Maggie's Farm

Love of money is bad, but dishonesty, unkindness and lack of integrity are OK, depending…

Men and women are hard-wired differently. Men seek physical beauty (more needed around here, even) ostensibly for making healthy children and then for good sex. Women seek out competency in men more than good looks. Competency can be reflected in survival and thriving skills, the earning of income being one of them, and then also is a matter of good sex.

Making money often is a measure of intelligence or of at least good common sense; having it as a birthright just dumb blind luck, along the lines of inheriting family land or being a legacy to prep and Ivy League schools, or being born with the beauty genes. Not earned.

I’ve seen both men and women marry for money- nothing startling, just a yawn. It’s the way of the world. Some with family money don’t feel the urge to seek out more, which can be both good and bad. Nice in that they can afford not to be avaricious, bad in that they can afford not to be aspirational, often unfortunate on both personal and societal levels. Remember, the earning, saving and maximizing of capital has all sorts of spin-off effects for society, such as innovation, jobs, affluence to expand horizons, etc.

Of course, there is always the path of doing good works or of being an intellectual or artist, and some contribute significantly in these ways. That’s what the verse speaks to and also to the downside of excessive, destructive greed and materialism, but a good Calvinist would still want individuals to be able to care for themselves and not be chronically dependent, and so the emphases on working hard for a rainy day and to be able to afford those charitable works.

At a certain age in life both men and women have a need to protect their assets for their future security and that of their children and grandchildren. But, particularly for women who may not be holding down a lucrative job or who may have devoted self more to family and kids instead of to a stellar career, concerns over money are not only understandable but responsible.

Men are funny in that they demand a shallow commodity of good looks and sex from women and say it’s all about true love but then try to tell women that they are shallow for caring about whether they marry money or no and that they’re greedy. Whatever. It’s an interesting game, and from what I can see most of us selectively apply “principles,” even Biblical ones, to suit our very unspiritual self-interests.

I personally have no problem about marrying money when I get my looks back. I prefer men who have made their own over the third and fifth generation heirs, because there’s usually less snobbishness and more competency in play there (I said usually.) Have no need to necessarily go for the high-income successful man thanks to personal financial security, but somehow they seem more appealing by being dynamic, on top of things, in charge, bright and droll.

So, while sometimes it is about the money for women, it’s just as often about the cluster traits that go with a man having made it to the top. What these men look like is normally a very secondary consideration. Now, how they use what they have is a fun consideration.

I didn't, either, on purpose, but realize i could afford not to since there was a big family security net. Perhaps you, too.

Find myself later in life preferring the accomplished, real doers more than the thinkers or the touchy-feely kind. Still, re-marriage is tricky when there are kids and their futures to consider- his for his and hers for hers and what is to be mutual and it's more difficult if there's a financial strain or contention. To make it easier, I'm sticking to aspiration (but not desperation), and b/c competency and real world success are as attractive to women as physical beauty and sometimes a modicum of IQ are to men.

Off to kill some clay wildlife.