We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam, as a measure of his general health.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You even asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. Not one of us could get the jar open."
Opening a jar can be difficult. Try running warm water over the lid or tapping it gently on teh counter. Sometimes it’s best to buy cans, which constitute the last bastion of easy access through American tech. Ezra Warner of Waterbury, CN patented the first can opener; it was used during the Civil War, probably impacting the outcome of the War Between the States and giving rise to the term “jar head” for members of the branch of service that refused to take the easy way out by providing easy-to-open tin foods for its men. In 1870 William Lyman of Meriden, CN invented the opener with a cutting wheel for the rim of a can. We have both of these inventors and the state of ConnectiCUT to thank for the little metal shavings and pieces of paper label that fall itno our opened cans today.
Struggling with the jar lid, the pickle container was finally opened by the frustrated preggers lady.