Re-posted from March 2006
Victims of hoplophobia need help and understanding, along with firearms re-education from sensitive Social Workers who are not only caring, but carryin'.
The "irrational fear of weapons" is a health crisis which must be crushed before it spreads, as it has spread in Canada, Australia, and the UK. Can we call it the Hoplophobia Flu? It is not yet known why women and metrosexuals seem more vulnerable to this debilitating and life-threatening scourge.
One theory is that is spread by contact with infected newsprint, but other medical researchers believe that a loud "Boom" is just innately disturbing to some people with fragile nervous systems.
We need many more highly-paid professional union-member Hoplophobia Specialists in our schools and businesses if we are determined to defeat this plague. Only Government Resources can hope to have an impact on this crisis, but "a substantial national investment is required," according to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, before "this thing gets out of hand."
An Epidemiological Psychiatry researcher at the CDC commented "Guns go Boom. This is scarey for some, but they need professional help. This phobia has the power to spread just like the Bird Flu. It is highly infectious to vulnerable adults. This phobia has the power to render honest folk, sportsmen and sportswomen and sports-transgenders, and innocent hunter-gatherers, helpless not only against bad guys, but against food on the wing and hoof. Indeed, it is no different, in effect, than having a weak immune system, or being a de-clawed kitty cat."
Image: A very nice Lady without Hoplophobia, hunting Islamo-fascists on her farm without a license, unlike her weenie son.
