Maggie's Farm

In the final analysis, there are basically two types of people who use the computer.

On one hand, there are those who use the computer as they do the TV or stereo.  They turn it on, they do what they intended to do, they turn it back off.  It ultimately doesn't make any difference what version of Windows they're using as long as their favorite programs run.

On the flip side are those who take the whole thing seriously, learning about Windows and its features, as well as programs in general, how to troubleshoot the system when things go awry, and how the various devices hook together inside the tower.

To these people, a change in Windows is a very big deal because it means a large learning curve; not only figuring out the new operating system, itself, but dealing with individual programs and the problems that arise.  And arise, they do.

As such, rather than pull my usual routine of hauling out my digital scalpel and slicing things to ribbons, I'm going to direct this review specifically to these two types of people.


To the first group:

Whether you're currently running XP or Vista, you're going to like Win7.  It's snappy, quick, good-looking, and isn't bogged down with needless programs like the Sidebar and transparent windows as in Vista.  If you're currently a Vista user, all of the usual stuff (Start Menu, Control Panel, etc) looks about the same so you won't have that 'lost' feeling when it first boots up.

The bad news is that Win7 won't 'overinstall' on a current system, so all of your own programs will have to be reinstalled.  But as long as you have things like registration numbers written down, it shouldn't be that big a deal.  Plus, if you're installing Win7 on a Vista system, the installation will take all of your personal folders and put them in a "windows.old" folder, so you can paw through that if you forgot something.

On the subject, I would recommend you use the True Image backup routine and make a backup of your Vista system first.  Then make one of your new Win7 system after it's installed.  That way, should you desperately need something from the old system (and chances are you will), you can write the Vista image file to the hard drive, boot up into your old system, recover what you need, then write the Win7 file back to the drive.

The actual installation is very straightforward.  There aren't any real choices to make.  Selecting the time zone is as tough as it gets.

If you run into an error while installing one of your programs, right-click on the Setup icon and 'Run as administrator'.  If it still doesn't install, right-click on the Setup program, open 'Properties', click on the 'Compatibility' tab and set it to 'XP'.  If it still doesn't install, reboot the computer and hold down the F8 key about ten seconds into the bootup (before the 'loading Windows' graphic appears).  Select 'Safe Mode' and do the 'Run as administrator' bit.  If it still doesn't install, the program's probably toast.  At that point, go to the program's web site and see if there's a Win7 upgrade, or at least a note about it.  You can also do a Google search and see if others are talking about it in the forums.

If you get an error message when running or closing down a program, try setting the main program's Compatibility Mode to 'XP'.  If the program works fine otherwise, just ignore the message.

Finally, if there's something you don't like about Win7, like the way it adds that daffy "- Shortcut" to shortcut icons, many of the tweaks on the Vista Tweaks page also work with Win7.


Summation

Again, I'm addressing those who just use the computer for specific tasks (email, browsing), but little more.

Two points to make:

— If you (A) are using an XP system and it's working just fine, or (B) running Vista and (hopefully) did most/some of the Vista Tweaks and everything's just dandy, don't upgrade.  It won't gain you a thing, and the potential (especially if upgrading from XP) for some of your fave programs to not run is very real.

— If you're running an old, sluggish XP or a bloated Vista (and the tweaks were over your head, or you did them and they didn't do any good), then, by all means, upgrade.  The time, effort, and possibly money if you have to replace a program that won't install, will be worth it to know you won't have to worry about this silly situation again for years.


For the second group (techies, tinkerers, nerds, geeks, societal rejects, social misfits, etc), the story is below the fold.

It isn't pretty.

One of the biggest disappointments with both Windows Vista is that they dropped the 'Identities' feature from Outlook Express, now renamed "Windows Mail".  The 'Identities' allow you to have completely separate email accounts, each with their own Inbox, Outbox, settings, etc.  This way you can have one account using your real name for friends and family, one with an anonymous handle for Internet stuff, maybe one for business and a fourth acting as a 'throwaway' address that you use for online transactions, just in case some unscrupulous dealer sells it to the spam merchants.

It was, in short, an invaluable feature, and there's no reason on God's Green Earth why they should have removed it.  The only way it can be done with Windows Mail is to actually log off the entire system and then log back on as a different 'identity'.  That's friggin' ridiculous.

So, the hunt was on to find an email program that supported multiple identities.  Two days and about a dozen programs later, I found the answer.  It costs $35, but if you want true multiple identities, it's the only program I found that does the trick.

More info + setup tips below the fold.

Picture: artist's rendition of what you'll look like when you finish this guide.

But first, the bad news.

If you've heard the horror stories about Windows Vista and are hanging on to your Windows XP for dear life, hoping that Windows 7 will be the answer...

Or you're currently using Windows Vista and are disappointed with its sluggish performance and those crazy 'permission' boxes that pop up every time you change the tiniest setting, and you're also hoping Windows 7 will be the answer...

Sorry.

I suggest you not plan on upgrading to Windows 7 in the near future, and for two very good reasons:

• If you think Vista took a lot of customization away from the user compared to Windows XP, wait'll you see Windows 7.  The amount of user customization looks like it's been cut in half.  Microsoft has clearly decided, at long last, that you're a blithering idiot and the fewer options you're given, the less likely it is you'll screw something up.
  
  Also, just for the record, if you think Windows 7 is a "new" operating system, you've been listening to the hype.  It's Vista without the goodies, which unfortunately includes both the cool things Vista has to offer, like the transparent window borders, as well as some of the better stock Windows programs like Movie Maker and DVD Maker.
  


