First off, a commenter (I wouldn't want to mention any names but his initials are Z.A.C.H.) made a very good suggestion in my AGW post the other day.
According to him, belching volcanoes lower the earth's temperature. This, despite hearing about the dreaded 'greenhouse effect' for the past 50 years.
This esteemed commenter noted that it's estimated when Mt. Pinatubo blew its stack back in '91, the planetary temperature lowered by 1/4 degree.
By implication, then, he was suggesting that we nuke a number of volcanoes, causing them to belch their mightiest into the atmosphere, thereby saving the planet from immolation because of your neighbor's SUV. At 1/4 degree of cooling apiece, I figure about a dozen of them should hold things off for at least a few decades, then we can set off a few more should the need arise.
The commenter raised the issue of having to breathe all that volcanic dust, but I quickly pointed out that (1) at least volcanic dust was natural and organic, as referred to smog and smoke, and (2) breathing volcanic dust was scientifically proven to be better than melting.
As it turns out, though, we're all wrong on this direst of subjects. Me, I've got 8,144 words spread over two articles that's about to get flushed down the toilet because of what I just found out.
Global Warming Is Epic, Long-Term Study Says
Almost every major news site carried this story yesterday, some of them right at the top.
Before we get to the big surprise, though, let's first attack this piece like any AGW screed, just for old time's sake.
It begins:
Global warming has propelled Earth's climate from one of its coldest decades since the last ice age to one of its hottest -- in just one century.
Decades? Decades?? Judging geological climatology by decades is like judging how your day went by evaluating one minute. When you're speaking in global geologic terms, 'decades' are irrelevant.
Ice age? Pardon me? Although it eventually earned the sobriquet Little Ice Age, it only covered a few hundred years, hardly a geologic 'age' by any definition. Slight Cooling Trend Period would be more accurate.
And, if we're admitting the Little Ice Age existed, then doesn't that indicate that the temp must have dropped pretty far for it to have earned such a lofty title? Might this extra-warm period it dropped from be the Medieval Warm Period? But, if so, then why was it missing from Prof. Mann's infamous 'hockey stick' graph that so swayed the Kyoto delegates?
And wait, didn't it say this is just one of the century's hottest decades? You mean, there were other hot decades in the distant past — like the Dust Bowl 30's — but without an SUV or coal plant in sight?
And that was just the first sentence of the article.
But, rather than continue in this vein, let's get right to the facts of the matter.
I guarantee you'll be stunned.
If not for man-made influences, the Earth would be in a very cold phase right now and getting even colder, according to the joint study by Oregon State University and Harvard University.
So, to sum up, SUV owners should be thanked for helping to save the planet. Remember, without them, as the article clearly states, it would be getting even colder right now, with Florida projected to be the last state with unfrozen summers by 2060. See accompanying picture for specific details.
As usual, Maggie's Farm has some suggestions on how you, too, can fight the impending menace of Natural Global Cooling:
— Let your car sit there idling whenever you're not using it. This might cost you a few bucks in gas, but what price, saving the planet?
— Buy some cows and feed them lots of baked beans to encourage high methane output. Methane, remember, is 21 times better at saving our planet than mere CO2.
— Start a campaign to bring back the SST. Because of the ultra-high altitudes it flew at, it was estimated that it did hundreds of times more damage to the upper atmosphere than regular commercial airliners. Put another way, and with what we've learned today, the higher up you go, the more help CO2 can offer.
— If the SST project seems a bit daunting, you can do the same thing from the comfort of your own back yard. Merely start a compost pile, then collect the resultant methane, pump up large weather balloons with it and release them. Once they hit max elevation and pop, you can pat yourself on the back for a job well done. While they cost a bit more, get the ones that don't pop until they hit 50,000 feet as they're deemed to be much more effective than the 30,000-foot model when it comes to preventing the current ice age that's threatening to engulf us all.
The latest scientific results are in, folks. We're literally fighting for the survival of the planet and it's up to each and every one of us to do our part in staving off this menace.
If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the children.
What price, life?
