Holiday Family Car or Table Game, #1

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Sunday, November 22. 2009

Holiday Family Car or Table Game, #1

This is an annual re-post:

You go around the table or car until someone gets stuck. Then they are "out," just like the great game of dodge-ball. You will be surprised by how long it can continue. It goes like this:

My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate.

I worked as a lumberjack but I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. (a 3 pointer)

After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but this was exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef, but didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker but any way I sliced it, I just couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was as a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to be a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

I became a fisherman, but couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to find work with a pool company, but the work was too draining.

So then I got a job with a health club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

My last job was at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind.

Eventually, I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in it.

I tried being a house painter, but it didn't stick.

So I tried to be a urologist, but I couldn't get the hang of it.

Then I tried being a cosmologist, but it was all too much for me.

Posted by Bird Dog in Our Essays, The Culture, "Culture," Pop Culture and Recreation at 12:23 | Comments (64) | Trackbacks (0)

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I tried to be a carpenter, but I got hammered on the job.

I tried to be a lifeguard, but I was all wet.

I tried to be a pastry chef, but there wasn't enough dough.

(Oh, man, these are bad.)

#1 Art on 2006-12-19 19:50 (Reply)

I tried to be a sculptor, but I didn't fit the mold.

I tried to be a missionary, but the cannibals enjoyed me too much.

I tried to sell real estate, but the land just lay there.

- You did say that the corny meter is off, right?

#2 Amy on 2006-12-19 20:20 (Reply)

I tried selling antiques, but it got old.

I tried being a shrink, but Id got the best of me.

#3 The Barrister on 2006-12-19 20:35 (Reply)

I tried being an archeologist, but I didn't dig it.

#4 The Dylanologist on 2006-12-19 21:45 (Reply)

Once worked at a window-shade factory--pulled down about 300 a week.

#5 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-20 01:07 (Reply)

Tried working in the non-profit field--but, I needed to make an income.

#6 apple pie on 2006-12-20 01:27 (Reply)

Considered being a juggler, but I didn't have the balls.

#7 MeToo on 2006-12-20 06:12 (Reply)

Tried to work in a funeral home, but they told me I was a stiff.

#8 the Chairman on 2006-12-20 07:00 (Reply)

'nother one:

I tried to be a model, but they said I was a poseur.

#9 Bird Dog on 2006-12-20 08:36 (Reply)

Once these games get into your head, they won't leave your mind alone:

I tried to be a Holy Imam, but my Shiites stunk.

I tried to drive a train, but I couldn't make the grade.

#10 The Chairman on 2006-12-20 09:00 (Reply)

I tried being a magician, but the career burst all of my illusions.

#11 MeToo on 2006-12-20 10:05 (Reply)

Started a slogan service once, but could only come up with "Always Have a Slogan".

#12 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-20 11:37 (Reply)

went to dental school, but couldn't sink my teeth into it
tried to be a taxidermist, but i got too stuffed

#13 knowsherlimits on 2006-12-20 12:33 (Reply)

I tried to be cement finisher but it was too hard.

So I tried to be a lumber salesman but I got board.

#14 Patina on 2006-12-20 13:56 (Reply)

"Who stole my camera?" cried Tom, bellowing and howelling.

#15 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-20 16:36 (Reply)

Don't open a Midas Muffler franchise. Try Goodyear instead--it's tiring, but not exhausting.

#16 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-21 13:16 (Reply)

Once worked as a Mohel, but I just couldn't cut it.

#17 treefroggy on 2006-12-21 14:53 (Reply)

I tried polishing marble, but I didn't take a shine to it.

I tried selling used cars, but it rattled me.

I tried playing heavy metal, but I got bad feedback.

#18 bird dog on 2006-12-21 16:02 (Reply)

I tried being a cowboy, but it threw me for a loop.

I tried being a bartender, but, after one day, I was trashed.

#19 the barrister on 2006-12-21 16:11 (Reply)

want to open a tailor shop, to make the third piece for three piece suits. Need investors.

#20 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-21 18:40 (Reply)

Tried to be a butcher, but the ladies wouldn't eat my meat. (sorry, Bird Dog)

#21 the chairman on 2006-12-21 20:43 (Reply)

I wanted to be one of Santa�s elves, but my qualifications came up short.

