Maggie's Farm

Very brief and great apologies further.  

What has occurred in the last week, for me, has been significantly bad.  Nothing measured or caught for medical worseness - just that radiation on your brain for 6 weeks slowly causes growth in skull brain reduction in the region after about 4-5 weeks as language and memory slows due to expansions of brain from this.  Over time, this will reduce.  It ended all yesterday and I headed down to FL to live with my in-laws who were very grateful to offer themselves to me.  They are in their late 87s and in wonderful shape than my own parents - and they have been AMAZINGLY HELPFUL helping me with my word members and working through when I hit memory or language slowdowns.  As an FYI, over 32 years of married to their daughter, I have gained a great deal of love and support for these people, even as both my parents and one stepmother remain alive, they are simply not capable of keeping up with me at all the way my in-laws have.  I owe them great love and support for their effort and support.

So yeah, still crazy busy with my final Radiation every day and Chemo - but finally ending next Monday and moving to feel better.

I am still reading news regularly.  The Abortion changes by SCOTUS happened two years ago properly as it reversed Roe laws.  Justifiably.  I do not support abortions, but I do believe the US government needs out of this.  It can say states should allow it - but the basic law (and even Ruth Bader Ginsburg stated the truth) that was clearly impossible to remain and needed massive state level changes and management.  The change was smart in 2022.  But Democrats continue to say no this is not true and we were all cheated.  Women tend to lean on this as well.  The reality is laws SHOULD REMAIN but each state should set the levels of engagement and use - and that's the end of the discussion.  Trump wisely recognized this all recently - and while I don't love him, at least he's been correct on this.

Moving onward, Jack Smith keeps falling apart.  And my guess is almost every one of the Trump in-law issues will eventually fall apart and make nothing.  Already Smith is falling apart, and even Georgia is winning its gains and management.  Only Carroll's case against Trump "won" because it was a civil case - but it takes a lot to review all that information and assume she had a truth - which was damn near impossible and unlikely.  But  given Trump it was easy to win and push it - so they did.  But even that could still be rejected as more information comes in.

While I don't push for anyone in particular in November, here is what I know.  I wouldn't ever vote for Trump or Biden - I'd fare exclude Biden, really - and I'd really like to see a more open number of opportunities but know that is highly unlikely.  That said, the size of spending for local injection to win your party is basically over without any of the local tests.  Biden and Trump ARE the two main elections which MEANS that the MOST spending for advertising will occur starting late August and mid September it will really take off.  This money wasn't spent for local party gains - that ended quickly without much spending.  Now the goal(s) MUST BE - SPEND THE MOST YOU CAN TO WIN THE NATIONAL ELECTION.

As an FYI - Biden will have to rig things.  Expect him to.  It would not surprise me to rig and cheat and make all kinds of questionable things.  But he's just not bright enough to win.  I have to assume the Democrats will hope they win him and then find a pass to shift him out finally afterward.   I can see them trying to rig that...

Aw it's so hard lately to get anything done.  Took 2 weeks to prepare taxing prep and set with the accountant.  Finally completed it all by 4/5 but required TONS of working to prep.  

We won't be getting much home, but we did discover several things we'd lost along the way.  The only thing I'm still struggling with is why my tax accountant won't announce the $12,000 stolen from a previous recruitment account where someone had figured out a path into it - and FBI and local Police have that information on papers.  But supposedly it's not available as a write off for payments so he won't claim this.  I do not understand how or why the government wouldn't allow people to claim stolen income loss.  It's remarkable or he's bad - but he's very good and sent the data.  So I'm not sure what I need to do.

I am done radiology and chemo on 4/15.  By 4/22 I'll be back at work at my office again for at least 2 week, then a vacation set first full week in May down on Bahamas...so I am looking forward to the return with work again and my new treatment.

I received yet ANOTHER article by a Canadian doctor doing a lot of cancer treatment using Ivermectin.  I do not know 100% that the link from Covid Vaccines is playing the role - but I have been reading more and more supporting this potential that is NOT being reviewed or studied.  So much so, several AI sources were removing legitimate articles making the claim - I found this odd and sent AI restrictions and was told it was designed to end "lies" yet none of these were proven as lies.  This latest one further leads a bit to options - I am NOT SAYING THESE ARE TRUTHFUL FIXES and real.  But they are highly supportive so far if a larger group will begin to look into and address all this.  Here is an example of someone is trying to utilize - I am not selling this as 100% legitimate.  I am saying it is possible and is not being reviewed.  My view is many potential options are deliberately being ignored and quieted.

I am getting healthier, however, as radiology ends down I am slipping to some misspelling and word shortages from time to time.  My apologies.  It was warned by my doctor and my speech therapy treater.  It's not long lasting - just temporary short issues of brain intact from radiology.  I have had up and down days.  The main item - one great day with trips in to NYC to see friends for 5-6 hours, then very tired and troubled the next day...   

Reality is my meeting with my Pastor was very nice and our conversations have been growing.  I do not fully buy into my Catholic past, but it is still very good and how I grew up.  I'm not specializing overall for myself.  I am wide open - and I will handle well shared comments and views.

I wish I could go out and do more.  I will remention that my plan is to buy tickets for the English Beat and Adam Ant concert tomorrow.  Hoping I continue to feel well enough.  As I mention, I had quite the list of titles from my visit to several concerts in 1983 in London.  I do miss that era.  I covered quite a bit back then...so I will cover many now if I can.

By the way - reminder - view "Defending Your Life" - one of my favorite Albert Brooks great ones.  I feel it treats how I approach my own situation now...

As I mentioned, I want to write more as my system continues or alters.  Sadly, it's been nuts for slightly over 2 weeks with a lot going on.  I can share information or a few things, because it's been mostly good, but there are a few items.

