This is kind of an 'observation test'. Let's see if you can figure out the answer to the question, "Why can't I market this remarkable item?" before the end.
How about a coffee mug that keeps your coffee warm up to ten times longer than a normal coffee mug?
Sounds pretty amazing — and sellable — doesn't it? I mean, lots of people prefer their coffee hot, and probably subconsciously drink it faster than they normally would, just to get it while it's still warm. Me, I use a coffee mug warmer plate which keeps it hot and allows me to drink it at a leisurely pace.
And think what an ad would look like for The Magic Coffee Mug. You'd have a bar graph showing how long various popular mugs keep the coffee warm, and while the other bars on the graph would be a quarter-inch high, The Magic Coffee Mug's would be four inches high. Very impressive, and sure to ignite a million sales.
Alas, I can't market this amazing product, even though I could probably get them for dirt cheap.
But let's start at the beginning.
I guess you could say the story began and ended with heartbreak.
To being with, I heartbrokenly broke the handle off my precious 'San Francisco 49s' mug while washing the dishes one day. An hour later, after the tears had finally stopped flowing, I jotted down 'coffee mug' on my grocery list.
I'm in the grocery store looking over the mugs. I just want a regular, standard mug, nothin' fancy. They have some black ones which go perfectly with my computer motif. That is, a black tower, mouse, mouse pad, keyboard, speakers and monitor on a pure white table. Quite smashing, old chap.
So, I buy two of the mugs, bring them home, wash them, let them dry, then put them in the cabinet.
A day or two later, it's time for a fresh mug. I grab one of the new ones, fill it with water, put it in the microwave like I have a million times before and let it stew.
The bell goes off, I reach inside the microwave, grab the mug...
...and almost burned my goddamn hand!
Man, that sucker was hot. As it is, I can hold it for about three seconds, just long enough to get it from the microwave to the counter, then, after the coffee's made, it's cooled down to the point where I can hold it for about five seconds as I rush it to the computer table.
I recognized the monetary potential immediately, of course. If the mug's so much hotter than the average mug when it comes out of the microwave, it's obviously going to keep the coffee hot much longer than a normal mug.
I had discovered The Magic Coffee Mug. My fortune was assured!
Except that I hadn't asked the important question yet:
Why did it get so hot?
It looks absolutely identical to every normal coffee mug you've ever seen, just like the one in the above picture.
Any guesses?
So, what material gets so hot in a microwave that it actually creates sparks?
Metal.
In other words, the local buyer for the grocery store had latched onto some great deal for coffee mugs coming out of Mexico.
Coffee mugs painted with lead paint.
And there went my dream of instant riches. I just don't think "Now Lead-Fortified!" is going to be a strong selling point, and one of those pesky government agencies might object.
I could, however, legally argue in court that I should be allowed to sell them to people 65 or older, since by the time the heavy metal started to melt their brains 20 years later, who'd be able to tell the difference? But my lawyer estimated it would take somewhere in the neighborhood of $3.5 mil to pursue it, and I just don't have that kind of cash lying around to fritter away on a mere project when there are important Maggie's articles to write, like this one.
And that's the story. I just thought in what future historians will undoubtedly refer to as 'The Age of Regulation', it was amusing that this one little item slipped through the cracks. For all I know, it was purely a local deal and the grocery store I bought them from was the only one to carry them, and maybe it was the only shipment where the clerk in the Mexican warehouse accidentally grabbed a box from the 'Toxic Waste Products Designated For Third-World Sales Only' section and tossed it on the truck.
Either way, I'm a pretty happy guy to own two Magic Coffee Mugs!
And I've still got 20 years before my bain megins to relt!
