort of useful. I don't think it is anymore.
Maggie's Farm is like the old internet. I loved it. People bored with the usual tripe on TV and the radio could find all sorts of new and interesting viewpoints and useful information on the web. There were a lot of blogs, many of them superb. Politics was way in the back. It's weird, because at this point you can watch a livestream of a skanky girl getting her bumhole tattooed on the internet, but I am here to testify that no one reveals much of anything anymore. People are really guarded about saying anything about themselves. Well, pleasant, sane people are. If you look at an Instagram "influencer" account, there are pictures posted every few minutes, but they're all a put-on. The pictures are ads for a life that isn't being lived, i.e., fake. Everything is search engine optimized, not written. Social media is a list of what other people want you to think they think, like virtual coffee table books no one actually reads.
The internet died when it shifted from desktop computers to phones. Well, that put it on life support. Google killed it dead when they said the only search engine that matters wouldn't rank anything but the mobile version of a website. So the internet became a television broadcast with innumerable bad cable stations, projected on the same porthole-sized screen my grandmother had to watch Uncle Miltie. Ads took the place of all the entertainment, and cradle to grave stalking of the users took the place of ads. And since everyone brings their phone in the bathroom with them, you're even being spied on in there now. Even Nielson families didn't put up with that.
Bird Dog is away at doggie daycare, getting his nails clipped, so you're stuck with me. I hope you all appreciate him when he returns, because he's guarded this friendly little oasis of the old web from all comers, and that is quite an undertaking.
On to the news!
That quote is from a very detailed and incisive analysis of the possible upside of the WeWork IPO. Newsgathering outlets suck at this sort of reporting and analysis now, if they were ever good at it. The linked blog is like the old internet. Filled with useful information and savvy analysis.
My friends and I had an underwater exploration kit. We went out on a skiff, and we shined a high intensity light on the ocean floor as we puttered along. I've heard rumors that you can find lobsters that way, and net them. Of course they would be undersized for the catch regulations, so you would never do such a thing, and then boil them on the beach and eat them. Say, what is the statute of limitations on fishery infractions? I'm asking for a friend.
Scroll down the list. Keep scrolling. Software, nurses, physical therapists, software, nurses, physical therapists. Keep scrolling. Keep scrolling. Ah, Oklahoma. Rotary drill operators. Then back at it; software, nurses, physical therapists, software, nurses, physical therapists...
I was surveyed for this report, but my answer was misconstrued. They asked me if I liked working remotely, and I told them I wasn't remotely working. English is hard.
I'd rather watch old football games than new ones anyway. Football players have gotten tiresome.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is leadership. He lost his job, by the way. Bet he finds another one.
Minorly fascinating story about the perils of coincidence. I'm trying to picture what would happen to the crossword author nowadays. What's a ten-letter word for a detention camp, starting with "G" ?
You know, if keep writing articles about persistent Lyme disease, it might eventually be more popular with internet hypochondriacs than Morgellons, vaccine-induced autism, and fibromyalgia put together.
Tesla builds cars in a tent. You bought solar panels from them. Negligence? A pointed finger often identifies two malefactors.
If you stand on a spot on the Equator for one year, you're the one doing something weird. Leave the Earth out of it
With this many people involved, under the Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification Act of 1988, I believe Larry needs to provide a 60 calendar-day notice of any layoffs.
So, prices are too low, because there's a coffee glut. But coffee rust will ruin harvests, which will lower supply, so prices will rise. Well, I've solved that problem. I'm going to use my great big invisible hand to make a pot of joe now.
Enjoy your Wednesday everyone!
Tuesday, August 20. 2019
Sometimes I think that the impression the newspaper is trying to give you is the opposite of reality. There's all this stuff right out front in the news, but the shadow of reality is visible if you squint really hard. The newspaper is what they want you to think. Well, it's Tuesday, and I don't feel like thinking much at all, which is fine. All the bad news that they don't want you to talk about is released on Friday afternoon, late-ish, and all the made up news they wanted to gull you with is released on Monday in the AM, so we're all clear today. We can talk about trivial stuff, like popular music or vice-presidents. The Guardian is cooperating nicely with our Tuesday timetable with their listicle The 30 best films about music, chosen by musicians.
Hmm. The Guardian isn't shy about putting scare quotes on regular nouns used by their political opponents, but they missed an opportunity to put them around the word "musicians." I assume their longer, first-draft title, Crabby Opinions About Pop Culture from the Only "Musicians" Who Were Awake Before 4 PM and Replied To My Last-Minute HARO Bleg, was too long for proper search engine optimization. The author of this list seems to think we've entered "an uncommonly busy period, if not a flat-out golden age" of "movies about musicians, whether biopics, fictions or documentaries." I don't think so, and their list backs up my opinion, not theirs. It's a bad list, and they should feel bad.
The good news: This Is Spinal Tap is on the list. The bad news: So is a documentary about Wham! I guess even a blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time. The rest of the list is awful, and incoherent, in a very particular, modern way. Any pop culture list is bound to linger on recent things, but the list isn't limited to the last decade. If you say "best," you should know a little history. To the target audience, history began when they were in Pampers. Everything before that was a dark time, when everyone's behavior was suitable only for apologies and reparations. One hardy soul takes a stab at history by mentioning the Woodstock movie, but that's likely because they've heard there's a Woodstock movie, not because they've seen it. Sha Na Na played at Woodstock. That's all you need to know about the event.
Right off the top of my head, why wouldn't someone mention:
Bah, I'm arguing with fools. Feel free to add any I've forgotten to comments section. On to the news!
IBM and Yahoo had something in common besides dismal performance. We're not allowed to notice it, however, so we won't.
The National Liberation Front of Corsica? Corsica had terrorists? Corsica has electricity?
I'm suddenly fresh out of snarky remarks.
Seem more like the subscription service model used by Rent-a-Center for crack house couches than SaaS for useless chat apps. Anyway, for some reason, I'm reminded of Johnny Cash's song One Piece at a Time.
