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Wednesday, September 16. 2009
Rescuing types, and loyal, good-hearted - if somewhat tolerant and often obsessional Boy Scout types of guys are often attracted to Borderline and Narcissistic women. These gals are often sexy, smart, exciting and romantic, and will idealize a fellow - until they don't anymore. That's when the s hits the f, and their hero begins to look like either a monster or a poisonous worm to them.
They split, project, and externalize in order to maintain some sort of acceptable and coherent sense of themselves. Broken and destructive people with lots of anger, through no fault of their own. Bad genes, bad life, bad luck, or whatever.
One of the most common consultations I see with men is about marriages with women with significant personality disorders. My usual first impulse is to say "Save yourself." My second is to want them to not take any sh-t from them. Then things get more complicated - especially when there are young kids.
My general advice to young men: Feel free to date them, but do not marry a Borderline or pathologically Narcissistic woman, unless you plan on its being only a temporary connection, because they will crush you and your spirit (unless they get good help - and learn to love instead of to idealize and split, destroy, and hate. It is tough, though, for anybody to acknowledge their grievous flaws).
Thanks to Dr. H for this good and useful (I will use it) video.
Borderline men are a whole different topic, which I will not get into now.
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Oh, come on, Dr. Bliss ... Why won't you discuss Borderline men? That would be really helpful, especially if one suspects that one has one of those in the family. How does one deal with this kind of problem, without being trampled underfoot by it?
Oh, Marianne, why don't you just put "he" in the place of "she"? A borderline is a borderline, no matter what sex. Having said this, more than 2/3 of borderlines are women--this is just the way it is (just like 2/3 of physical abusive people are men).
Why would be refer to men when we are speaking about a predominately woman personality disorder?
the article is about BORDERLINE/NPD WOMEN ! I suspect you have some issues in this area yourself if you're attacking the columnist... jesus... when do WOMEN just stop acting like they're above the law, above mental disorders, above the crimes they commit every single day...
Its helpful to all of society to recognize that FEMALES ABUSE, MURDER, RAPE, STEAL, DO DRUGS, ARE PROSTITUTES... and that people are educated about these women !!
For far too many foolish years, the MEDIA has created illusory images of narcissistic females being "okay and the norm".. and its repulsive.. to where you've got young girls acting like lesbians, so out of touch with what men desire in females, and feminism so out of control, that most men are simply disgusted by the average female in this country.
Men are finally grasping the big picture. Its up to men to fix the problems women create, thats never going to change. Its been that way since the dawn of time...
So let the MAN speak !
My brother married one of these women. "Save yourself" is the best advice you can give, and the best advice to take if you're one of these men. He didn't have the cojones to take the advice, and wasted 20 years of his life with that creature. Codependence is an ugly, pathetic thing.
your brother has plenty of company, LaurieK --guys with memories of cold sweat and free-fall stomachs.
Rescuing types, and loyal, good-hearted - yep.
sexy, smart, exciting and romantic - yep.
idealize a fellow - until they don't anymore - yep.
After that, living hell. "Walking on eggshells" is the perfect metaphor. The only way not to lose big is to not play at all - just shut down.
Guys, it looks like fun. It will be for a while. It's not worth it.
(Now very happily married for 15 years.)
Don't forget that if the guy shuts down to stop being a participant in the insanity he might well be attacked and confronted for shutting down. "You act afraid of me and it makes me furious". And I don't need to say what happens if he replies "I am afraid you'll attack me, just as you are right now". When EVERYTHING is someone else's fault, and you're completely isolated because you're trying to integrate and manage another persons denial and insanity it all falls on you. I'm wiped out after two years with my female N. Financially, emotionally, physically. I've gone from a happy home and plenty of cash and friends to living in a camper struggling to have the energy to meet my basic responsibilities. Had to move out to get away from her.
Dr B. Please also comment on Narcissistic men. I was married for 20 years to a man my counselor suggested to me was a Narcissist.
