Maggie's Farm

F*ck Feelings

 The only self-help book you’ll ever need, from a psychiatrist and his comedy writer daughter, who will help you put aside your unrealistic wishes, stop trying to change things you can’t change, and do the best with what you can control—the first steps to managing all of life’s impossible problems.

The famous psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott came up with the term Transitional Object. His idea had to do with things that symbolically connect with Mom during the process of independence and separation.

Since then the term has expanded to encompass a larger territory. We all understand that humans live in conflict between safety and comfort, and adventure and newness. Winnicott, in his psychoanalytic way, connected it all to connection with Mother but it goes beyond that.

Things and ideas that connect us with our past (which includes our orienting culture in general) are meaningful to those who have strong attachments.

Jordan Peterson often speaks of the importance of the instinctive "orienting reflex" in animals and humans. We all observe how much people vary in their fearfulness and adventurousness.  You could view adventurousness as a way of creating excitement by becoming somewhat disoriented, away from safe, familiar, and orienting things, places, and people.

Then for most people, the somewhat disorienting adventure is finished with a return to the things and symbols which signify, or actually are, safe, comfortable, and familiar. Adults do what little kids do.

"Bad seed."  I recently saw the term "unmotivated malignancy" somewhere, and it made me naturally think of cancer. Cancers are unmotivated malignancies.

As a Christian and as a Psychiatrist, I accept that there is a dose of evil in every human being. The 7 Deadly Sins are not a joke and there is a universal need for mercy. However, I have paid attention to people long enough to learn that there are certain people who are strongly destructively-motivated because they were "born that way."  In casual conversation, "toxic" people who can be well-disguised. You could term it a "talent" like a musical talent which demands expression. Scorpions have a talent.

I am not talking about sociopaths necessarily, or other diagnoses like "Borderline."  Just people who were made with a heavy dose of venom in the soul. It requires no medical diagnosis because it's on a normal spectrum, a normal distribution. Perhaps a spiritual diagnosis. Some people also seem blessed with gifts of unbounded grace, gratitude, love, warmth, and forgiveness in their souls, and thank God for that end of the spectrum. 

Interesting to me is not how powerfully malevolent people make others suffer but how skilled such people can be at rationalizing their malevolence and destructiveness.  "My mother was...."  "My Dad was an...." "I got a raw deal..."  "People didn't like me". "I was too good/enviable/bad/rebellious..." "I was abused or bullied by...." And so on. As CS Lewis dramatically illustrated, the devil is subtle and more clever and manipulative than most of us can imagine. It is up to all of us to stand up and defeat those things in ourselves, and to steer clear of them in others.

Contra lots of today's psychology, I have come to believe that some people are born with unusual doses of destructiveness and malevolence, of scheming and manipulativeness, and who take gratification in it. Not criminal murdering sociopaths. It is "unmotivated," if you accept that many or most rationalizations are baloney and simple efforts to maintain some "self-esteem."  In other words, often the "cause" comes after the pattern of behavior. 

Without wanting to get too evangelical on our readers, the devil comes disguised as a friend, a victim, or in the dress of an angel. I am a skeptic about exorcism but I do believe that salvation through Christ can save, reshape, souls. This is not a common view amongst my profession. I am not a "psycho-utopian" (Trademark, Maggie's Farm) in the sense that we would all be wonderful saints if only for this-or-that misfortune, mishap, etc. That is a crazy fantasy.

Evil thoughts are normal for humans. Just thoughts are the limit because we can't help our thoughts. We are all fallen, but to varying degrees. Just my opinion.

Kavanaugh investigators need to see Christine Blasey Ford's therapy records.

She is free to release her therapist's notes to anybody she wants. I can tell you that, as far as psychotherapy goes, I keep few and minimal notes for a multitude of reasons, mostly illegible, and none at all on electronic medical records. Very often, no notes at all. I just follow the process and the progress.  Typical therapy note of mine:

"Career issues. Mood ok. Needs a hobby. Same meds. Good session." 

I am not sure that it matters much, but intense exercise does reduce appetite.

Sedentary lives increase appetite. What is "sedentary"? Less than 7 hrs/week of exertion. Not activity - exertion. 

Why might it not matter?  Because, as I have asserted in the past, in our world of abundance and temptation appetite has little correlation with nutritional needs in adults. In the world of nutritional scarcity in which our distant ancestors lives, it certainly did. Today, we have recreational feeding. It is fun.

There are many reasons why daily exercise is useless for weight loss.  Among them is the fact that a daily hour of "cardio" or calisthenics does not require additional nutrition from one's normal habit.  People who lift heavy two or three days/week probably can use 60-90 gms of protein daily for muscle repair.

