We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
It was 1973 and I was 17. I got my first full-time job as a
dishwasher at a restaurant. I was ambitious and within
6 months, I was earning the big bucks as a cook. Rita was
a chunky chick with a monstrous pair of hooters. She was also
a dumb blonde. By that I mean she made Kelly Bundy look like Albert Einstein.
It did not take long before the grabassing began. I learned
to pinch the back of her bra and those monsters would drop
like rocks! One day, I pinched and nothing happened. She
turned to me and smiled. She bought a new boulder holder
with a 4-inch wide strap and about a dozen hooks.
One day she went into the walk-in refrigerator to retrieve a
pan of Tapioca pudding. I just put it on the shelf and it
had not yet set. I called her Tapioca Tits for a while. One
other time, she stepped into a 5-gallon plastic pail of pancake
One day she went into the walk-in and I wedged by foot on
the door. She screamed and begged me to let her out.
After a few minutes, she quite testing the door. I asked
my dishwasher how long do you think it will take for her to
realize I am no longer holding the door?
When she finally emerged, she flipped me off on her way
out of the kitchen. She walked to the end of the counter
and a regular customer said: "Rita, have you been in the
walk-in?" She said, "Yes, how could you tell?" He lowered
his eyes and she turned red as a beet!
Like I said, she was not very smart, but she was good-natured
for putting up with my BS. What brought to an end was the
time I walked behind her while she was slicing up some lemon
wedges. She flinched, thinking I was going to give her the
goose and cut her finger.