All tech IPOs are now Ponzi schemes being palmed off on the stock market before the music stops. This one is especially silly. And stop comparing them to Amazon, article writers. Amazon made a profit right away, but dumped the money back into expansion continually, mostly to avoid taxation. Borrowing money over and over isn't the same thing.
This is a question that's been on my mind for a long time, said no one ever.
From the resurrected Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys, natch.
Oh dear, we've disappointed an aesthete from an prisoner-organ-harvesting paradise. A more even-handed appraisal than the headline sounds. And of course even patriotic souls like me have to acknowledge that the United States is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.
Why Is Joe Rogan So Popular?
I can explain it. He's just a Rush Limbaugh who votes straight Democrat on the way home from the Crossfit gym.
It looks like a doorstop at Liberace's house.
Have a happy Tuesday, everyone!
Monday, August 19. 2019
Well, it's a bad day all around. For you, I mean. I'm swell. You have to face the work and worry that Monday brings with it, and you have to face it without Bird Dog. He's at the vet again, so you're stuck with me, Roger de Hauteville. We get Bird Dog de-wormed every year, because we love him so, and love to take care of him. Of course we don't bring him to be de-wormed until after fishing season is over, because worms are expensive. We're not made of stone, but we're not made of money, either. On to today's links.
Do tell. File this one under: Educated persons discovering common sense by accident. Hasn't anyone in academia ever heard of the effect of a shill before? They seem to understand the concept just fine when they're disrupting televised town hall meetings. Hi, I'm just a concerned citizen...
In case you're wondering, Dusty is a dog. The New York Times new slogan should be: All the solipsism that's fit to print.
Ah, the Daily Mail. The newspaper put that last word in their headline in all caps, not me. Like a good fisherman, they know how to jiggle the bait. But I doubt that the miniature trouser snake angle will prove out in the body of the article. I've read Under the Tuscan Sun, and several other books about women with turkey necks moving to Italy, and it's not the miniature kind they're looking for, or discovering there. Try farther east.
I knew a man who liked to tell people that they weren't really sitting on a chair, when they sat on a chair. He'd exclaim that the matter in their body and the matter in the chair repelled each other at the atomic level, so in reality, they were actually hovering above the chair, not sitting on it. I threw an apple at his head once, to remind him that only Isaac Newton matters to regular people. I wonder if I want to throw an apple at Professor Scott?
At the bottom of this article, you'll find a handy Facebook tracking beacon, er, I mean share button. You know, for your convenience.
The author is an Elon Musketeer, so I have my doubts. Especially since I understand that the intent and effect of the internet, however delivered, is to turn ten good jobs into one crappy one. Or one good job into ten crappy ones, if you're Uber. It's a fair tradeoff though, because instead of any silly benefits like a retirement fund or health insurance, there's foosball and smoothie bars in the WeWork office for the winners.
Hmm. This is quite the development. Why back in my day, you whippersnappers, we kept our money laundering to ourselves. Now they issue a press release.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. And the going is most definitely getting weird.
For some reason, this reminds me of the signs you once saw painted on the walls in tawdry barrooms: Free Beer Tomorrow
When will people learn that social media is only for fake viral propaganda, not paid propaganda. The ads are strictly reserved for selling T shirts with anti-Trump slogans. Sheesh.
Well, that's the news roundup for Monday. Don't let current events get you down. Go about your business, and have a nice day. But if I were you, I wouldn't bring any rice cookers onto the NYC subway today. The bomb sniffing dogs are bound to be getting unintentional postural and facial cues from just about everyone, not just their handlers today.
Saturday, October 20. 2018
Usually, when we speak of financial news, we're referring to central bank machinations and Wall Street piracy and great big old honking government budget contortions and hedge fund rapacity and interest rate shenanigans and so forth. That's great, because talking about the monetary policy of your next door neighbors on the evening news could get boring. "Well, Stefanie, we see a period of instability in cross-border money transfers for the foreseeable future. Ms. Howard maxed out the Discover card on those super-cute Louboutins I was telling you about during the break, and Mr. Howard, oh dear, has been to the strip club again, so I don't see them going to Sandals this winter. Now the weather..."
Well, I don't have time to scrape all your data from your Facebook pages to see how your personal finances are going, so going personal in the financial news isn't practical for me. And I would never peek in your windows to see how you're doing, but hey Ted, you should really tell your wife to stop undressing in front of the home security camera with the default password still on it. No reason. But let's at least take a Saturday look around the internet to see how we're doing in general, shall we?
My household has shrunk, too. My wife keeps wallpapering and the walls are getting closer.
Oh dear. No ready meals in Ireland. This sounds vaguely familiar. The company was obviously poorly run, though. Look, they made a profit one year. Any Musk could tell you that's not how to run a company.
I don't see the problem. They wanted a non-profit, and that's what they got.
Gratitude? For adolescents, Halloween now lasts for three months, while Thanksgiving consists of texting all day while your stepfather watches football and your mother orders takeout Chinese. Do the math.
Hmm. This article is unconcerned about HealthCare.gov data collection and an ensuing security breach, but doesn't like the timing of the announcement. Oh, and one of the squeegee buckets at the Sheetz is nearly empty.
I hope the tax money goes to fund $10,000 community art grants to help the homeless open non-profit, small press/artist-run spaces of their own.
If they get evicted, they can always take an Uber to San Francisco and vote for a homeless tax on Lyft.
I once played an Aerosmith record on my mom's stereo the day after my goldfish died. I still feel pretty bad about it.
I had no idea things had gotten this bad. The United States is apparently running out of Patels. Gentlemen, our country can't afford a Patel gap.
Typhus? Oh dear. I hope Prince Albert is OK.
The CEO of Cleveland-Cliffs forgot to mention the lamentations of the Goldman women, but other than that, a fine, Muskish tirade. I bet that shortselling Goldman employee won't be deejaying anytime soon after that verbal beating. In other news, Cleveland-Cliffs Initiates Dividend, Expect More Upside
I hope you have a great Saturday everyone, with very few lamentations around your hopefully typhus-free home!