1. Due to Chemo and Radiology daily (5 days) I have seen my health drop.  Not significantly, but enough to definitely feel awful.  Nausea, then treated.  Weakness, handled by some improvements which manage a bit more extensively.  The last 2 weeks allow the assistance of steroid assistance allowed in lower levels.  Headaches higher the past 3 days.  Treatments allowed in higher levels.  As mentioned, my hair is long cut (and I'll share my lovely look now lately).

2. Overall feeling better in treatment as weekly doctor meeting have opened the assistance and treatment gains.  Greatly appreciated.  I have been in the city twice over 4 years, will add tomorrow and next week - though weakness is down slightly.

3. Radiology lost one day due to errors wasting 3 hours waiting last week - my day shifted by one day so my last day is 4/15 Monday - but I am heading immediately to leave Mrs. Bulldog behind as her parents will allow me to resolve in FL as I'll need restness and softness at the local beach.  It will be helpful.   Great to have healthy in-laws.

I do have some updates, but I have been busy.  Short update(s).  First, my personal close family arrived yesterday.  Sister and her family (husband and children) from Vienna, Austria in arrivement.  My father and his wife also arrived.  My mother and my sister (who cares for her at age 88) arrived.  My brother and his wife also arrived.  All of this time spending and tiring, but essential with some more opportunities but with a less likelihood for complete original involvement of this kind likely again soon.

I also have a new teach announced for in 3 weeks as a potential which was unknown, sudden, and possible starting after April's first week.  I have been doing calls and set ups for that as well as preparation for an early MRI and completing chemo and radiology, while taking an in-laws family trip this weekend shortly.

There other stories I will expand on a future day (Monday or Tuesday) but the key point are two fold.  One is a larger natural public completion I will present to High School children after I speak with two of my pastors and possibly a local Rabbi of a friend.  Another is using that as a larger presentation for more options possibly in video and/or public revolutions after it is seen on Maggie's Farm. 

The second fold is this attached story - a great shortage resolution of the value of Reservoir Dogs by Quentin Tarantino.  While I have found many very good Tarantino films, Reservoir Dogs has been, since its release, as one of the greatest of its kinds.  I have loved it only slightly less than Pulpy Fiction.  Tarantino had several good films, but these were his two best overall in my view.  My son did a wonderful set up and arranging a discussion about Reservoir Dogs and made it very much worth reading - I recommend it today and will follow up later with more.  Enjoy this, I was overwhelmed by his knowledge as quite excellent.

One side note.  If you have not seen The Conversation, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS ASAP as the 50th anniversary this year.  With Cazale in it, the film was largely ignored in the US in 1974 for poor reasoning by criticals.  It is, by far, a great film overlooked back then.  It was Cazale's poorest US film, its only wealth winning a Cannes 1974 Palme d'Or.  It also won or was nominated for various Academy Awards, BAFTA and Golden Globes, in addition to MANY others.  It starred surprisingly great actors.  Gene Hackman, John Cazale, Teri Garr, Cindy Williams, Harrison Ford, and Robert Duvall put together an AMAZING story with top level management and story making.  Phenomenal and widely overlooked until only now.  My other son, upon my call after watching it, surprised me shockingly by admitting the very day before he'd seen a local Manhattan Film offer for The Conversation's 50th Anniversary and he took it in and was overwhelmed by its great production for 1974.  I laughed and agreed deeply with him.  I highly recommend this if you have time, too. 

I'll write more about news or information later this week.  It's been a bit busy for me.  Will explain more information and updates.

But some fun is starting and I'm more interested in who you're rooting for in March Madness.  My team favorite (Syracuse) did not make it, some difficult losses meant no offer and they passed on even attending NIT.  Probably better.  NIT is not much of a gain for anyone lately.  I disagree, but some people take that view.  Long ago NIT was more important than NCAA tournament, but seems after 1960 or so, NCAA overwhelmed NIT.

At any rate, I'm of the view this year that Purdue has the best option to win.  They fell short the last 2 years despite a better team.  I've seen this before, and in the past teams that pull 2 year stunts of that nature but still reach a high level in the NCAA third, they'll push for a long chance and probably win.  Virginia was probably the most recent option like this several years ago.  It's my view Purdue can do this.  Big 10 is, typically a lousy NCAA option.  This may be their best chance and Big 10 is long overdue.  The closest you could get is Maryland of 2002 - but Maryland is Big 10 now and was ACC back then, so that DOES NOT count.  Which means 2000 with Michigan State is the last truly Big 10 victory.  5 others have made the final - Michigan (twice), Michigan State, Wisconsin, Illinois, and Ohio State - but all of these lost the victory.  Big 10 has not shown value.  It is my view Purdue is the one to pull that off.  Big 10 is long overdue.

But that's just my view.  Share yours if you're interested.  Would love to hear options and beliefs regarding the outcome.

I mentioned a friend who died of a similar version of mine from 2021.  We did learn her diagnosis in April 2020 and lasted 17 months.  She was great, hilarious and deeply involved in many ways.  The downside may have been related to her husband.  It is not good to learn.  He was a great guy.  But it seems he started out on board and deeply involved, eventually met with some hard times and by the end had removed himself from many of the details.  Based on my experience, I believe I can see how it may develop over time.  He stepped out entirely of the process.  The victim, our friend's, mom and sister tossed themselves in for support and assistance and guidance.  She held up extremely well with their assistance.  Her mind was intact all through, but she could not have surgery at all (I can to some small degree).

The upside was lots of digging and travel to find conversations.  The downside, similar to mine is that nothing is happening.  Nothing available.  She even gave up the chemo and radiation for two reasons, it set her off badly and she did not feel better.  Thankfully, MY version of this has, early on, been a bit better.  There are downsides for me which I need to work on from time to time.  For me, this past week in particular, heavy emotional shifting occurs on certain days for short times.  Mrs. Bulldog and I have had some heavy fighting - but Mrs. Bulldog is a master and takes on, managing the hyper issues - she is a saint.  After moments where the chemo makes me emotionally aggressive, I do manage to resolve.  It takes time and effort.  The real problem is not often, but the problems happen on both sides.  Often she is the hero, but sometimes it resolves around a decision to listen then engage separate from conversation - completely misunderstanding my position well, and it leads to problems from time to time.  It can be unfair of me and it may be too much at times.  It is, no doubt, a requirement for me to remember to resolve and address more effectively.  In fairness, remember I can't always control things as fairly or evenly as I can in a momentary discussion about our medical and/or conversational paths forward.  Sometimes I'm not wrong to get upset over poor decisions - sometimes people just assume things "as is" where it may require help or time.  Other times it's my fault and I have to walk it all back well.  I'm deeply sorry when that happens.

