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Why must you clingingly and bitterly wake up every morning with fear dripping from your every pore?
Because of your large stock portfolio.
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As it turns out, Obama and McCain�were�right!
If you actually had a large stock portfolio, you'd be shattered at the recent�drubbing you took.� Of course, you knew you were gambling to begin with � but pay that no mind.� Fearful, indeed, you would be, as you awoke each morning wondering if your little nest egg was going to be sliced into further ribbons�when you hear�the bailout was postponed because Wednesday is�the Senate's golf day.
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McCain: "Americans are angry.� They're hurting and they're angry."
Obama: "I think we all know Americans are going through tough times right now."
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That's right!� Anyone with a large stock portfolio must be in constant anguish these days.� We've already seen a few suicides, and I'm sure we'll see more.� They're calling it a "crisis", but I think "tragedy" would be more appropriate.
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Of course, if you're one of those lucky few who doesn't own a large stock portfolio (and I've heard tell you're out there), then your life is just the same old pitiful waste�exciting adventure�it's been for the last bzillion years.� Without a stock portfolio, that whole financial mess is just so much hooey, and once you take that out of the equation, things are actually going along�pretty well.� Outside of gasoline prices inexorably climbing as the decades drift slowly past, not a lot else has changed.
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But, of course, listening to the debate, you'd never know it.� If I'd been drunkblogging and had downed a shot every time I heard the phrase "failed policies over the past eight years," I'd be typing from the floor.� Both men steadfastly held to the meme that everything's currently a gigantic mess, it's all President Bush's fault, and you, poor citizen, must bear the brunt of the nation's anguish.� Presumably because of your large stock portfolio.
So, right out of the gate, I disapprove of McCain taking a pandering pose, and, in the final analysis, lying to the American public ��in the�exact�same tone Obama is.� Two wrongs don't make a right, John.
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I suppose their study groups�tell them they have to start the show off with boring economic stuff ��as the effects from the viewers' wine or coffee�kick in ��but it always strikes me as a mistake.
Here's how I�heard the first question:
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"Senator McCain, your economic plan has blah blah blah mortgage rates�blah blah blah subprime loans blah blah blah sub-level indentured corporate financial�buyouts blah blah blah rescue plan.
"Do you-"
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Viewers throughout the land click on their remotes to see what else is on.
As these things go, I'd note you'll hear how many people watched the debate � which means how many people started watching the debate � but what you won't hear is how many people turned it off within the first five minutes.
On the subject of (delicate cough) 'climate change', here's an accolade I didn't want to hear:
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McCain: "I brought the subject of climate change to the Senate floor for the first time."
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Wouldn't it have been great if McCain had given the moderator a startled look when asked about "climate change", like he was surprised anyone would ask such a silly question,�and then launched into a whole dissertation on how we're currently going through a very natural and very documented upswing in the overall global temperature cycle, that 31,000 American scientists have signed a document stating that the whole 'man-made' thing is complete bullshit, and all you have to do is look at how much money is being exchanged to see why so many people�are so eager to keep pushing this outrageous hoax.
But he didn't.
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What a dream world reality lives in.
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In 30 seconds, Obama casually dismissed about�$75M�worth of McCain TV ads when he talked about Ayers.��As I said in the pre-debate post, I think this whole focusing-on-his-past routine is ridiculous.� It discounts how blind forgiving Americans are.�
Just ask perennial�mayor Marion Barry.
Or Senators Ted Stevens�and William Jefferson, both of whom are expected to win next month.
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It's quite odd that not once, in any of the three debates, has either McCain or Palin mentioned her 80% approval rating in Alaska.� As a�point of reference,�everybody's favorite big lug, Arnie out in California, is hovering around 30%.�
80% is really amazing.� In theory, 50% automatically disapprove of you�simply because you're not�from their party, and then you have to figure a bucketful of malcontents from your own party, at which point anything between 30% and 40% starts to look pretty good.
80!
"Good friends, if that many Democrats approve of a Republican, well, that says a lot."� It strikes me�that's one of those things where the average slob would think, "Yeah, that makes some sense."� This is one real opportunity they let slip through their fingers.
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In my pre-debate post, I mentioned that perhaps the one thing that might actually do some good is to harp on Obama raising the average slob's�taxes.� I'd have to see the replay, but at one point he was talking about something, wrapping it up, then almost as an afterthought he tacked on:
"And I'm not going to�raises taxes like Senator Obama wants to do."
I'd be happier if he had�mentioned it ten or twenty thousand more times, but�at least he got it out there once.� That "The�Dems will raise your taxes!" meme has probably won�the Republicans more elections than any other single point.� It's one of those 'givens' that�needs to be�kept alive.
