Maggie's Farm

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Monday, September 5. 2011

Three dumb jokes


CAR TROUBLE


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic itdied. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.


She says, 'What's the story?


He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'


She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


SPEEDING TICKET


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.


She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'


RIVER WALK


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,


'You ARE on the other side.'

Posted by Bird Dog at 17:45 | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)

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A blond is pulled over by a blond police woman. The blond police woman asks the blond driver for her license.

The blond driver fished through her purse for a couple of minutes till finally, the blond police woman sighs, "it's a rectangular thing with your picture on it!".

Then the driver blond finds a rectangular makeup mirror. She looks at it and says, "oh, here it is" and hands it to the blond cop.

The blond cop looks at it and says, "That's OK. You can go. I didn't realize you were a police officer."
#1 mudbug on 2011-09-05 18:04 (Reply)
Classy post! How about some jokes about people with kinky black hair?
#2 Mystery Meat on 2011-09-05 18:23 (Reply)
carburetor?
#3 chuck on 2011-09-05 20:48 (Reply)
...And then there were the three guys in the hot air balloon. Their map blew away in the wind and they could only guess where they were. They spotted a farmer down below, plowing his field in a tractor. The guy with the loudest voice shouted down, "Hey, Mister... where are we?" The farmer looked up at them, shook his head a little and shouted back, "You're in a balloon!"

An oldie but still a goodie...

Marianne
#4 Marianne Matthews on 2011-09-05 22:34 (Reply)
Short version of this true classic:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude
and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse
me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man. "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem.

The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
#4.1 John the River (Link) on 2011-09-06 00:54 (Reply)
And a blond broke my heart over forty years ago.

Then I met my wife, a long dark haired Asian, and got over it.
#4.2 John the River (Link) on 2011-09-06 00:58 (Reply)
Change up blond joke:

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blond joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blond. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

And then there is the classic blond computer joke:

Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?
A. Artificial intelligence.

BA DA BOOM - TISH...

Thank you, thank you, you're too kind - I'll be here all week - try the salad bar and remember to tip your waiter or waitress.
#5 Tom Francis on 2011-09-06 08:21 (Reply)
Here in Israel (as in other places around the Mediterranean) women streak and bleach their hair - blondness is admired. This goes back to the women of Imperial Rome - who used lye to duplicate the golden tresses of captured Barbarians.

So here's an inverse blonde joke, reflecting the waves of immigrants rising the social ladders of our young country:

Two new Ethiopian (Jewish) immigrants see an olive-skinned, brown-haired Morrocan (Jewish) beauty walking down the street.

One turns to the other and says: Look, a blonde...
#6 Ben David on 2011-09-06 18:17 (Reply)

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