Friday, October 19. 2018
The left has a pantheon of go-to authorities for this and that that I find amusing. In any setting where real work is performed, these dangerous intellectuals would be getting everyone else coffee, and getting the coffee order wrong, too. They'd be unable to give you correct change for their encore. The media takes the easy out, every time, by selecting someone from this Mount Rushmore of lamebrain notoriety to opine on the issues of the day, be it Krugman, or Bill Nye, or the knucklehead with the vendetta against Pluto, I forget his name. You know all their names if you watch TV. They once asked Krugman, the king of this empire of ill-formed opinion, what he thought of the internet. That's an accurate quote from the guy.
It's a ridiculous opinion, which is his stock in trade, I gather. It gets floated endlessly across the internet, and I saw it all over the place this week while looking for Maggie's Farm links. This opinion held him up to ridicule so badly that he got internet fellow travelers like the Snopes dissemblers to explain that he was just joking, or stirring the pot, or performing a thought experiment that the uncool couldn't grok. In short, he admitted he was wrong, without admitting he was wrong, of course.
Look, I'm not arguing that Paul Krugman isn't a rantipole, addlepated, intellectually stunted jerkwad hack, or that his mother doesn't dress him funny. I'll leave that to others. What I'm saying is that it's funny that he disowned this comment, because it's the only time he was on the right track with his opinions. The quote gets posted on the internet as prima facie evidence that Krugman is a fool, as if no further exposition is necessary. That's because the average internaut has no idea how profoundly the fax machine, and technology like it, changed the economy.
Posting this little quote is a form of begging the question. No, we don't all know reflexively that fax machines never mattered much, and the internet is everything. I stood in front of a teletype machine taking orders in the past, and slit open envelopes with mail orders from Fortune 500 purchasing agents, so believe you me, I know that fax machines transformed business. Many businesses in many parts of the world still use fax machines today as a primary form of business communication.
Google stole the Yellow Pages, Facebook stole magazine ads, Craigslist took over newspaper classifieds, Amazon got the Sears catalog, and Shopify is just a bunch of Fingerhut catalogs. Most other internet businesses are just unintentional Ponzi schemes who haven't run out of seed money or IPO cash yet. The fax machine soldiers on in the corner. So I say Krugman was almost right, for once in his life, and then immediately disowned his own comment, keeping his batting average at a thousand.
On to the links!
A charming story, but no, it doesn't make you the Queen. The guy you handed the sword to, however...
Millennials will go to any lengths to avoid admitting that they're wrong about anything, including cubicles, which were a fine way to balance privacy and office camaraderie.
I'm not sure if I'll trust this to replace streetlights until Paul Krugman weighs in.
What is it with these phlegmatic Finns? What is it with these female writers and parentheses?
There are parentheses inside of other parentheses in this article. What is it with these male writers always trying to one-up the girls? Oh, and that balance sheet is a mess, so I bet Krugman would love it.
Paul Krugman's head will explode while trying to explain this news while still blaming both Donald Trump and Brexit for all the world's ills.
Maybe abject discrimination against males of the species can produce another Ginni Rometty!
As usual, women, minorities, and Paul Krugman hardest hit.
Well, everyone at the FBI and the CIA is too busy ghostwriting articles at the New York Times to get any work done, so they had to sub it out.
Please notice that Fermi followers never circle back to question their begged question: If aliens are so likely... Says who?
That's funny. The internet shopping experience that replaced mail order catalogs lets advertisers discriminate by age, sex, and race when they decide who will see their ads. In order to promote racial equality, I demand that we immediately replace internet shopping with mail order catalogs and fax machine ordering. Who's with me? Besides Krugman, I mean.
Now fax in your comments, and have a great Friday!
Thursday, October 18. 2018
A long read but somewhat interesting. It makes one major error early: "Few people persist [in]doing actions that are obviously harmful ..." This assumes facts not in evidence, your honor. And your grammar is subtly atrocious.
Ah, the internet. You can be Amish, or you can be famous. Take your pick.
It's a testament to the mindset that this announcement is proffered like it's earthshaking news.
I filed this one under: If only Comrade Stalin knew!
Who are we to argue with a generation of balding toddlers who want to ride in the back seat while playing with their speak and spell long after mom's kicked the can?
It's almost like the President is pro-American or something. It confuses a lot of people. Not used to it.
These are always described as "sophisticated" scams. They're not. Telling a dullard clerk to click on stuff that looks vaguely like a bill is hardly Ocean's Eleven.
Thornton Mellon says been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Alternate title: Three millennial women wonder aloud why Poland doesn't just do whatever Germany wants it to. Yeah, it's a mystery, gals.
Unfortunate choice of words there, Katanga. Anyway, can anyone recall some problem that appeared in 2008, that's not extant now? I'm drawing a blank, but something has changed. It's a mystery.
They got all that stuff from the military because Hollywood wasn't unanimously anti-American yet.
Why, this almost sounds like a church making a political, not an ecclesiastical decision. Does Putin want to behead a couple of wives or something?
Have a great Thursday, everyone!
Wednesday, October 17. 2018
I'd prefer they decided social media companies should censor their users. That way, they'd be responsible for everything on their service. Good luck with that. Speaking of which...
In the SJW pantheon, Halloween is now a combination of Christmas, Easter, Ramadan, and Passover, so anything goes. It's their high holy days, and it lasts for months. I say bring back All Saints Day, and keep your candy.
There's trouble in the Crimea? I blame the Scythians, the Persians, the Greeks, the Pontics, the Romans, the Goths, the Huns, the Bulgars, the Khazars, the Byzantine Empire, the Arabs, the Kypchaks, the Russians, the City State of Venice, the Mongols, the Turks, the Cossacks, the Russians some more, the English, the French, and Kingdom of Sardinia of all people, Germany, the Soviets, the Ukrainians, and the Russians some more. And Donald Trump, because why not.
Half of the money I spend on advertising is wasted. The problem is I don't know which half. This is somebody's half, I imagine.
Then again, if turning a particular nationality into a marketable commodity is outlawed, America will turn into a one-party state.
