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Friday, November 1. 2013

Dutch Treats, Dutch Marriage


An author at Slate thinks Americans should consider imitating the Dutch approach - or non-approach - to marriage. Of course, our lower classes already have, but I don't know how you run a complicated and nurturing family life that way, to imbue a family heritage and family values.


I mean, who hands out the candy while hubbie is taking the kids out trick or treating?


The Dutch Don’t Care About Marriage -Americans can learn a lot from their indifference:



As a popular view, this laissez-faire approach accommodates the vicissitudes of the heart, the changing nature of love, the great variety of forms attachments take in real life. It acknowledges that things change, and to exit a relationship with kids is less violent somehow, less publicly absolute, than to exit a marriage. A bit of tolerance, of bemusement, of compassion or imagination is built into the system.



Very bemusing indeed. The "vicissitudes of the heart"? Are we in high school?  Why grow up, if you don't have to? The government will raise your kids, Julia.


So some Dutch women just want to "follow their hearts." I'll assume that means plenty of romance and sex with lots of guys, like monkeys. But are Dutch men real men?  Is life a serious enterprise, or just a lark before your well-deserved and government-paid euthanasia?


Posted by Dr. Joy Bliss in Our Essays, The Culture, "Culture," Pop Culture and Recreation at 15:34 | Comments (12) | Trackbacks (0)

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So, for the Dutch it's wham, bam, see ya round?
#1 Sam L. on 2013-11-01 16:01 (Reply)
The Dutch don't seem to care about a lot of things, like how their acceptance of open drug use has turned their parks into garbage pits, or how their acceptance of non-assimilating Islamic immigrants is turning their country into an Islamic satrapy.
#2 fiftyville on 2013-11-01 17:15 (Reply)
"... Is life a serious enterprise ..." Oh please. Dr. Bliss, I normally agree with you, but you sound so ... well, Puritan here. I suppose you also recommend ironing bed sheets in August and pulling perfectly good teeth just in case. Life is half farce. Where have you been?
#3 Richard A. on 2013-11-01 17:22 (Reply)
The death of Europe began in July, 1914 and I expect it will be completed by the end of this century. There will be some more spasms along the way, including the cleansing of the Jews who are foolish enough to remain and the Muslims who fantasize about inheriting the mantle. England may survive, many will emigrate over the coming decades but the Europe we were educated to believe was the product of Greece and Rome is heading for the same exit they passed through.
#4 Jono39 on 2013-11-01 18:55 (Reply)
" A bit of tolerance, of bemusement, of compassion or imagination is built into the system."

That sentence, in context, is bewildering and nauseating at the same time.
#5 model_1066 on 2013-11-01 20:02 (Reply)
I thought that too. "Bemusement"... Wha?

I think that as Muslims show their medieval colors Europe will reemerge as a fascist state. We must recall that Europe has always brought forth the most technologically advanced fascism/socialism/communism on the planet. It's only a matter of time till they put the boots on again and start stepping on throats.
#5.1 RelayerM31 on 2013-11-01 20:41 (Reply)
My wife doesn't trust the Dutch because they are sneaky. 2 names for their country, 2 capitals. You never know what they're really doing over there. All very suspicious.
#6 Bulldog on 2013-11-01 21:04 (Reply)
Can anyone look the degradation of our culture, mostly at the hands of (or the offspring of those) who made the choice not to marry for a family and not see the reasons? Obviously, they are not entirely the result of single or mixed, temporary families, but I think that's a significant component. Too many people think that civilization is the normal state of affairs and don't see it as something that is taught.

Western Civilization had a good run. I am sometimes convinced that we are seeing its last gasp and I'm not excited about what's likely to come next. I don't worry as much for me as for those who are young now
#7 mudbug on 2013-11-01 23:00 (Reply)
Western Civilization (such as it is) goes through ups and downs, but its guiding principles remain intact.

Depending on when you feel our 'civilization' began (I'd say the Greeks or Romans), the West has gone up and down. Dark Ages, the plagues, colonialism, imperialism, fascism, communism & socialism (which we can't seem to shake for some odd reason)....it's something which just has to keep working out the kinks.

