We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
"The money ran low; then it ran out; then every month was a struggle. Both of us knuckled down and worked harder. We also both sought and found therapy, but neither of us had therapists who were geniuses, and nothing really changed. "
If I had to guess, I would say divorces have skyrocketed since our national economic depression began in 2007-08 and will continue because of that. The divorce business (euphemistically called "family law") has been booming in my law firm since then. We get to see the conflict checks for all the new divorces in which we are representing one spouse or the other. In many if not most divorces the other spouse, usually the man, is referred to as "currently unemployed."
I suspect this will go on until the economy starts to improve, which at this point I doubt will ever happen.
Back in the day, I remember telling an engaged friend, more or less in these words: "You promise to love, honour, and cherish. Then one day, you realize the man you married is totally unlovable, completely dishonourable, and - as for cherishing - forget it. That's when you have to go back an remember what it was about your man that caused you to make the promises in the first place." DIdn't take for that friend, sadly, but we're looking to 50 years married as not an impossible dream.
I can't speak to everybody's marital situation, but I can attest to the power of being committed to your marriage. If leaving is not an option, you'd be amazed at how your reaction to a situation changes and how much better it you can make it. I think too often, people leave a marriage because it got tough and they kept that option open and the sell themselves and their relationship short.
I probably thought of marriage as prison or a war zone before I decided that I was committed to it. After that, everything was much more relaxed and peaceful! (Though, I have a sense that our end results are similar - at least I hope so!)
I look at it the way I do family in general. I guess we all know there are situations so awful that they cause estrangement between parents and child or between siblings, but we'll go through hell and back before giving up. We're not conditioned to think "if this son doesn't work out, I'll get another"--not even if the money runs out and the therapists can't work miracles restoring the first flush of effortless erotic intimacy.
28 years for me. Everyday a good one. Why? "Let not the sun go down on your wrath".
Perfect? Maybe not. Perfect for me? Of course. Die together? That's my hope.
Never thought that divorce was a serious option, hope I never do. js
We decided, mutually, that we were both looking for really different things. We could stay together and struggle, or we could release one another.
We chose the 2nd option. We're now both happily remarried, we still (after almost 15 years) get together socially a couple of times a year. Lost a marriage but saved a friendship. It never came to fights or even arguments of substance.