Maggie's Farm

I need a funny quote about Saturday. I have to paste something in here. You fine readers deserve more than just a few links to digital fishwrap. You merit inspiration. You're worthy of something stimulating. The day itself warrants an attaboy. 

Quotes about Saturday are thin on the ground, however. It's the day of rest of days. Saturday is for putting on go to hell pants and painting the fence. Mucking out plugged gutters off rickety stepladders. Going to the dump. Wags and deep thinkers alike have given Saturday a pass. The Saturday sojourn of sol across the firmament just doesn't move the apothegmatic meter.

I say no! Saturday must get its due. Let's see what we can find to tickle our Saturday intellect, and send us to the transfer station with a spring in our step:

Most of the time you're too busy to think about it. But every now and then you say, "I work at 'Saturday Night Live,' and that is so cool. -- Tina Fey

No, it isn't.

Satire is what closes on Saturday night. -- George S. Kaufman

See: Fey, Tina.

I'm blessed by the fact I only need five hours of sleep on a daily basis. I do tend to regard Saturday and Sunday as work days. -- David Rubinstein

David strikes me as the kind of person who mentions his SAT scores to everyone he meets, even though he's 54. I don't know about you, but I'm not inspired by this quote. I don't want to add any weekend toil to the good, solid, fourteen hours of work I perform during the week. Let's move on.

Every man has a right to a Saturday night bath. -- Lyndon Johnson

Oh, dear. Old Lyndon Baines wasn't exactly Cicero, was he? I get the impression that this quote is an adulteration of a quote from Lady Bird Johnson, "Lyndon, every man has a need for a Saturday night bath, whether he's president or not."

I enjoy Saturday night racing. -- Dale Earnhardt

Sorry Dale, but by Friday afternoon, I feel as though I've hit a wall.

Wait, that came out wrong. Never mind. Forget the whole thing. Here are the Saturday links. You're on your own for inspiration:

Dad Takes Hilarious Pics With His Baby Girl In Costumes And They’re Just Too Adorable

File that headline under: Girl with access to social media accounts who used to work at Buzzfeed. Charming dad and daughter, nonetheless.

Dad Can't Afford to Take His Daughter to Disney World, So He Improvises With an Awesome Virtual Reality Roller Coaster Ride

More good dad goodness. Now that I think of it, Saturday is a dad kind of day. I can guarantee that this dad gets comped at Disney five times over. The video is more viral than the doorknob at an Ebola clinic.

Move over millennials, members of Generation Z are ready to work

A worthy topic, and the article isn't entirely fanciful or stupid. There's no way the surveys aren't skewed to the boneheaded side of the ledger. This fellow seems to think Generation Z are all Bernie supporters, face painters, and sign holders. Not hardly. Let me sum up the generational divide from my personal experience. Millennials have wasted their useful working and reproductive lives with childish agitation and untenable social and work situations. They're already toast if they haven't cashed out their failed startup stock options. Generation Z has learned to be circumspect, won't answer surveys, don't like Millennials, and will make Eisenhower look leftist.

Do you know who these people are?

One of those pleasant pieces of internet sea glass that washes up from time to time.

Samsung set to surpass Apple as the world’s most profitable tech company

Anecdata: I was in the phone store on Wednesday. I had to choose a phone to go along with my new plan. I said, "Anything but Apple." Clerk said, "Everyone says that now."

US nonfarm payrolls total 222,000 in June vs 179,000 expected

By gad that webpage is a nightmare. Self-playing video that follows you around. Sidebar picture of a woman who got her makeup done at a funeral parlor hectoring you to change three sentences on your LinkedIn page to go from dumpster diving to six figures, and Jeff Bezos smiling or having a stroke, I can't tell the difference with him. You have to wade ten paragraphs in to find out anything important:

Those considered out of the labor force declined by 170,000 to 94.8 million while the labor force increased by 361,000 to 160.1 million.

People who have been shut out of the labor market since Nancy Pelosi hove into view are getting jobs again. It makes me happy to hear of it.

FBI: Flight attendant broke wine bottle over man's head

Everyone pretends to be angry at the airlines, but it's the TSA they hate, but don't have the nerve to confront. Making people who fight with flight crews and police into celebrities encourages more of that sort of thing. This guy probably thinks he'll be on Oprah next week, sitting next to Gloria Allred, and clutching big checks from the airline and the company that makes Ambien. I have my doubts.

Trump’s leaks crackdown sends chills through national security world. Agency officials say measures have been taken to isolate leakers, creating a culture of fear.

Oh noes! Not a culture of fear! Way to clutch those pearls, Politico. My tiny violin is working overtime.

173,000 DeVry University students will share in $49 million settlement

DeVry University has agreed to a $100 million settlement in connection to ads federal officials said misled students about their job and earning prospects.

That description only fits about 10,000 colleges.

Fight over Star Wars and Star Trek led to assault, Oklahoma police say

Oklahoma City Police Department reports show that Whyte and another man were in the living room of an apartment in the 1400 block of NW 16 Street when they began arguing if Star Wars or Star Trek was better. The victim told police he became frustrated and stated "You're just a trick" before walking back to his room.

Surprisingly, the combatants weren't pasty, obese neckbeards wearing trilbys and My Little Pony tee shirts.

Woman finds strangers living in home, and now she can't get them out

Sigh. I miss college.

Have a great Saturday, everyone!