Maggie's Farm

In a surprise announcement yesterday, Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks held a press conference at Spielberg's office to urge Fred Thompson to run for president.

"We in Hollywood need to support our own," Spielberg said, to the surprise of assembled reporters. "Fred's screen resume is one anyone could be proud of. Fred may be a traditional, uptight American with bourgeois values, so we may not always agree with him on political matters, but loyalty comes first. We supported Schwartzenegger too, remember?"

"Admiral Joshua Painter is our man."

Spielberg's comments were taken as a message of permission, from the heart of Hollywood, for the influential entertainment industry to step outside the confines of the Democratic Party. Should Thompson decide to run, he will find the checkbooks of Hollywood opening for him.

Hanks commented "Running is good. Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was ever going somewhere, I was running!!"

While we were unable to reach actor Sean Penn for a reaction, we were able to reach his agent who told us that Mr. Penn was in Darfur distributing funds and arms to the oppressed Janjaweed freedom fighters. He predicted that "Sean will follow the fashion - that's what he's all about." He added "I'd be amazed if Sean wouldn't courageously follow our very, very dear close friends Stevie and Tommy's lead on this."