Listening to the friend and her stories was distressing.  I'm sure she had similar situations.  Which may have led to her husband's eventual stepping aside.  It's not easy, but I'm lucky to have someone who isn't stepping aside.  So I am learning from our friend's situation.  She, unfortunately, began to see the mental loss around 16 months in.  She suffered a stroke in the final month and held for 4 days afterward.   I have deep hopes I can hold longer and find more opportunities.  Reality is speaking openly, though, and that is important to stay on top of effectively.  I am blessed from my family in many ways.  And many friends. 

I feel awful for our friend who passed and everything which occurred along the way.  I know I make errors at times to my family while taking the medication and how it hits my emotions after some time passes.  But I do shift back.  I try to avoid it as much as I can.  I can't imagine what our friend went through and I bless her and her husband (who passed several years later) for missing opportunities.  I want to avoid that as well as I can, and I will try to as much as I can.

Just a few notes from the past week.  

1. It was a great week, overall.  Main issue was the 3/12/2024 62nd birthday.  My family took time off to spend the day.  62 from 1962 is a fine repetition.  I hope I can get to 63 - so far, it seems likely, but we do not know much more yet. 

2. There was a small shift in chemo in the second week.  Several times severe depression was a setting.  It is short, and I've fought it naturally.  But for the first time I fell into depressive moments requiring a push back against the chemo impact on my otherwise greatly positive POV.  I also developed Carpal Tunnel as a related effect on my tennis wrist.  Since I have sciatica the doctor grew my steroid offer and after 3 days it has impacted an improvement on depression and pain from muscles.  It also grows less sleep.  Which to be honest is fine. I still sleep anyway.  At times, hours here and there. 

3. I spent an entire day in NYC on the day after my birthday.  I met my company president and VPs.  I got many notes wishing me well from coworkers and all wishing me happy birthday on my birthday and wishing me well.  My company is the best place I've ever worked.  So much so, the president offered to hear at least 5 of 7 stories I have which I've done over the years.  I will not go into details, but after telling them, he was stunned - never having heard deep criminal situations at companies.  One was a lie against me - which later led to a release and heavy payment which indicated they dropped the lawsuit.  I did depositions in at least 2 specific items where I rejected the company legal support as I stated "I only speak truth, so legal support will back off corporate stories as they see truth filling reality" - each one led to several job losses as lawyres saw that truth is actually rather easy.  Drove some of them frighteningly.  I closed my own lawsuit once, but I cannot discuss the details.  All worth mentioning is the depth of illegal email and other activities and laws taken against me which led to my removal...and could have been more money if I'd pushed it.  I chose to move away as my job I had taken was better and far more interesting than spending time in courts to win a few million dollars. That's a few stories, but opend the door to some massive mainstream illegal activity in many cases.

My son, soon to be 28, got a massive opportunity.  His company (Digital Trends) currently uses him to manage and grow their advertisers.  He has done a lot of work doing this - to the point, at one stage, where he survived many layoffs and is still growing several partners.  The informations can be good and useful, depends heavily on your needs or requirements, but Samsung is his largest and they focus on how new versions of TVs are used.  Samsung isn't just TV viewing, but gaming, looking at laptops, mobile devices, and several other uses which my son far exceeds me regarding.  It's one of those items, years ago, I was an expert on.  Formerly a "tech guy" I've since moved far past that.  I'm not an expert as I once was - but my son is far beyond an expert.

One thing he and my older son (soon to be 30) know well are films.  From me originally, and they have moved beyond everything I taught them where I was at one time a great leader at.  After all it was part of my major as a TV/Film producer many years ago and I wrote MANY papers about films.  Many I taught them to watch and enjoy - and they have moved far beyond.  Very well and excessively.  I am always in awe of their knowledge - even though (unlike me) they never did a thing with production of any nature.  

Except my younger son is changing regarding that very soon.  His first step as he moves toward this is his first article about films.  It's a specialty and I suspect many Maggie's Farm fans will not enjoy many of these in the attached article - but I have watched two and enjoyed them.  But it is a rarity and very oddly specialized requiring deep knowledge and understanding.

Please check it out.  Here is his article.   This is his first.  He will improve dramatically, but he is very good.

While spending time with my brother, we covered many topics.  Sports mostly, management of friendships, trips, etc.  He is aware my time is limited, and we're looking for paths froward to enjoy what time we have together.

That said, we had one issue in particular.  It now may involve most of the reading I've done this past weekend and how some things are poorly being covered well.

First, I have two articles (which I will not post here because until I review them with doctors I won't claim this to be true, but I will explain why I believe it) which state the CDC blocks testing which has potential opportunity for several reasons.  Mainly, CDC leans heavily into relations and trials pushing work and medical properties from Pharmaceutical companies.  I have, indeed, seen that extensively with the trials I've been reviewing.  It is ALL CDC promoted or approved.  Secondly, a friend recently complained about CDC relationships regarding its pharmaceutical relationships and its efforts to block things which fail to raise money or results with pharmaceuticals preferred and/or managed by CDC and/or politicians.  She gave me a specific example (which I cannot name) where she shifted her son to a different treatment that was NOT CDC approved for diabetes, and he had tremendous gains and improvements as a result using treatments from non-pharmaceutical doctors and medicine.  Sometimes these stories are questionable, but hers is 100% accurate and has been mentioned often - while the CDC often tones it down and hides it. 