This fellow gamed TripAdvisor reviews to make a shed in his back yard the most highly rated restaurant in London. It worked, so he actually opened the shed up as a restaurant, and he charged big money to serve cheap microwaved food on paper plates to patrons, who dutifully raved about it on social media because they're dullards. Now the whole world wants to interview him about his exploits, so he sends an army of random people in his place. No media outlet notices. Fake news? Is there another kind?
Get out of here with that email alternative. An email is like receiving a radioactive registered letter from the Gestapo to these kids. They won't answer that, either. The average college graduate has never spoken to a real adult about any topic, in any setting, and is terrified of answering their ringing phone. A generation of mannerless housebound agoraphobes who dress their pets in costumes for Halloween, which lasts for six months. Good jerb, social media.
And I'll bet they know how to answer the g*ddamned phone. Never mind all that. Let's get to the really interesting part of the story. Praful Tickoo is the greatest name I've encountered since reading about Hercules Mulligan in grade school.
Once again, Uruguay leads the way! Said no one, ever.
Sort of in their job description, fellas, despite your breathless reporting style.
I'm constantly reminded of a demented form of the Lady Godiva story. Everyone simultaneously wishes to ride naked through town, sometimes forbidding everyone else to look, sometimes forbidding anyone from looking away, all the while reserving the right to be a peeping Tom, 24/7.
Bon mercredi à tous! Oops again
Tuesday, October 16. 2018
It's nicer in the original French, and more subtle: Chacun voit midi à sa porte. It means that everyone sees everything from their own point of view. Adam Smith understood the concept. People have a foremost interest in their own affairs, and see everything in relation to their own worldview, wants, and desires. In commerce, it leads to the generation of wealth whenever a willing buyer and a willing seller get together. In politics, it leads to harridans testifying that someone looked at them funny thirty-five years ago.
I freely acknowledge that my doorstep has a very different noon than my neighbors. When I was younger, I found eccentricity in others piquant. Now I'm the eccentric, I guess. But I can't help noticing, as I search for news stories for you fine folks here at Maggie's Farm, that it's always the same noon in every news outlet on the planet. I also can't help noticing that their noon is my midnight.
On to the links!
After the game, the pawn and the king go in the same box.
Ripping yarns never go stale. Ask Joe Campbell
Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid.
Everyone watches TV in their pajamas, and shops at Walmart in their pajamas, so this would be a perfect fit.
You know, it tipped from opposition to insurrection on day one. Ask Steve Scalise. Bezos just like money. I guess Google figures China will pay more. Speaking of which...
Ils ne sont pas des traîtres. iIs sont de l'autre côté.
I'm sure everyone working at Facebook will resign in protest over this dastardly use of their product, such as it is. This is my "sure" face.
Fewer bugs? Your definition of hyperalarming and mine varies considerably. Chacun voit midi à sa porte.
I don't see noon on the cryptocurrency doorstep.
Punks? L’habit ne fait pas le moine. I'm sure, as always, women and minorities will be hardest hit by this law. Although, isn't it cruel to be nice to goths and punks? It cheers them up. They hate that.
Well, that's Tuesday's slate. Be sure to describe the angle of the sun on your stoop in the comments.
Monday, October 15. 2018
Will Rogers was one of the most interesting men of his generation (1879-1935), which is saying something indeed. His bio says he was a "stage and motion picture actor, vaudeville performer, American cowboy, humorist, newspaper columnist, and social commentator." There are a lot of people in contemporary society who have gained notoriety trying one or two of those descriptors. Every actor is a social commentator now, for instance. However, as far as I know, Will Rogers was alive in the 1930s, but only acknowledged that Hitler was Hitler. He didn't have a laundry list of Hitlers ready for awards ceremony speeches. And he had the guy's number as early as 1933:
As far as newspaper columnists go these days, none have the resume of Will Rogers. I'm fairly certain George Will was never a cowboy, for instance.
There was a bedrock of observation and wisdom behind the gossamer jibes, but never any malice. I know of no comedian today that could claim that. Malice is on the marquee these days. But malice doesn't last, I think. Malice appeals to the mob, and the mob gets tired from rioting and heads on home when their torches start to smolder and their pitchforks get heavy. No one will quote Amy Schumer in the year 2100. No one quotes her now, and I don't think she'll ripen none in the interim. Anyway, I decided to see if Will Rogers wisdom still applies to the news today. I report, you decide:
There are three kinds of men: The ones that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
We are the first nation to starve to death in a storehouse that's overfilled with everything we want.
Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.
When you get into trouble 5,000 miles from home, you’ve got to have been looking for it.
"Don’t gamble"; take all your savings and buy some good stock, and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Advertising makes you spend money you haven't got for things you don't want.
When the Judgment Day comes civilization will have an alibi, "I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with."
We hold the distinction of being the only nation that is goin' to the poorhouse in an automobile.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Have a great Monday everybody!
Saturday, October 13. 2018
I have a headache. I have a headache that has zip codes. I have a headache that should join the circus and be exhibited. I have a headache that would make Dante buy a Spirograph and get back to work. I have a headache that can only be described with Latin nouns. I have a headache that makes the back of my eyes behave like a stripper's tits.
But I don't mind my headache, really, because somewhere in the back of my throbbing skull, there's still room for a sunny little spot that reminds me that I have never had a Facebook page.
On to the Saturday links!
I filed this essay under, "Every culture but my own is wonderful."
She's new in town. She didn't know that the Canadian government only accepts Canadian Tire Money to avoid deportation.
Men who yell singsong doggerel into microphones held at a funny angle used LEO surveillance equipment to steal money from boosted credit cards, but their thermostat ratted them out. Man, I have a headache reading that.
Speaking of headaches, sing along with me: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...
There's a new sheriff in town, isn't there? Exxon spills a little oil and some birds get gooey, and they get a billion dollar fine. Data loss causes a lot more damage. Start treating it like an oil spill, and these little code monkey CEOs will wise up fast.
