Maggie's Farm

Karl Rove admitted to a reporter last night, after a lengthy series of tequila shots in a bar known to be frequented by political insider and evangelical Christian transvestites in Georgetown, that "We never expected the Dems to anticipate our game plan."

In a moment of uncharacteristic candor, the genius went on to say that "I have the Diebold master key code in my briefcase, and I can get any result I want, just through my laptop - even without our usual black voter intimidation program and our magic chad trick."

"The only risk was that we overplay our hand with the computer voting," he bragged. "but now that the Dems are on to us, we may need to go to Plan B - martial law."

News reports from Pierre indicate that Dick Cheney has already retired to what is rumored to be his CIA-constructed "duck blind" command center in South Dakota, ready to put Plan B into effect at a moment's notice.

Before removing his wig and scarf to make a quiet, if stumbling, exit, Rove added "Don't try to come up here after the election with no ACLU lawyers - Cheney fired his warning shot last fall, so now everyone knows what he is capable of."