Secondly, I have now found 5 websites I need to review with my doctors.  One from a commenter I have wished thank you to - though I suspect the link isn't going to be helpful based on my reading, it is a doctor showing massive cancer successes - always worth conversations even if I may not be coverable.  Several other websites were shared by other friends to me which have new treatments, again with the CDC opposing for no clearly evident support, that has shown some benefits in small trails seeking larger testing.  It uses non-pharmaceutical medicines which have shifted to broader availability and easily attainable prescriptions AS WELL AS additional treatments.  In particular, one is not seeking trials, but is a pro-methylation support and growth for HEALTH AND FOOD to engage improved methylations in people's bodies which often show declines.  The doctor writing casually mentioned some cancers show non-methylation that may find results but did not mention testing.  It utilized several B vitamins as well as several others to assist in methylation and protein improvement via DNA, for general people.  I found this very interesting...yet never mentioned by any doctor.

We have gone to Sandy Hook regularly for many (close to 30) years.  Typically the summer(s).  In fact, I'd say only the summer.  First to walk around, or visit beaches, or just see the old military base which is rather intriguing and a great learning region.  

It has recently shifted and new housing opportunities are being built, and a very nice eating tavern has been there for quite some time.

We have always loved riding bikes up from the basis of entry to the military region and back.  We have also enjoyed walking.  But the usual summer visits led to something we suddenly saw on Jan 1 of 2024.  The existence of seals in the bay!  Not just their existence, which we never had heard, but we'd also never seen pictures or local signs for driving and parking to find or see them!  I'm not saying it never existed - since seeing we're read several articles and lots of information.  In fact, they've been there since the 1970s.  They were at least here in winter of 2014.  However, we've read signs in the region many times - and it was this year stumbled on a few parking and driving signs - very small ones - which led to our visit in the military region.   

We shared this with many local friends, almost none of whom (like us) head to Sandy Hook in the winter.  Either way, not a single one of over 50 people realized the seals had been in Sandy Hook for a very long time.  In my region, that's shocking that nobody tied in to the NJ environmental and natural options were familiar with this.  Sandy Hook seals region was crowded, but almost all locals from nearby, we found.  Usually people walking dogs, which we'd left home assuming we could not bring her.

That said, it was enjoyable and I have yet to meet anyone who knew the seals were there ever.  In a way, I'm ashamed I never knew it.  I'm also a bit wondering how nobody we spoke to was aware, either.  They are enjoyable to watch and take pictures and videos of, however.  They are beautiful. 

Starting with my brother's arrival soon.  He is driving an hour from outside Philadelphia to see me.  He will drive me to radiation at 11am, then to Rahway to solve a license issue for a new one.  I can't order a new one online since it ends in 5 days on my 62nd birthday of March 12.  Apparently, you get this close and they want you in reality rather than handling things online.  So after that, we'll grab lunch and possibly walk some - I am finally feeling exercise.

I signed up for a poker tournament locally.  I've never played PLO and I've won that tournament for Texas Hold 'em several times.  So that was always pleasant.  But since my times are shorted, it's time to learn a newer version.  I do well playing Hold 'em online - oddly the removal of my tumor has actually vastly increased my intelligence oddly.  If you've never seen the movie with John Travolta, "Phenomenon" it isn't too bad.  It's a larger intelligence expansion than I'm experiencing, but the testing (outside of a few words I have trouble remembering for speaking or misspelling, which was non-existent a month ago) is different from me knowing and understanding.  The doctors have started at me with suprrise at how much I understand and speak of everything regarding me, my relationships, my business and other items which they fully did not expect after this operation.  They recognize I understand my own situation extraordinarily well compared to many others.  Both the depth of my issues and the knowledge of the problems and how it is often trialed for testing.

Finally feeling well enough to get started on fixing my January travel expenses for business on 2 trips I'd taken before my illness.  I was too messed up after operation to do anything with that.  I'm now 2 days past a month, so that's a benefit.  And my health is vastly improved.  The doctors are getting me passing for local NJ Cannabis Dispensary for edibles.  I do not use cannabis, haven't many years.  I have not liked it ever since college, really.  However, edibles apparently (based on several friends using chemo) that stop several illnesses from chemo.  That has not happened yet.  But I'll use a little if I get messed up.

Also, many things need effort and interest over the weekend.  Finalize taxes, work on the house, and spending to improve the house.  Frankly I suggested to Mrs. Bulldog to sell one old 15 year car which needs a new timing belt (over $4,000 to fix, but just trading it will add $2,000 to a new car).  She'd rather pay too much to fix it and keep it for 2 years as after 2 years with me gone - who needs a second car?  We have a disagreement on that.  Also suggesting we sell the house rather than pay to fix it all.  I told her a smaller place for her to live in is preferable after I'm gone.  Let the buyer pay for our home now, pay way less for a smaller home.  That's a conversation for this weekend, I suppose.

Pastor next week on my birthday to speak with students so they can learn about life difficulty.  An odd conversation with the sociology administrator at the hospital was learning a lot.  She loved my very rare attitude and approach.  She pointed out people rarely consider or think about the fact that everyone dies.  As a result, life is often managed over the fact they are living now as is - often leading to difficulties and disagreements (or worse).  Once you know the ending (as I do) your life and efforts change.  Few change it the same way - often it's related to fear, annoyance or scare.  She was pleased with my open conversation and belief that death happens, anyway - so why get upset or worry now?  It's a waste of time.  When you don't have a timing like mine, she pointed out, there are lots of other issues people engage.  Because you forget you never know when things happen or end.  It is intriguing.