You know, I can solve this online privacy problem in about ten minutes. There are stalking laws on the books, aren't there? Make them apply to the internet. One big button required on every website that says, STOP FOLLOWING ME, AND ERASE MY INFO. If they don't, prosecute them like any other creeper ex-boyfriend or jilted bunny boiler.
Please note that Facebook regards these sorts of things as an accounts receivable problem, not a security problem. If you paid them, you could do it all you want. They have an app for that, I bet.
Yes, but you can get into trouble for simply seeding more people at random. Ask Antonio Cromartie.
If my math is good, which it's not, because I have a headache, 10,000 rupees is about 135 bucks American. I think Bezos the Clown can swing it.
I'm a pretty fair writer, even when I have a headache, but this guy has me beat. How does he manage to write about something so mundane while twisting himself into manifold contortions like an origami, short-bus, Ida Tarbell? That's talent. Of a sort
Have a great Saturday, everyone!
Friday, October 12. 2018
Guten Morgen to all you farmers, and all the ships at sea. It's me, Roger de Hauteville. Bird Dog is having his teeth sharpened at the veterinarian/day spa. So you're stuck with me.
Say, do you speak German? Guten Morgen is German. Like most greetings, it says, "good morning," but really means, "Screw you, get away from the coffee pot, I've got spreadsheets to lie to."
What I find fascinating about guten Morgen, and similar greetings, is that they appear to be accusations, more or less. Now, I've declined very few German verbs, and no invitations to cocktail lounges, but just saying good morning should be guter Morgen if you're just assembling words out of the dictionary. Guten Morgen is correct, however, because it's in the accusative case. Guten Morgen is really just a truncation of a really long sentence in German (is there another kind?) that directs you to have a nice day. Like howdy, or hiya, or howyadoin, or hallo fellow well met, it's an abbreviated, handy way to express a longer thought in a short burst of syllables. It appears to my not very well-educated eye that all greetings are in the accusative case.
So, from now on, to flesh out my greetings with the appropriate sentiment, and stay within the spirit of the accusative, I'll say, "Have a nice day, or else."
On to the links!
I'm sure this was accomplished in their usual, even-handed, transparent, and non=partisan way.
They named it ’Oumuamua? The name starts with an apostrophe? Okey Dokey then. Let's pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
So, according to the Times, companies have been buying gobs of their own stock, which is bad, but they stopped for fifteen minutes to fill out some paperwork, which is also bad. I blame Trump, which I believe is conclusion I'm supposed to draw if I read anything in the Times.
I'm not buying it until I hear from Bob Ross. He can paint trees a lot faster than da Vinci, so he must know more about it.
There are welfare queens, and then there's this guy.
The Italian government still pays a guy to flip a switch twice a day? Good work when you can get it. Of course Amazon Echo users shell out scads of their own cash, and surrender all their privacy, just so they can shut off the lights in the room they're in without flipping a switch. You decide which is crazier.
I still keep all my money in greenbacks. They're real, and they're spectacular.
First, picture in your mind flying in a spaceship built by the lowest bidder. Now picture flying in a spaceship built by the lowest bidder in Vladivostok.
I'm trying to conjure up a name for someone less hip than Jeff Bezos, but I'm drawing a blank.
I blame Sesame Street. No, really. The minute children learned that the alphabet was supposed to get up and dance before you paid attention to it, every succeeding generation was doomed. Me, I prefer to snarl, "Good morning" to everyone at work and then scratch in my ledgers to fleece the customers and lord it over the employees. Jeez, kids these days.
Guten Morgen, Maggie's Farm readers, or else!
Saturday, February 17. 2018
Hello everybody. If the news seems pretty grim these days, don't worry too much about it. The government will fix everything. They're peculiarly suited to coming up with the answers to today's problems. After all, the surgeon who leaves a sponge, retractors, and his watch inside a patient knows where to look when they open the poor sod back up. Been there, done that.
We soldier on. On to the links!
Doesn't anyone take responsibility for their own actions anymore? That was a rhetorical question.
The Internet is a woman riding the subway wearing a bustier and a thong while complaining that everyone is looking at her.
A smart politician would tweak stalking laws in the US to include covertly tracking people across the Internet without their express written consent, with a one-button opt-opt that erases every bit of your data at any time from any web service. I don't know any smart politicians, and don't expect to meet one anytime soon.
I hate to break it to you poindexters, but the Uber driver's only real job is to supply the car you ride in. Oh, and to clean the puke out of the back seat every third passenger. Getting rid of the driver is a sideways move.
When I was young I learned about the Triangle Trade in history class. Sugar, tobacco, and cotton to England, textiles and rum to Africa, and unpaid interns to the Americas. I could have sworn they outlawed that sort of thing.
When I was young the kids who walked into walls a lot had their own classes, which were held outdoors quite often. They had their own bus, too. Now they have their own office building, which is nice.
I use Femgoplaces.com. It's a pretty cool search engine, you probably haven't heard of it. You type in your search terms, and they dispatch a girl to drive to a part of town she's not familiar with. When she gets there, she rolls down the window and asks the first person shes sees for the information she wants.
Yes, but will they shoot a tractor trailer into space? That's the true measure of technical innovation nowadays.
If I recall correctly, Romney really cornered the Mormon vote in Massachusetts. Well, he drove his wife to the polls. Same thing. Say, are there any Mormons in Utah?
When I read the headline, I assumed all the employees joined a New York City longshoreman's union, and one of their brothers was a union delegate.
Have a great Saturday, one and all!
Friday, February 16. 2018
What a charming and inspirational message.
I'm sorry, I was being pretending to be pleasant. As you know, I'm no good at it. Let's start over: Keerist, what drivel. But it's unexceptional drivel. No need to comment on how trite and meaningless the message is. Let's look at the spelling. I guarantee it was written, and shared quite a bit on social media, by college graduates. "You body"? Really? However, I'd like to point out that the word isn't misspelled. It's not a typo, either. The person who wrote it, and apparently a lot of people who read it, are blind to the fact that it's the wrong word. They have a condition I hereby christen Facebook Aphasia. They no longer have the mental ability to tell one word from another. It's not that they don't have the innate intellectual horsepower to learn the difference between you and your and you're. After all, they probably learned Klingon for their cosplay wedding ceremony. They're broken, not dumb.