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Sexism Watch: Like me, I know you're always on the lookout for the tiniest example of sexism so we can rid the streets of this scum once and for all.
McCain just said Palin, a woman, "will sweep out old-boy cronyism."
Guards, do your duty!
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McCain on Biden: "He had this cockamamie idea about dividing Iraq up into three countries."
Before you ever so�smugly agree, I presume you realize that 99% of every war, conflict and skirmish over the past century has been due to some imaginary boundary line that a bunch of old geezers in�some other nation thousands of miles away decided upon... right?� Ever heard the word "Checkoslovakia"?� "Yugoslavia"?
"Israel"?
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OPEC must be wetting its pants.� Politicians have always talked about "reducing" our foreign oil imports, but this is the first time we've ever seriously talked about actually eliminating it.
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A solid point was achieved by McCain when he called our attention to Obama's 'eloquence'.� In this case, how Obama would look at offshore drilling, which translates to "do nothing about" in politicspeak.� Calling attention to Obama's glib tongue is something�McCain should do more often.
Rather than "Read my lips," it should be "Read his lips."
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Joe The Plumber: National Hero!
For those who actually made it an hour into this thing, McCain directly addressing Joe The Plumber was very effective.� He addressed him again�a few minutes later, then once again.� It definitely made a connection with the�other joes out there.
If McCain j-u-u-ust slides in under the wire, I'm going to attribute it to this moment.� McCain didn't just address him once and then cast him aside, he addressed him on three separate occasions over a span of about five minutes, so you really got the feeling that ol' John was�actually talking to the dude.
I can just see a number of Undecides thinking, Well, ya know, while they're both a couple of gasbag politicians, at least that McCain guy is talkin' to us.� That other guy never said nothin' to ol' Joe.
If you see just the clip later, remember that much of its effectiveness was due to context.� They'd hardly glanced at the camera for an hour, then suddenly McCain is sitting there looking directly at us, saying something like, "Well, Joe, it's like this..."� It was a pretty cool moment, as these things go.
Of course, what would really�be cool would be if Teams McCain and Palin both started using the Joe The Plumber theme in their speeches (Sarah screams from the mic, "Joe, I know you're out there!" and the crowd goes wild), and don't forget to add "I am Joe The Plumber" t-shirts to the list.
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Doc's Joe The Plumber Mini-Tribute
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First off, what does ol' Joe look like?
Well, that depends on whether you mean before the debate, or after the debate and the full makeover.
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Before:
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After!
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Okay, what about his work crew?� What if I actually need some plumbing done?
Well, what with the campaign and everything, Joe's a little busy these days, so I hope you don't mind if he sends an assistant.� She promises to take good care of all your plumbing needs!
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Okay, but what about the dreaded 'plumber's crack'?� That's the kind of thing where one glimpse�can psychologically scar�the average�person for a lifetime!
So, how do you distinguish between good plumber's crack and bad plumber's crack?
Let's take a look...if we dare!
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Bad plumber's crack
(censored to meet FCC standards)
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Good plumber's crack!
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We're going to have to wait for the statisticians, but my senses tell me McCain got a lot more air time.� Or maybe he spent more time listing and outlining while Obama spent more time explaining, so it seemed like McCain got more subject matter in.
When it comes to�(the oxymoronically-named) "government education," I'm with Neal Boortz on this one: the NEA is a greater long-term threat to America than al-Qaeda.
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Bias Watch:� I didn't see any bias in the questions and, indeed, the moderator was all but invisible.� Of the three debates, this one had far more interplay between the contestants candidates, which clearly worked to McCain's advantage.
The only thing I spotted that could be called 'bias' was the camera angle on McCain.� It was, uh, accidentally in the one exact position that would show his jowls off, making him look pudgy and even�subliminally calling attention to his cancer.
Someone made the observation that McCain looks better sitting down than aimlessly wandering around the stage, and that's certainly true.� He doesn't strut very authoritatively, but seemed in excellent form at the table.� If anyone had any lingering doubts that his age and mental acuity was a factor, I'd say that was dispelled.
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Summation
Again, all the Righties will claim McCain was the winner and the Lefties will claim it was Obama, so there won't be anything new there.� As an avowed Centrist (and someone diligently planning a Paris Hilton/Joe The Plumber�run�at the White House in 2012), I'd definitely hand this one to McCain.� They say that all Obama had to do was maintain his poise and he'd come out on top, but that's still only a zero � and doesn't account for plus points being accumulated on McCain's side.� Directly addressing Joe The Plumber (National Hero!)�was quite�effective, and, as I mentioned above about the air time they used up, McCain just sounded more presidential as he ticked off his 'To Do' list.
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