One final conversation.  Dogs.  I love my little dog.  Not an English Bulldog like my first two.  A French Bulldog we rescued after a mill planned to kill it after it had several puppy birth groups.  Many of these mills are just awful and do not care about dogs except to make money from puppies.  Rescues get a push from people saying helping mills is poorly thought out.  I disagree.  We originally planned to just foster the dog for 2 weeks and release it to someone who wanted it.  But at her 5th year, when we rescued her, I fell in love with her.  A co-speaker commented that, as I die, I will have the chance to finally se"e my last 2 again, as well as my current one someday.  I agreed and reminded her that there is a wonderful Twilight Zone TV show - one I think is the best.  The link to The Hunt.  I studied Twilight Zone while I was studying TV Production in college as part of my 3 way major/minor.  Serling was from Syracuse and it often aired in his shows.  All his programming was genius while I was a child.  Double, if not triple true today.  So many people pass on it now.  My sons still love it - and my boys are film/TV geniuses, even though neither had it as a major as I did.  I could share their lists and I may after my birthday.  Lots worth seeing.

While I wish it was something far more open about survival longer than expectations (which anything is possible, however unlikely), I got some interesting information.  One person shared a book in comments - thank you!  I have ordered it.  

To me, it's a winner.  Neurosurgeons who know patients with limited times and low expectations and how to handle it.  I consider that a blessing.

Oddly, I received a call early today.  From a bit of a distant friend of a friend from Cincinnati.  My friend had lived there before having to move to California (where she hates it now and blames Gavin Newsom as an absolute horrific holder of an office that somehow keeps winning and having press supporting his absolute horror, leading her to leave).  That oddness of California aside, my friend introduced us to her friends in Cincinnati.  While my son attended college in Miami, Ohio, I often had rooms in Cincinnati and would meet them locally for great times.  They were wonderful people.

One thing I have is 6 weeks off.  No work.  But I have learned a few things.  

I'd like to thank one commenter who shared a book lead for me to order it  I have not read it yet.  I have, over the past few days, read a few articles about my specific issue.  It is, indeed, a strange one.  15 months, not 18 (which my brain keeps telling me) is the average period left for non-methylated versions of Glio Blastoma.   Naturally that's an average.  I have heard 18 and longer for a few people.  Oddly it is not frightening at all, nor is it saddening.  I don't know why.  I did feel bad playing with my little dog today, as she wakes up for a bit a small wrestle with me each morning.  I did feel a bit sad because I've lost two previous dogs, and I'm afraid I'll pass before my current one.  That said, I do look forward to seeing them all again.

I read the news this AM.  Quite a bit about politics and the Fed.  Nikki Haley is seeing a relatively "larger" level of voting, but she is not winning at all, really (except DC).  One article points out that her voting is in states which allow Democrats to vote on non-Democratic votes.  However, she will likely end her ballots after Super Tuesday.   A few Democrats, noting Biden's ultimately declining opportunities are hoping for alternatives to Trump, at which point Biden may beat Nikki.  Or at least they feel Nikki is not as "bad" as Trump.  While I favor none of the current political choices, I'd definitely say she'd be a mild improvement over Biden, but still hardly supportable, though she was when she worked under Trump.  I felt bad for her when she jumped ship after 2020.

The Fed has a massive problem growing.  Really at least two at this point.  First, wages are still growing faster than inflation.  Which does not mean inflation will fall.  In fact, the bigger issue is the massive Jan 2024 growth (most in about 2 years) that nobody who is a "professional" was predicting (I had, mainly because it was overdue).  The Fed is planning to reduce rates.  That's a bad idea as inflation becomes a bit more troublesome.  They should have had at least one more increase several months ago - that may have helped reduce inflation further without too much trouble.  Sadly, they are pushing for lower rates for political Biden/Democrat support.  A terrible idea.  I had feared a potential decline in inflation if they had pushed too far and too fast.  But they did less and slower.  Not a bad idea, but they did not go far enough.  Anyone with a basic understanding would know this already.

Interestingly, as the chemo and radiation has kicked in, I'm sleeping well still (lucky) and my interests have increased.  Some things (like economics) had dropped off but for some reason I've been reading more lately and I do not know why.  LOL but that's a good.  I've done a ton of Roman History reading - it is rather reminding of how truly awful Democats are if you mix and match behaviors of misleading leaders and activists in the past with those in the current era.  I've long felt it would come to play, and it has, though in a significantly different way than I'd originally expected.  Biden, in particular, has moved far beyond the earlier eras in Rome I was comparing to (I thought Sulla vs Marius was likely - I have long since been proven Biden is moving several hundred years PAST that era with more authoritarian attempts and growth of government overspending).  He is, in fact, rather frightening to me.

Anyway, I'm heading out to radiation yet again and hoping to find a massage to get the muscles feeling better.  Hopefully soon.  Hoped to be back in the gym, but felt off on Monday and Tuesday but getting back to feeling better now. 

3/4, Monday, was full of a ton of news which is beginning to show how small portions of the Republicans, but mostly Democrats, are failing massively.  SCOTUS eliminated almost all the anti-Trump ballot attempts - and the vote was 9-0, though some Democrats made a few key points.  Democrats pushing for that, at the state level, failed.  A certain troll seemed to say it was perfectly "legal" when we all knew it wasn't.  Once more a silly attempt by this flawed idiot drawing attention to useless information sources and flawed politicians shifting laws to pursue their personal idiocy goals.

Also noted, massive flaws by Hunter Biden.  Which most of us have knwon about for a long time.  But it continues to be hidden by politicians and the FBI which was assigned as a "friendly source" by Democrats (2 former members of the FBI are friends of mine and have complained of this nonsense since they left 6 years ago).  Non-FBI people will claim the FBI is always trying to protect legally.  This simply isn't true.  And more evidence continues to indicate their path of trying to support Demorats is flawing more and more.

A final note is that more information is coming out that many Jan 6 people who were found "guilty" may see more of this removed.  It's a matter of time.  Some of them certainly do deserve some guilt - let's be open and honest that several did some pretty bad behaviors.  Most have not.  So most of the ones found guilty are a joke of politicians exceeding their value.  Demcorats and a few pro-Democrat Republicans who not only hid information, but destroyed quite a bit to protect themselves.  I've known MANY people who went there on Jan 6.  Several were called to be potentially found 'guilty' but managed to twist out with good lawyers.  Many others have not had good lawyers and faced lawsuits against them.