I think, technically, I'm talking about semantic anomia, but I'm just a blowhard on the Internet, so Facebook Aphasia is good enough for me.
Of course proper doctor-type persons know you generally need brain damage from a shovel to the parietal or a tumor that makes tempura of your temporal lobe to give you a proper dose of semantic anomia. I hereby posit that a contemporary public school education followed by a trip to the academy is on par with a severe blow to the head. People have become brain damaged by a refusal to enforce abstract standards of right and wrong for grammar, or anything else for that matter. Through a continual process of calling anyone who notices you're in error a Nazi, and exposure to a continuous stream of word salad on electronic devices, there are entire generations who are literally unable to tell one word from another. They've been taught from the cradle to simply take a stab at all things grammatical. They've been conditioned to rely on hunches, and they're blissfully ignorant of where the knee-jerk reactions they call hunches are spawned.
So, welcome to the Facebook Aphasia world, where every voice is passive, every sentence starts with an adverb, and to, too, two is just the sound a Sesame Street train makes. There's no use whining about it, when wining about it works better. And dismember, never leaf anyone who touches your sole more than you body.
On to the links!
The horror! Pornography will not be immediately displayed by default on your computer screen? What do I need one for, then? And remember, never leave anyone who touches your soul more than his own winkie with safe search turned off
Remember kids, Tesla's taxpayer-subsidized piece of automotive space junk is brilliant, and Donald Trump is a doodyhead for wondering if a space station could be useful to anyone. It's just a hunch you have, but you hunches is always wright.
I hereby support research that may, one day, after millions in grants, allow humans to live to be 41, too. I sleep by hanging upside down in the closet already, so I've got a head start.
I bet conditional cash transfers break the poverty cycle from the moment the recipients get the dough until the moment their boyfriends make it to the strip joint.
Hmm. Maybe brain damage from Pokemon-induced car crashes is the reason no one can spell "definitely" anymore.
I dunno. Screaming, "No raises for anyone, NOW GET BACK TO WORK," always works great for me. I find this saves the employees the embarrassment of hearing how worthless and lazy they are during formal reviews. See, I worry about other people's feelings too much. It's a curse, really.
In the room the women come and go, talking of Michelangelo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
By definition, a parent who wants their minor child to get a Facebook page is unfit, so wangling clear consent from them shouldn't be too difficult.
I thought Mark Zuckerberg's mentor's name was spelled "Beelzebub."
Yes, I'll be glad to give a screenshot of my driver's license to "Bongo International." Sounds as buttoned-down as the Bank of England.
Everyone have a great Friday. I hope today's links touched your soul more than you body!
Thursday, February 15. 2018
Try searching on the Internet for information about Thor. Good luck if you're not interested in comic book movies. The Internet is a million miles wide and 1/16" deep, and it's turtles all the way down. References to Thor, the actual Norse god of thunder, are an afterthought. The actual Thor, not the wisecracking Australian guy, seems like he was pretty important back in the day. When a day of the week is named after you, you matter.
I'm always fascinated to see who matters on the Internet, because I wandered the Earth before it existed. The Internet likes all kinds of people who seemed half a joke in their heyday to me. I think it's a totally ingrained fetish for pointless contrariness. It's a Howard Zinn world, and whatever you trot out, there must be a cranky alternative we can decide to like instead. That's why the Internet loves Tesla, a weird, mostly useless crank, and hates Edison. The daily Google Doodles are always nobodies that somebody has decided to exalt in place of people who accomplished a lot. I prefer the real deals. I have no interest in a movie about comic book Thor. The original article was interesting enough.
Speaking of original articles, How about Jack Kilby? Who's that you say? Oh, he's not Internet-famous enough to get welfare queens like Elon Musk to name their subsidized cars after him. He just more or less invented the integrated circuit by himself in 1958:
Almost all of the truly useful things in the world are invented by invented by guys like Kilby, not Tony Stark wannabes. They bring lunch to work in a paper bag, wear short sleeve shirts and clip-on ties with their J. C. Penney suits, and have ink stains on their shirt pockets. The Internet's not interested in them. Then again, the Internet isn't all that useful, so it's foolish to think a Facebook world would be interested in a real god, when a comic book god is available.
On to today's links:
The Gallivans don't sound like Internet people. The Free Sh*t Army wouldn't have asked for the packages to be stopped.
It's interesting that post-WWII Hungary didn't bother to collect taxes, because the money was devaluing so fast. They just printed some more and spent it. Stop me when I say something that sounds unfamiliar.
I'm a grown man, more or less. Like I said, I don't have heroes, or go to comic book movies looking for them. But Adam and Shivaun will do in a pinch if you put a gun to my head. Slaying dragons that desolate the landscape and sleep on mountains of gold still cuts some ice with me.
The Soviet Union used to announce they were lightening up every once in a while. Perestroika, tovarish! After a few months of letting you vent your spleen at the party meetings, they'd say, "Never mind," and anyone who opened their yap would be mining gold in Siberia with their bare hands for twenty years. Giving a recruiter access to your social media accounts is about the same idea.
I'm so old I remember when "scientists" warned us that living near power lines would give us cancer, but major roads giving us dementia is almost as good. Of course since next-to-no-one lives far away from power lines or major roads, your study can be bent, folded, or mutilated to suit any agenda.
Yeah, but at least your computer is finally doing something productive. I say leave it.
For $2,500 I'll promise to never work there in the first place.
Breakfast options and alcohol? That's a redundancy at my house.
I think there are still four or five days on the Millennial's calendar that aren't Halloween, but I wouldn't bet on it.
What's for dinner tonight, mom? Cling peaches in heavy syrup, creamed corn, and cranberry sauce with indentations from the can. You know, same as last night.
Well, that's it for today. Have a great Thor's Day! Look out for Saint Boniface, though.
