We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
"Hi. My camper's getting kind of old and I've been thinking of replacing it. The one criteria I have is that the hitch have a real good turning radius. That's always been the biggest problem, maneuvering in tight spaces."
"I see. What turning radius does your present rig have?"
"Only about seventy-five degrees. I'm always afraid of the hitch binding up and actually breaking something."
"Yes, that's always been the problem with those old-fashioned types of hitches."
"What do you mean? What's the turning radius of your model?"
As we see more and more of the first type of headline over the coming years, bear in mind that the House is Republican-controlled, so be careful when pointing the finger of blame as to why these run-amok agencies aren't being slapped down.
Pic: If I'm not mistaken, that's the same poster I saw back in the 70's when Aldous Huxley's 'Brave New World' and George Orwell's '1984' became required reading for concerned citizens everywhere.
But we laughed and laughed. The government, watching your every single move? How absurd! Ha-ha-ha!
A Republican lawmaker has introduced legislation that would block funding to schools that prohibit children from playing with imaginary guns.
Rep. Steve Stockman, R-Texas, says the Student Protection Act aims to stop the enforcement of policies that "punish innocent children" by cutting funds to schools that abuse "zero tolerance" weapons policies.
It probably won't get anywhere, but that's the nicest thing I've seen Congress attempt in about a decade. The entire situation has literally entered the realm of the insane.
Speaking of 'insane', it's one thing if some podunk state thousands of miles away stomps its foot and says 'screw you' to federal drug laws by legalizing marijuana.
But when it happens in the Fed's own back yard, it makes the whole system look like something out of a comic book.
Probably about three doors down from the DEA. I hear they have lunch together every day.
Women In The News!
As our female readership knows, the wise and kindly Dr. Mercury is always praising their virtues and striving to help them better their lives in the midst of a cruel, wretched, male-dominated world. Recent examples are here and here.
Long live pleasant, smart women!
I'm just that kinda guy.
Today's first Woman In The News is Kirstie Alley advocating something I'm pretty sure everyone in the universe can get behind:
For maximum efficiency, I recommend the Louisville Slugger 'Billy Martin' edition:
Keep it well oiled between uses so it doesn't develop small cracks due to humidity changes.
Next up,did you hear about the horrible incident singer Beyonce had with an unruly fan? A couple of big body guards showed up and, while a tremendous struggle ensued, that fan never had a chance. But, through it all, Beyonce kept her cool, the sign of a true professional:
And she never missed a note, even when confronted by an unruly fan.
And that, friends, is professionalism.
Bad News For Conservatives Dept
Yes, very bad news, so if you happen to know any, it might be best if they left the room for a few minutes. We wouldn't want any hurt feelings.
First off, true Conservatives like Bird Dog, Barrie, NJ, the gang over at Hot Air and PJ Media, Power Line, Ace of Spades and all the rest would like to see that evil food stamps program shut down immediately. Because, as all good Conservatives believe, the best way to deal with poor people is to starve them to death.
Sure, Planned Parenthood spends less than 3% of its budget on abortions. Sure, none of it comes from taxpayers. Sure, the right wing has been lying their ass off to you when abortion mill are the first words to drip off their venomous fingers. So what! Despite their best efforts to close it down, it appears they have failed miserably in their plan to convince America that women should not be given free medical breast exams.
Well, after all that bad news, I suppose it's only right to finish up this section with a story about a cute little kitten and the crazy antics of its owners.
And if the cute little kitten lived! isn't a happy ending, then I don't know what is.
Political News
Maria Mitchell.
You know, Maria Mitchell! Hell, everybody's heard of her. First female American professional astronomer? That's her.
Oh, and an ardent feminist, I might add. For a left-leaning site like Google, she's the cat's meow.
And here's Ms. Mitchell being celebrated by them yesterday:
It was her 195th birthday, you see. Not her 192nd, not her 200th, but her 195th. It seems a tad apparent that some libber over at Google suddenly discovered this dame and just couldn't wait to get her name in highlights.
And here's how Google has celebrated the proud American holiday Memorial Day every year since they opened:
Obama thinks the United States has 57 states and that the Marine Corps is pronounced "corpse" yet I am not to think he's not a naturally born citizen of the United States?
Obama thinks there are 57 states - and he even stopped to think before he answered! Funny for a man who was supposed to have grown up in Hawaii! When will we get the truth about this man?