Stuff is slowly improving, though.  Democrats look more and more dangerous rather than helpful.

It has been a long week, but a lot occurred.

There have been at least 10 calls or meetings with my doctors and learned several issues.  It isn't that doctors withhold information, but sometimes trials and treatments are described certain ways to push for particular outcomes.  In my particular situation, there are, literally, very few of great benefit.  As a result, one we had originally signed up for early, we quickly dropped out of taking part as a member.  We learned a lot about no outcomes at all for my particular issue.  We also learned about significant reduced health as part of it and a switch in my chemo drugs - which have significantly lower results.  So we dropped out and switched to the original chemo for sllightly better near term results.  We shall see.

I also had to attend a speech therapist from the oncologists themselves.  I took several tests and ran several case studies for an hour and a half.  I found my math, history and speaking skills were better than my graduate studies.  I also found my ability to remember music, movies and certain names of known actors or singers to be sufficiently less - but also that was common among people my age.  Another test, which required my naming several word categories within a minute to be well done - except for one.  Words starting with the letter "M" and no names, did well for 40 seconds and stalled as one word dropped out of my head and I was dragging behind to spell it out and remember it.  This identified a very high area to help improve my mentality where I have stalled.  That said, she asked many business and corporate questions which were not stalled or slow at all.  She was rather shocked by this in media as I exposed several concerns with journalists I'd had issues with - and they were backed up in her data, as well as my ability to describe a lawsuit I had closed with a previous employer, as well as my description of several previous depositions which I'd taken part of and my ability to not only remember them (though dates I doubt I could provide) I did know what was covered.

Sorry, been extremely busy and traveling this past week.  Many visits to my doctors and updates on starting my chemo and radiation tonight and tomorrow.  Hoping for some extensions from benefits.  The reason I am adding this was an hour with my Pastor.  I'll write more about that meeting.  However, we spoke about 1 Samuel 8, politics (and my specific reason for leaving masses due to political statements often misguided due to not speaking about 1 Samuel 8, and he admitted he was behind on it) and the fact I've written versions of this 3 times.  Once in college for a class that earned me zero grades.  Once in grad school which led to a shift in a former leftist set of professors who often misstated Biblical versions of political views.  And the third was in 2011 here on Maggie's.  Enjoy and feel free to comment.  It will be my 5th writing (since I sent this and some updates) to all my friends recently).

The first political systems, from an institutional standpoint, were monarchies.  Monarchs either considered themselves gods, chosen by 'the gods', or "Chosen by God".  In almost every sense, the political system was tied somehow to the spiritual beliefs of the nation.  

During a college course on Democracy, my professor spent the better part of an hour and a half discussing the implications of this concept.  He pointed out that God Himself chose Israel's first king, and approved of their choosing a king.  I immediately raised my hand and asked "But God didn't want Israel to have a king, did He?  He considered Himself their king and allowed them to have Judges which acted as their spiritual and moral guides on earth."

Setting aside my day with my brother on Tuesday for four hours.  I'll just start with it was great walking and exercise, lunch at a diner that was great, and just 4 hours of talking about his experience with people who have had what I now have and what we felt was good to cover.  Personal.  Religion.  History and Podcasts.  Sports in depth.  But mostly about my situation and logical outcome which will be reached at some point.  All really nice to have and will share some another time.

My visit to Memorial Sloan Kettering on 53rd St in NYC was expected to just be a part of one conversation and possibly 2 others with one at Duke and one in Florida.  After four hours, we made a decision and I will explain a bit.

First, my current group will handle radiation and chemo here near the house.  That was set - and 2 weeks before starting.  Now the radiation will continue here, but the chemo we learned and signed for at MSK is slightly different and will involve a new test with several options and groups and some information completion.  It's a new trial and the doctor said they could collect my data and health and potentially (slim possible rejection) sign me up.  As of now - high probability to join and take part.  Mostly needing to see results and my ability to share, speak and keep notes.  So it's engaging.  That does need a level of intelligence they tested (I scored really high with their process and engagement) and a willingness to engage.  I was all for trying things, which they smiled about.  My current doctor, who has several potential tests but several weeks off, will be sidelined while I join this.  Both groups work separately but share information and conversation as necessary.  This is a learning chance!  

Second, doctor and nurse were blatantly open.  What is the reality.  My best shot for now - I have a non-Methylated Glio Blastoma which is one of several different kinds of the same issue.  Mine is very specific with a lot of downside potential over time when it comes to opportunity.   They were very open to "enjoy life and get the most out of what you want, even if it includes cutting out of testing or trials."  They support travel, learning, having fun.  "Enjoy your life and get the best you can."  I said I will, but I want to learn more, too and potentially help others.  They smiled and loved my engagement and willingness.  

Third, health and intelligence top notch!  Nurse kept testing several times.  No issues.  Now approved to drive if I want.  She recommended sports and gym again.  Just got to let the surgical swelling on the left brain continue to decline which is slowly happening but maybe 2 more weeks.  It doesn't hurt much.  Just swollen and feels odd.

Fourth,  GREAT BURGER at PJ Clarke's in NYC.  A CLASSIC.  Always has been.  I don't know why but man that was so darn tasty.  Food is still REALLY delicious.

Fifth, had my new mask for radiation set today at the hospital.  After six weeks I get to keep it - kind've new artistic item.  See attached!.  It's a pin which radiates different parts of the head over 20-30 min each day starting 3/1.

Today, just lots of sleepiness.  Got 6 hours last night.  Got 3 hours today.  Will probably get another hour before bed.  LOL.  No idea why just really dragging suddenly. 

Still having lots of texts and phone calls, though - so all 100% positive and looking for fun.

