Maggie's Farm

Starting with my brother's arrival soon.  He is driving an hour from outside Philadelphia to see me.  He will drive me to radiation at 11am, then to Rahway to solve a license issue for a new one.  I can't order a new one online since it ends in 5 days on my 62nd birthday of March 12.  Apparently, you get this close and they want you in reality rather than handling things online.  So after that, we'll grab lunch and possibly walk some - I am finally feeling exercise.

I signed up for a poker tournament locally.  I've never played PLO and I've won that tournament for Texas Hold 'em several times.  So that was always pleasant.  But since my times are shorted, it's time to learn a newer version.  I do well playing Hold 'em online - oddly the removal of my tumor has actually vastly increased my intelligence oddly.  If you've never seen the movie with John Travolta, "Phenomenon" it isn't too bad.  It's a larger intelligence expansion than I'm experiencing, but the testing (outside of a few words I have trouble remembering for speaking or misspelling, which was non-existent a month ago) is different from me knowing and understanding.  The doctors have started at me with suprrise at how much I understand and speak of everything regarding me, my relationships, my business and other items which they fully did not expect after this operation.  They recognize I understand my own situation extraordinarily well compared to many others.  Both the depth of my issues and the knowledge of the problems and how it is often trialed for testing.

Finally feeling well enough to get started on fixing my January travel expenses for business on 2 trips I'd taken before my illness.  I was too messed up after operation to do anything with that.  I'm now 2 days past a month, so that's a benefit.  And my health is vastly improved.  The doctors are getting me passing for local NJ Cannabis Dispensary for edibles.  I do not use cannabis, haven't many years.  I have not liked it ever since college, really.  However, edibles apparently (based on several friends using chemo) that stop several illnesses from chemo.  That has not happened yet.  But I'll use a little if I get messed up.

Also, many things need effort and interest over the weekend.  Finalize taxes, work on the house, and spending to improve the house.  Frankly I suggested to Mrs. Bulldog to sell one old 15 year car which needs a new timing belt (over $4,000 to fix, but just trading it will add $2,000 to a new car).  She'd rather pay too much to fix it and keep it for 2 years as after 2 years with me gone - who needs a second car?  We have a disagreement on that.  Also suggesting we sell the house rather than pay to fix it all.  I told her a smaller place for her to live in is preferable after I'm gone.  Let the buyer pay for our home now, pay way less for a smaller home.  That's a conversation for this weekend, I suppose.

Pastor next week on my birthday to speak with students so they can learn about life difficulty.  An odd conversation with the sociology administrator at the hospital was learning a lot.  She loved my very rare attitude and approach.  She pointed out people rarely consider or think about the fact that everyone dies.  As a result, life is often managed over the fact they are living now as is - often leading to difficulties and disagreements (or worse).  Once you know the ending (as I do) your life and efforts change.  Few change it the same way - often it's related to fear, annoyance or scare.  She was pleased with my open conversation and belief that death happens, anyway - so why get upset or worry now?  It's a waste of time.  When you don't have a timing like mine, she pointed out, there are lots of other issues people engage.  Because you forget you never know when things happen or end.  It is intriguing.

One final conversation.  Dogs.  I love my little dog.  Not an English Bulldog like my first two.  A French Bulldog we rescued after a mill planned to kill it after it had several puppy birth groups.  Many of these mills are just awful and do not care about dogs except to make money from puppies.  Rescues get a push from people saying helping mills is poorly thought out.  I disagree.  We originally planned to just foster the dog for 2 weeks and release it to someone who wanted it.  But at her 5th year, when we rescued her, I fell in love with her.  A co-speaker commented that, as I die, I will have the chance to finally se"e my last 2 again, as well as my current one someday.  I agreed and reminded her that there is a wonderful Twilight Zone TV show - one I think is the best.  The link to The Hunt.  I studied Twilight Zone while I was studying TV Production in college as part of my 3 way major/minor.  Serling was from Syracuse and it often aired in his shows.  All his programming was genius while I was a child.  Double, if not triple true today.  So many people pass on it now.  My sons still love it - and my boys are film/TV geniuses, even though neither had it as a major as I did.  I could share their lists and I may after my birthday.  Lots worth seeing.

One thing I have is 6 weeks off.  No work.  But I have learned a few things.  

I'd like to thank one commenter who shared a book lead for me to order it  I have not read it yet.  I have, over the past few days, read a few articles about my specific issue.  It is, indeed, a strange one.  15 months, not 18 (which my brain keeps telling me) is the average period left for non-methylated versions of Glio Blastoma.   Naturally that's an average.  I have heard 18 and longer for a few people.  Oddly it is not frightening at all, nor is it saddening.  I don't know why.  I did feel bad playing with my little dog today, as she wakes up for a bit a small wrestle with me each morning.  I did feel a bit sad because I've lost two previous dogs, and I'm afraid I'll pass before my current one.  That said, I do look forward to seeing them all again.