Wednesday, February 14. 2018
Hello everybody. Roger de Hauteville here, King of Sicily. Bird Dog has asked me to sit in for him while he's away at a retreat. It's not exactly summer camp. He's in a 12-step program for toxic masculinity. He's been leaving puddles of masculinity on the floor here and there, and his minders have decided it's got to stop. So you're stuck with me again. I was available because I'm on a forced hiatus from my job, too. Damn HR harpy got me in hot water with the shareholders. She secretly recorded a marketing meeting I called. Total entrapment, in my estimation. I'll let you be the judge:
See? This is why American industry is falling behind the rest of the world. No respect for old fashioned quality control.
On to today's links!
I guarantee the wedding T-shirts all come in XXXL
For the sane reader who's avoided Snapchat's charms, a "Streak" is an endless stream of pointless, ephemeral messages sent between two instant message accounts. They give you a little gold star if you keep it going for 3+ days. Pavlov was born too soon, I guess.
Remember, if you want to test this theory, don't test it on animals if the HR lady is looking.
I didn't think this was possible. Apparently, you can rent a car with cash, too. The smart traveler always relies on carjacking only as a last resort.
They wouldn't have debated an invitation to golf with Donald Trump.
Now all you have to do to nullify your marriage is let your Snapchat Streak lapse.
Mr. President, we must not allow a radioactive harbor gap!
Do they have styrofoam classical columns for rent, too? Those things work great. You can pay for them with untraceable foreign credit card payments, too.
Further down the page there's a similar headline: New Macrobiotic family discovered in Whole Foods.
It's probably part of an ancient tradition that continues to this day. You make a pilgrimage to the shrine that holds the triptych with the sacred runes of plenty scrawled all over it. There are fantastic, indecipherable signs everywhere. You beg the totem for succor, and then while you're fumbling for a sacrificial offering, a disembodied, sonorous, god-like voice booms: Do you want fries with that?
That's nothing. Over 70 percent of Gen X-ers said they'd be willing to have their heads pounded onto a stake in a Swedish lakebottom for six months of free Netflix.
Have a great Wednesday, everybody!
Saturday, August 12. 2017
Nope. Dairy barns were painted white -- with lead paint --to indicate purity. Barns are painted all colors, but most red ones were covered with red lead primer. Lead oxide, linseed oil, turpentine and Japan drier. Most outbuildings didn't merit paint, and red lead primer was the cheapest stuff you could buy. Cary Grant learned not to mix white lead primer with red lead primer in Operation Petticoat.
Legos suck. Bring back American Bricks!
You can make butter with milk and a stick. Command economies can't solve anything.
We've finally reached peak passion.
Look at the picture. It's like these dweebs share one, big closet to go with their one, big opinion.
Listen, poindexters. We stopped going to the moon because there's nothing to do there. It was a stunt, to outdo the Soviet Union.
"Crowdfunded vessel." Heh. Have you tried my Indiegogo vaccines? They're free-range.
This accurate description of recent investor/business relationships tells you all you need to know about the last 10 years.
His motorcade doesn't obey the speed limit. They should revoke his driver's license, too.
He just really likes typing Libor.
Get Shorty was a perfect movie. Get Shorty was a passable book. Get Shorty will be a terrible TV show.
This becomes a problem when the government changes hands, apparently.
Have a great Saturday, everyone! Maybe paint your barn red, and then paint the town red.
Friday, August 11. 2017
Hi everybody. It's Friday. Light the smoking lamp early. Run the cocktail flag up the mizzen before you're under sail. It's noontime somewhere. Bust out the tonsil polish while the sun rides high. Bunk off. Take a mental health day. Slack. Don't kill the job. Make up your mind to procrastinate. Indole.
Read the links first, though.
If you've always wondered what a conservative is, and you work in hi-tech, the nice man will tell you in fourth-grade syntax about this rare but terrifying animal.
All of them work just fine, thank you -- if you're running them. Duh.
That's the best definition of blogging I've seen.
IBM should get with the times and appoint a female CEO to straighten out this mess. Oh.
Listen, iPhone drones. There's only one way to tell your airline you hate it. It has a steering wheel.
I and Pangur Ban my cat, 'tis a like task we are at; hunting mice is his delight, hunting words I sit all night...
An Irishman, late for an appointment, prays, "Lord, if you give me a parking space, I'll give up Guinness and go to Mass every Sunday." A parking space immediately opens up. The Irishman sticks his head out the window, looks up, and says, "Never mind, I found one."
Debts backed by physical assets are so 20th Century.
As long as Flinger's and Chotchkie's stay open, I don't care. You want to come over and watch Kung Fu?
Perhaps we should declare war on it. You know, a war on drugs.
It's unclear to me where Kevin Bacon fits into this.
Janet Yellen can't even cause inflation right. Where's Arthur F. Burns when you need him?
Thursday, August 10. 2017
All the guy at Google did was mention that in a private moment, he has entertained the thought that Google's wife has bingo wings and halitosis, and Google's kid eats library paste. Some how or another, it merits a sacking, followed by the kind of attention that Leo Tolstoy used to get in Russia. I don't get it.
I hereby propose that Google's original, stupid, gilt-edged lie of a motto, Don't Be Evil, be changed to a more up-to-date, honest version: Don't Be Male. Works for me. So does Start Page.
On to the links!
Everything is just Pichai at Google.
That's a lot of words to call a guy a conniving jerk.
I remember some inter-war poll of Oxford students who claimed they wouldn't fight for their country, either, egged on by Bloomsbury pansies. They all climbed into Spitfires when the time came. Talk is cheap, coming and going.
If you've never experienced the wonder of Russian dashcam video, you're in for a treat.
I remember that show. That was a good show. Good show all around, Glen, and RIP
Joe Stalin knew how to get women to undertake a grueling trek halfway across Russia to Siberia, whether they wanted to or not. I guess the NYT still misses the guy.
Net neutrality my keister. I wonder what the FCC fine for ten billion wardrobe malfunctions would be if cable and internet really got the same treatment.
Fighting over the last Funyun is bound to send your diastolic through the roof.
Someone should mention to little sooper genius boy that we already have self-driving trucks. They're called rail cars.
