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Saturday, January 10. 2015

Why elderly couples often die together


Why elderly couples often die together: the science of broken hearts.


No matter how much you may fight and argue, you become bonded tight over years if you are even half-normal. It is a wonder, given all of our annoying flaws.

Posted by Dr. Joy Bliss in Our Essays, Psychology, and Dr. Bliss at 16:29 | Comments (9) | Trackbacks (0)

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Thank you for this. My mother died, not unexpectedly, at 88. My father, 83, died exactly a week later of a heart attack, despite having no cardiac issues, not even high blood pressure. After 62 years of marriage, he died of a broken heart.
#1 Ann K on 2015-01-10 19:18 (Reply)
My dad, too. He lasted 9 unhappy months without my mom. He tried to stay with us, but he missed her too much. Same thing. Devastating heart attack in a man who had never had an issue and took zero medication for anything. He did die of a broken heart.
#2 Terry on 2015-01-10 19:35 (Reply)
My mother-in-law died a few years ago. I expected my f-i-l to last maybe 3 months without her. Turned out to be 6 and a half years.
#3 Sam L. on 2015-01-11 09:26 (Reply)
Of course the men die after their wives do. Rare is the widow who dies in second position. In many instances the wife will continue on for years, many times she's more active as a widow than she was as an old married lady. Seen that pattern repeated at least six times in my own expanded family/social circle.

Men love romantically; women opportunistically, for many women, death of a spouse just presents another opportunity.
#4 earl t on 2015-01-11 11:29 (Reply)
My f-i-l's brother outlived his wife, too. By about a year.
#4.1 Sam L. on 2015-01-11 13:52 (Reply)
The queen died and then the king died, would be facts.

The queen died and then the king died of a broken heart, is a story, says Kenneth Burke somewhere.
#5 rhhardin (Link) on 2015-01-11 19:29 (Reply)
My parents, married 70 years, died the same year, Mom going first. I think God gave Mom 6 months head start on the old bastard. Hope she made a clean get away.
#6 twolaneflash on 2015-01-11 20:53 (Reply)
I can explain this a bit. (husband died in 2008 of pneumonia-37 year marriage). When someone dies, we think that they just lost that person. But that's not true. They lost their spouse AND the marriage. The marriage is like a third person, a combination of the two of you.

When you lose someone after a long marriage, the biggest hurt is that you no longer have anyone to share things with. You have to stop using "we". It all sounds so simple but it tears at the very fabric of how you define yourself. It's difficult for younger people to deal with, but the old as not as resilient. (And for the record, I made it through because of my friend, now fiance, who lost his wife of 21 years the day before my husband died. We had a lot in common and we helped each other get through it.)
#7 teri pittman on 2015-01-12 20:09 (Reply)
When my father died, my mother seriously did not want to continue. Her circumstances were complicated by her having developed macular degeneration, which meant she had to leave the only real home they had had together. Genetics prevails (Granny had been a week short of 98 when she died, and a lot of the great-aunts lasted into their 90s): Mum lived over 21 years after Dad died, and was there to dance at two grandchildren's weddings. But the first few years: every time I mentioned an upcoming event involving grandchildren, Mum's response was "I won't be here to see it". Fortunately for us, she was. But I do know she thought of Dad every day of her life.
#8 Frances on 2015-01-18 01:45 (Reply)

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