Maggie's Farm

Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, was walking through a park one day in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.

Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter "written" by the doll saying "please don't cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures."

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka's life.

During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.

Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

"It doesn't look like my doll at all," said the girl.

Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: "my travels have changed me." The little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home.

A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."

I'm keeping some of this minimally.  I've never supported Trump.  Never voted for him.  Also never hated him, even if I often had some disagreements.  But I've had really hard political moments with many Democrats, who over the last 8 years have gone from just from me not supporting them.  But moving more toward disliking them a little, while often to finding more Democrats who are just blatant liars, often evil, greedy awful human politicians in behavior for themselves.  They would gain support from journalists who (due to my 38 years in media) may become liars and engagers of false claims and beliefs.  

This does not mean Republicans are 'better'.  I haven't been a Republican in over 20 years.  I still dislike them, too - just not as much as Democrats.

Some citizens have dived deeply for misinformation and lies about both Republicans and Trump in particular.  Most of that is often ignored or misrepresented publicly.  It's really annoying as Democrats have become such truly awful politicians.

This was a good article, mainly because it has been consistent for 8 years if you do read honestly and fairly.   I could find probably thousands of similar articles like this and how so much journalism and media has been awful in this approach.  Hell, I saw it at my offices but couldn't say my POV publicly back then.  At least not till I was let go.

The current attack on Trump's business in NYC is annoying.  I did have one view - I've had to deal with a lot of other businesses like this in media for what the claims against Trump are in the current lawsuit.  But his attack is 100% because politicians/attorneys have engaged their legal/political opportunities to push BS.  I know because I pointed out similar legal conversations I had in business but avoiding this approach for real businesses doing the same damn thing.  Because it happens way more than people care or deeply engage.  Sometimes getting stuff done properly to continue a business is more important than going to court over claims.  So why this time?  Makes no sense to me except the hatred is just so heavy.  It's similar to why our one former commenter's claims were idiotic when he'd claim he was "correct".  He never was and I simply didn't enjoy his hatred and lies. 

Morning review/update:  Sleep is still difficult.  About 4-5 hours a night.  Brain is still active, and I know some things I write have to be reviewed or rewritten and smoothed a bit still.  So sorry for occasional writing refinement from the typing.  The odd part is the original is usually fine but the technology is making alterations I'm not noticing, and sometimes it's just poorly tech changed.  So some upgrades may be needed in the morning, sigh...

Aha, well let's set aside the medical stuff for now.  Still lots coming up - but we'll learn on Wed/Th what's about to start.  MEANTIME - what else is going on?

Well, a trip to Sandals in Bahamas (Exuma) is set for early May.  My in-laws have taken us on multiple wonderful trips in the past.  2 sailing ships in the Caribbean in 2019 and 2020.  Covid delayed one year but back to Barbados in 2022 and Curacao in 2023, both Sandals locations.  Beautiful and great fun with family.

Mrs. Bulldog and I traveled, taking the boys to Montana, Yellowstone and Jackson in late 2020.  We took up Portugal in March 2023.  We also did a wedding in New Orleans in 2021, another in South Carolina in 2023.  We like to travel to Stuart FL where the in-laws live.  Lovely area, but full of resting and beaches regardless of seasonal.  I no longer golf with my 87 year old in-law father but he goes every day - and good for him!  I enjoy the visit to the beach, walking and we stopped down at the old National Naval UDT SEAL museum in Fort Lucie.  Several other museums, but local restaurants or bars are full of great foods.  Sadly the bars for me, now, just full of blandness which is fine.  Foods have been overwhelmingly tasteful.  I'll take the gains where I can.

Music!  Seeing Neil Young in early May, then the Rolling Stones and then Madness.  I've always loved Madness, who I saw while I studied and lived in London of 1983!  Elvis Costello even showed up and played with them that show I attended and I have fond memories of them as a young band with an Elvis Costello show up!  Always a pleasure!

Paris is on the list of "well - when you can travel, what is the timing or plan?"  We will figure for later in the summer if we can pull it off.  I've been to Paris many times in my youth (formerly knew a bit of the language, now not so much).  But Mrs. Bulldog has never been so time to GAIN more.  Also looking forward to some side trips.  Maybe Mont Saint Michel.  I'm hoping for a visit to the Bayeux (learn about William the Bastard) and Normandy (WWII always a pleasure for historical visits).

So lots of planning about to start BUT we need 6 weeks and will fill you all in as we learn more with the immediate medical and radiation about to start! 

If you have suggestions for local trips/travel or HIKING (always a pleasure and will reach out to Bird Dog soon for the first one!), just share ideas.  Always open to a hike of some nature!  We are North/Central Jersey but other travels or bike rides are open for an option!

I have emailed my local Pastor.  I will be meeting with him, and possibly (if she chooses) Mrs. Bulldog will join me.

I have specific questions.  Basic things.  Nothing major.

Open to anything anyone might want to suggest or offer as potentially useful.  I don't know what I might ignore or avoid - probably nothing, but sometimes not sure what may be enjoyable.

So if you have thoughts, questions, views, ideas - please feel free to share your thoughts.  I'm open for ideas of any kind! 