People in serious training for physical competition are another category. A 2-3 -hour daily workout has different nutritional needs. Two hours daily of physical training sounds wonderful to me at this point in life. One hour in the gym and one hour of sports practice. Only college kids and the retired have that luxury.

With nutrition, best thing to do is to set goals for your desired fitness and functionality levels and to pursue those in a disciplined way. Same as everything else in life.

So many myths it’s hard to know where to start.  Useful list of nutritional baloney.

A few simple rules to detect the stench of dubious but published psychological studies

The "Taleb's Grandma" Rule is useful.  Example:

Psychologist: You see, Taleb’s grandma, there’s a clear link between washing your hands and justifying album-ranking choices.

Taleb’s Grandma:"> What the fuck are you talking about?

Dilbert creator Scott Adams on his daily podcasts frequently refers to peoples' "skill stacks."  He seems to feel that the height of one's skill stack can be more valuable in achieving life goals than the quality of the skills.  That is, a low stack of A-level skills is often less effective than a tall stack of B-level skills. Obviously, there are unique exceptions at the ends of the bell curves.

Scott Adams admires Trump for having a tall stack of B-level skills.  Scott Adams on Trump etc. yesterday.  Quite clever and amusing about underling behavior. He is right. Everybody thinks his/her boss is an idiot. So did I before I quit having bosses. Now, when my boss is an idiot, it is me.

When I am asked to evaluate a person, I evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. It's basic. 

On that podcast, he advertises his weed-smoking. It doesn't seem to hurt his brain much but he is not the average person.

The Keto diet is a hot topic these days, but it's really nothing new. It's mainly a weight-loss diet with very low-carb (just those in non-root veggies) and high fat.

The idea is to train your body (it does work) to burn fat for energy instead of carbs. When that happens, you excrete ketones mostly in urine. The high fat diet (greens with plenty of olive oil, juicy meat or fish with plenty of butter, etc) stave off hunger and combat carb addiction. That's the idea.

Adjustment to a keto diet can mean enduring the "Keto Flu" for a week or two as the body readjusts to fat burning. 

Everything about getting in to good shape is difficult. 

When an article begins with those words, be as skeptical as you can.  Journalists know little about medicine, science, or statistics, but they know click bait when they see it. 

New study says new studies are oversold:  A systemic review presents damning evidence that journalists are overselling research.

Twin studies are always interesting.

Specifically, female sexual arousal.  Can Maggie's readers handle a brief post on this topic?

Women have a much wider range of variation in sexual responsiveness than men. Men are, just, you know, always ready for some fun. Thousands of articles have been written about female sexuality, but, simply, people are different. I have spoken to women who feel hot and who lubricate when husband or boyfriend just say "Let's get together tonight." On the other end of the spectrum, women who take forever to get warmed up in bed whether with a hot new lover or with somebody they love and are used to.

I'll leave out the relationship (or no relationship) aspect because, although that is a factor (see Marital Sex), women vary a great deal in their erotic responsiveness. Some combination of physiological and psychological. 

Years ago I spoke with a 40 year-old with three kids who had felt alienated from her husband for a few years, "but the sex is still great."  This lady would have her first orgasm within 20 seconds of penetration, and go on to have 6 more in a 30-60 minute sex session.  She told me she had been like that with pre-marriage boyfriends too. Told me she got noisy too, which could be awkward. I think I told her she had been blessed. As I recall, she said she was capable of having an orgasm just fantasizing about a guy she saw on the street - no hands.

There's a lot of space between her and women with "arousal disorders" (a real term, but I use it sarcastically). Probably a Bell Curve in female animal nature. Men, obviously, get a kick out of women who get tingles when they see them and are multi-orgasmic. Makes the guy feel good and inclined to come back for more.

The only form of exercise which has been convincingly demonstrated to be helpful for depression and/or anxiety problems is resistance exercise, ie weights. The reasons are not known.

What about cardio exercises? There is "suggestive evidence" that it could be useful, but it has not been convincingly demonstrated.

My advice to everybody, regardless of personal emotional issues: Do weights, do cardio, do calisthenics. You will thank yourself. 

EDS, "Excessive Daytime Sleepiness", has become a thing, a real symptom. 

I've been reading up on the topic. Supposedly EDS is a contributory cause for 20% of auto accidents. The list of causes of EDS is lengthy. It includes, of course, Obstructive Sleep Apnea which can reduce sleep efficiency.

In my view, EDS can often be easily dealt with with a brief power nap. I suspect many hard-working people do it but it's difficult to do in a public work space.

After-lunch naps are normal in many cultures, including in China where it is a legal right. 

