Maggie's Farm

Generally, young men are poor and old men are rich. Men want a beautiful spouse, perhaps it is the desire for good genes or beautiful children. Young, attractive women are more likely to attract any man. (Caveat men do not care much about a woman's social/income status or intelligence level).

Generally, young women are beautiful and old women less so. Women like attractive men but really want physical security and security from want. For many women, a man's wealth can overcome other faults including unattractiveness, and personality flaws. (Caveat women also want a mate who is of higher intelligence and who has social/income potential greater than then woman.)

Strategy, young women have power in the relationship with any man. This power shifts to older men as ages rises. Young men and older women need to devise strategies to overcome these issues or learn to live with them. This is easier for young men since time is likely to better their position.

Unattractive and highly intelligent young women are at the greatest disadvantage. Attractive young women of average intelligence are at the greatest advantage.

Wealthy, high intelligence or high social/income status young men or younger middle age men are at the greatest advantage.

The twelve year gap is apparently the optimum age difference allowing men to obtain a sufficiently young and beautiful wife and allowing the woman to obtain a sufficiently wealthy husband.

What is more interesting is the fact that first marriages do not follow this rule and as such seem to indicate that young men have developed appropriate strategies to address their needs.

It is interesting that we balk at arranged marriages between young teenage women and much older men. Yet follow this pattern ourselves in second marriages. Our worship of Romantic Love is a Dark/Middle Ages artifact and a foolish one.

Mark Sherman

Mudbug:

I am deeply and romantically in love with my wife of 22 years. I will be until the day I die.

I did not, however, go into the marriage with the belief that my romantic fantasy would be perpetual. Many people do and after the lust (what most of the romance actually is) wears off, it is hard to maintain commitment. This is particularly true of men since their sexual power is ascendant at about the time romance fails. I entered my marriage understanding it was a lifetime commitment based in respect, admiration, need and a host of other reasons, including the desire for a family.


My problem with Romantic Love (note the capitals) is that it has always been a mindless concept. It essentially stands for the proposition that if in true love, two people will always and forever be fulfilled and in love.

War plans and courtships have a similar latent flaw. Neither survives contact with actual war/marriage. Relationships with parents, siblings, in-laws, children are easy. Integrating your life with that of your fully adult spouse is not.

Hinging that relationship in any significant way on Romantic Love is disaster. Entering marriage with a clear head and a solid understanding of the positives and negatives at least levels the playing field a bit. Add to that an understanding of your mutual desires, needs and complements and you are most of the way there.

At that point, romantic love, er, lust is a benefit. Maintaining that romantic love makes the situation a likely success.

Sadly, modern family law makes the possibility of success much more difficult.

Mark