• And the driver problem is going to be much worse than usual.  In a normal Windows update, the manufacturers of printers, scanners, and all the rest traditionally lag behind a few months, but eventually the drivers for most of their models are updated to the latest version of Windows.
  
  In the case of Windows 7, however, because most of the shipped models will be running the new 64-bit file system, the drivers are going to have to be written from scratch.  Not only is that costly unto itself (those programmers don't come cheap), but it means that the manufacturers will have to write two drivers ($$) for every peripheral device ($$), and there's no doubt a number of older devices are going to get left by the wayside.
  
  If you have a fairly recent Hewlett-Packard or Epson printer, you'll be fine, but if you've got an older printer or scanner or whatever, or some off-beat brand, your ass might be grass.  Before you even think of upgrading to Windows 7, make sure your drivers are available first.

The good news is, there's a simple answer to your dashed hopes and dreams:

Simply turn off the 'bloatware' in Vista.

Do everything in this guide and you'll have a Windows Vista system that's quick, snappy and reliable, and should provide you with years of carefree use.

I guess I should have expected it, but some activist wannabe cheated the survey and skewed the results.  All he or she had to do was delete a cookie and vote again, and over the course of a few hours both the Mac and Firefox stats skyrocketed way past the norm.  When the Mac OS, which officially holds 15% of the computer market, starts rivaling Windows in a survey, you know something's up.

Instead, here are the official stats from our Google Analytics page:

You Safari users should be using the Mac version of Firefox, available here.  Safari has a few bugs and the colors you're seeing aren't necessarily what everyone else is seeing.  And Firefox is better in a number of other ways.

To you 'smart-phone' users, don't hold your breath waiting for a mobile-friendly version of Maggie's to appear.  The guy who developed the software has long dropped support of it and there's no reason to assume anyone else will pick up the reins.  Such is life in the sleepy back hollow wherein Maggie's resides.

May we inquire as to which browser and operating system you're using?  This will help us optimize the site in a number of small ways.

If you're unsure which version of Internet Explorer you're using, go to the Help menu at the top of the browser and select "About".

If you use more than one browser, just pick the one you use for normal web surfing.

Note: This is a survey, not a "vote", but there's no way to change what's on the button so just click on 'Vote' to submit your selection.  Results will be posted in a week.

And thanks!

Every now and then you might run into a program that won't minimize while doing its thing.  For programs like video editors that might take an hour or two to render a file, it can be a tad aggravating when you want to get to the Desktop for something.

There are actually two ways to force a program to minimize, each with a plus and a minus.

To minimize everything that's open, hit Windows-D.  The Windows key is usually on both sides of the space bar, the one with the little logo on it.

This will allow you access to the Desktop.  The hitch is that as soon as you open something else, the first program will come popping back up.  But if that one quick access is all you need, then no big deal.

The second way takes an extra step, but it's permanent.  Either hit Ctrl-Alt-Del (unless using Vista) or click on the Task Bar with the right mouse button and open the Task Manager.

Click on the 'Applications' tab, highlight the program's name with the right mouse button and select "Minimize" from the drop-down menu.  That'll keep it minimized until it's finished.  Even clicking on its entry on the Task Bar won't open it until it's through with its task.  If you want to pop it back open while it's still working, open the Task Manager back up and select 'Maximize'.

The Windows key actually has a number of functions, but I've never found any of them to be of much use except for Windows-D.  If you have kids in the room and want to dash to the kitchen for a few minutes, hitting Win-L will lock the keyboard and keep things safe while you're away.  For a complete list of keyboard shortcuts, try this site.

This (former) weekly Saturday morning feature will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert. More info here.

This is the wind-up to the series.

I was reading some comments on RedState the other day and one of the commenters — an obviously very knowledgeable fellow — was clearly and concisely explaining to everyone what the word "bandwidth" meant.  By the confidence with which he wrote, there was little doubt he knew precisely what he was talking about.

And he couldn't have been more wrong.

Nor am I criticizing him.  There's a lot of confusion out there, often because a term has two different meanings depending upon context, and such was the case here.  With other terms, it might be a matter of people believing the ad hype, or a word's meaning has simply evolved over time.

With all this in mind, here's a Points of Confusion list I've come up with:

Definitions
'Bandwidth'
'Image'
'Resolution'
'Web' & 'Internet'
'Disc' & 'Disk'

The Internet
Connection & Download Rates
Download Accelerators
Web Site Hits
What You're Seeing Isn't The Web
Cookies

Software
Mac vs the PC
Firefox
Macs, Firefox and Malware
Newer Isn't Necessarily Better
Screensavers
Backing Things Up

Hardware
Memory & Hard Drives
Faster CPUs
Computers Wearing Out
Defragmenting Hard Drives
Printer Ink Costs

The goods are below the fold.  You might bookmark the page so you can throw it in some blowhard's face the next time you see someone spouting nonsense.  For example, it's amazing how many people think that computers "wear out" over time, like a car.  In truth, your computer (the hardware part) is just as fast as the day it was made.  It's the software that "wears out", but that's easily remedied.  If you've found your machine slowing down over time, the solution might be below.

There's an immense difference between a Christmas gift that you'd like very much but hesitate to ask for because it's expensive or hard to obtain — and a gift you can't ask for at all because of the time and effort involved.
 

Between hanging out at the tiki hut with the locals and going to the Sunday BBQ at the nearby park, I tend to intermingle with 'regular' people a fair amount; meaning, people who aren't computer whizzes and/or savvy blog participants.

And it's not surprising that a huge number of people out there would love to get a little blog site going where they could post their daily thoughts ("You wouldn't believe what happened to me just now at the supermarket!") and pics and videos for family and friends to enjoy, yet most of them never even attempt it.

