We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day in America.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. No, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?
My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled.
That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted," look again. Was it lifted from you?
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.
Now I keep them hidden in my waistband where no-one can find the,.
Image: Photo of the author of the above warning, prior to theft of body parts.
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or
sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with
her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known
Chinese sex therapist Dr. Woo Fong Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, down on your hands and knees and craw reery, reery fass to
odderside of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You
haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex
The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease" is when your
face look Ed Zachary like your ass"!
Chin Lo ... Ed Zachary Disease (strikes women)
When Dr. Chang first arrived in USA, he took his Yuan to exchange at the nearest bank. The number of dollars the teller handed him was a tad fewer than he had expected, and he asked for an explanation. "Currency fluctuations" the teller answered.
"Oh yeah?" said Dr. Chang, "...maybe someday currency fluc you Amelicans, too!"