Got a job as a toymaker, but they expected me to get all dolled up.

Tried being a Christmas lighting contractor, but I was too much of a dim bulb.

I worked as a shopping mall Ms. Claus, but my skirt would Krinkle.

Thought about selling candy, but it mint I had to sell kisses.

#22 Ms. Claus on 2006-12-21 21:35 (Reply)

Once enjoyed roofing, but am no longer so inclined.

#23 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-21 22:06 (Reply)

I tried gift-wrapping packages at the store, but couldn�t paper over other people�s mistakes.

Got a job in a Christmas tree lot, but pined too much fir more upstanding work.

#24 Ms. Claus on 2006-12-21 22:48 (Reply)

You should've opened a branch office, Ms. Claus.

#25 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-22 00:15 (Reply)

I almost opened a branch office, Buddy, but didn�t want to go out on a limb.

So, I tried Christmas caroling door-to-door, but everybody asked for a Silent Night.

#26 Ms. Claus on 2006-12-22 00:29 (Reply)

Ha! You guys are good.

I tried being a ski instructor but it was all downhill.

So I tried being a janitor because I thought I would clean up.

#27 Patina on 2006-12-22 09:33 (Reply)

ha ha--if we keep this up, we'll be charged with battery-

#28 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-22 10:51 (Reply)

I tried going into the glove business, but I was all thumbs.

I tried managing a Brooks Brothers, but I could never get the store properly prepped.

I tried being an electrician. I had the spark, but my boss shorted me.

I tried being a dentist, but it wasn't ful-filling.

#29 bird dog on 2006-12-22 11:44 (Reply)

Worked in a tuna factory on the West Coast, but I got canned.

#30 the barrister on 2006-12-22 11:46 (Reply)

Tried to be a jockey, but I couldn't get on top of it.

Tried to be a balloonist, but that business fell flat.

Tried being The Tall Man at Coney Island, but my legs didn't reach the ground.

Took a second job trading arbitrage, but got spread too thin. So I moved to the Convertibles desk, and ended up with nothing but a rusted out '78 Mustang. So I decided to get away from Wall Street, and do some animal trading for zoos, but every one of my deals had hair on them.

#31 the chairman on 2006-12-22 12:13 (Reply)

Try trading Irish stocks, most are dublin.

#32 Anonymous on 2006-12-22 13:16 (Reply)

Wanted to bake holiday pastries, but that dream was flaky, pie-in-the-sky.

So I tried designing Krismus cards, but nobody seems to understand the meaning of it, anymore.

Almost got a job at the North Pole, FELT ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!, but they found out I was bi-polar :( :( :(

Wanted to take care of Santa�s reindeer, but heard one of them was Rude-off and on.

I decked the halls and hung stockings with care, but drew the line at striking the chorus and stringing up angels.

#33 MC on 2006-12-22 14:17 (Reply)

I understand. I'm always reluctant to don that gay apparel.

#34 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-22 16:21 (Reply)

Tried being a lion-tamer but, after one day, I was whipped.

Tried being a boy toy for a rich lady, but it was so fatiquing I just couldn't keep it up.

I entered a dry-cleaning training program, but I washed out.

#35 bird dog on 2006-12-22 17:00 (Reply)

I tried building cabinets, but the detail made me unhinged.

#36 MeToo on 2006-12-22 17:07 (Reply)

I tried being a hangman, but I felt all choked up.

#37 the Barrister on 2006-12-22 17:21 (Reply)

Wanted to be an optomotrist in Romania, but I knew all the people on the eye chart.

#38 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-22 17:34 (Reply)

Tried working in a laundry, but I got depressed.

#39 bird dog on 2006-12-22 19:24 (Reply)

I got a good job as a baker but couln't rise to the occasion.

#40 chuck on 2006-12-23 00:30 (Reply)

well at yeast you tried

#40.1 buddy larsen on 2007-12-23 01:28 (Reply)

I tried being an embedded journalist but I forgot to report for duty.

I tried being an author but they threw the book at me.

RE: #38.....wha?

#41 Patina on 2006-12-23 10:24 (Reply)

Patina--

http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/images/eye-chart.jpg

eye chart--looks like Romanian names. I did an awkward twist on that old joke about the Romanian visiting America, who decides to have his eyes checked whilst here. The doc asks him if he can read the chart, and he answers "Read it? I know those people!"

