We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
FOR every hour that thou wilt spare me now, I will allow, Usurious god of love, twenty to thee, When with my brown my gray hairs equal be. Till then, Love, let my body range, and let Me travel, sojourn, snatch, plot, have, forget, Resume my last year's relict; think that yet We'd never met.
Let me think any rival's letter mine, And at next nine Keep midnight's promise; mistake by the way The maid, and tell the lady of that delay; Only let me love none; no, not the sport From country grass to confitures of court, Or city's quelque-choses; let not report My mind transport.
This bargain's good; if when I'm old, I be Inflamed by thee, If thine own honour, or my shame and pain, Thou covet most, at that age thou shalt gain. Do thy will then; then subject and degree And fruit of love, Love, I submit to thee. Spare me till then; I'll bear it, though she be One that love me.
Easy until the bill comes due. Don't really get it, tho, maybe coffee will help...Is it just the typical invulnerability of youth recast as a bargain, putting it on credit instead of paying cash? Or it is just a young man wanting unencumbered sex (the Augustine Phenomenon...Lord make me chaste, but not yet)?
For some reason I thought of stuff I've read recently about how middle aged divorces are more often initiated by women (despite the stereotype of the the wilting male buying a red sports car and running off with a bleached blonde bimbo 25 years younger). And thought that probably most of the middle aged men I know are more committed to their spouses than the reverse. Don't know why this is. Perhaps (gasp!) where I live there is a high preponderance of golddiggers, so that explains it. Or perhaps men who stay married have better characters, become more loving than their spouses? I dunno. Even good, decent, faithful women I know exclaim frequently that they contemplate running away most days. It's probably a good thing their spouses don't know. They work out parallel worlds in the same house, and struggle to be polite, and suck it up for the sake of the future grandchldren. Very sad, given everyone's rapturous fantasies in youth of eternal love.
Love is mystery. And as Sting sings, it's anihilation. In the good and bad sense of the word.
Good thing it isn't a course, or I'd flunk Or a license to be obtained...
We all use broad-brush strokes on the net for issues and in discussing social phenomena in the press, but let's not forget the real and not easily known details of people's lives that don't merit easy categorization. I know situations in which a spouse has committed really unforgiveable betrayal (and, no, extra-marital romance and sex aren't always the misdeed) that has on-going real life consequences for the innocent and formerly trusting partner. But at least some men and women who have been so unfairly hurt and who have lost all trust still choose to stay in a marriage, at least legally, for the sake of not yet "of age" children. It's a grown-up thing to do to try to pick the lesser of evils and defer one's happiness when it comes to one's children (and never letting them know!)
But when the kids are gone, should one stay in a "marriage" that hasn't been a real one since the time of atrocious doings by one so-called partner? In such cases, I vote for as an amicable parting as is possible. No spouse should have to be tethered forever to someone who has hideously betrayed, but it seems best for everyone that life go on in such a way that both parents are on good enough terms for their adult children who still very much need relationship with both parents.
Where I grew up, the trade in your forty-year old wife for two twenty-year olds was a fairly common and disgusting practice, so I hear you about that. But both men and women get badly hurt in marriages from spouses who don't understand what a life-long trusting partnership is supposed to be, and that's a shame all around, isn't it?
Love isn't just a bio-chemical high-- it's forbearance, trust and putting another's interests at least on par with one's own, and often higher.
commenter formerly known as anon