Not much today on Saturday in terms of activity and effort - snow made that a bit of a delay and reduction for some things.

Two sons and one girlfriend, we took the dog and went to our local brewery.  Lions Roar Brewing in Westfield, NJ. 
They allowed the dog (she's my regular dog, a rescue Frenchy Bulldog we have, but my current specialist post surgery even if she's not really that specialized...helps us keep her around). Nice brewery with outdoor seating and warmth.  Lovely joint.

We played some card games.  I struggled a bit recovering and understanding the rules, we all had a great game and I guess I was ok.

I tried Red Ale.  I didn't want beer originally, but figured why not one small one.  I used to brew Red Ale and liked it as an old brewing.  Today?  Sorry, no taste.  It wasn't bad.  Just bland.  So I drank half, and I guess beer is now done for me.  There just wasn't anything I enjoyed.  Not sad over that at all.

Nothing much, really, not today.

One regular physical which actually predated the surgery and current situation.  I'd set that a month and a half ago PRIOR to the sudden outcome of 2/2-2/6.  The meeting 2/16 with the 29 year old son (who I asked to join me for knowledge and conversation) went VERY well.  Could be analyzed as "sad" but I said "Nope - not going for that."  The doctor smiled and laughed and said he appreciated my approach which "just remember - anything could happen."

Sure.  But why bother with that worry or concern now?  IF it happens, we'll set as wise an approach with them as we can and my son was wonderful about it.  In the meantime, I told him my love, positive outlook, and how I will forever (as much as possible) be kind and loving and forward thinking as I am capable of.  My son smiled and said he would help with better knowledge and fulfillment as he can while time continues.  There are some medical agreements we will set IF I lose any reality or knowledge or health.

Steroids still IMPROVING my short term health.  But may be a short term option until other tests or treatments become straightforward.  It will always be engaged if necessary, even if they have no positive outcomes.  It's always for a high hope and belief that it may assist.

Sleeping?  Still odd.  Plenty.  At least 6 hours for now (I would only get 6-7 before all this anyway, but usually not as easily then).  Today?  Great 6 hour deep sleeps but then 4 - 6 am wake ups regardless of when I go to sleep (10-2am varies).  A few daily naps of an hour or so.  All expected or temporary as my health (doctors' view) improves.

So this is a 4:30 am post!  HA!  Woke up, felt good, had some tea, and doing reading or writing where I can.  Doctor suggested listening to music and singing to improve the memory again!  I am starting that after my first week home taking a rest and taking it all easy!

Watching lots of sports (I have been down on Purdue college basketball and football for 2 years.  Today?  Did a long conversation and review - they are my #1 NCAA choice based on my analysis for college basketball.  I was right about them for 2 years.  Now?  I have a very strong feeling of their play and potential outcome this year.  Not my school, but I love reading what I'm seeing and THEY are my #1 belief.)

Planning some hikes and walks!  Still OK.  Hoping for a few with Bird Dog and his family ASAP!

Music!  Love it a lot right now.

Son is an excellent cook and has been prepping food wonderfully (and frankly, I am stunned how delicious everything has been for the last 5 days - wow!  I don't know why I'm having GREAT food results.)

People - 99% love, kindness and friendliness.  1% anger, open results, honesty if it's "mean" because I do not care if you choose to be an idiot.  One person, very nice guy I like a lot, former drug abuser who was arrested many years ago and cleaned up his life - built a business, he and I became really friendly with.  Then, 3 months ago he became aggressive and lied about my sports commentaries.  Literally lied and expanded how he responded to my results!  At first I was nice about it and boosted the honesty and truth!  He pretended to "joke" and called me stupid names.  "Arrogant"  "Wrong"  "Liar of proof"  "Don't consider the teams properly or the coaching."  UGHHHHH  I finally ended by saying he needs to stop being a dumbass.  I have the highest respect for people like him who improved their own and other people's lives.  I've never supported his teams (Dallas) and have always been open or honest about my responses - no lies.  No falsehood.  He then made a poorly supported claim about SF and several players - I checked with sports writer friends and I was 100% correct.  He called me more names and a "liar" after my surgery.  I reminded him I have great information and friends - and what my surgery is or why my outcomes were likely sad.  That I RESPECTED AND SUPPORTED HIS PERSONAL IMPROVEMENTS.  He again sends an aggressive and 100% incorrect response to me!  I told him simply - stop or end our relationship.  That's your problem.  Nothing I wrote was wrong.  He just didn't like it or agree with it and got angry at me for no good reason or an open discussion outside of calling me names.  Nonsense. Unnecessary.  I hope we regain our caring and friendly stuff.  I don't think he knows what reality is - he never did properly, at times.

Sorry everyone if I say anything misspelled or long or incorrect!  Please feel free to let me know when I do something improperly!  I am sticking with the "I need to keep working on this" approach.  Thank you again for prayers, support, happiness and love.  You've all been so friendly!   

Maybe as my health starts to shift a little, this all slows down or changes.  I hope not! 

1.  Feel free to ask questions or make comments.  Open to answering questions of the personal health/mental and other situations.

