Maggie's Farm

Generous people are happier. I would rather give generously, simply because (selfishly) one feels better with an open hand than with a clenched, grasping one...

But although giving can bring much joy to the giver, it can be as complicated as receiving....What if one happily ponders a gift, and the recipient rejects it, is blase about it, or takes it for granted? What if one gives consciously or unconsciously hoping for reciprocation? What if one offers oneself and no takers? Hell hath no fury and all that....

Then, one sometimes gives patronisingly (noted in the blog recently, about the arrogance of giving to the "less fortunate.") What I call the Ferragamo human rights syndrome , from the NYT with full page ads next to articles about relief camps.

One aspect of giving is that it is fun to acquire stuff, but one can rationalize it better when it is for others, rather than mere dragonish hoarding for oneself. On the other hand, teenaged offspring frequently bust me for this: Mom, you just got it for me because you like to buy things...

I know that I am not alone in giving stuff when I feel unloving, or guilty. Also, that I can talk a good game, but that talk is cheap. Time spent, loving actions, are harder to share than glib words...

Off to exchange ill-chosen gifts I gave the puppies for CHristmas....so a little jaded, perhaps....

Interesting, Dr. X. Mulling over a relative who is never satisfied with the gifts showered upon him/her, who feels entitled to God knows what, who sulks every year disappointed by the gifts of mere mortal harried family members,who gives cheap, nasty gifts to all yet finds fault with anything less than perfection received by him/her. Same person habitually gives people things they never asked for, seldom like, and then throws a tantrum at their "base ingratitude" (while recipients snarl that he/she only gave them things he/she wanted so as to be able to buy him/herself more stuff..."

Re: #7, didn't know that Freud had said that about the cost of a gift. Remember Jesus' words about the pearl of great price...

Personally, I've always found that, when in doubt, one should buy the better gift, and the hell with the January credit card bill. Nobody in my family ever said "Oh, you should have got me the lower quality one..." And at least if one is generous, even if the person is ungrateful tho one has to eat PBJ lunches for a year to fund the extravagant gift, one can console oneself that one tried, one was kind, one gave up something one wanted oneself to attempt to please the Emperor/Empress of the world described in my first paragraph.

To some extent, when dealing with greedy, entitled feeling relatives (who are pitiably empty inside, veritable black holes for taking and never giving), one cannot ever give them ammo for a whine about "You never give me anything good..."

Gift giving is a fraught experience in my family...nothing happy about it!

Fortunately there are generous elderly women in the family who send us occasional fat checks with strict instructions to spend it in secret on some luxury that "he/she" is not to know of. Hidden indulgences please one so much more, while he/she is ungrateful for the gift one spent a year paying for!