We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers. My name is Trina. How can I help you?
(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.
(Customer) Thanks, I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife's work.
(Receptionist Interrupting) Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Rest of it is below the fold -
(Customer) But I have always ordered "Spring Bouquets", done it for years, my wife likes them.
(Receptionist) Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
(Customer) Well, how much are they?
(Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
(Customer) What's the difference?
(Receptionist) The Bronze package is 12 red roses The Silver is 18. Gold, 24, and Platinum, 48 red roses.
(Customer) The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
(Receptionist) It depends, sir. What is your monthly income?
(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?
I need that to determine your government flower subsidy. Then I can
determine how much your out of pocket cost will be. But if your income
is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our
Yes, Flowers are a right, everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you
can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
(Customer) Who said they were a right?
(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.
(Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right.
It may not really be a right listed in the Constitution, but
ObamaFlowers is constitutional because the Supreme Court ruled it to be a
tax. Taxes are constitutional. But we feel it is a right.
(Customer) I don't believe this....
It's the law of the land, sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go
for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income, sir?
(Customer) Forget it. I think I will forego the flowers this year...
(Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.
(Receptionist) To determine what your 'non-participation' cost will be.
(Customer) WHAT???? Your can't charge me for NOT buying flowers!!!
(Receptionist) It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income.
(Customer)interrupting) This is ridiculous. I'll pay the $9.50.
(Receptionist) Sir, it is either $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What a ripoff!!
(Receptionist) Actually, sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Look, I'm going to call my congressperson to find out what's going on
here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.
Sorry to hear that, sir, that's why I had the NSA track this call and
obtain the make and model of the cell phone your are using.
(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING????
(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir.
(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door.)
(Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers. Have a nice day...and God Bless America .