In pursuing the issue, the answer, unsurprisingly, is that people simply don't think they have the ability to put one together.  And, admittedly, it probably sounds a little daunting to hear you have to "construct" a blog site when you're not even sure what an "icon" or "menu" is.

So, do something really special this year and give them a ready-to-go site.  It'll cost about a hundred clams for the web hosting service for a year, and if you use the company I recommend they'll throw in the cost of the domain name, which can go for upward of $35 at other places.

Setting up the site is a snap.  You download a free FTP program and use that to upload the files for the blogging program.  There's a 'Settings' page where you'll make a few tweaks and you're ready to roll.

The easy-to-follow instructions that will walk you through the whole process are on my Easy-Blogsite.  If you run into a snag, just ask here in one of my posts and I'll email you back and we'll get the rascal ironed out.
 

As far as the actual present goes, it might be fun to simply give them a nice Xmas card with three mysterious lines of information on it:

• a recognizable web site address like "ThePattersonFamily.com" or "BobsBlogSite.com"
   
• name: (their account name)
   
• pass: (their account password)

Then be with them the first time they go to the site.  You'd have a few 'Welcome!' posts on the home page, interesting links in the sidebar, and maybe some family pics or even videos on display.  It should be a great moment when they suddenly 'get it' and ask, "You mean this is all mine??"

Then go to the main editor and show them how easy it is to make a post.  Just type merrily away and hit the 'Publish' button.  Show them how easy it is to import a picture from their computer, and how they can change the entire look of their new site with one click of the mouse using the fabulous 'themes' you've pre-installed.  Their feelings will range from "stunned" to "beyond thrilled."

On my end, I'm giving one to a 68-year-old lady whom I've never met, but have been conversing with via email for over a decade.  Her three best friends have blog sites but, no matter how often I tell her how easy it is to set up, she just won't do it.  Yet I know she's dying to join in the fun.  The sweet old gal will probably break down in tears on Christmas morning when she sees it.  She loves bunny rabbits and I found an Easter theme that's just loaded with cute bunnies.  I replaced all the 'Easter' stuff with her own name and it looks terrific.

I hope she likes pink and blue.

So, would you rather give Grandma her 25th set of bathroom towels and Grandpa his 17th pipe rack, or something that'll put some zest back in their lives?  Once they get nested into a blogring of similar interests (golfing, macramé, my pet's latest funny antics, etc), they'll have a ball.

Or how about that old person next door who spends all day long watching TV?  I don't have to tell you, of all people, the meaning the blogosphere can have on one's life.  A spouse, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, your best friend, your kids — can you think of a more appreciated gift than a gift one cannot ask for?

This Christmas, give that someone special a gift like no other.

Give them a door to the world.
 

According to feedback here and elsewhere, the article I posted last week on increasing one's browsing speed made a real difference with certain systems.  Here's another trick that might improve your online performance.  This is for WinXP. 

 
Certain programs that require online access use what's called the "QoS Policy" in Windows, which allots them a slice of your bandwidth.  In its wild and fanciful way, Windows somehow figures that receiving a business fax or accessing an online database is more important than downloading more Web porn — those crazy fools.

Traditionally, if someone's tweaking their system, the QoS is turned off.  But I was reading a guide the other day and it said that some programs will sense it's off and turn it back on, so the 'trick' is to leave it on — but set it to 0%.

Relatively easy procedure is below the fold.

I remember back in '87, buying my first modem.  The expensive new 2400 bauds were out, but I settled for a normal 1200 baud.  "There's no need to go so fast," I said at the time.  "So what if it takes an extra thirty minutes to download a file?  Big deal!  This new 'faster and faster' modem thing is just a fad!"

And, for the most part, it could be argued I was right.  Okay, so it would take six minutes to display this page with my new modem — but what's a mere six minutes for a quality product like a Maggie's Farm home page?  Of course, waiting half a day to see one of the videos might irk some of its more impetuous readers, so there might be something to this 'faster and faster' thing, after all.

And, yes, I eventually bought the lightning-fast 2400 baud modem.  I was smokin'!  "With this kind of speed, I'll never have to upgrade again!," I proclaimed loudly for all to hear.

Sticking tightly to my resolve, I immediately bought a 9600 modem when they came out.  Then a 14.4.  Then a 19.2.  Then a 28.8.  Then a 33.6.  Then a 56K.  Then I combined two 56K's using MultiLink.  Then I got one of them fancy new 'experimental' ADSL modems at .768 meg.  Then cable at 1 meg.  Then 1.5.  Then 2.  Then 3.  Then 5.

Then I ended up going wireless.

I always was a sucker for fads.

 
And during that entire time, I tried program after program and tweak file after tweak file that claimed it would increase my Internet speed, and not one of them ever did.

Until this rascal drifted along.

This is a patch to update Windows XP (and earlier) to meet current broadband standards.  Vista already has the updates.  To possibly double your browsing speed, please...
 

So there I was, innocently minding my own business, when suddenly I came across a video on some blog site named Maggie's Barn or sumpin' and I wanted to watch it.  Little knowing that my fate was already sealed, I clicked on the box.

It started playing, but it seemed a little small so I clicked on the side of the window to go to the YouTube version so I could watch it full-screen.  The original was still playing in the background when the YouTube page opened and its video started playing as well.
 

Blink!

 
That was the last online video I heard for the rest of the evening.  Somehow, two videos playing at once messed up something in the system and that was that.  I ran Registry cleaners, Norton WinDoctor, warm-booted, cold-booted, prayed to the various computer gods, promised I'd never look at porno again, but nothin' worked.  (I think my computer knows when I'm lying to it, dammit)

The next step would have been to reinstall Flash, but I wouldn't have been hopeful.  Program files don't "break", and internal system settings (like what got messed up here) usually aren't touched by program installations.  Regardless, in this case I had a much better option.