For anyone not interested.  Let me start with "I'm sorry if you don't want to read this."  I know everyone varies on how these stories develop and take place.  It can be boring or time consuming and even annoying.  So my apology if it is for you in some way.  That said, I'm finding it all really interesting to talk.  Also, oddly, suddenly boring from moment to moment.  As we spoke to the doctor, everything was great and suddenly he and the nurse began telling my wife and one son some information regarding the test and after 10 minutes he looked at me and asked if I was ok.  I said "Yes, but now that I know I get to engage this soon, the data is boring me.  I'll leave that to them and they can handle all that.  Me?  I want to get started and I don't care."  He laughed and said "lots of ways to approach this." 

Will write more later, just an update.

First - finally done with steroids, which has finally left me with my first full evening of sleep!  Yay.  After 19 days of less than a single 7 hour evening, I got 8 hours, deep sleep and the doctor confirming it was all steroid driven.  The steroids were great and limiting physical back issues.  Today?  Still feeling good but sleepier last night, so all good.

Second, SKM visit today by 11 in NYC.  Heading out shortly and 2 sons joining us to have a conversation.  No information no knowledge just learning to start.  3 other potential docs to speak with or potentially meet, one in Florida with a very new learning I have and one at Duke College.  So conversations will be interesting and needed.  High likelihood may be no switches and having to make some choices of who/where/when in about 6 weeks.  But right now I'm leaning that we may stick with the current group.

Third, visit from my brother yesterday, just a walk to town and lunch at a diner which was great.  Good exercise, but he already knew several people with various versions of my particular result.  Most have lost lives already, which is a known, but luckily knows several others who survived for years.  Will share more later when I'm back.

More to come! 
(sorry for delay and shortness at 7am on 2/21 as I was rushing to leave and get to the doctor - some new info and updates to follow but sorry with the rush and slight misspelling then silence and no follow up)

Friend shared this with me.  I'm a long fan/reader of Franz Kafka.  Visited a few of his offices and locations in Prague about 7 years ago.  Prague itself was lovely and enjoyable, but Kafka is a fun portion in and of himself while in Prague.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, was walking through a park one day in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.

Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter "written" by the doll saying "please don't cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures."

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka's life.

During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.

Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

"It doesn't look like my doll at all," said the girl.

Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: "my travels have changed me." The little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home.

A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."

I'm keeping some of this minimally.  I've never supported Trump.  Never voted for him.  Also never hated him, even if I often had some disagreements.  But I've had really hard political moments with many Democrats, who over the last 8 years have gone from just from me not supporting them.  But moving more toward disliking them a little, while often to finding more Democrats who are just blatant liars, often evil, greedy awful human politicians in behavior for themselves.  They would gain support from journalists who (due to my 38 years in media) may become liars and engagers of false claims and beliefs.  

This does not mean Republicans are 'better'.  I haven't been a Republican in over 20 years.  I still dislike them, too - just not as much as Democrats.

Some citizens have dived deeply for misinformation and lies about both Republicans and Trump in particular.  Most of that is often ignored or misrepresented publicly.  It's really annoying as Democrats have become such truly awful politicians.

This was a good article, mainly because it has been consistent for 8 years if you do read honestly and fairly.   I could find probably thousands of similar articles like this and how so much journalism and media has been awful in this approach.  Hell, I saw it at my offices but couldn't say my POV publicly back then.  At least not till I was let go.

The current attack on Trump's business in NYC is annoying.  I did have one view - I've had to deal with a lot of other businesses like this in media for what the claims against Trump are in the current lawsuit.  But his attack is 100% because politicians/attorneys have engaged their legal/political opportunities to push BS.  I know because I pointed out similar legal conversations I had in business but avoiding this approach for real businesses doing the same damn thing.  Because it happens way more than people care or deeply engage.  Sometimes getting stuff done properly to continue a business is more important than going to court over claims.  So why this time?  Makes no sense to me except the hatred is just so heavy.  It's similar to why our one former commenter's claims were idiotic when he'd claim he was "correct".  He never was and I simply didn't enjoy his hatred and lies. 

Morning review/update:  Sleep is still difficult.  About 4-5 hours a night.  Brain is still active, and I know some things I write have to be reviewed or rewritten and smoothed a bit still.  So sorry for occasional writing refinement from the typing.  The odd part is the original is usually fine but the technology is making alterations I'm not noticing, and sometimes it's just poorly tech changed.  So some upgrades may be needed in the morning, sigh...

Aha, well let's set aside the medical stuff for now.  Still lots coming up - but we'll learn on Wed/Th what's about to start.  MEANTIME - what else is going on?

Well, a trip to Sandals in Bahamas (Exuma) is set for early May.  My in-laws have taken us on multiple wonderful trips in the past.  2 sailing ships in the Caribbean in 2019 and 2020.  Covid delayed one year but back to Barbados in 2022 and Curacao in 2023, both Sandals locations.  Beautiful and great fun with family.

Mrs. Bulldog and I traveled, taking the boys to Montana, Yellowstone and Jackson in late 2020.  We took up Portugal in March 2023.  We also did a wedding in New Orleans in 2021, another in South Carolina in 2023.  We like to travel to Stuart FL where the in-laws live.  Lovely area, but full of resting and beaches regardless of seasonal.  I no longer golf with my 87 year old in-law father but he goes every day - and good for him!  I enjoy the visit to the beach, walking and we stopped down at the old National Naval UDT SEAL museum in Fort Lucie.  Several other museums, but local restaurants or bars are full of great foods.  Sadly the bars for me, now, just full of blandness which is fine.  Foods have been overwhelmingly tasteful.  I'll take the gains where I can.

Music!  Seeing Neil Young in early May, then the Rolling Stones and then Madness.  I've always loved Madness, who I saw while I studied and lived in London of 1983!  Elvis Costello even showed up and played with them that show I attended and I have fond memories of them as a young band with an Elvis Costello show up!  Always a pleasure!

Paris is on the list of "well - when you can travel, what is the timing or plan?"  We will figure for later in the summer if we can pull it off.  I've been to Paris many times in my youth (formerly knew a bit of the language, now not so much).  But Mrs. Bulldog has never been so time to GAIN more.  Also looking forward to some side trips.  Maybe Mont Saint Michel.  I'm hoping for a visit to the Bayeux (learn about William the Bastard) and Normandy (WWII always a pleasure for historical visits).

