Maggie's Farm

We'd better get the ugly stuff out of the way first.  You non-Palenites can skip this part.

Dear Ardent Survey-Taking Palinite:

Like you, I thought her response to the Tuscon massacre was one of the most wonderful things I had ever heard.  After all that talk of 'strong father figures' over the years, I thought what the country really needed at that moment was a strong mother figure.  What a marvelous person she is, and what a great 'mother of our nation' she'd make.

On the other hand, are you nuts??  First off, no way does this country elect a woman to the presidency without a female V.P. first.  That's not a glass ceiling up there, it's a friggin' iron ceiling.  Remember 'baby steps'?  Step by little step?  That's how it's gotta be, and asking her to lose a national election bid is being horribly selfish and shortsighted of you.  She's still carrying far too much baggage from the last election.  But people are starting to wise up to the anti-Palin slant in the media and it won't be near the same story in four years.

Better she go for that Arizona seat for the duration, than make her move in 2016 for the V.P. slot, but this time have a running mate who actually has a chance to win.

After that, who knows?  Think of the glorious future!

And in the meantime, quit voting for her in those damn surveys!!!

Thank you,
Everybody Else

Whew.  It wasn't pretty, but it had to be done.  For you Palinites out there still dabbing a tear from your eye at the harsh, cruel words, let me make amends with this.

First off:

Chris Christie — Like a lot of people, I took to this guy from the get-go, but unfortunately:

"Short of suicide, I don't really know what I'd have to do to convince you people that I'm not running. I'm not running."

At the risk of putting words in his mouth, it doesn't sound like he's running.

Christie/Palin 2016?

As for the rest of these yokels:

Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman, Rick Santorum, (fill in blank) — Fodder for the grist mill.

Michele Bachmann — (barf)  Sorry, had to use the toilet for a sec.  Back now.  Please refer to above notation about us not electing a female president before one's been battle-tested in the V.P. slot.  We like performing little social experiments here in America — as well we should — but this is asking a bit much.

On top of that, there's a stern countenance about her that I find disconcerting.  Put simply, that's not a face I want to look at for four years.  If liberal cartoonists put buck teeth on Palin to make her out to be a hick, they'll be making Bachmann out to be the Wicked Witch of the West.

Mitt Romney — A Mormon??  Do you actually know anything about Mormonism?  I mean, seriously.  Between that hurdle and RomneyCare, he'll be getting it from both sides.  He'll be attacked by the Left for being some kind of religious nutjob, and his opponents in the primary will slice him to bits over RomneyCare — and the public won't forget the hysteria come the Big One.  They may not remember the specifics, but they'll remember his fellow Republicans saying all those bad things about him — and maybe it would be better just to vote for that nice Mr. Obama again.  At least you know where he stands on things.

Tim Pawlenty — Jeebus!  Are you aware this guy is a friggin' Creationist?  If this country puts a Creationist in the White House, it deserves whatever ill fate befalls it.  Hey, they're already teaching gay history in Social Studies; they might as well show pictures of Jesus riding around on dinosaurs in the science books, right?

And let's not forget that Intelligent Design won't be far behind, and then Scientology, and, the next thing ya know, 500 years from today they'll be referring to us as "The Second Dark Ages".

On top of that, he comes across as scrawny and not really made of presidential material.  One of those 'girlie-men' that Arnie referred to.  Sorry, Tim.  Grow some, and give our love to the dinosaurs.  Say hi to Jeebus for me.

Ron Paul — Like I suppose many people, I like about 75% of what he has to say a whole lot — and the other 25% scares me to death.  He's a typical Libertarian — can't please anybody.  If he toned down the rhetoric a bit, he might actually have a shot.  People would rationalize it by thinking, "I like that 75% part so much that I'm going to vote for him — and I'm sure Congress would never allow him to get away with that other 25%, right?"

(click!)

(voting machine tabulates vote)

"Right??"

As a small side note, don't ever believe it when you read he's won some online poll, or straw vote as happened a few months ago.  His fervent followers are notorious for gaming the system.  Sorry, fellas, but that's why they invented the word "reputation" — and you have one.

And finally, our one official non-official entry, Governor Rick Perry of Texas.

Pending change in circumstance, I said.  This would be that circumstance.

While he carries the heavy stigma of "Oh, gawd, not another cowboy in the White House!", at least that's a lot more palatable than any of the above.  The media can only carry the cowboy meme so far, whereas it will have a field day — or year — with the Wicked Witch, the Moonbeam Mormon, the Crazy Creationist and the Loopy Libertarian.

Has the word circus sprung to mind yet?

Don't worry.  It will.

My worry is that Perry might turn out to be another Fred Thompson.  Like many, I immediately knew Fred was the candidate we were looking for.  When someone starts quoting from the Federalist Papers, you know you've found the Second Coming of Ronald Reagan.  Alas, it wasn't to be.  (For you Frederalists out there dabbing a tear from your eye at the sad memory, this should only make it worse.)

Fred ran a lackluster campaign at best, and just never appeared to have his heart in it.  And he was late to declare, and thus the MSM didn't take him seriously, so he had two strikes against him going in.  I'd be a'feared that if Perry waits too long to make the 'official' announcement, the MSM won't view him as a 'serious' candidate and he'll have to grindingly work his way back up the respectability ladder for air time.

If you want an additional worry, if he was going to declare during this time frame, wouldn't the 4th of July have been the perfect date?  On the other hand, I read an article this morning where the author didn't think Perry would enter the race before early next month, so perhaps I'm overstating the importance of the 'official' entry date.  I'm still thinking of Fred and how faltering the MSM made his campaign out to be.

If Perry declines to run, I suggest you start paying more attention to those "Convert your equity into gold bullion!" ads.  Might be something to them.

Well, that's my take on this mess so far.  A very uninspirational lot, rife with problems that can't be danced around, and if Perry doesn't jump in it's going to go in ugly directions that no one can foresee.  But there'll be enough confusion to put enough doubt in the voters' minds to cause unease — and that's why incumbents tend to be reelected.

Need you be reminded how strong a force doubt can be?

OJ Simpson and Casey Anthony could not be reached for comment.