It's to note that during this entire time, when most people would be pulling their hair out, my blood pressure never rose an iota.  After trying the fix-it programs last night and getting nowhere, I watched a movie and hit the hay.  This morning while I was eating breakfast I reinstalled the image file I made of the C Drive last Saturday and the system works perfectly.

And if this had happened to someone not using an image file backup system?

Nightmare.

Regular backup programs only back up files, and, even if you tell it to back up the system files, it can't get them all because the ones that are "in use" can't be copied.  The answer is an image file program.  It makes a 'snapshot' of your entire C Drive and turns this 'image' into one great big file.  Come meltdown time, you merely tell the program to write the big file back to the hard drive, overwriting your damaged system.  Ten minutes later and you're good to go.  Nor do you lose any email or bookmarks or personal files if you follow my routine.

And that's all.  Just a little reminder as to how quickly a system can go into the toilet, and how easy it is to fix if you have the right tool.  The full Maggie's post is here.
 

By the way, a couple of readers named "Meta" and "Luther McLeod" left a whole bunch of nasty comments in my posts over the weekend (since deleted) so I'm forced to moderate the comments until the situation improves.  An example from Meta is down below in the comments (the quote).  If you think you're actually real, Meta begs to disagree.
 

Yesterday, I posted a short article on opening Desktop icons in full-screen mode.  This morning, commenter Ron House steered me toward a very cool program named AutoSizer that does a couple of tricks:

• For pesky programs like Internet Explorer that open Desktop icons in half-screen mode, it forces them to always open in full-screen mode.
  


• For pesky programs like the Calculator which tend to pop open anywhere on the Desktop, it'll 'center' them so they always open in the same place.

The program is free, home site is here.  It's a quick install, and if you're running a sensitive program like ZoneAlarm, 'allow' it access to system files.  If you don't like it putting an icon in the SysTray, remove it via Options.

In regards to Internet Explorer, it does have one little problem.  It'll open every IE window full-screen size, whereas in some cases, like an online editor popping open a small window so you can select an option, it might be a bit annoying.  But, compared to the general annoyance of Desktop icons opening in half-size mode, it's still a big win.

Usage:  First, pop open the program in question, then open AutoSizer, highlight the program's entry and click on the 'AutoSize' button.  Make your selection from the drop-down menu and that should do it.

Take a bow, Ron, and thanks!

Pic: In a blatant act of political partisanship, Doc plugs his own personal choice for president.  (Or was that the wrong word to use?)

I've given lots of discs as presents over the years, and there's no question having a customized label adds to the enjoyment.  And especially when it's a kid and you've got their name right there on the disc in big bright neon lights fonts.  And if they're discs of your home movies, how classy would it be to have small pics from the various vacations and birthdays printed on the disc?

If you've ever tried the stick-on labels, you know what a nightmare they are to work with.  Get off by the tiniest bit while sticking it on and you're burning a new disc and printing a new label for Round 2.

And that 'LightScribe' routine, where it etches the text on the top of the disc, is seriously ridiculous.  Like a lot of people, I got suckered into it — although I will admit that if you hold up the disc just so, and catch the light just right, you actually can read what's etched on the disc — kind of.

So what's the answer?  Well, now that I've got you on the edge of your seat with this riveting question, you'll just have to...

It's got the big, ponderous name of 'Scheduled Tasks', but I prefer the term 'Windows Alarm Clock'.  As so often happens with the built-in Windows tools, 95% of a program's function might be completely worthless, but that last five percent...

Got a doctor's appointment a month down the road?  Want to make sure you catch that TV special in a few weeks?  Just can't forget to make that important phone call bright and early next Monday morning?

Let the Windows Alarm Clock help!

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert. More info here.
 

Lesson 16: DOS

 
Oh, the things we've learned on our little journey!

We learned how to professionally back up our system.

We learned how to make a really neat custom links page for our browser.

We learned all about hardware and software and cool tools and a whole buncha stuff!

And, if all that wasn't enough, we then learned about such cutting-edge techniques as streaming video.  As budding computer experts, we're ready to go!
 

So why, in Heaven's name, is the wise and kindly Doc Murky bringing up DOS, of all things?  What possible use on God's Green Earth could antiquated old DOS have in today's modern hyperdigital world, we plaintively asked.
 

What use, indeed?, he asked back.

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert. More info here.
 

Lesson 15: Streaming Video

This video's been around for a while, but it illustrates the point well.
 

Admittedly, Rosie O'Donnell has made a real horse's patoot out of herself at times over the past few years.  As a mild example, she claimed on TV that the collapse of the buildings on 9/11 must have been a government conspiracy because "fire can't melt steel" — casually forgetting for the moment that fire is what makes steel in the first place.

But how do you compare the silly statements Rosie O'Donnell makes against others? By what standard do you measure "asinine" against "jackass"?

Finally, someone's put together a formula that works:
 

 
A clumsy and amateurish job, to be sure, but somebody had a great idea and went for it.

Want to be next?

This is, IMHO, Windows' best trick and the biggest time-saver of the bunch.  In short, it makes it easy to load a file into a program that it's not normally associated with.

A quick example would be a Notepad document you want to spell-check.  Notepad doesn't have a built-in spell-checker, so the usual routine would be to:

• Laboriously fire up a program with a spell-checker like MS Word
• Painstakingly open the load requester
• Achingly browse to the Notepad document
• Tiresomely load the file
• Troublesomely spell-check the document
• Backbreakingly save the file
• Exhaustedly close the program

But with the SendTo feature:

• Simply click on file's icon with the right mouse button and 'send' it to MS Word
• Simply spell-check the document and that's it!

