We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
Some kids are better off without a drunk, drug-taking, abusive (pick 1 or all 3) parent in their lives.
I do not understand people who divorce and are still 'friends' with their ex. If that is the case, I think you could've stayed married. Those are the people who seem to be focused on their own interests rather than their spouse or children.
But for those in destructive marriages, staying in that marriage 'for the children' is the worst advice I could give.
I don't know. I love my daughter. She is wonderful.
Her mother decided, while I was deployed in the Navy, to dispense with me. I was only making $144k and she thought she could do better. All of her PEO friends were millionaires.
The sad part was that I stilled loved and had affection for my x. It took about 5 years to get over that. She moved away, with my daughter the day after we sold the house. The fun part is that my daughter remembers what it was once like.
Shared custody. Both parents still get to influence the child, if not raise them. We had one of the good ones.
I guess I left out the case where one person wants the divorce and the other person doesn't.
My divorce improved my life and my children's lives exponentially. Yes, there is damage and sadness for my kids, but it would've been MUCH worse had I stayed.
What I have realized is that most people get 'lucky' when choosing a spouse. Some of us get stuck with people we thought were normal and serious about marriage and parenting, only to find out they are not. Most normal people can get along in a marriage successfully for life. But what if you are the unlucky person that gets stuck with a bad apple?
The problem lies in the State penalizing the poor who marry. Benefits should be tied to 'number of adults in household' and not 'married' adults. That way, avoiding marriage to increase your benefits from the government would no longer apply.
What's hard is when one person in the marriage never really grows up. Can't control emotions, irresponsible with money, petty, immature. It's not exactly abusive, but certainly is not healthy. Is it OK to throw in the towel after 25 years? That's a very hard call to make when there are kids.
Recently Maggie's HQ published a picture of your office and mentioned about Yankeeland culture. I am a Canadian and really enjoy your blog. I also admire Classic Liberal ideals often reflected in New England culture. Where would you say would be a good place to visit that would best demonstrate this. A place in New England with "Yankkeeland culture, history, architecture and hopefully good food? I think it would be fun to visit. If George Washington slept there may I could too.
Having grown up a five minute walk from a former country inn where George Washington had once stayed, I appreciated the wag who told me the following. "George Washington slept at so many places- no wonder he's considered the father of our country."
My parents were both on their second marriage, but only because their first spouses had died. My dad came with two daughters and my mom with five boys and three girls. Then me and my sister came along in 1950 and 51. My mom and dad were married till they were parted in death. My mom at 97 and my dad at 92. My dad worked and my mom stayed at home. But she was an Avon lady for a few years, so we all got good smelling stuff for birthdays and christmas. We had big family gatherings from time to time and my childhood was very stable and full of love. I feel very grateful to have grown up this way, and for having my parents for so long - till I was in my 50's.
I moved from Oregon to California when I was 27 and remain here. I would visit my parents every few years and only wish I had recorded their stories, because their were many. My dad was born into an Oklahoma sharecropper family, one of 11 kids, and he had a strong and loving upbringing too. My mom was born in Salem Oregon and is in the lineage of the Baker family that are part of early Oregon history. Including a town named after them - Baker Oregon.
Article in the weekend WSJ about the decline of marriage and family world wide. The sad thing is that it is attributable to people not wanting the "burdens" of children and spouses. This is unfathomable to me since the rewards so far outweigh the responsibilities. Narcissism at work.
Somewhat related: As a child of divorce, I have come to simply disregard the pronouncements - on any subsequent topic - of the mothers who tell me that the kids are handling it well. (That I find it is always the mothers who say this may simply be a product of working in a mostly-female environment.) My mother divorced my father for excellent reasons, and my brother and I were likely better off despite the economic hardship. This almost immediately morphed into an unspoken (and not-to-be-spoken) attitude that we had suffered no loss at all, and had damn well be deeply appreciative of our stepfather.
There are wheels within wheels. A net positive is not at all the same as zero cost.
Fast forward to children adopted from horrifying Romanian backgrounds, plus one from a horrifying Cape Cod background: 1. get children out of bad places 2. be parents 3. the rest is genetics.
Assistant Village Idiot