Our commenter Buddy offered this thought a while ago on They keep changing the name of it:
"the thing is, tho, that the moral or ethical question of entering consequentially into a stranger's life is not the same question as whether or not one is lonely."
His excellent phrase "entering consequentially into a stranger's life" got me thinking. As a psychotherapeutically-oriented shrink, most of my work is to "enter consequentially into strangers' lives," and that is a privilege and sometimes a frightening position which I am paid to do as a professional person.
Most adults are cautious, aren't we? - about who we permit into our lives, and to what extent. We may make exceptions with relatives, clergy, or people with white coats, but, generally, our interpersonal lives consist of concentric circles, admitting few to our inner sanctum.
The reason for that is, of course, because confiding in someone, being emotionally intimate with someone, cannot be inconsequential for normal people. Relationships affect us and affect our lives, so they are a serious matter and potentially dangerous.
Loneliness is painful. Lonely people, sad to say, and substance-abusers may be less discriminating about whom to let in. Fact is, though, closeness is always somewhat risky for both people involved because we humans get attached and thus vulnerable.
Buddy's comment, however, was on the topic of Sugar Daddies and mistresses, sort-of about the idea of sexual intimacy rather than personal or emotional intimacy. There is the hooking up culture of course. A college student recently told me that if he strikes out and doesn't get laid by a different girl each night of Spring Break in Nassau, he will feel like a loser. But I do not mean to be discussing purely recreational or athletic alcohol-infused sexual adventures.
What I am wondering about is whether it is possible for a Sugar Daddy and the gal, over time, not to form an affectionate attachment despite the basic free-market win-win foundation of the relationship. Or even regular co-workers.
Perhaps some people are more capable of inconsequential intimacy or exploitative intimacy than others. Not perhaps. Definitely.