Go watch the video. At the site, there is one about BPD men.
(Embarrassing.... for the links to the other videos, they call it "Boarderline..."]
Good video for sure. Watch it if you think you live with one.
bored or lyin
bored her lion
have found that term thrown around a lot and not so easily diagnosed. most women i have met with that diagnosis were bipolar types who were in bad domestic situations with way too many family obligations but i digress. interesting comment and a very BAD disorder for any gender.
You are exactly right. I talked to a shrink once and asked him about BPD. He kind of laughed and said, "It's the diagnosis you put on a patient to let other shrinks know not to accept them as patients." They are screwed-up and obstreperous for so many different reasons that, he said, sometimes the label becomes generic for these recalcitrant patients. He did not, however, dismiss the seriousness of those who fall at that end of the continuum, but he did say they often were such difficult patients shrinks despaired of them and recommended them to someone else. (Usually another shrink they didn't like.) Another way to put it would be to use the words above: Shrinks, Save yourselves.
I noticed the doctor in the video recommend to those men who wished to stay in a relationship, usually co-dependent, to make a list of rules, methods of how to live. My first thought was that's not living.
like all mental disorders, they are all bad even if you do get a shrink that can help. in the end, one has to deal with the sh## thrown at them in this life and find a way to muddle through if one can hang on long enough.
hey, look up the profile of a malignant narcissist
and see what high profile MALE national politician
comes to mind
Yep - the Boy Scout and the impulsive sexual girl.
Getting divorced from one right now. She just decided to up and leave me for her boss. She bought a book for her to learn how I FELT about our marriage breaking up! She has no emotion about it. Her borderline/narcissistic mother (who beat her as child/teenager) was worried that my wife had no emotional response about this divorce.
Two of her siblings are substance abusers. One of them is psychopathic and tends to be jailed a lot.
After separating, I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I don't want to ride this crazy train anymore! Her previous ex-husband congratulated me on not having to deal with the mother-in-law any more and warned me to get ready for a bumpy divorce.
I'm going though a 12-step program now to examine my life and to recover from what I've been through.
i'll bet, before you married her, her family was --in the back of your mind --insurance that your bride, having seen all those bad effects of wrong thinking, would always be steady and reasonable and down-to-earth and loveable.
(i coulda written your letter --even the details, about 95%)
Anyway, time will help. One great thing is she'll make you hate her --so you won't have to lose a loved one for very long --just a court document or two will do it for you. keep your chin up!
"Her previous ex-husband..." Yikes!!!
An ex-husband (and a dysfuntional family) Two big tip-offs...
Men aren't the only ones who "rescue." How many nice women have thought that they could rescue a man from alcohol, drugs, etc.?
How many teenage girls have become pregnant by their "bad boy" boyfriends? OR take abuse from them? How many marry such a fellow?
Sorry for the redundancy. Should just be "former husband".
I'm now divorced and have been going to a great 12-step program. Can't afford therapy quite yet as I've lost a bit of money to the divorce process. Small price to pay for sanity and happiness.
Healing is progressing and all my friends and family are relieved that this marriage is over. They've been very supportive of me. I'm sorry to lose some friends due to that their wife(s) are close friends with my ex.
Also, I got a text from her son that seems to indicate that she is going to soon marry the guy that she has been living with since the Summer. I figured this was going to happen VERY soon after our divorce. Looks like it's true.
Thanks for all the comments here. I really appreciate all the insight.
What I find fascinating in treating couples in which one or both partners have BPD, is that with patience and coaching it isn't all that hard to talk them down.
You do have to know what's going on (Randi Kreger's book is excellent, but knowing dialectical behavioral therapy is still essential) and you have to know how to respond in a way that is patient and loving.
The loving thing is what is almost always missing in these frustrating relationships because impulsive behaviors are so incredibly annoying. They wear the other partner down, and certainly therapists.
