Western Civilization males are widely afflicted with this debilitating disorder. The cause is unknown, but some theorize that it is caused by the "Hen Flu," which shrivels up the testosterone-producing cells in the testes, along with the tubules which carry the hormone to the blood.
Active research is going on in Australia, because this presumably viral ailment has not arrived there as of yet, making the study of uninfected males easier.
However, it is unfortunately endemic in European, American, and Canadian males, and is transmitted, we believe but cannot confirm, by an unfirm handshake and a tendency to smile too much. It appears to be male-specific.
Many of the symptoms are behavioral rather than physical, suggesting that the virus attacks areas of the brain as well as the testes. Typical behavioral symptoms include reflexive submission to aggression, eagerness to please, lack of pride, quick abandonment of familial heritage and ideals, a fear of firearms, absence of normal male drooling over attractive females, absence of normal male patriotism, and a deterioration of the instinct to defend family and compatriots. All can be summed up by the Omega Male Syndrome. Typical physical symptoms include occasional cold-like symptoms, the occasional cough, and fatigue, especially late at night and after drinking sessions.
The only two reliable tests for this disorder, until the viral antibodies are further identified, are the Drool Test and the Adrenaline Response Test. In the former, test subjects respond to scantily-clad strippers, while measuring devices record saliva production, hardness of privates, and tendency to touch and sexually harrass. In the latter, test subjects are handed a military M16 while target images are passed by the target range. The number of holes in the Islamo-Fascist Jihadist image seem to be a reliable measure of the progress of the disease.
The only known cure is to read Maggie's Farm daily. Multi-million dollar studies by the CDC are ongoing to determine the mechanism of this therapeutic effect. The CDC is hopeful that these studies will further our understanding of brain-body interactions.