For more of this unbiased, impartial review of the unbelievably fantastic SendTo feature, please...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert. More info here.
 

Lesson 14: Video

 
Ah, video.

If you knew what I knew about video, you'd run screaming into the night.  The very word should cause you to tremble.  What's that?  Your Windows is corrupt and reboots itself every five minutes?  Big deal!  Your browser freezes up every 38 seconds?  No problem!  Your hard drive just caught on fire and burned down half the house?  That's the easiest one to fix yet!

But video.

Video is what separates the wheat from the woods, the chaff from the sliced kittens, the bear from the pope poop.

Video.

Video is where the foot meets the rubber, the tire meets the floorboard and the pedal meets the road.  It's what separates the fancy from the dancy, the hoity from the toity, the willy from the nilly.  It's how you tell the kettle from the heat, the pot from the fire, the brisket from the biscuit from the basket.  It's what—
 

For more unbelievably inane ramblings as I desperately try to avoid writing about this horrid subject of which I, personally, would never partake, please...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert. More info here.
 

Lesson 13: Audio 

 
To be completely honest, it wasn't your idea to write the song that united the world.
 

Your new bride, a recent graduate from Dr. Mercury's Computer School For Underprivileged Busty Blondes, was the one who suggested it.  She walked into the room, threw her arms around you and gushed, "You're so wonderful! You should write a song that will bring peace to the entire world!"

And that's exactly what happened.

Personally, you thought the melody line was a bit simplistic, but people seemed to adore it, and it somehow bridged the gap between Western and Eastern cultures.  The words, too, seemed a bit lightweight, but it turned out that by sheer good fortune you used a number of words and phrases common to multiple languages, so even though the exact message couldn't be conveyed to the world's people, there was still something there that touched the soul of everyone.

And the song's effects were wonderful to see.  Obama and McCain decided on a joint presidency.  George Bush, Nancy Pelosi and Ron Paul had a group hug and broke into tears.  Al-Queda threw down its arms and opened a Starbucks franchise in Seattle.  Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards reunited.  Britney Spears' heretofore unknown younger sister, Adrianne, knocked on your bedroom door and—

And that's when the loud barking dog snapped you out of your daydream.
 

Next time, instead of fantasizing about it, I think you'd better just...

Well, that was timely.

No sooner do I put the finishing touches on what I believe is the best darn-tootin' guide in the Central Galaxy on how to start a WordPress blog site when Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit links to this:

Did Google use its network of online services to silence critics of Barack Obama? That was the question buzzing on a corner of the blogosphere over the last few days, after several anti-Obama bloggers were unable to update their sites, which are hosted on Google’s Blogger service.

In short, the Obamaniacs started clicking on the "Please report this site as filthy and disgusting" button at the top of the page and got the anti-Obama sites dumped into the 'Spam' category. What makes it messy is that the program automatically freezes a site when it gets a certain number of complaints, but it can't tell the difference between a fake complaint and a real one. All it's seeing is the 'Complaints' button being pressed. Heck, I could set up a 'macro' program to press it twice a second from now until the end of eternity — which is probably what the Obamaniacs did.

And where are these stalwart bloggers fleeing to?

"As bloggers, it is a good thing we still have choices, and I have exercised my choice to leave Blogger and establish a new home at WordPress.”

As I said, timely.

If you know someone in a similar situation, or have ever wanted to get a blog site going yourself, WordPress is the answer and Easy-Blogsite will get you there in style. Frank, my 82-year-old neighbor, did the guide last weekend and had a streaming video on his home page an hour after he installed WordPress. It's hard to get much cooler than that.
 

For more dirt on these "instant blog" companies, you're welcome to...

Pic: average student at Dr. Mercury's Computer Bed & Breakfast School For Wanton Women, blatantly stolen from Theo who had a much better picture than I did for last Saturday's computer lesson — that rat!

In the comments to Saturday's lesson on images, a couple of doods mentioned the free GIMP program. From what I can tell, GIMP stands for "Gastro-Intestinal Monetary Paralysis", or the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you see the $649 price tag for Photoshop.

Actually, it stands for GNU Image Manipulation Program, with GNU being the open-source UNIX-like operating system developed back in the 80's. It and SourceForge have produced a number of excellent free programs over the years and, of the sixty-odd free video programs I have on my own site, probably half of them are GNU or SourceForge.

Bottom Line: While a little odd, GIMP is an excellent graphics program and does all the 'trick' things, like smudging and freehand selection, that big bad Photoshop does. Download it here. Click on 'Downloads' then grab just the program, don't bother with the 'Installer'. Don't panic when it takes forever to run the first time.

On the other hand, you'll probably have a heart attack the first time it opens, so perhaps you'd better take a sec and...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert. More info here.
 

Lesson 12: Images

 
You're a real blogger. And you know just what I mean.

A real blogger works only in real-time. His thoughts come to him in a blaze of profound insight that his flying fingers desperately try to keep pace with. If a mixtake is made, so what! Your readers know what you're really trying to say.

Because that's where the honestly lies. That's how they know they can trust you. Because if you went back and corrected every little mixtake and tidied up sentences and made everything 'just so', you'd be no better than the next bought-and-paid-for journalist. Your very integrity rides on your willingness to show the world who you really are, simple mixtakes and all.

Until today.

Today, that integrity was seriously tested when you realized what you had done mere seconds later, yet, because of the blogger's code, you were unable to touch a thing.

And the horrific results are just now starting to drift in.