I read the news this AM.  Quite a bit about politics and the Fed.  Nikki Haley is seeing a relatively "larger" level of voting, but she is not winning at all, really (except DC).  One article points out that her voting is in states which allow Democrats to vote on non-Democratic votes.  However, she will likely end her ballots after Super Tuesday.   A few Democrats, noting Biden's ultimately declining opportunities are hoping for alternatives to Trump, at which point Biden may beat Nikki.  Or at least they feel Nikki is not as "bad" as Trump.  While I favor none of the current political choices, I'd definitely say she'd be a mild improvement over Biden, but still hardly supportable, though she was when she worked under Trump.  I felt bad for her when she jumped ship after 2020.

The Fed has a massive problem growing.  Really at least two at this point.  First, wages are still growing faster than inflation.  Which does not mean inflation will fall.  In fact, the bigger issue is the massive Jan 2024 growth (most in about 2 years) that nobody who is a "professional" was predicting (I had, mainly because it was overdue).  The Fed is planning to reduce rates.  That's a bad idea as inflation becomes a bit more troublesome.  They should have had at least one more increase several months ago - that may have helped reduce inflation further without too much trouble.  Sadly, they are pushing for lower rates for political Biden/Democrat support.  A terrible idea.  I had feared a potential decline in inflation if they had pushed too far and too fast.  But they did less and slower.  Not a bad idea, but they did not go far enough.  Anyone with a basic understanding would know this already.

Interestingly, as the chemo and radiation has kicked in, I'm sleeping well still (lucky) and my interests have increased.  Some things (like economics) had dropped off but for some reason I've been reading more lately and I do not know why.  LOL but that's a good.  I've done a ton of Roman History reading - it is rather reminding of how truly awful Democats are if you mix and match behaviors of misleading leaders and activists in the past with those in the current era.  I've long felt it would come to play, and it has, though in a significantly different way than I'd originally expected.  Biden, in particular, has moved far beyond the earlier eras in Rome I was comparing to (I thought Sulla vs Marius was likely - I have long since been proven Biden is moving several hundred years PAST that era with more authoritarian attempts and growth of government overspending).  He is, in fact, rather frightening to me.

Anyway, I'm heading out to radiation yet again and hoping to find a massage to get the muscles feeling better.  Hopefully soon.  Hoped to be back in the gym, but felt off on Monday and Tuesday but getting back to feeling better now. 

Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, was walking through a park one day in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.

Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter "written" by the doll saying "please don't cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures."

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka's life.

During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.

Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

"It doesn't look like my doll at all," said the girl.

Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: "my travels have changed me." The little girl hugged the new doll and brought the doll with her to her happy home.

A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."

I'm keeping some of this minimally.  I've never supported Trump.  Never voted for him.  Also never hated him, even if I often had some disagreements.  But I've had really hard political moments with many Democrats, who over the last 8 years have gone from just from me not supporting them.  But moving more toward disliking them a little, while often to finding more Democrats who are just blatant liars, often evil, greedy awful human politicians in behavior for themselves.  They would gain support from journalists who (due to my 38 years in media) may become liars and engagers of false claims and beliefs.  

This does not mean Republicans are 'better'.  I haven't been a Republican in over 20 years.  I still dislike them, too - just not as much as Democrats.

Some citizens have dived deeply for misinformation and lies about both Republicans and Trump in particular.  Most of that is often ignored or misrepresented publicly.  It's really annoying as Democrats have become such truly awful politicians.

This was a good article, mainly because it has been consistent for 8 years if you do read honestly and fairly.   I could find probably thousands of similar articles like this and how so much journalism and media has been awful in this approach.  Hell, I saw it at my offices but couldn't say my POV publicly back then.  At least not till I was let go.

The current attack on Trump's business in NYC is annoying.  I did have one view - I've had to deal with a lot of other businesses like this in media for what the claims against Trump are in the current lawsuit.  But his attack is 100% because politicians/attorneys have engaged their legal/political opportunities to push BS.  I know because I pointed out similar legal conversations I had in business but avoiding this approach for real businesses doing the same damn thing.  Because it happens way more than people care or deeply engage.  Sometimes getting stuff done properly to continue a business is more important than going to court over claims.  So why this time?  Makes no sense to me except the hatred is just so heavy.  It's similar to why our one former commenter's claims were idiotic when he'd claim he was "correct".  He never was and I simply didn't enjoy his hatred and lies. 

Morning review/update:  Sleep is still difficult.  About 4-5 hours a night.  Brain is still active, and I know some things I write have to be reviewed or rewritten and smoothed a bit still.  So sorry for occasional writing refinement from the typing.  The odd part is the original is usually fine but the technology is making alterations I'm not noticing, and sometimes it's just poorly tech changed.  So some upgrades may be needed in the morning, sigh...