Not surprising considering he forgot to mention that 22 Congressional Democrats sided with the Republicans to delay the individual mandate. But this is the same man who thought America had 57 states. Clearly, counting isn't one of his strongest points.
Now, for hopefully the last time, let me be as persuasive as I can be:
President Obama does NOT BELIEVE THERE ARE 57 STATES!!
He believes there are 60.
Traveled to every corner of the United States = 57
Despite Sweden having backed off a bit from their socialist and statist excesses, its traditions of authoritarianism and paternalism persist.
The government controls higher ed in Sweden, and they do not expect much of their students: Six Years on Taxpayers’ Money - A graduate student from Sweden compares U.S. and Swedish higher education.
Every once in a while I get a hankering for a good rare steak. My preference is for Ribeyes (sauteed rare in butter, at max heat, with red peppers) and T-bones on charcoal or wood - or on both.
The best T-bone I think I have ever had was in the steakhouse on the ship last month. Grilled perfectly, of course: burnt on the outside but still trying to walk away on the inside. The chef told us it was a Sterling Silver steak.
I can recommend their meat to you (and I have eaten in plenty of steaks over the years in the great NYC steakhouses).
Saddest thing is that I couldn't eat the whole thing. It was a thick steak, full of tasty fat. I have deliberately shrunk my stomach by eating small to try to avoid the middle-aged fat thing.
Exciting news! As you might have heard, by utilizing the latest modern breakthroughs in global warming technology, the North Pole is now a stunningly beautiful lake!
this morning
next week
The water skiing is supposed to be fantastic, and the scuba clubs are going crazy because of the crystal-clear conditions. I don't think it would be an understatement to call it a 'tourist's paradise', and we all have global warming to thank.
Best yet, living there is free! According to international law, no one actually 'owns' beautiful Lake North Pole, so there won't be anyone there to charge you rent. Grab one of those pre-fab houses, throw the pieces on the back of a flatbed truck and you're ready to go!
Furthermore, I-
Wait, hold on a sec. The second page of the article just loaded.
Oops. Sorry about that. Turns out they weren't talking about the North Pole at all.
Exciting news! As you might have heard, by utilizing the latest modern breakthroughs in global warming technology, the Arctic Circle is now a sun-worshiper's paradise!
Pic and text from the article:
Norilsk - above the Arctic Circle - is known as one of the world's coldest cites, and is built on permafrost. Sunbathing picture was taken around Lake Baikal.
Frosty weather is a reality for 280 days a year. In summer time, average air temperatures are 14.6 degrees, before this year when Norilk finds itself in the furnace.
Sun-lovers around the world are already making plans, but you'd better hurry if you want to join in the fun as the Marriott Norilsk and Hilton Norilsk are already reporting they're booked for the next few months. I don't think it would be an understatement to call Norilsk a 'tourist's paradise', and we all have global warming to thank.
Best yet, living there is cheap! The local residents are always happy to earn a few extra rubles by renting out a room. As Vanya and Tonya (pictured above) said in the article, "We welcome the bloated imperialistic plutocrats from Amerika to join us in our Worker's Paradise!" I suggest you start making your moving plans today!
Furthermore, I-
Wait, hold on a sec. The second page of the article just loaded.
Oops. Sorry about that. Turns out they weren't talking about sunbathing at all.
Again, as I mentioned in the last AGW/NGC/ACW/NGW update, we're catching a hint of desperation in the air. The North Pole is melting! — except that the slush pond pic they splashed all over the Internet was taken over 300 miles south of the North Pole.
Yep, them changing weather patterns is finally here as verified by the bikini-clad sunbathers right there before your disbelieving eyes. Sure, the picture was taken what looked to be about 10,000 miles south of Norilsk — but never mind those pesky details!
Well, before we continue, let's make sure any new readers are up to speed on the marvelous variety of science-based global climate models we now have to choose from:
— If you believe the science, then it's obvious that Anthropogenic Global Warming (AGW) is the villain.
— On the other hand, if you believe the science, then there's no question that Natural Global Cooling (NGC) is the true menace.
— However, if you believe the science, then it's quite apparent that Anthropogenic Chlorofluorocarbonic Warming (ACW) is the real threat.
— But, for those who believe the science, it's crystal-clear that Natural Global Warming (NGW) is what's really goin' on.
Again, it's all about the science, folks, and the wonderful options it provides.