Islamic culture had its moment and failed miserably, despite having some bright spots. The tribal nature of its people simply can't overcome the power of Western culture.

Which isn't to say Western culture couldn't be overrun by Eastern, which has many beneficial qualities to it. I suspect some merging of the two (such as we've seen in Japan, Korea, Singapore and Hong Kong) will continue to develop. We've adopted some Eastern qualities in small ways, and the good ones are spreading.

I wouldn't lament Western culture yet. Will there be social unrest along the way? Yeah, I can't deny that, it's been one of the hallmarks of every societal grouping, but Western culture in particular due to our more beneficial reliance on open minds and open markets. We tend to have disagreements because we accept that people are allowed to have opinions, and we encourage this.

I don't agree with the Dutch on this particular item, but hey - if that's what floats your boat, ride in the boat til it sinks. But don't whine about it after you're treading water for a while and claiming you didn't know any better, and don't ask for handouts.

Charitable people have to accept that others make mistakes in life, and should be prepared to offer assistance when it is apparent some is needed. Even if that nature of that assistance is derived from bad decision making.

We did that after WWII. We could have left Germany to rot. 2 wars in 50 years? What were they thinking? Instead, we gave them assistance to rebuild, and while I'd say they are on an outlandish ride of abuse of the system (as are we!), you can't deny that we did the right thing originally.

Islamic cultures (and some of the fringe Mormons here in the US) have non-traditional family lives built into their culture. Some seem to thrive with it. I'm thinking the Western approach is 'better', simply because it's worked for so long. But it's hard to simply say that it's falling apart OR that the other ways aren't working. There's much more at work here.

In business, if I see another company doing something which seems crazy and it is working for them, I'll sit back and wait and see how the market adapts to it. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. You have to keep your mind open and let the results speak. If the Dutch are doing so well with this approach, then we should see some declines in key metrics like drug use and welfare, while seeing improvements in others like improved GDP, productivity and better government balances. Something tells me that's not going to be the case...

But hey! You never know, right?
#7.1 Bulldog on 2013-11-02 10:11 (Reply)
What a load of codswallop (the linked twaddle). Starting with "for probably three hours"...
In three full hours (did she time that w/a device or was it 2:45?) shedivinedd an entire nation state's 100% unanimous idea on marriage...

Something tells me she really didn't.

FWIW, this is nothing more than episode 1,403,582 of "It's euurooooopean so it's gotta be better than 'murica" drivel. Nothing like deriving a commentary out of what she thinks she saw of a miniscule percentage of a tiny state.
#8 Jess1 on 2013-11-02 10:14 (Reply)
As a child I can remember thinking when I grow up and have a job I'm gonna eat candy and ice cream, etc. I will be free to indulge my sweet tooth and free from may parents unfair rules. So what is it then that keeps us all from doing what feels good when there are no rules and no parents to stop it. Well of course many of us don't resist temptations and over indulge to our detriment. I like the simple answer that we learn from our own mistakes and the mistakes of others. Some learn quickly and others take more time while still others never seem to learn. I'm not sure there is an absolute right and wrong about marriage and relationships but there is a real world undeniable logic in a man/woman relationship with love, commitment and respect.
#9 GoneWithTheWind on 2013-11-02 12:21 (Reply)
Interesting. Being Dutch I can say from experience that most Dutch take marriage very seriously.
In fact many of us look at America as the cesspit of interpersonal relations, where people get married and divorce constantly, where marriage is no longer the sacrament it's supposed to be.

I've in all my 40+ years never encountered among my family, friends, and colleagues a single divorce, and most of them are married, many for decades.

Many if not most abhor the wholesale dhimmitude of our political leadership too, it's a disgrace but so wide spread among the ruling class there's very little to be done about it through elections.

Drugs? Nobody I know uses them though many experiment with pot in university.
I'm personally all for legalisation, not because I like drugs or want widespread use, but because as a libertarian I'm against the government banning stuff.
And banning doesn't work anyway, as the utter failure of the US "war on drugs" shows clear as day.
The prisons over in the US are filled to overflowing with minor couriers and drugs users, while the supply is more plentiful than ever, and the distributors more violent than ever.
#10 J.T. Wenting on 2013-11-26 15:18 (Reply)

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