We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending a company party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And next to them, a single red rose.
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirin and cringes when he sees that he has a huge black eye when he looks in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note written in red with little hearts from his wife: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Carmine"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!"