Therapists are much better at it than partners, validating the content of an argument without necessarily agreeing, the essence of empathy. But until a partner does this, (or a therapist taking that call), takes the time to listen, to unravel what the crisis is about, there's no getting through.
It's so time consuming that you wonder, is it worth it? But when they get well, when people with BPD catch themselves and go, "Oh, I see. I'm not seeing any gray here," you haven't lived.
You have to feel sorry for the kids - they grow up having no idea what genuine human relations are like. There is an all-pervasive sense of helplessness, impermanence and fear that someone somewhere in their vicinity will instantly change from an angel to a devil, and that constant precautions must be taken to prevent this from happening or, if not possible, to insulate oneself from the impending storm.
So the kids learn is to duck inward or to flee whenever, without warning, a certain facial expression flits across momma's face or when she assumes a certain physical attitude or when her voice unaccountably changes its timbre. There are no specific triggers for the change, or more exactly, anything could be a trigger, for the verbally or physically violent explosion that follows.
Helluva way to live...
Hello. I love this pagagraph. Would you mind if I use it sometie (not sure when or where, but I like to collect things).
17 years of marriage, 3 kids later, the ebb and flow of my wife's moods has washed away all the scree and the hard iron core inside me is exposed. I am better for it. I haven't enjoyed it. Self taught anger management.
What do I have? The ability to enjoy the moment- and to focus on myself, patience, peace (inner), strength, confidence. My children. Plus another kid, 40 years old. I really love the child in her (metaphorically speaking you scum).
What's missing? A partner that understands me completely, or enough to love me like I love her. My innocence is missing. My screwed-up growing-up is getting fixed, by me, bit by bit.
The kids are the most important, and for them, I have to be a rock and have learned that I can love myself (okay, that way too you scum) and this woman, and at the same time not accept her reality. Both of us are getting older, she's probably learning too, bit by bit. But as time goes by, my inner peace is permeating the environment and blunting the fire she throws on a lunar schedule. Things are smoother.
Still I say, 13 and out. (my youngest is 5)
You have to be a saint,.. it is increible what you have put yourself in and still do... you already won in life by sacrificing one of the most important loves in life...one to a partner in love,.. you know she cannot love,. only her cats and dogs,. and you must love her like one loves a subhuman or a dementia patient,.. or the coldest and meanest prostitute,. now you are damaged but will grow to know only a saint can love this subhuman and we are not saints,.. we can strive. And this experience will make you better after you let her go,.. she will call you but just for her egocentric calculation of you. You know that. I had to suffer two of this types of woman in my twenties and beyond,.. speaks of me more... and had to look in me and find my pieces all through the labyrinth of the mind and the mystical... and found I could accept the existencial, instinctual, rational, egotistical predicament of our spieces... gracias a Dios,... good night to the planet,. good morning to the universe. good ride this life, really. I could not save her,. invite her to walk the labyrinth,.. so I choose to leave the demented woman naked in the streets to her luck.. what else could I do? Just pray for the subhumans... she was always walking the streets dementially,. and she had fun many times.. and she has all the right after all.. she has no original fault,.. and little chance to see her defects or be honest with herself.. it is dificult for the rest of us too. Nice predicament no? this labyrinth.. hope you find the beauty of it. bye.
A lot of the crazy-making behavior has got to be just plain old laziness --a failure to see the plain truth that we are each local temporary accidents of smart mud that the universe just can't reasonably exist for the purpose of thwarting.
Only in remembering that a very small handful of years from now one will be gone and forgotten, and nobody for the rest of time will ever know or care that one ever existed, can one escape being the center of the universe under attack by evil shapeshifters trying to take one's position.
A study recently came out purporting to show that American women have been getting steadily more UNHAPPY over the last 40 years. Dr Bliss, I'm wondering if this intuitively feels right to you.
I suspect this great unhappiness, if it really exists, is largely among high-income and highly educated women. Certainly, there seem to be quite a few upper-middle-class women who are so angry and so unhappy that it seems no human could be angrier & more miserable, maybe not even the burka-clad women of Saudi Arabia.
