Maggie's Farm

Always helpful and positive and good love!!

Thank you.
Fascinating question (and timing as my schedule continues to act in the oddest fashion(s)).

My moment to meet is still forthcoming. For a variety of reasons and timing. The Oncologists, for now, are open for "do whatever you feel is best." They've had discussions after the surgery and the few full reviews we've had within the first 15 days.

I've been 'lucky' on several issues. First, the quickness of the brain surgery and its cleanliness. Second, their rapid replies and their honest fill outs which are available - which do still need more reviews and comments. Third, their kindness which I mostly understand but occasionally still have to leave some things to Mrs Bulldog to listen to and help my pulling in language understanding and meetings for - which I UNDERSTAND but still have minor memories or approvals for.

I had one major lucky (if disappointing sometimes) change. I had set a regular doctor annually physical meeting 5 months earlier because my health was excellent but one thing kept happening and feeling which led to a very early meeting for 2/18 and a blood test 2/17.

My situation occurred on 2/2 suddenly at 11pm after a full day providing personal support in South Jersey for my father (88), step mother (74) and my half sister (54), all of whom occasionally needed support and time for commentary, points of view and even physical support or fun from time to time. The gym when I got home was mostly fine until the (previously mentioned) mental oddness at 11pm. Prior to that at all for months or years - NOTHING AT ALL. So timing and knowledge as of that moment was non-existent except the small memory of conversations I was having with Mrs. Bulldog that were (I believed) more associated with the small hearing issue we've known about for my tinnitus and my regular reading which may have stopped hearing.

Your question is "Was there something that made you wonder if you should see a doctor? If so, when did you decide it was time to make the appointment?"
As for something which made me wonder to see a doctor - no. Nothing in particular. I had some regular points which were minor and old and worth a look. First a small, thin bumpy thumb nail which was new but not an issue. Second my sciatica in my back which had treatment and was improving - no other reasons to see a doctor.

As for the follow up from 2/2 - yes. A lot. The 3mm malignant brain tumor found on a CAT scan at midnight 2/2-2/3 and the follow up reviews and knowledge of my results - all very physically and mentally 'positive' but the obviousness of what occurred and removed well known and analyzed.

As for the follow up meetings? Well - still a lot to figure out. The first one was sudden on 2/15 when the doctor(s) surprisingly said "where are you?" after we sat at home waiting for a previously told 2/22 meeting. They'd gotten the dates and times for that - until supposedly our 2/15 was called for and we rushed up. 5 wonderful doctors and nurses stepped in to meet for 4 hours.

Honesty, fulfillment on outcomes currently known, expectations, that are not 100% known or expected, and fulfillment on reality with much more to come.

There was a heavier emphasis on potential negativity - which is 100% honest, and admittedly to be potentially incorrect, delayed or changed.

But it is reality and expectation which was not only necessary, but needed to be understood, and decisions made for potential treatments and knowing what we had found out.

While the potential is undoubtedly a high probability of a low outcome - there is still potential for high possibility, some goodness and handling for longer timing and mediocre or better outcomes. IF I get lucky/beneficial. So I will emphasize, promote, and lean on positivity and upward potentials with some possible tests or treatments which MAY provide big benefits.

That said, my annual physical on 2/16 was shifted by the personal support doctor who shifted our meeting to address everything. He had many patients in the past with similar situations and results - mostly people who hid or avoided discussing their situations until it was much later with (largely less than 7 months) left. Very dangerous, both healthy and mental outcomes rising due to delays and avoidance. Others went 'better' and he had a full list I am currently reviewing with my wife and children.

But with pure honesty, and his statement "You have this VERY early and it could be 7 more months - it could be 5 more years - could be 20 more years - but let's just be clear we have no idea at this point and we will have a variety of mental and health points we'll have to speak about how to handle."

Not different from the oncologists, but more about "how do you want to handle it, how do you feel, what will you and the family want to do and address this?"


I am BRUTALLY HONEST. Because it will all go better that way regardless of potentials - particular if I do suffer mentally and physically more.

I am going for the potential for goodness, happiness, intelligence, speaking and management effectively for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AND REALITY.

I am being honest I may have it. I am being honest I may lose it all and we do not know the timing or outcomes outside of loss of knowledge and the (very high) likelihood of death.

That's pretty much everything for now. Nothing bad, sad, angry or wrong. Maybe some minor known or shifting understandings - particularly as I try new things (like my upcoming radiation potential treatments) or treatment/tests (electronic or medical treatments which are trying to see benefits or outcomes).

We still know very little, while we also know many stories.

1. I have 2 knowledges of people with the exact same Glio Blastoma. One I knew from a few meetings, how things outcome for him (not really too positive over time of 18 months), while the other had the same in April 2020 and was dead 18 months later after having a dinner with her and her stories which I am mimicking now because of the wonder and great love I had for my longer relationship (and 10 year break in relationship till that dinner) when she told us.
2. I have many other stories of people and friends now sharing their family or friends with similar knowledge personally who remain mostly quiet and personal - and some got 5 years or more!
3. I have 3 clients called who claim "brain cancer" but not full outcomes or information as they've been a little more personal and quiet. I am pushing for a "Let's do a Buddy call" with them. They have been great client partners for 3 years! But time to be open and honest for me - they are wonderful people I've loved having relationships with for business. Now it's time to start being open and honest - IF THEY ARE OK WITH IT!

ME?

I will be open. Honest. As clear as possible. I am going to be fair and loving. I will use the brain and knowledge as effectively as possible.

I MAY misunderstand or say a few things and need guidance to fix when I err. I am not crying - but I do get occasional tears from my eyes which are a tad weaker suddenly. I am not afraid. But if I'm wrong - PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SAY SO! Honestly and openly and with proper information.

I do have several things and people I anger over now. I am minimizing as much as possible. I want to remove the hatred and I will share that reasoning, the names, and whatever knowledge I can and will share. I told several people why I hated them, why I was angry and why I wanted to shift my views. Everyone has lied, been angry back at me, spread misinformation, and fail to understand reality - as I HAVE ALWAYS EMPHASIZED as their lives were consistently stupidly managed and run without good listening and responses that were logical. Sometimes people think I was "mean" - and yeah, sometimes I was! Justifiably and logically and supportably then. But now?

I want the love, the kindness and the openness.

Too many people, even in life, work, management, and other areas engaged behaviors they made claims about which were purely lies and misrepresentations. I won several lawsuits over these, I provided several legal depositions over the last 24 years for actions they'd engaged at offices (I won or provided 100% correct information for each that cost them jobs, outcomes and payrolls). I have never been "wrong" - though sometimes people will use that term with falsehood and usually lies. To me, I was always careful to manage that "You're wrong" information and correcting it IF there was something that actually wasn't me being 'wrong' but the information I'd been provided was falsely provided by sources that had been mismanaged or poorly utilized.

The same thing can happen with all this - but mainly because right now if that is happening (it has not yet they tell me) if my mentality is lower and incorrect. So far, so good!

So my medical meetings and forward coming? It will be for the best possible hopes and outcomes and we'll see how it all goes!


All the love - and feel free to ask more as we go along!!!!