How unfair, you think to yourself as the screen-grab from your site is spread throughout the blogsosphere and you become a laughingstock in the eyes of the world. Everybody does it with their vacation pictures! You remember watching slide shows as a kid of the family vacation and there was always one that slipped in!  These things happen!  It's just not fair!

No, it's not, my friend.

Oh, if only you'd thought to take that night school course in blogmastering. If only you'd thought to be a little more careful when adding pictures to the site. And if only you'd thought to...

A quick update on Firefox v3.0:

Well, hum.

I had already downloaded the new Firefox v3.0 and was preparing to install it and write a quick review when the bad news started drifting in. First, some guy on Ace's site had a number of 'fixes' to un-do some of the damage done, then it was Boingboing, then Glenn over at Instapundit linked to some guy's horror story.

So, without belaboring the issue, it seems fairly apparent that the best advice would be to wait until the next release and then gauge it afresh.

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 11: Troubleshooting

 
Temper, temper!

You work to keep your emotions under control when what you really want to do is smash your fist on the keyboard.  Why now, you think to yourself.  Why me?  You wonder what wrathful computer gods you ticked off to merit such a fate.

Some very angry ones, it would appear.

Well, you're not going to let this little snag stop a tough, gritty computer user like yourself, no sir!  You knuckle down, grab the bull by the horns and head over to Google.  You search down the problem and, with your body bathed in nervous sweat, edit the haunting and enigmatic Registry and live to tell the tale.

The computer works!
 

A sense of exultation sweeps through you as you realize you'll make your deadline.  It's money in the bank!  You breathe a deep sigh of relief and look out at a glorious sunset.  You hear birds twittering in the trees and the sound of a gentle breeze.  The world is calm again.

You think back to that day years ago, the day you stopped being scared of fixing the computer.  The day you decided to give it your best shot.  The day you went from being subservient to the computer, to being its new master.  The day you decided to...

To be truthful, you're unbelievably embarrassed by the whole sad situation.

Oh, you didn't mean to end up this way. The shame and humiliation you've recently experienced certainly came unexpectedly. "It's all that dang Internet's fault," you think to yourself as you prepare to sneak out to the grocery store under cover of darkness. First it was on Fark, then Drudge, now CNN.com.

You'd be the first to agree that national humiliation isn't for just anyone.

You think back to what led to your present shameful condition. A little laziness here, a little procrastination there, and, the next thing you knew, your friend's calling to tell you they're talking about you on the local radio station. Apparently, someone saw that brief comment you left on Maggie's and the deejay was urging his listeners to set aside disbelief and see it for themselves.

From there it spread like wildfire.

At the moment, you're trying to decide if the $5,000 Ripley's is offering for the rights to include you in their 'Believe It Or Not!' exhibition is worth having your public shame be immortalized for future generations to laugh at, mock, scorn and deride for time eternal.

You decide it probably is.

Well, if nothing else, you've learned one thing from this soul-searing experience:

That's the last time you'll ever admit in public you're using a computer that's five years old!

For more information on how to avoid public scorn and humiliation when somebody finally catches you with that ancient piece of junk you're using, please...

Ah-ha!

You couldn't believe it last week when you made some comment about how "sex sells" and your best friend... refuted it?  He demanded you show him one tiny piece of evidence that suggests any advertiser out there buys into your fanciful notion.  And now, at long last, you have it.
 

First, you did what any good investigative journalist would do and starting researching the topic in depth.  You went to the library and spent days reading about the history of advertising, looking for clues.  Yes, occasionally you'd see a pretty girl in an ad, but so, too, were there handsome men and cute babies.

In desperation you turned to the World Wide Web.  Again, you occasionally saw some pretty girl modeling a t-shirt, but that doesn't prove anything more than advertising agencies are willing to hire female models.  And that doesn't even prove that 'gender sells', much less that sex sells — as you so wildly claim.
 

But then you hit paydirt.

Suddenly, you came across a 1962 Chevrolet Caprice ad with a pretty girl in a bikini standing in front of it.  That 'investigative reporter gene' you carry in your DNA started setting off alarm bells and you were struck with a deep and profound insight:

That bikini has nothing, whatsoever, to do with the mechanical and handling characteristics of the car!

A sense of exhilaration sweeps through your body as you realize you'll finally be able to prove to your buddy that you were right!

There's only one problem.

The right mouse button won't save the picture because the page is locked by some Java code and the entire site is permanently shutting down in 3 minutes.

So, you'll either have to admit to your friend for the rest of eternity that you were totally wrong, or...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 9:  Keyboard Skills

 
Sometimes it's just a matter of using the proper incentive.

For example, a few years ago I was teaching a number of classes at a computer college and one of them was "Keyboard Skills."  It was a two-part class in the sense that it taught the students standard typing skills, plus it introduced them to all of those other keys that a typist normally doesn't touch.

When it comes to learning how to type, Rule #1 is "NO PEEKING!"  Peeking at your fingers is extremely counterproductive, not only because it inhibits the learning process but, while you're peeking at the keyboard, you could be making a bona fide typo up above.  Typos are the classic giveaway that someone doesn't know how to type correctly.  People who actually know how to type rarely make typos because they're watching what they're typing as they type it.  (spelling errors are a different story entirely)
 

But then there was Big Jim.
 

A mountain of a man, he wasn't about to be intimidated by some punkass computer teacher telling him over and over again to "QUIT PEEKING!"  He was a smart guy and was catching on as fast as anyone, but he just couldn't break the habit.

So I did what any caring teacher would do.  I brought a great big shiny butcher's knife to school.

