The news mills are ginning up yet another medical crisis storm these days in an effort to pave the way for gummint medical care by the same good folks who run the DMV and the post office. They seem to imagine a problem with cost, access, and insurance. Maybe we are a nation of crybabies, because we have the best medical care in the world with which to pamper our so-called precious selves.
It's time we got beyond that self-love, and cared about the Greater Good. I have a few simple, rational, Utilitarian solutions.
Cost: Cost is driven by technology and modern pharmacology, cancer treatment, crocks (people obsessed with their health), gomers ("gomers go to ground"), and futile, guilt-driven end-of-life treatment for annoying old or sick relatives. The cost of American medical care can be dramatically reduced by forbidding all cancer treatment other than Oxycontin and at-home 10-gallon morphine pumps, all medical treatment for those over 57 (the children are our future!), all CT and MRI scans, all blood tests, and all medicines other than friendly, holistic, herbal organic ones. No more vaccinations - they cause Autism. No more antibiotics - everybody knows that they make people sick. Eliminate Dermatology (just stay out of the sun, people). Eliminate Opthalmology (bad eyesight is from masturbation - it's your own fault). Eliminate Psychiatry (mental illness is socio-political mind control). Eliminate Urology (do you want a #3 gauge tube stuck up your urethra?). Eliminate Surgery - it is physical assault on comatose victims. Eliminate Neurology - it's just nerves.
Access: Doctors are like waterfront trade unions: they limit their numbers to keep their payments high enough to join country clubs, to buy boats, and to take vacations. My idea: anybody who gets a C or better in Organic Chem is automatically admitted to a government medical school. Lots of good, caring people are weak in math and chem and bio and stuff, but that's who we need more of. My medical school flunk-out rate was 18%: what a waste of talent. Plus there are too many Jews and Asians in medicine anyway, and too few people of color or of gender identity diversity. So, with this increase in the numbers of docs, fees could go down to $5 per office visit and the docs who don't like it can open dry cleaning shops, cigar shops and wine shops like they do in Canada.
Insurance: Medical insurance is a dumb idea. Why expect your neighbor to pay your medical bills when they will be so low under my plan anyway? They will be cheaper than your garbage pick-up, your newspaper subscription, your cigarette costs, your car payment or your monthly payment for your big screen TV. (Did you ever notice how nobody complains about the cost of their TVs, computers, or Life Insurance?) Or just save your money if you want and die quietly without complaint, dude, and make space for the next generation. Too many people on the planet and, let's face it, life isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway. A vale of tears and toil, a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. What's the big deal about death? Didn't your parents teach you that life is a bitch?
Health-conscious Brits ban library steps. Not satire. What's the point of being healthy if you can't read the book? Now it's 1.85 trillion Awaiting the California Rebellion Bring back ROTC Something awful is being done to you. Tiger Letter of Amends
Tracked: May 12, 09:06