2. IF you're in the video/digital promotion or production business in some way, feel free to reach out to me publicly on here or if you'd like, privately.

3. I am interested in doing videos publicly to speak of all this.  Already set a meeting at work.  Variance and knowledge is IMPORTANT TO ME and others.  Some people prefer privacy and silence.  I do not.  I'd love to speak and promote the truth, feelings and knowledge (or a lot of strangeness).  But would love to do regular videos if wanted or necessary and NO ISSUES with comments and openness! 

Was suddenly and surprisingly called to the oncologists a week earlier than they had planned.  4 hours with 5 different doctors and the surgeon who removed the staples from my head.  Pretty good overall after 9 days.  

He was very happy and positive with that.  Says my speaking was excellent.  I was surprising him well for health - recommended I go back to the gym regularly already.  My intelligence?  Very, very high since his surgeries on this topic often have far more concerning outcomes from the people treated.  I was said to be shockingly good.  But he did recommend some realism and expectations.  Realistic is 18 months of probability.  That's the likelihood.  Not essentially how it will happen.  Just pretty standard.

I mentioned I had 2 friends who i have - Glio Blastonoma - which both lasted 18 months.  It's not assured, since there are now several things we can try and test.  I said "I'm 100% in for anything immediately and I expect the best!"  They like my attitude!  But they also asked me to be a realist.  I said fine - I've done that already.  But I'm not going to just give up too easily.  I'll expect more and try more for whatever can happen and expect!

I can head back to work already, technically.  I will shift to 1 day a week for 6 weeks for now.  After 6 weeks of radiation and chemo, I have to adopt some other tests and treatments that are merely "looks at what MIGHT help a little."  I can work while having that.  One will require shaving all hair off and adopting some electronic treatments long term.   There are other things which I may engage, as well.

But the doctors, as happy as my push for happiness, positiveness, openness and anything good - they loved that I wasn't crying or upset.  They were also "Let's just be open too about what reality seems to indicate." 

I replied "fine - my brain is actually talking to me - and I'm fine with reality."  They asked what I was being told by the brain.  For the first time I repeated things that it keeps saying.  They said it's correct - and that it's not terrible to expect even if the brain speaking may be driven by medication....doesn't mean the brain is wrong. 

It rarely has been, of course, which is why I always loved writing and pushing attitudes some people even today are disgreeing with me about (incorrectly mostly).

So that's what we know for now.  We shall learn more. 

Boys came home, we've had some talks.  We are being open and realistic.  It will all be very, very hopeful and I am pushing myself hard already!

All the best and while 18 months will be expected, I'll love whatever we have.  Always the best!!! 

Brief, and funny, talk this morning.

Knowing my probability is very short and I am taking things very specifically engaged, I had a very funny conversation with my 29 year old son about God and how "He" is managed and what "His"names are.

I reminded my son we've spent thousands of years of men misusing names and genders for God - and we've adopted a lot (all with the most positive and forward thinking views, of course) but that in reality God isn't male or female - we don't have a clue.  LOL  We don't even know if "HE" has a name.  So many great names to raise, use and alter or employ.  And not to be upset, angry or needing to revise it at all.  Just fun to talk about it all!

I took many religious courses in college.  Buddhism, Protestantism, Catholicism, Buddhism, Muslim/Islam, etc.  I remember the Judaism 2 were with a very good friend (sadly struggling with her name which I'll remember eventually) and watching her apply the standard Jewish restrictions on the spelling and length of the use of "God", "Yahweh" and other utilizations.  She'd limit its use and spelling in notes and usage.  I'd just use it!  LOL.  All great fun and use - lots of differentiations and conversations and so many laughs from time to time.  

Of course, we had different lives, raisings and usage - but it was so enjoyable engaging these conversations (even if sometimes MAYBE we got a little too emotionally engaged in differences).  In the end, it was always great love and learning.

It's even fun having jokes and conversations with my son - far less religious than even I was or am slowly adopting again.  But I appreciate the views and outlooks.  Life is a great way to adopt and learn why we may need or use religion.  Or not need and use it.  I am certainly non-judgemental.  But always appreciative!!!

Thank you all! 

Brief hello and update!  Good Morning!  This may be long, but I spent a lot of time over the past few days having sports conversations and thinking about my growth and youth.  So this may be broad and not overly specific in some ways.  It's more of a combination of open conversations with friends who have happily swung by to speak and get together to see if I'm holding my head together and speech well.

I am slowly working on the reading, writing and updating.  Will keep things as simple as possible.  Some things are actually going way better even today than I'd expected!  A few personal family and home things - oof.  LOL.  Frustratingly slow and asking help as words are struggled or forgotten, and I'm slowly reviving others which work! 

Sorry if some of you have, or have families, friends or others who have had similar health issues like mine.  I am not trying to make anyone feel bad or feel the need or desire to discuss.  If I do speak about my situation in any way, I'm just happy to say what even others in my family have asked me to avoid raising.  Mainly because I feel nice openly discussing as i need to work out the details!  Hoping for great things as I may need to work through it all!