The exciting news today is that responsible parties have finally stepped up and taken control of the problem, leaving all of those biased and subsidized "scientists" out in the cold — so to speak. I think we can all cheer that the issue has finally been removed from the political arena and that clinical, impartial pragmatists are finally in control.
The CIA is funding a study examining various ways mankind can geo-engineer the planet -- blocking or limiting the sunlight that reaches the Earth, stripping carbon dioxide from the skies, seeding the clouds and so on.
So they're keeping all options open, as good pragmatists should.
And they have the highest backing our nation can offer:
The project, a panel called “Geoengineering Climate: Technical Evaluation and Discussion of Impacts,” is backed by the National Academy of Sciences, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), NASA -- and the U.S. intelligence community.
Of course, the naysayers and doubters will come out of the woodwork and claim they're just doing it to make a bunch of fat-cat corporations happy, and, while true, at least they're right up front about it:
“All of our sponsors are interested in this topic as a part of the larger climate-change discussion,” he said.
As for why this smart group suddenly stepped to the fore to solve this difficult problem once and for all is easy to understand.
It's for the children.
A 2008 study by the National Intelligence Council concluded that climate change posted a serious threat to national security.
When your great-grandchild doesn't die because she accidentally locked herself out of the house for 35 minutes because she's living in what's been relabeled the Temperate Boiling Zone where a human being can only survive for roughly 30 minutes in the blazing heat, you'll have the CIA to thank for her deliverance.
So, to sum things up at this point:
— If you believe in AGW, then you're comforted to know that smart minds are finally stepping in to solve the problem.
— If you believe in ACW, then you're happy that the worst is over with.
— But if you believe in NGC, then you must be worried that the CIA is doing all it can to ensure the next ice age.
— And if you believe in NGW, then nothing anybody can do is going to make any difference and we're all doomed anyway.
So, on the good/bad meter, we're basically batting .500 at this point. On the other hand, that's good enough for the Hall of Fame.
Exhausted from his work with the Save The Whales Society, Bird Dog has decided to kick back for a few days and finally watch the final season of 'All My Children' on DVD. That Erica sure was hot, wasn't she? Who can blame him!
Sadly, this means I'll be doing the morning links through Monday. Unlike my own posts, where only urbane sophisticates with an intellectual bent are allowed to comment, the morning links are open to all walks of life, from the lowliest unwanted dregs of society (liberals, hedonists, Mac users) to wretched unwashed misfits (slobs, drunken reprobates, Chrome browser users) all the way to nutjob religious zealots (Two-Seed-In-The-Spirit Predestinarian Baptists, global warming alarmists), so it doesn't promise to be pretty.
I was going to fill in this spot with some interesting behind-the-scenes tidbits on a certain unruly commenter (I wouldn't want to mention any names, but I don't suppose it's giving too much away to say his name starts with the letter 'Z'), but he seems to have taken off for the nonce, so I won't waste our time. If he returns, I'll immediately issue a major bulletin warning everybody.
Also, as regular readers know, I can be a real blabbermouth quite prolific at times, and unfortunately I've taken this whole vacation thing way too seriously and currently have (cough!) twenty articles ready to go. Sorry about that. So plan on seeing a plethora of goodies over the next five days.
Switching gears about as radically as one can without suffering whiplash, let's talk about sex. Raw, naked sex. Flesh! That's what the hungry mob wants, and that's what the hungry mob shall have.
As a long-standing tradition when I take over the morning links for a few days, I'm opening up the infamous Maggie's Farm Smut Guide for the duration.
Finally! After years of bureaucratic red tape as the barred owls' lawyers fought in federal court to have them un-barred from polite society everywhere, a verdict has been reached and the appropriate death sentences will now be meted out. These barred animals simply have to learn their place!
So, along with curing athlete's foot, gout, lumbago, cancer, dandruff, diabetes, brain damage and other assorted ills, we can now add to the list...
According to the study, the potent plant usually known for causing the munchies might actually help people be thinner. Researchers looked at the effect of the drug on metabolic processes and discovered a correlation between smaller waist circumference and marijuana use.
The results showed that, in addition to being thinner, marijuana users appeared to be more healthy overall than those who have never used marijuana.
Studies are like statistics; always there when you need 'em!
And catch the misleading 'potent' part. Weed is the beer of the drug world.
"Smoke one bottle and call me in the morning."
