Wife-swapping

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Friday, April 16. 2010

A patient recently told me that she had been invited to join a neighborhood wife-swapping club about six months after she and her husband moved into a middle-class Boston suburb. The invitation came quietly, at a lady's coffee.

She replied that she was flattered, but thought it probably wasn't a good idea for her marriage. In fact, it made her so uncomfortable that she decided to move away.

I thought it sounded quite retro, 1970s, like Ice Storm. Key Parties and all that. I had not been aware that these things were still happening. I restrained myself from asking her whether the neighborhood husbands were hot, and from asking whether it might better be described as husband-swapping.

Or is it like "Take my wife... please." ?

Posted by Dr. Joy Bliss in Our Essays, Psychology, and Dr. Bliss, The Culture, "Culture," Pop Culture and Recreation at 07:02 | Comments (11) | Trackbacks (0)

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Uhhh, which suburb was this?

#1 rob sama (Link) on 2010-04-16 07:46 (Reply)

I rest easy in the knowledge that anyone who has ever set eyes upon me would never make such an offer to my wife. Fidelity may have been mildly difficult once upon a time but nowadays it is not even a little bit challenging. Oh well, so be it.

#2 Knucklehead (Link) on 2010-04-16 09:38 (Reply)

I suspect that as long as there are men and women, "these things' will always be happening.

What surprises me is that this behavior, the key parties, even happens in very small towns.

I can think of a town of 190 people that had a key club. No, I was not a participant.

#3 feeblemind on 2010-04-16 10:18 (Reply)

It may sound retro, but human desire is human desire, as you know so well--so why wouldn't it be going on? Just because we're not hearing about it, doesn't mean it isn't happening. They WANT to keep it really quiet.

#4 Sam L. on 2010-04-16 10:22 (Reply)

Human desires often compete in our hearts. Many people see a desirable man or woman and would like to have sex. Many people want to keep their own sexual partner for ourselves alone. Many people want a stable family with a trusting relationship but we would also like to be free to enjoy whatever suits our fancy. These desires are all in conflict.
History seems to show that the value of a stable, trusting relationship is far greater than the value of sexual gratification.
I also fall in the category of not being offered such tempations, so it's easy for me to be philosphical and faithful.

#5 Geoff Brown on 2010-04-16 10:59 (Reply)

I have never run into anything like this ever. In 12 yrs of marriage I've never even run into a situation where adultry has been presented as a possibility. Perhaps I just intuitively steer away from these situations, I don't know.

#6 phil g on 2010-04-16 11:19 (Reply)

I started hearing "Blowin' in the wind" when I read this.

How many slices of German chocolate cake did I eat before I saw it's effect on my gut? How many beers/shots did I throw back until I understood it's effect on my life. I am at the point in my life where I see "the whole package" when I see a pretty woman.

Knucklehead- you speak truth my brother.

#7 Brian in Idaho on 2010-04-16 11:42 (Reply)

This is sick at so many levels.
My word, and my vow are my honor.
I take you Bappy to love, honor, cherish and protect, forsaking all others and holding only unto you.
To have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.
On a lot of things I still live in the Dark Ages.

#8 jappy on 2010-04-16 13:06 (Reply)

You have more fellow travelers than you know, Jappy. I may be mistaken but I'll hold to my observation to this point that fidelity, even when the notion is expanded to the entire vow, gets easier with time. How could I give anything but full fidelity to one who has traveled so far and so faithfully with me and taken no notice of the difficulties along the way? Still smiling... still laughing. Sometimes we aren't entirely certain why, but we still do.

#9 Knucklehead (Link) on 2010-04-16 14:12 (Reply)

Knucklehead ... That's a lovely tribute to your wife. You too, Jappy dear. Reminds one of the legend of Darby and Joan, and its poem with its refrain : "Always the same, Darby my own, Always the same to your old wife Joan."

That can epitomize a life well lived. Take it from me.

Marianne

#10 Marianne Matthews on 2010-04-16 16:12 (Reply)

you guys are all hypocrites

if the barter is good why not take it

#11 vince (Link) on 2010-04-27 07:38 (Reply)

bunch of prudes you all are. there is a difference between adultery and when both halves of a marriage willingly have an experience together...

#12 xlsdx on 2011-02-10 22:28 (Reply)

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Friday, April 16. 2010

Wife-swapping