#42 Buddy Larsen on 2006-12-23 19:50 (Reply)

I tried shoveling horse manure for a living, but I stunk at it.

I tried fishing, but there was no net gain.

Then I became an undertaker, but got buried in my work.

Now I am in politics, but it is not what I elected to do.

#43 Pajak (Link) on 2007-12-22 11:42 (Reply)

I wanted to be a realtor, but I was fired when a woman came into the office and I pulled down my pants and asked her:

"Is this a lot?"

#44 roger de hauteville on 2007-12-22 12:04 (Reply)

problem was, she was interested in residential, not commercial

#44.1 buddy larsen on 2007-12-23 09:41 (Reply)

woke up a vampire, and found the work new-fangled

#45 buddy larsen on 2007-12-22 17:54 (Reply)

after having discovered the biting truth of gumming indentured banality.

#45.1 Anonymous on 2007-12-22 21:03 (Reply)

I wrote too much in cyber space and became a naughtrealitynaut. Such is blahh-ging life and luv o'er th ethernet, and righter writers need knot apply.

#45.1.1 george stanley jim howard JOHN on 2007-12-22 21:20 (Reply)

got fired from starbucks--they said i was stirring up trouble

#46 buddy larsen on 2007-12-23 01:27 (Reply)

I tried to be a lieutenant of infantry, but after they rifled my gear they wouldn't give me a shot and barred me from consideration.

I tried to be a fire chief, but they said I'd never climb the ladder.

I tried to get into mining, instead I got the shaft.

#47 Fred Beloit on 2007-12-23 12:54 (Reply)

I tried to be a race car driver but I got tired.

I tried to be a fascist thug but I turned right at the light.

#48 Patina on 2007-12-23 13:24 (Reply)

I wanted to be a lumberjack, but the work had me stumped.

I went to work at a lingerie shop, but they gave me the pink slip.

I tried being a locksmith, but I just couldn't get keyed in.

So I applied to work at a supermarket, but the job got shelved.

I thought I might succeed as a garbageman, but it was all just a big waste.

Eventually I wound up in an art gallery, but I had to draw the line after they kept asking me to brush up: it wasn't a pretty picture.

#49 The Dylanologist on 2007-12-23 13:57 (Reply)

I tried to be a professional golfer, but I just didn't have enough drive.

I tried to be a schoolteacher, but I failed the test.

I thought I could be a computer geek but I just couldn't hack it.

#50 opie109 on 2008-12-20 09:40 (Reply)

I used to be a surgeon, but I couldn't cut it.
I downgraded to a general practitioner, but I did not have enough patients.
I gave up the medical field altogether and tried fishing, until the skipper gave me the hook.
I landed a job on a demolition team, and that was a blast, for a while... until I blew it.
I eventually came to the realization that this whole career thing wasn't working for me.
I now do the university lecture circuit masquerading as a physicist because I really need the time and space to get my act together.

#51 The Distributist on 2008-12-20 13:52 (Reply)

Ugh, did everyone just whip out their archive of Boy's Life magazines? (or was that Highlights that had this as a running feature?)

#52 Jack Diederich (Link) on 2008-12-20 14:53 (Reply)

Tried to be an architect but my plans got cancelled.

Tried to be a miner but I did not dig it.

#53 Patina on 2008-12-21 08:24 (Reply)

I tried to sell shoes, but the job stunk.

#54 bd on 2008-12-21 16:49 (Reply)

Tried to be an artist's model but it didn't sit well with me: the poses were too drawn out.

#55 njartist49 on 2008-12-21 21:00 (Reply)

Tried to be a clay mixer but got fired when I put the company dog in the (ahem) pug mill.

#56 njartist49 on 2008-12-21 21:06 (Reply)

Tried to open a Chinese restaurant but got disoriented.

#57 Tim on 2008-12-21 22:29 (Reply)

I tried to be an appraiser but my values got in the way.

#58 Steven (Link) on 2008-12-22 07:52 (Reply)

I thought about becoming an environmentalist but could never really warm up to it.

#59 Steven on 2008-12-22 11:02 (Reply)

wanted to work in the department store, but the shoe just wouldn't fit ...

#60 Liz on 2009-11-23 14:21 (Reply)

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Sunday, November 22. 2009

Holiday Family Car or Table Game, #1