Maggie's Farm

But why would we WANT to be more like a man? (not that we don't adore the men in our lives...) Radiant Hepburn, and the men in the movie are dried up old sticks....Plus, BD, a little bird told me that your females are awesome.....

One unexpected way being female SOMETIMES helps: dealing with muggers/brigands/robbers/thugs on the streets. In theory, I feel much safer walking around with my spouse and son, both of whom are well over 6 feet tall. In practice, both (like all the strong, rational, watchful and non-flashy WASP males I know) have been several times mugged and/or beaten up on the streets by assorted gangbangers/thieves/or violently angry people who took exception to their being in the general vicinity. Neither is a drunk who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, either.

By contrast (and I tempt the Fates by saying this), as a "mere" irrational, emotional woman closer to 5 feet than 6, I haven't yet. I lived alone in crummy neighborhoods for years when I was young, because I worked serving the poor. I couldn't afford a car, and spent a lot of time on public transport in the bad old days when NYC was really dangerous.

My being like a woman (i.e.: emotional) saved my life. I basically acted like a timid rabbit, sensing danger, watching out for predators, ready to run, etc. The several times that people cornered me I used a variety of "feminine" tactics that were instinctive, and probably "stupid" that worked to stop me being robbed and killed. A few, besides shrieking and kicking off shoes and sprinting away once from a mugger who didn't follow :

1) "What would your momma say if she saw you now? Put that thing away and go make her proud of you, instead of breaking her heart if a policeman shoots you! " (kid showing off with knife, not quite tough enough to brandish it directly). This is risky, because "your momma" is a phrase that kids can start fights with.

2) Quietly hiding my NIV bible in a plastic bag when the Black Muslims on the subway out to Crown Heights with me, where I was going to lead Bible study for group home kids in foster care began ranting about White Devils, pulling up my parka hood, and getting off at next stop.

3) When the sleazy dirtbag on the platform began following me up the subway steps where I had a long dark walk to my apartment, turning around when we were still in full view of people and cheerily asking him "Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour?" (he slunk away)

4) Always trusting my instincts and not caring if it was non-PC, and crossing the street/going into stores, etc. whenever I saw a group of sloppy teenagers approaching me on the street when I was alone in a semi deserted area. This rule did not apply when it was my group home kids coming out to escort me to their apartment in the projects to keep me safe from the gangs.

5) Never going out alone after dark (most of the men I know think they are bionic) if it was for pure amusement . Like Russell Crowe in Gladiator,I preferred "strength in numbers"

6) Sometimes one assures one's safety just by being a normal human being instead of an oblivious a-hole. In the Florence train station 25 years later, where we were waiting for a couple of hours for a train with gypsies and pickpockets infesting the place, I sat down in a rare empty seat, which turned out to be empty because the homeless women in the other one hadn't had a bath in a while. She spoke perfect King's English, was obviously highly educated at one point and we chatted a bit. When I went to get my husband and I an ice cream, I could see that there were two Tunisians circling him, casing him. I brought back ice creams for three, and gave one to the homeless woman, and we all devoured them. Funny thing, after that NOBODY bothered us or tried to rob us.

None of this is saying that people shouldn't carry if that makes them feel more secure, just that there are many ways to find safety in dangerous places.

I freely admit that I haven't yet had to contend with meth heads or truly murderous thugs, just opportunists, but my point is that sometimes feminine anxiety and desire to make friends and sensitivity to non verbal cues is RATHER adaptive. And, by the way, my kids have also seen me rushing to the defense of abused animals and children being wacked and know how Great and Terrible is a Mama who sees the helpless being hurt.

Why can't a man be more like a woman? Nah, we complement each other (my spouse can be Darth Vader on financial, legal, corporate type stuff that I have no expertise in). Every long married couple knows how valuable the Good Cop, Bad Cop roles are when buying cars or dealing with an institution or adversary of the family's....