So lots of planning about to start BUT we need 6 weeks and will fill you all in as we learn more with the immediate medical and radiation about to start! 

If you have suggestions for local trips/travel or HIKING (always a pleasure and will reach out to Bird Dog soon for the first one!), just share ideas.  Always open to a hike of some nature!  We are North/Central Jersey but other travels or bike rides are open for an option!

I have emailed my local Pastor.  I will be meeting with him, and possibly (if she chooses) Mrs. Bulldog will join me.

I have specific questions.  Basic things.  Nothing major.

Open to anything anyone might want to suggest or offer as potentially useful.  I don't know what I might ignore or avoid - probably nothing, but sometimes not sure what may be enjoyable.

So if you have thoughts, questions, views, ideas - please feel free to share your thoughts.  I'm open for ideas of any kind! 

Not much today on Saturday in terms of activity and effort - snow made that a bit of a delay and reduction for some things.

Two sons and one girlfriend, we took the dog and went to our local brewery.  Lions Roar Brewing in Westfield, NJ. 
They allowed the dog (she's my regular dog, a rescue Frenchy Bulldog we have, but my current specialist post surgery even if she's not really that specialized...helps us keep her around). Nice brewery with outdoor seating and warmth.  Lovely joint.

We played some card games.  I struggled a bit recovering and understanding the rules, we all had a great game and I guess I was ok.

I tried Red Ale.  I didn't want beer originally, but figured why not one small one.  I used to brew Red Ale and liked it as an old brewing.  Today?  Sorry, no taste.  It wasn't bad.  Just bland.  So I drank half, and I guess beer is now done for me.  There just wasn't anything I enjoyed.  Not sad over that at all.

Nothing much, really, not today.

One regular physical which actually predated the surgery and current situation.  I'd set that a month and a half ago PRIOR to the sudden outcome of 2/2-2/6.  The meeting 2/16 with the 29 year old son (who I asked to join me for knowledge and conversation) went VERY well.  Could be analyzed as "sad" but I said "Nope - not going for that."  The doctor smiled and laughed and said he appreciated my approach which "just remember - anything could happen."

Sure.  But why bother with that worry or concern now?  IF it happens, we'll set as wise an approach with them as we can and my son was wonderful about it.  In the meantime, I told him my love, positive outlook, and how I will forever (as much as possible) be kind and loving and forward thinking as I am capable of.  My son smiled and said he would help with better knowledge and fulfillment as he can while time continues.  There are some medical agreements we will set IF I lose any reality or knowledge or health.

Steroids still IMPROVING my short term health.  But may be a short term option until other tests or treatments become straightforward.  It will always be engaged if necessary, even if they have no positive outcomes.  It's always for a high hope and belief that it may assist.

Sleeping?  Still odd.  Plenty.  At least 6 hours for now (I would only get 6-7 before all this anyway, but usually not as easily then).  Today?  Great 6 hour deep sleeps but then 4 - 6 am wake ups regardless of when I go to sleep (10-2am varies).  A few daily naps of an hour or so.  All expected or temporary as my health (doctors' view) improves.

So this is a 4:30 am post!  HA!  Woke up, felt good, had some tea, and doing reading or writing where I can.  Doctor suggested listening to music and singing to improve the memory again!  I am starting that after my first week home taking a rest and taking it all easy!

Watching lots of sports (I have been down on Purdue college basketball and football for 2 years.  Today?  Did a long conversation and review - they are my #1 NCAA choice based on my analysis for college basketball.  I was right about them for 2 years.  Now?  I have a very strong feeling of their play and potential outcome this year.  Not my school, but I love reading what I'm seeing and THEY are my #1 belief.)

Planning some hikes and walks!  Still OK.  Hoping for a few with Bird Dog and his family ASAP!

Music!  Love it a lot right now.

Son is an excellent cook and has been prepping food wonderfully (and frankly, I am stunned how delicious everything has been for the last 5 days - wow!  I don't know why I'm having GREAT food results.)

People - 99% love, kindness and friendliness.  1% anger, open results, honesty if it's "mean" because I do not care if you choose to be an idiot.  One person, very nice guy I like a lot, former drug abuser who was arrested many years ago and cleaned up his life - built a business, he and I became really friendly with.  Then, 3 months ago he became aggressive and lied about my sports commentaries.  Literally lied and expanded how he responded to my results!  At first I was nice about it and boosted the honesty and truth!  He pretended to "joke" and called me stupid names.  "Arrogant"  "Wrong"  "Liar of proof"  "Don't consider the teams properly or the coaching."  UGHHHHH  I finally ended by saying he needs to stop being a dumbass.  I have the highest respect for people like him who improved their own and other people's lives.  I've never supported his teams (Dallas) and have always been open or honest about my responses - no lies.  No falsehood.  He then made a poorly supported claim about SF and several players - I checked with sports writer friends and I was 100% correct.  He called me more names and a "liar" after my surgery.  I reminded him I have great information and friends - and what my surgery is or why my outcomes were likely sad.  That I RESPECTED AND SUPPORTED HIS PERSONAL IMPROVEMENTS.  He again sends an aggressive and 100% incorrect response to me!  I told him simply - stop or end our relationship.  That's your problem.  Nothing I wrote was wrong.  He just didn't like it or agree with it and got angry at me for no good reason or an open discussion outside of calling me names.  Nonsense. Unnecessary.  I hope we regain our caring and friendly stuff.  I don't think he knows what reality is - he never did properly, at times.

Sorry everyone if I say anything misspelled or long or incorrect!  Please feel free to let me know when I do something improperly!  I am sticking with the "I need to keep working on this" approach.  Thank you again for prayers, support, happiness and love.  You've all been so friendly!   

Maybe as my health starts to shift a little, this all slows down or changes.  I hope not!