Maggie's Farm

Let's see. In California:

1. Only girls with the right characteristics as specified by the Legislature are allowed to enter California. Their parents have to pay a yearly fee and submit a sister for testing. We don't just let any ol' girls into California. If the sister fails the test, all the other sisters have to leave the State. The right characteristics? They can't go off on you if you drop them hard. Yes!

1.1 Well, you can have an old granny that's not on the approved list, but she has to be over 50 years old. You can bring her in, but you know, when they get that old they're pretty worn out, so you have to be careful and gentle and only use your underpowered ammo.

2. You can't have another girlfriend or woman unless you fill out a form detailing the particulars of each woman. You can't have any girls or women without first getting a Woman Safety Certificate, showing that you can handle women safely and will follows all of California's laws about handling women. You have to wait ten days before you can see her. You can in the meantime fondle the ones on display. Before you can have her, you have to watch a safety demonstration by the dealer. First he puts in his inert cartridge in your girlfriend, then you do it and show that you can pull it out without her going off. Then you put your lock on her and take her home.

2.1 All women and girls when traveling in a car must be locked up, either in the trunk or in the way-back. They have to be inert. No fully-ready-to-go women in a car anywhere at any time unless you're a cop.

3. You can have as many full-size women as you can afford. But they must be featureless (as God made them or with certain California-approved plastic surgery changes), and can't come with all the popular and stylish accessories and clothes and furniture.

3.1 California women must be limited in the number of times they can do it, before they need a rest. We can't have our men thinking they are studly studs with high-capacity capability. Except for police, they are trained in how to control their high capacity discharges.

4. You can only make the acquaintance of another California-approved girl every thirty days. No hogging of the pretty girls allowed.

5. No sharing of California women and girls. Only you are allowed to make her go off. Well, you can let your buddy or your wife do it, but you have to be there and watch, and only at the licensed public women action sites. You can also let your kids try out your women and girls, but again, you have to be right there and make sure they are doing it right. We can't have any stray wads flying about.

6. You now have to pay taxes on all your ammo, and to shoot your wads they have to be California-purchased, and you have to register with California before you can use them. No out-of-state cartridges allowed in our California women.

7. You can have a trophy wife that you can take with you everywhere only if you first pay the local sheriff $50 thousand to his favorite charity. You are required to keep her calm and modestly dressed. Nobody is supposed to know you've got a trophy wife, it hurts their feelz. If she gets out of control, California takes away all your girlfriends and wives.

8. Drop-dead knockout chicks are strictly regulated. If you can even get one, you can't transfer her to anybody except the police. You can't take her anywhere except to the public women action sites, and only for training purposes. All other public appearances must be applied for and approved in advance. If the police see her, they'll confiscate her on the spot and cut your **** off.

8.1 Unless you are a movie star or politician, and then you can have any woman you want any time you want no questions asked, especially the drop-dead knockout chicks. To keep the police from getting too jealous we let them have some of these special chicks, but they first have to fill out the paperwork.

9. California wants a list of every girl and woman in California, and they want to know who is banging each of them. Girlfriends and wives can only be transferred to another person with the approval of California Department of Gyno Justice, with a 10-day cooling-off period. If a girl or woman is not on the approved California-women list, she must be taken out of State before the transfer (but grannies can stay). You can always give your girlfriends to the police if you don't want them any more or your wife won't let you keep them all, they are happy to take your girls and women, and are very reluctant to give them back.