So, let us recap what's transpired since we last discussed the election.
As I recall, once Time Magazine and the New York Times picked up on the Maggie's posts and started printing them, the entire world realized that the wise and kindly Dr. Mercury was correct that Newt 'Big Picture' Gingrich was the one candidate with the historical perspective and across-the-aisle contacts to really-
Oh, wait. That was a dream I had the other night. Never mind.
Okay, so, while other blog sites were still mocking Romney by calling the others the "not-Romney" candidates, we'd all-but decided over here that it was probably Romney or bust. I believe he won my prestigious 'most presidential' award in every debate except one, where he shared the honor with Jon Huntsman.
Once the primaries started, the 'presidential' difference just became all the more apparent and the only surprise was the strong showing some of the other candidates made in certain states. But only in certain states.
Which brings us to today.
Like others, I'm expecting the Romney VP pick any moment now. For the record, I publicly called for Sarah Palin to be John McCain's running mate three weeks before he announced it.
But that was a gut call; wishful thinking. This is me actually trying to be politically analytical.
The standard "It won't be pretty" warning is in place.
If Mitt surprises us with someone not mentioned here, so much the better that there's still a few surprises left in the old dog.
The list:
New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte,
New Mexico Governor Susana Martinez — Two of the likeliest females candidates, but besides not wanting all the Palin comparisons, neither has more than two years' experience in office, so they'll be played up as lightweights. And, given that, correctly so. Remember, 'inexperience' was one of the main criticisms of Obama — and that turned out to be right. So you shouldn't want it to happen again, no matter what letter they have following their name.
Florida Senator Marco Rubio — The Great Hispanic Hope. Too young, too new to the national stage, and too much baggage at the moment. There are actually four or five 'pseudoscandals' that have whirled around him down here over the past few years (campaign credit card expenditures, friendship with someone being investigated by the IRS — the usual bullshit), all of which will be happily jumped on by the national media. I'm already on record as hoping for a Palin/Rubio ticket in 2016; I just think he needs more seasoning, and I'm guessing the Romney camp feels the same. I know I'm committing the heinous crime of ageism by saying this, but he simply looks too young for the job.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie — The truth is, Palin was so goddamn charismatic and fresh and original that she simply eclipsed McCain in the election, and I gather Romney & bunch will be wary of the same thing happening again. And, if it would happen with anyone, it would happen with the charismatic, fresh and original Governor Chris Christie.
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice — I have no idea why people keep bringing up her name. She's flat-out stated from the get-go that she's not interested, and I would note that there's a difference between a politician saying "Sorry, not interested" — which translates to "Ask me again next week" — and some civilian of high rank saying the same. When people like Rice say 'no', it usually means 'no'.
Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty — I'm also surprised people mention this guy as a possibility. He has 'also-ran' written all over him and it's generally agreed he did a terrible job during the primaries. I think I've made my stance on putting a Crazy Creationist in the White House adequately clear. Which brings us to...
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal — This is who the Hot Air crowd has picked twice in a row for the VP slot.
(ahem)
Governor Bobby Jindal, a Republican politician from the U.S. state of Louisiana, appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation on Sunday and said he supports teaching intelligent design (ID) in public school as "the very best science."
Well done, Hot Air crowd. We thank you, science thanks you.
For those of you scoring at home, Intelligent Design is even wackier than Creationism. While it may be a jarring sight to picture Jesus riding around on the back of a brontosaurus, at least they're not making any pretense that evolution might partially exist. The ID'ers are happy to let evolution take the lead — until suddenly it's "Wait, hold on a sec — evolution isn't smart enough to invent the eye, therefore God exists."
In the White House?
On the other hand, I'll quickly grant that it probably doesn't matter what he thinks. The school issues are all being fought on the state level, and that's what counts.
But still.
Jindal would probably be my back-up guess, though, because he's out to here with credentials, and although he looks a little bizarre, he's got the ever-important Mixed Race Certification Card (just ask Elizabeth Warren), so if anyone criticizes him, we get to call them a racist. If the Romney campaign wants to be a little feistier than I'm predicting, this is probably the guy they'll go with. They'll figure the press would never stoop so low as to drag their radically-conflicting religions into the public arena.
That would be unprofessional.
Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan — This is many a pundit's pick, because he stands for cutting back on government entitlements and related noble goals, but therein lies the rub. While he's clamoring about cutting back on entitlements, there's Mitt out there defending the massive entitlement RomneyCare — and both the press and the Obama campaign will have a field day with the disparity. On top of that, if there's any government or union employee out there wavering, they won't be with Ryan on the ticket.
Ohio Senator Rob Portman — Boring, plain, safe, predictable, non-controversial, well-vetted, no skeletons, no pseudoscandals — have I mentioned 'boring' yet? — and he'd be my guess.
Here's a fair question for you:
Did you recognize him in the picture?
No? Well, then you just proved he's boring, plain, safe, predictable, non-controversial, well-vetted, no skeletons, no pseudoscandals — and have I mentioned 'boring' yet?
Someone used the phrase that Romney wants to "glide to 51 percent", and that's how I see it. He'll want to stick some boring, plain, safe (well, you get the picture) no-name in the VP slot so no one will pay any attention to him, then harp, harp, harp on the economy until November. If there's enough people disgruntled at their recently-higher gas, food, energy and/or other costs, that might just be that 1 extra percent he needs.
If he wins, I'll call my victory post Glide Slope.