After the class started and I caught Big Jim peeking, I pulled out the butcher's knife, let the bright chrome reflect the room lights into his bedazzled eyes, held the glistening, razor-sharp blade just above his fingers and said in a somber voice, "One more peek and you lose them all."

To the best of my knowledge, he never peeked again and aced the class.
 

If you, too, feel the need for such helpful, friendly incentives in order to become a master keyboardist, please...

If you create a fair number of new projects, be it spreadsheets, desktop publishing brochures, word processing documents, web pages, pictures, songs or whatever, you'll be interested in this.

There are actually two ways you can create a new project with all (or at least most) of your customized settings already in place, such as font styles, 'author', project size or length, etc, depending on which method you use and how much info the program saves along with its files.

For example, if you made a lot of customized WAV sound files, you could open a 'New' WAV file from the menu and it'd open with all of your custom bitrate and frequency settings already in place, rather than you having to do it manually every time.  It can obviously be a real time-saver.

If you consider yourself a 'New WAV' kinda guy, then please...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

I hate exposing your dirty little secret to the world.

Really, I do.

But do you know what I hate even more?

Exposing it to you.
 

No, it's not pretty being an addict.  The constant burning desire for your next 'fix'.  The soft glaze of satisfaction that comes over your eyes as you swiftly take apart the computer case.  The zeal springing from your fingertips as the 'high' infuses your body while you remove the old CD-ROM.
 

Yeah, that's you, all right:
 

The hardware junkie.
 

The thing is, it might be that you just don't know it yet.

For more helpful information on attaining this ugly, sordid state of existence, please...

I thought I'd take a minute and bring everybody up to date on the latest in computer security measures.

The biggest change we've seen in recent years is the role of Bad Boy going from viruses to spyware.  Yes, it would a terrible tragedy if a virus ate your computer, but at least it wouldn't cost you much.  At worst, a new Windows system and some setup time.  At best, ten short minutes of your time if you did the backup lesson.  No big deal, really.

Spyware, on the other hand, and specifically what are called "keyloggers", are a whole different breed o' cat.  Keyloggers do exactly that; they log your keystrokes and then send the info off to the home base.  All the bad guys have to do then is look for 19 numbers in a row — your 16 credit card numbers and the 3-digit security code off the back of the card — and voilà!  Now it's just a matter of trying out a handful of expiration dates on Cadillac.com until they hit pay dirt.

Don't let it happen to you.
 

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 7: Cool Tools

The nightmare couldn't have happened to a nicer person.

You.

There you were, innocently saving a small file, when suddenly you were faced with the four most dreaded words in the computer galaxy:
 

SORRY, HARD DRIVE FULL!

 
But wait, you cried in despair!  You haven't added any large files or anything lately — so where'd all the dang hard drive space go??

Where, indeed?

Well, it's easy enough to find out, isn't it?  All you have to do is start right-clicking on all 13,543 folders on your system, open each one's Properties and look at the file size.  Have no fear, you'll eventually find what's clogging up your computer.
 

Eventually.
 

Or, you could find out almost immediately by simply...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 6: Building A Home Page

 
Project time!

Okay, the big mean Dr. Mercury has been boring you to tears with lessons on ugly, sordid things like file structure and backing up systems and such, so today we're actually going to get our hands dirty.  We're going to construct a local web page with all of your favorite links on it.  I semi-promise you, this is one cool thing your buddies don't have.
 

The biggest problem with browsers is fussing around looking for bookmarks or 'Favorites'.  All you want to do is hit the news sites, or stop by Google or TVGuide or Wikipedia for some quick info, and you end up hunting all over the place for the dang bookmarks.  You memorize some of their locations over time, but if suddenly you want to check something on some site you don't visit very often, you could spend endless minutes looking for the dang link.

Enter the personal private professional custom deluxe local web page.

Don't leave home without it.
 

One thing that's really annoying are games and programs that require a CD be in the drive in order to work, or work with all of the features.

The answer is to use a "virtual drive".  First, you take a small free program and make one big image file of the CD, then you use another free program to turn the big file into a "virtual drive", which sits there right next to the other drives in 'My Computer'.  Instead of looking for the CD, the program will read the files off the virtual drive.

Piece o' cake.

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 5: Ergonomics

Over the past few lessons we've been getting your computer organized.

Now it's time to get you organized.
 

When it comes to setting up a computer system correctly and establishing habits to prevent muscle aches and strains, I present myself as Exhibit A.  Twenty-one years at this thing and not the slightest hint of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome?  Never a back or leg pain?  No tired eyes or tired fingers?  And not only computing, but watching zillions of movies over the years on the computer monitor, again with no pain or discomfort?
 

I must be doing something right.

 
Bonjour, garçon!  Here ees my résumé!
 

I mean, if you're going to act cosmopolitan... at least look cosmopolitan!
 

Hold down the Alt key, punch in a few numbers on the keyboard, release the Alt key et voilà!  Zee accent mark pops onto zee screen like zee magic!
 

(Now how do I get reed of thees outràgeous accént?!)
 

For more on easily inserting foreign letters with accent marks, and professional spacing bars — like these — please...

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 4: Windows Tweaks

Like most computer nuts, I've had a long love-hate affair with Windows.  Sometimes it's just the best darn-tootin' operating system in the whole gol' dang universe...

But then...

Well, let's not go into it.  There might be children present.

While Windows straight out of the box isn't bad, there are a number of ways it can be improved for both speed and functionality.  Some are transparent, some are quite visible.  Some are very important, in that a build-up of certain things, like background programs, can actually keep the machine from working correctly at some point.  On the opposite end, some tweaks are totally esoteric, completely valueless, won't do a damn bit of good — but we still do them just because it feels so good to do them.

