We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
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Saturday, December 30. 2006
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.
He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen of course, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... then he remembered his wife.
Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock' care. And you'll be her care giver!" The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with ya. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
Posted by The Barrister in The Culture, "Culture," Pop Culture and Recreation at 13:07 | Comments (25) | Trackbacks (0)
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Two Englishmen bump into each other at the club. Smith says, "Jones, old boy, sorry to hear you've buried your wife." Jones replies, "Yes. Had to. Dead, you know."
Thank goodness, you are alive. Your fans have been agonized by rumors of your demise.
"I'm just messing with ya. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
Mine's shooting duck this weekend. Definitely will not drink and drive over the New Year's while he's having fun killing the critters. When I crash and burn he needs to be home doing the laundry or something similarly fascinating, so he understands Everything.
Hah--allen--all my fans are screwed to the ceiling and need lubrication. No, I just wore out everything I had vs the Bush-is-Antichrist theme. No mo ammo, had to sound recall. But thanks for your interest--hope you are well and had a happy Marine Corp Hanukkah!
I hope the Wife is not gonna be standing just inside the door, tapping her foot and holding a rolling pin--
Amen on that Bush as the AntiChrist theme. It is still thick over there and I imagine it will remain that way.
I've only had to increase my medication ten fold to handle it, which makes the screen wobble a bit but, wow, the pinks nad the green bugs are really cool.
Goodness, Mr. Larsen. You should know that the Wife only employs rolling pins for delicious pies with fruit from her garden, and that the Husband does a good thing by killing animals for the dinner table.
It's just that wives don't aspire to expire while their husbands are otherwise involved in golf, football spectating or hunting. It would be unfair to tempt men with sport when urgent domestic matters require their attention and comprehension.
My oh my, what a lot of comments!
I have no idea what "urgent domestic matters" means: I have never encountered any of those.
I like the Englishman joke. Will use it.
This Mr. Larsen is welcome on our blog. A very fine addition to our modest efforts.
My thanks to all commenters. Very gratifying.
The Right Honorable Barrister,
You have no idea what a gem of a guy Mr. Buddy Larsen is. Time will show his wit,wisdom, and keen isights.
"(U)rgent domestic matters" in this post references the wife dying, but thankfully you've never encountered any such thing :)
Will not bother you further, so take care.
Well, anon, it needs be pointed out the gulf between the restorative powers of chasing hounds thru the forest, versus installing a new gasket in the kitchen sink.
I guess you could ask yourself, "do I want my annoying drip in the sink, or standing over it?"
speaking of gulfs, Habu's flowery oration just above was obvious sarchasm.
Restorative for whom? I push my hunter out each and every weekend and have no annoying drips that I can't fix myself.
Life goes on in parallel fashion and that suits. But at least I know if Husband were dying from a nail gun accident building a platform in his hunter Woods, he could count on me because a sale at Neiman's wouldn't rate by comparison.
I think I get it--Neiman's is not your favorite store?
Oh, you're right there. Buddy. Barneys supersedes all.
LOL--and hunting season is pretty short, anyway--you're in the clear for the year--
Gosh, Buddy. Doncha know about fishing?
Today I put in an order for more blue fin tuna. This spring it should be filled upon great sacrifice...
Dang--Mr. theWife lives the Life of Riley--if he ever fails to show back up, will you be taking applications for a replacement?
Oh, when those Nice Guys go cruel, fergetaboutit.
Actually, the one thing I do admire is a man who can hunt and fish with sincerity and spirits (locally brewed is good). The rest is BS and posturing (except for not attending a hospitalized spouse.)
I actually look forward to his spring yield and to the conclusion of my construction projects.
There ya go--you're a sweetie-pie after all. That was my guess all along!
I have to take you guys halibut fishing off the Washington coast some time. 4AM, pitch black, big rollers coming down from the Bering Sea, cold - did I mention the rain? Paradise.
Paradise--compared to say, fishing where you can fall in the water and live more than 7 seconds?
nonsense correction: "less than" not "more than". try to be witty, find out you a dumbass. sigh.
Actually Buddy, I think it is about three minutes... :-)