Is Napping Good or Bad for You? The Science Behind a Power Nap

 The power of the 20 minute nap

Or do we live in our own worlds, constructed from various presuppositions, superstitions, traditions, and preferred fantasies about ourselves, about others, and the world?

I have come to believe that everybody including me lives in some degree of a fantasy world, ranging from a little crazy (a few fantasies about self and others) to totally nuts (with minimal reality-testing especially with emotional issues). The further one is from consensual reality, the less effective in life one becomes. And to make it all more complex, consensual "real" is cultural and sub-cultural.

Not asserting that there is no "real," but that that experience is highly subjective and frequently distant from regular "real," in ordinary people.  35% of Americans believe the earth is flat, and God knows how many believe in UFOs. Yes, people are crazy.

TS Eliot: "Humankind can not bear very much reality." 

This topic came up over dinner last night. I became the devil's advocate, of course, because everybody tends to think that their reality is the real one.  People will defend their own reality to the point of war because so much of what they think about themselves depends on it.

When that is challenged or threatened,  people can go berserk.  Happens with sports teams, and politics, too. With religion, it's just too much.

People tend to write about grief in the context of a death, but there are many sources of grief.  We see grief reactions in all sorts of losses:  loss of physical or mental capacities, losses of a relationship, disappointments and failures in dreams or careers, financial losses, loss of a home, and so forth.

It is inevitable in life that we accumulate scars. Most griefs scar over in time. New adaptations are achieved. Sometimes, grief does not relent.

Why do people with any fat stores ever feel hungry, or eat anything at all, considering they may have 1-5 month's worth of energy stored as fat?  (We term the hunger experienced by overweight people "False Hunger," because it is.)  Except in the truly malnourished or extremely fit, low body-fat athletes, hunger is rarely a signal of an energy deficit or of any nutritional need.

Think about it. Even normal-weight (neither overweight nor underweight) people carry 8-10 weeks of energy stored in fat if they can only access it. 

You can consider appetite in the pudgy or overweight, not to mention the obese, to be a design flaw based on the hunting and gathering, and, earlier, just plain gathering condition of human existence, same as the other great apes who only become overweight in captivity. Agriculture and food abundance, along with sedentary life, exposed the design flaw for people who overnourish themselves.  Of course, physical inadequacy is another side effect.

Here are a few issues (below) - 

Americans do not exercise enough according to government CDC recommendations, and they need more help. 

"More help"? Does anybody want or need government for elementary life advice? This is the sort of thing that annoys the heck out of me. Hey, let's start a government program to determine your nutrition plan (how did that work out?), your exercise regimen, your heart health (is it now recommending 1-2 glasses of red wine/day? Technically, it should).  Anyway, overweight and sedentary is the new normal.

Everybody in America knows what they "should" do for physical fitness. Most do not want to bother. I think fitness is mainly a class/subcultural-related thing. It's a free country. Government should just leave them alone. For anybody who wants to be in good shape regardless of age, Maggie's has written volumes on the topics of nutrition and fitness for anyone to read, for free, and it is smarter and better-informed than any government advice.

As with government nagging, many of our readers are just annoyed by those topics. We post them for the few who find them of interest.

The word "myth" seems to have two meanings in English: first, ancient and enduring tales containing deep meanings about human nature and existence itself, and, second, common but mistaken out-dated beliefs. For examples, "myths about nutrition" vs "so-and-so is mythic in depth, scale and scope." Moby Dick is mythic.

Freud's one-time colleague in depth psychology had many interests but among them was a study of myths and the representations of archetypes embedded in them. In a way, Jung viewed myths as related to humanity as dreams are related to an individual. I suppose that seems obvious now.

For reasons I do not understand, the New Republic has decided to dislike Jung:  “Tired, Old Myths:” The New Republic Slanders Jung

My libertarian self is in favor, but my medical self is opposed. However, it remains a fact that more Americans die from overeating than from drug abuse, and food can not be illegalized. I tend to feel that government has little role in peoples' doing self-destructive things as long as we others do not have to pay their bills. Let reality rule. AA and NA cost nothing.

The US Drug War started 47 years ago tomorrow. Some commentary from Milton Friedman on that failed and shameful war

In my experience, males are just as emotionally-vulnerable as any other gender. Without male emotional vulnerability there would be no country music.

What the people promoting this notion miss is that most males spend years trying to be, or trying to at least act or appear, emotionally strong, brave, and tough. There are many good reasons for that, not the least being because these are things that appeal to women. 

It's not just cultural, though. There's a biological substrate to it, obvious to anyone who has raised kids. Guys work to be emotionally strong in the same way they work to be physically strong, and to be tough in their effectiveness in the world. It's their job. Might be womens' job too, but that's another subject.

So enough of this baby-talk, Princeton, unless you wish to become a high-end kindergarten..