And those kooky Brits are at it again. What will they think of next? You can almost hear the discussion over at Whitehall:
Sir Edmond Fitzbottom, 84-year-old Minister of Cultural & Moral Laws:
"Hey, I got a great idea! Let's ban pornography!!"
Collected septua-, octo- and nonagenarians:
"OKAY!!!"
Probably another one of those "Gosh, it looked so good on paper!" stories.
I'm not big on linking to left-leaning (delicate cough) "science" sites, but he nailed that one. If there was ever — and I mean ever — a case of 'learning from history', a blanket ban on porn would have to be near the top of the list.
If you're much into computers, the name 'John Dvorak' might ring a bell. I remember posting an article on him back in the late 80's on my BBS, so he's been around the block a few times. Being old and wizened, he obviously has had the time to thoroughly grasp life and whittle it down to its basic elements.
Dvorak's Law states: "The worse the economy, not only do the hookers get better looking, but they get cheaper."
So it's good to know he's keeping an eye on the important things.
He also begs... BEGS us not to buy or upgrade to Windows 8.1:
My advice? Stay far, far away.
And I heartily agree. I did a review on Win8 back when it was in beta and what few additions have come with 8.1 are more confusing than helpful. If you've heard they brought the Start Menu back, far from it. You can still use additional programs to iron most things out, but hunting down, installing and setting up 3rd-party programs is beyond the average user's grasp.
Stick with Vista or Win7, that's my best and only advice. When Microsoft discovers that there are still people out here using real, live desktop and laptop computers and brings back all of the standard stuff in Windows 9, we'll be more than happy to consider it.
And, hey, you have to admire ingenuity. You say you live way up north and your quaint little town is shrouded in darkness for almost half a year?
Every year, from September to March, this town is cast in perpetual darkness. Now, engineers will place three enormous heliostatic mirrors -- each measuring 538 square feet wide -- on the faces of the mountains surrounding the town. Commonly used on solar farms, the mirrors will adjust to the position of the winter sun and redirect its light onto the darkened town square.
Those mirrors will bring around 2,000 square feet of concentrated light to the area.
You got a problem, you solve it. That's just the way life works. And I guess the question that arises now is, so what's your town done for its residents lately?
Unfortunately, there's some sad news afoot. While it will come as good news to gluttons, food hogs and the American Society of Obese People, normal people who believe in the old adage 'moderation in all things' will find this particularly disturbing:
"I admit, I was surprised," said Judge Felding at the post-verdict news conference. "But when attorney Mark Dickerson pulled out that original handwritten copy of the Bill of Rights and pointed out that Ben Franklin had scribbled 'gluttony' in the margin next to all of those other rights, with a little arrow pointing out where it should be inserted in the text, well, there wasn't any more doubt that New Yorkers have the Constitutional right to be as fat as they want to be."
"We're excited by this ruling," said Marcia Blankenship, president of the American Society of Obese People. "We expect our dues-paying membership to triple in the next year!"
In other news, bulimia is still legal, but I suppose it's next.
Finally, on an upbeat, comedic note, we have this laff riot:
As you'd expect, these AGC people are firmly in the bag:
For the record, current carbon dioxide atmospheric concentrations are just shy of 400 parts per million. This table is related to the important issue of climate sensitivity which is generally defined as how much warming would eventually occur as a result of doubling carbon dioxide concentrations in the atmosphere.
These guys are just hysterical, aren't they? Still stuck in the old CO2 = Deadly Toxic Gas mindset with the only two variables being that the temp either goes up or down because of it.
Like I said, a laff riot.
Luckily, the sophisticated, urbane readers of Maggie's Farm (assuming that's not an oxymoron) are aware that good hard science now supports four vastly different climate models, giving each and every one of us the opportunity to choose for ourselves on this most critical of issues.
Well, let's get the ugly, sordid stuff over with first.
Exhausted from his work with the Save The Whales Society, Bird Dog has decided to kick back for a few days and finally watch the final season of 'All My Children' on DVD. That Erica sure was hot, wasn't she? Who can blame him!
Well, let's start off with some good news, shall we?
If you're much into computers, the name 'John Dvorak' might ring a bell. I remember posting an article on him back in the late 80's on my BBS, so he's been around the block a few times. Being old and wizened, he obviously has had the time to thoroughly grasp life and whittle it down to its basic elements.
