We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
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Wednesday, May 21. 2008
Over the transom:
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
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Kudos to all Mom's everywhere; keep doing what you do, it works.
So, now that I've paid sincere homage, if there are any men thinking of entering this contest, and don't know the correct shortcuts [Quiet in the peanut gallery] to reduce the insanity of this list to the minimum to assure safe, smart, healthy kids, a satisfied spouse, a tidy house and time left over for weighty matters like fishin', huntin', golfin' and back-porch pickin', drop me a line.
Steve in CT
You kidding, Steve? I completely gave up after 'no fast food'.
Now Mr. Snitch, don't give up, there's hope hereabouts. See, the statement is, 'There is no fast food . . .' Now, as soon as you read this, you say to yourself, sotto voce* , 'UNLESS YOU EAT IT REAL SLOW' See how easy that was? Now once you've busted out of this pasture, you can assuage** your guilt by ordering a round of salad for the posse, knowing you'll give it to the horses.
Now Jappy is a creative sort, and has solved part of the food problem - the kids are a-cookin'! Little does he know that he would probably WIN the contest if he gets all dolled up and pretty. After all, this is probably a Hollywood show.
Keep at it boys, I'll check back and see how yer doin'.
*[That's Latin for 'under your breath', for all you Connecticut hillbillies]
**[Same audience - this is kind of like massage for your worried mind]
All I do all day is hang out with other geeks and drink coffee. I had no idea that my wife earned her house and car and lifestyle while I was away.
Strange how the men out there reading this already help/know most if not all of the supposed things that mothers do, as I do, but their wives couldn't sharpen their pencils at work.
Little bit out of balance considering someone has to pay the bills while she's doing all this. That would make a good show: take the wives to work and see if the company lasts a week.
Doesn't say anywhere we get to act like total psycho freaks for a week out of the month either. Or have ultimate control over the life or death of the unborn chilluns.
Besides- what woman does all of that without help of some kind? Geez, enter Dr. Phil.
I've been there and done all of it and I mean all of IT. I"m not bragging either it's just what I did for my wife and kids. Forget about the cupcakes and cookies. I taught my kids to make home made pasta an ravioli, and home made tomato sauce. Sounds like easy work to me. I'm not into the shaving of the legs, or wearing makeup with high heels, sounds kinda GAY to me, so I guess I would flunk out.
Whine, whine. He also needs the spouse to be able to tell that spouse everything thats wrong with them, criticize everything they do when they help, and criticize them more when they don't help because they got criticized when they do. Whine when something breaks, ask the spouse to fix it, then tell them they don't know what they are doing, they're doing it wrong, it costs too much, its not fixed right, etc. Then fly into a hissy snit when the spouse has the temerity to tell him what they think. Or, ask him his opinion, then tell him he's wrong. Have I made the point?
Besides, make it 5 kids (my mother), 3 boys/ two girls, ages 0 - 14 when my dad was traveling for work. She has often said she was too busy/tired to remember she was supposed to have a nervous breakdown as is all the rage on today's talk shows.
So, whine, whine. If you think you have it so bad, tell your spouse. If you can't reach some accommodated ground, get out. I offer that to my spouse, oh, once every couple of weeks at least. It must work for me, we've been married 30 years. heh.
Yup. Once a month I show my wife the nice door I paid for and ask her how much she likes having the key to it.
Problem is: women have choice. Ultimate choice, on down to which resort to plan out her mid-life retreat. We remain chained to a desk until the day we die. Zero choice in that.
(dropping out and drinking on the corner is not a choice- although I have done a fair share of that, enough to know better...)
I did all of the above and worked a full time job - with much of that work to be done at home. (Teaching) I have two kids. I never gave it a thought that I was being put upon. I didn't have to take care of mowing, painting, fixing anything and everything, and if I didn't feel like cooking, we ate out. Not a complaint from anyone. It was fair and the right thing to do. I never whined because I loathe it and taught my kids not to whine, as well.
I think about that time in my life and see it as wondrous. I wrote a book, went out with my girlfriends and had a blast. I must be lucky, I guess.
For you guys who did it all, I have nothing but great respect. You deserve a special place in Heaven. For you guys who suffer through psycho week, send her to the doctor. There is no excuse for that behavior these days. For those who put up with whiners, walk out of the room. After a few times of this, she should get the message. Whining is a bad habit, but it can be stopped. Same with nagging.
This feminist junk is so self-serving and repulsive. It is as if they don't get it.
Thank you Meta. Though I must reply about taking the wife to the doctor. Tried that and got read the riot act...by the doctor. Got so bad my wife had to come to my defense. It always amuses me when my wife passes on the kind words other people say about me to her. Happened again tonight.
Meta ,your a great mom,and a strong,super intelligent woman, oops I left out HOT to. I hope your kids realize how luckey they are to have you!!!
I was going to comment along the lines of the above comments, however to not be redundant...I'd like to know where the woman is who does all of the above? Gimme a break. Let's just break down some of this...
"3 kids each" - yeah, that's the average
"The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done." - OK, now who's watching Oprah, The View, all the soaps, and whatever else mindless drivel that gets played ad infinitum each WORK day.
"During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. " - I have my own back aches (probably the result of working a blue-collar man's job when I was 16), I'm on the receiving end of the mood swings and it only makes it worse if I complain about them.
I have no problem remembering people's birthdays and I can be intimate with the spouse at the drop of a hat. I must admit though, that the latter is far less demanding because the latter is far less demanding. I'd give my left nut to have it the other way 'round just for kicks.
Just a partial list:
Survivor for women:
1. Each woman will have to get her butt out of bed at 6 a.m. every day, shower, shave, get dressed, find her briefcase and PC (why aren’t they where she left them?), drive through rush-hour traffic and go to work. Even if she doesn’t feel like it.
2. Three times a month, she will have to arise at 4:00 a.m. to make an early flight at the airport for a business trip. She could go up the night before, but that would mean missing time with her family, so she chooses the morning option instead. She will endure delayed flights, lack of food on the plane, bad food at the airport, where her layover has been extended from one hour to three because of mechanical problems, and the smelly guy in the seat next to her – the seat where her knees are bruised from being crammed into a space too small.
3. She will attend meetings with customers and co-workers that will make her crazy because nothing, nothing! is being accomplished, but she can’t quit or say anything because she has a family to feed.
4. She will go to late-night dinners with clients and put up with their boozing, then will return to her hotel and do all the work that accumulated during the day. She might get four hours of sleep, maybe less if the person in the room next to her is noisy.
5. She will take the chewing out her boss gives her, even though she knows the screwup was someone else’s fault, because 1) you don’t rat out someone else and 2) she has a family to feed.
6. She will have at least one emergency car repair to deal with, possibly while she is on the road and her husband calls to tell her the car “sounds funny” or worse, is stuck on the highway.
7. On her weekends, after she is done catching up on her work email, she will 1) mow the grass, 2) change the oil, 3) replace the burned out lightbulb, 4) pay the bills, 5) fix that broken shingle on the roof, 6) put a new battery in the car at midnight because her spouse has somewhere to go first thing Monday morning, 7) install the new speakers spouse wants in car, 8) take out the trash and the recycling, 9) repair a flat tire, 10) paint the trim on the house, 11) turn the compost, 12) set up the wireless network, 13) build the deck spouse wants.
8. She will try to have a relaxing afternoon playing golf with her friends, but her spouse will whine that she never “does anything around the house.”
9. She will watch a less-qualified counterpart get the promotion she has worked so hard for just because her company has a “diversity” program.