Maggie's Farm

A Love Letter to Southern Football, by ESPN's Wright Thompson - h/t, reader. It begins:

OXFORD, Miss. -- Two friends, both unhinged football fans, got married earlier this year. During the wedding reception, the bride's father somehow got the Ole Miss band to march into the room, a blaring chorus of starched uniforms and shining brass. The groom conducted. The crowd stomped and cheered. You'd have thought folks were celebrating a 12-play scoring drive, not holy matrimony.

Soon after the wedding, I watched video of this event. Immediately, I recognized the feeling deep down in my gut. It's something I've felt in so many cathedral-like stadiums. I closed my eyes, and the familiar notes sent me rushing months into the future, longing for a tailgate that escalates from simmer to burn, for the chill bumps that always come in the moments before kickoff, for the evening breezes rustling the white oaks when the game is done. My body sat in front of a computer screen. My mind was in a stadium. It was only April, and I longed for September.

I missed football season.

Spent the afternoon fishing on Long Island Sound with Maggie's Farm contributor Gwynnie. We managed to boat (and release) just one schoolie Striper - but we were using lures, not bait. There were large schools of Snapper Blues flipping around, but we were looking for dinner. We much admired the master fisherman below (the story of the return of our New England Ospreys is close to a miracle), who was using a nesting platform as a dining room table for his or her sushi:

Lyrics here. My Godmother, who was from Chattanooga and a transplant up to Yankee-land, used to love to play the piano (banging chords - what they used to call "whorehouse pianny") and sing this one with verve. I can hear her now. She was a piece of work, always with designer clothes and a big hat, and an accent that could melt butter.

You can see the details of the restoration of the Menina, a 1963 wooden Robb cruising sloop, here. A big project with a pretty result. She looks like a gull.

"Born at sea in the teeth of a gale,
The sailor was a dog, and Scuppers was his name."

I had a dog named Scuppers ("Scuppie" to close friends), who died young. He was a good boy, and a far better (ie, half-competent - liked to chew birds) retriever than my current goofy but love-intoxicated pup. I am remembering him now because he died at this time of year a few years ago. (His replacement is a nephew.)

Margaret Wise Brown wrote Scuppers the Sailor Dog, along with a bunch of family favorites like Good Night, Moon: "A comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush" is how one of the splendid pups described our minivan in its usual get-to-school slovenly condition.

Brown had a hard time getting published. Glad she finally got her stuff out, and with the wonderful illos. I don't know how you could raise a kid in this world without her books: the kids just won't "get it" without her.

This came in over the transom:

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.
- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take his wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

Photo: A potential nice wife for somebody, but she is a bit too skinny. She needs a guy who can cook.

see - sea
mews-muse
blue- blew
mat-matte
hostile-hostel
sent-scent
holy-wholly
homonym - (ad) hominem

There are hundreds of 'em so the game is good for at least an hour or two. Your brain will continue to generate homonyms for an hour after you quit and turn to counting Michigan license plates (assuming you are not in Michigan).

Thanks, reader, for another photo from Saint-Gaudens' summer home in Cornish, NH.