GOD: Adam! It is I, your creator!
ADAM: Hi, Lord! You’re just in time for lunch!
GOD: What’s cooking? Smells great!
ADAM: [Turning a spit over an open fire.] That thing you gave me. The one that kept making that awful squeaking noise.
GOD: What are you talking about?
ADAM: You know. It looked sort of like me, but it was short and had a big rear end, and it stood around with its hands on its hips, squeaking at me from daylight to dusk. It kept telling me what to do, so I hit it with this big rock.
GOD: Adam! You have slain the helper I gave you! I am mightily displeased!
ADAM: Sorry! Was I supposed to keep it? It ate all my food, and it blamed me for everything, and when I lay down to rest, it lay down next to me and put its big cold feet on me. It was really annoying. And I noticed it had a lot of nice meat on it.
GOD: What have you done to her?
ADAM: I started with a nice cider vinegar and cayenne brine, and then I used a cumin-and-pepper dry rub, and now I’m slow-cooking her over mesquite coals.
GOD: That’s not what I meant! And why are you eating meat? I gave you every fruit and every herb-bearing seed!
ADAM: I got that covered, too. I’m roasting corn on the cob.
GOD: I love corn on the cob!
ADAM: And I found that if you take the leaves from a certain plant and dry them and put them in hot water with honey, you get this stuff. I call it “sweet tea.”
GOD: I haven’t eaten a thing since breakfast.
ADAM: Pull up a rock and sit down. There’s plenty.
GOD: I really shouldn’t. My weight.
ADAM: Go on! You look fabulous.
GOD: I feel puffy.
ADAM: Never! You’re fishing.
GOD: Look, if I give you another one of these things, you have to promise not to eat it.
ADAM: Why would I want another one? What is it good for?
GOD: [Whispers]
ADAM: [slaps God on the arm] Get out of here! That’s the craziest thing I ever heard.
GOD: It’s more fun than it sounds.
ADAM: Can you make one that doesn’t squeak all the time?
GOD: No, that’s part of its nature. But if it starts to drive you crazy, light one of these and it will leave you alone. [hands Adam a box of cigars]
ADAM: [holding a corona] Okay. Won’t be much of a fire.