A woman plaintiff, so this one will stick.
In complex matters like these, it's much simpler to assume everyone involved, including the author of the article, is a jerk, and deserves no sympathy. Saves time and aggravation.
Well, there's the links. Have a great Thursday. And don't worry, Maggie's Farm waitstaff would never flirt with you to get a better tip. We might rifle through your belongings if you don't keep an eye on them, though.
Wednesday, August 9. 2017
A friend sent along this video from a recital for a music store in Los Angeles. Holy cow she's only ten years old. Double-plus good: That's her mother accompanying her on the piano. Cool choice of music, too. "Sicilienne" by Maria Teresia von Paradis. She was a blind musician and composer who had Salieri for a teacher and Mozart for a friend.
I don't know about you, but when I was ten years old, I was still eating earthworms I found in the playground, and my mother only played the radio. There's some hope for the human race yet.
On to the links!
Little Kimmie better not work outside in the yard too often. Shame if something fell on him.
Mmm. Polyphenols. If I recall my chemistry correctly (I bet I don't), Polyphenols are called "anti-nutrients." I don't go out of my way to eat anti-nutrients.
It appears that everyone in Europe is a French waiter now.
If you scuttle your ship, do you have to keep up the loan payments? I'm asking for a friend.
He's kinda cute. Unless you're a squirrel.
Neato. I wonder if they have a copy of Good Old Shoe?
Apple employees are revolting? I'll say they are.
I would have answered, "Because, unlike Greeks, they have some."
I love the term "cord cutters." People who used to pay one cable TV bill and a small internet bill will now pay seventeen streaming service bills and a giant internet bill for bandwidth. You know, to save aggravation and money.
Not a NIMBY, I see.
I think they misunderstood him. I think he was just referring to hanging them all on telephone poles.
Harrumph. Back in my day, sonny, we just married the boss's daughter.
Well, there are the links for today. I hope you're all ready for another grueling day of resting and vesting, or being henpecked, or maybe even working if you can't avoid it.
Tuesday, August 8. 2017
Lucille Ball? That Lucille Ball? Cate Blanchett is pretty enough to play Ethel Mertz. Maybe
Darwin worshipers hardest hit
"And pass the savings along to passengers." Pull the other one. It has bells on
All I know is that The Yakuza is a criminally underrated movie
According to David Stockman, the market will crash every day for 36 years and counting
No one brings the potato salad to the Mensa meetings in Equatorial Guinea
Poor Glenn. What did he ever do to this guy to get compared to MSNBC? Shoot his dog?
I remember the good old days when we called it "gnarly" instead of "awesome"
I remember the good old days when surfing was gnarly
I think I'm supposed to warn you there's some naked people if you follow the hyperlink. The way the internet is going, pretty soon we'll have to warn you when there aren't naked people at the link
You have to admit, that headline is right up there with Headless Body In Topless Bar.
Wow. That kind of fascist policing wouldn't fly in an enlightened country like the USA. And shootings and stabbings in Denmark? Must be fake news
Who could have predicted that Japanese youngsters would be better behaved than Americans?
They're just following orders from fewer people
Don Baylor was a blast to watch. He'd stand in one batters box and lean over the other one. RIP, big fella
Monday, August 7. 2017
Bird Dog has gone fishing for the week. His Raja Isteri figured his audience would bridle at seven full days without a little touch of Bird Dog in the night, so she kindly sent me a picture of him up to his old angling tricks. Bird Dog isn't much of a fisherman, truth be told. Just between you and me, he jacklights great whites. He even tried a salt lick once, but it didn't work all that well. I'm not sure why. Anyway, as you can see, Bird Dog is just another square old man who wears his shoes when he goes swimming.
On to the links!
Little-known fact: P. T. Barnum was actually a stoic who downplayed his opinions for public consumption
After a restoration process that took more than two years, the USS Constitution – first launched in 1797 and the oldest commissioned naval vessel still afloat – was eased back into Boston Harbor on Sunday night.
Little-known fact: Bad writers use dashes and parentheses instead of commas. Really bad writers use them in headlines
Little-known fact: The best jokes are unintentional
Little-known fact: Anything about acting Estonian by Greeks
Apparently little-known fact to some people: The USSR is no longer operative. We've read their files. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were guilty, guilty, guilty
Little-known fact: An iPhone isn't a magic device that nulls out all existing laws. Very little known, apparently. Not for long
Little-known fact: You can hire bad writers who shotgun quotation marks and parentheses into everything to pretend to be impartially reporting on a newsworthy trend just to get a link back to the company that hired them, because the FTC isn't paying attention to the internet. Yet
Little-known fact: All the good news is bad now
Little-known fact: The road to total enlightenment is long and arduous. Bring a a bag lunch and a change of undershorts
Little-known fact: My parents produced an emotionally intelligent machine using nothing but a bottle of Mateus, a Bobby Darin record, and some private school tuition
Little-known fact: You can't mention this at Google, either
Have a great Monday, everyone. If you can manage it, you should go fishin'.
Saturday, August 5. 2017
Hello again. Roger here. Bird Dog's off to get wormed, or get his nails clipped, or something, so you're stuck with me. I can't do nearly as good a job as Bird Dog when it comes to assembling links for you fine people. My lips get really tired reading all those stories. However, he's started me off on Saturday. It's a smart strategy. Nothing much happens on the weekends, so I can't get into too much trouble. Of course George III is reported to have written "Nothing of importance happened today," in his diary on July 4th, 1776, so maybe I better scan the papers for you just in case. On to the links!
Our friend Gerard at American Digest is in the Saturday Evening Post? Signs and wonders, man. Signs and wonders.
Dirigiste? My French is rusty. She's not that fat, is she?
Just plug the holes, doc, and mind yer own business.
You know, you could turn it off. It sounds crazy, I know, but you could. Smart people never looked at it in the first place.
Pssst. Grok. Don't mention the Paleo diet to the Neanderthals. They think it's cultural appropriation.
Have a nice Saturday. Try to make sure that nothing important happens to you today.
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