At the end of the lesson we're all going to join hands and chant for world peace.

But until then, please...

Ah, I still remember when I filled up my first 10-CD case.  I was on top of the world!  When you've got an entire case filled with CDs of hot programs and pics and things, it's like you're some kind of computer god!

I now have over 950 discs.  Admittedly, the luster wore off pretty fast.

And I keep them in seven of these:

Each carousel holds 150 discs.  You operate a database program on the computer and when you want a certain disc, click on 'Eject' and out it comes.  They're only $129, which seems fairly reasonable.  I've owned my original three for almost four years and have never had a problem with either the units or the software.  Home site is here.

Most of my discs are DVDs, and there's a great program out called MovieCollector that not only organizes your movies every which way, but automagically downloads the jewel box cover pics, names of actors, IMDb rating, etc.  Here's the standard layout:
 

You can also browse through the movies using thumbnails of the jewel box pics, pretty cool.

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 3: System Backup

It's an amazing thing, really.

Consider what a phenomenally different reaction I have when my system melts down than you do.

You're innocently typing away on a blogsite, or reading some article, or working on a personal project.  Suddenly, the computer locks up, or just reboots on its own.  Or maybe all you did was turn it on for the day.  And all you get is a...

black screen.

Your computer has melted down.  All it takes is one little video driver file to become corrupt and poof!  It's off to the shop for a week and — $250 later — it's working again.

And our wildly different reactions when our computers crash?

You:  Oh, no!  My computer's broken!  The last time this happened it was gone for a week and cost me $250!  I'm too busy right now!  This is a nightmare!  What am I going to do??  Gawd, I hate computers!!!!!

Me:  Dang!  Now I have to clean the bathroom!

Pretty amazing, eh?

If you, yourself, would prefer cleaning the bathroom for 10 minutes while your computer is being restored, rather than having it spend an expensive week in the shop, then please...

Last night I read (yet) another heartbreaking message from someone who had just ruined his brand new LCD monitor with a liquid cleaner.  Unlike the old type of CRT monitors, which are sealed, LCD monitors are composed of layers of laminate and a liquid cleaner can 'wick' up between the layers and ruin the screen.

Another big no-no is using anything with ammonia in it, like Windex, because it'll eventually eat the heck out of the plastic screen.

The answer is Windex Wipes:

These are moist towelettes in a re-sealable package.  No ammonia, no liquid. 

What's interesting is that they clearly show how important ammonia is to regular Windex.  Rather than just cutting through the greasy fingerprints like Windex does, you actually have to scrub (lightly!) the tougher spots to remove them. They also make a dandy cleaning rag for the rest of the computer once you're finished with the monitor.  They don't leave a sticky residue like 409-type cleaners do.
 

Speaking of LCD monitors, there's a Windows setting you might want to check out called 'Clear Type'.  Ostensibly, it's to make text on LCD monitors look better, but both LCD monitors I've used have looked better without it, so maybe you'd better check your own system.

Do the following:

• Double-click on the title bar of your browser to reduce it to 'window' mode.  Scoot it to the side but so you can still see this article.
   
• Click on the Desktop with the right mouse button and open 'Properties'.  Scoot the box to the side, out of the way of the browser.  Click on the 'Appearance' tab, then the 'Effects' button.  The second drop-down menu has two choices, "Standard" and "Clear Type".  Whichever it says, change it.
   
• Click OK to close the box, then hover your mouse pointer over the 'Apply' button in the first box.  Carefully watch the fonts in this article and click the 'Apply' button.

Things should get a tiny bit sharper or blurrier, depending upon which setting your monitor looks best with.  If you're not sure, watch the larger block fonts used for the article's title as you hit the 'Apply' button.  On my current monitor, I think the fonts actually look a tad crisper with it on, but it also seems to make the larger fonts a little fatter, which I don't like.  So it's strictly 'eye of the beholder.'

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.  More info here.
 

Lesson 2: File Structure

Brace yourselves, this won't be pretty.  No cute pictures of LOLcats, no dancing girls, no saucy remarks about Chelsea Clinton.  Just the rather demure woman over to your right getting her gear ready for this weekend's reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg which took place during the awful War of Northern Aggression.  [also known as the "Civil War" in some history books]  By the way, I live in Florida.

In fact, if I were you, I'd consider leaving immediately.  We're going to discuss one of the most boring aspects of the computer imaginable:

File structure.

On the plus side, though, after we've finished there's one question you'll never have to ask again:
 

"WHERE'S THAT !#$%#&! FILE I SAVED TWO WEEKS AGO?!?!"

 
So you'll have that going for you.
  

This is a weekly Saturday morning feature that will slowly, over time, turn you into a full-fledged computer expert.
 

Lesson 1: Search Engine Tips

I'd thought we'd start off with something everyone uses at some point, the search engine.  The biggest problem today is simply the vast number of sites out there.  Search for six exclusive keywords and 1.2 million sites pop up.  As such, the use of certain 'tricks' is getting more and more critical if you actually hope to find what you're looking for.

There are two different approaches one can take, and two different methods of attack, so let's cover those before getting to the individual tricks.
 

In an effort to round out Maggie's Farm and make it truly eclectic, Bird Dog has invited me to add the geek factor to the mix. But, rather than just adding a few geeky articles here and there, I thought it would be fun to actually get serious about the whole thing and turn those interested into budding computer experts.

The reasoning is, since computers won't be going away anytime soon, you might as well just sit down and learn about the dang thing once and for all. Make sense? And let me quickly point out that both programs and Windows, itself, are a lot more fun to use once you learn the basics and how to set things up properly, and there are lots of small, free programs around that'll add to the enjoyment. We'll cover everything.