It is a horrible shame that professional psy doc's lump all BPD into one bucket and want to throw the whole lot out.
Isn't there even one of us who are "worth" saving? Date them but save yourself?? Even in a joking tone is insulting.
Crush a significant other AND their spirit?? What about my crushed spirit? So you just write me off and you don't even know me? I guess I'm thrilled I have a more ethical doc - that it hasn't been a burden and cross to bear treating me and my condition - I'll make sure I let her know how blessed I am. This type of bashing is shameful - worse than racism. Shame on all of you.
Maybe you should consider the people YOU have hurt, confused and manipulated. Get over yourself and your blatant over inflated sense of self importance and entitlement and learn how to carry your own pain.
wendy my heart goes out to you however the experience i've had with my ex-girlfriend i ended up getting arrested for no reason only because i had caught her in one of her lies and so she became so enraged that the only way out for was to get me arrested and all her declaration to the cops were a bunch of lies,beginning with the fact that i had been harrassing her since april the 1st, that i threatened her life;that i had guns that my supposedly criminal friends had left with me the time they would be inside etc.etc....arrest was on june 5th,2011 and still today i can say that I feel for her cause i know that she has a disorder but i can't speak to her cause conditions that i need to respect...so no we shouldn't condemn all bpd but it is very difficult to deal with them........
A HURT SOUL.
People used to warn their children about at least seven issues regarding relationships.
(1) When you marry the person; you marry the family.
(2) The daughter turns out to be a lot like her Mum. AND The way a man treats his mother, sisters (and other female relatives are treated in his family) is the way he will treat his wife/girlfriend.
(3) Women often choose men whose traits are similar to their father's personality types. AND Men often choose women who are similar to their mothers.
(4) Being "in love" with someone and "loving" someone are two different things.
Being "in love" often is just being "in lust" or "chemistry,"
or "madness" (folly)...or whatever you want to call it.
(5) "First the ring and then the 'thing'." OR "Why should he buy the cow; when the milk is free"? (Don't be used or a user.)
(6) "Cooking lasts--Kissing Don't"
In other words look for a woman who would make a good wife and mother... a person with a nuturing, caring personality.
(7) "If he has a job now...He'll have a job later."
In other words look for a man who is not afraid to work hard...at whatever he does. He's the guy who will have the initiative and ability to support a family.
The above may be stereotypes but like most folk-wisdom; it has a ring of truth to it. If nothing else, the ideas reflect a common sense approach to relationships. Mankind's knowledge has outdistanced his common sense.
True wisdom by individuals is rare; but common sense should be universal.
I beieve I have BPD or it may be from the dosage of steroids I'm on for lupus, if it's over 20 mg God Help You if you piss me off.
My husband is a narcisist and an Italian from NJ. We have a 17 yr age difference, he's 76 I'm 59. We've been married 21 yrs & have a 20 yr old son. It's been like a "smack down" @ our house for many yrs. I'd love to resolve this before I die !!!
Yes I aggree it is best to get smart no the warning signs and don't be abused. I just dated a woman my therapists says probably has NPD. I am glad she dumped me! The moment I started drawing better and better boundaries was when she felt she wasn't getting enough "attention" narcissistic supply. If she did not dump me I would still be in denial, co-dependent. I think my tolerance is a good thing but if the person refuses to grow with you and when "you" are always the "problem" and the other person is "perfect" and can never possibly be at fault, and exploits you financially and for constant attention something is seriously wrong. The issue for me is not merely tolerance, it is that I empathize with her, and still do, but I can no longer afford to after she lied, manipulated, and deceived. And yet I still empathize because it is truly sad. But I learned just because she is ill doesn't mean I have to be ill with her. God bless her, she needs a blessing greater than any human can give.
Here is a video of my experience with spousal abuse and parental alienation. I was married to someone who I knew had a high-conflict personality, but I was completely blindsided by what happened during our divorce. I hope others will learn from my experience and will take measures to protect their children before it's too late. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks.
Warning, strong language.
I now have experience with a broad range of personality disorders
and mental health syndromes...
both of my parents suffer anxiety disorder and the family home was a full blown anxiety factory and my mother suffers from deep depression
my brother has had long term paranoid psychosis and schizophrenia
The mother of my 8 year old daughter suffers from rapid cycle BPD/NPD we where together for 8 years and it was hell she cheated,lied,stole,belittled,physically attacked me many times(once she pushed me down the stairs i was in plaster for 3 months)ground my self worth and confidence to dust I was the classic co-dependant she was my life and I did not exist I tried for years to get her to get help but she didn't believe she had a problem it wasn't until she left me once again (actually left isn't actually true I came home one day and found she had taken my door key from my keychain I couldn't get in I knocked and she said if I came back she would call the police everything had seemed fine the night before nothing had happened) when as usual she tried to get me back after a few months but I finally found the courage to say no once and for all and explained to her that Id been trying to get her to face her problems for years I just couldn't wouldn't do it to myself or our daughter anymore think it was me at last walking away that opened her eyes she has
since then had regular therapy and on meds and has moved on and is now married to what seems a genuine nice guy(poor bastard) we split near three years ago but I still regularly for no apparent reason get abusive phone calls out of the blue and threats of moving overseas with my daughter so I can't see her when she is obviously in the throws of a powerful BPD crash.
Two years ago I met who I thought was the girl of my dreams I run a city cafe and there is a womens clothing store across from it where she worked at the time...
she was stunningly beautiful,sexy,tall,a figure to die for,legs that went on forever at first it was just physical attraction we caught each others eye and after a few weeks of light flirting I asked her out for a drink Ive never had a date like it we sat and talked for six hours that felt like six minutes Ive never had so much in common with someone anyone(I think now looking back that the manipulation had already begun)I drove her home and for the next five months I can say was most probably the happiest of my life but something wasn't quiet right I started noticing sudden changes in her and her attitude towards me and then she began to be very clinical and was almost as if she was reviewing me for a film critique or something and she seemed to want to push my buttons and dig up my flaws and play on them I began to have a very strong feeling of de javu but I was hoping it would pass I was in denial i thought"no you couldn't possibly have picked the same kind of woman your not that unlucky" but I was it got worse and worse I slowly felt smaller and smaller my newly rebuilt confidence was slipping through my fingers and I slipped back into being a co dependant Mr.Compliant Mr.Paranoid Mr.Please Please Don't Leave Me
Then as if by magic things became really good again like the first five months she was attentive,loving,adoring poured compliments on me bought me gifts turned up at my work on her days off etc..etc..and I thought "well was just a rough patch" things where fantastic.
One day she calls me and says"listen I'm just calling to say that I'm thinking of you and that I'm going to be very busy for the next few days and you shouldn't think I'm ignoring you because I'm crazy about you and the second I can I'm going to be hassling the crap out of you" so a few days pass and I try to call her phs off a week later I try again and I get an automated message"We apologise but the overseas network in the area you are trying to contact is currently unavailable or experiencing technical difficulties"
I was shattered,crushed and didn't know what to think.
We didn't talk for months for all knew she had met someone else then one day out of the blue she called and said she missed me etc and asked if we could meet and talk I was very sceptical but I went and met her because love this girl like I loved no other.
She was very apologetic she said she had been having a hard time her family won't speak to her anymore she was having problems at work and had just needed to get away and her and her best friend had spent two weeks in a resort in malaysia.I was still mad and unsure wether to give her another chance but she know my good buttons as well as bad it wasn't long till things where good again but didn't last back to bad button pushing.
It got to the point where Id had enough one night we where out on the town and she started I could see her digging deep into her bag of tricks pushing my buttons and trying to make me feel inadequate I stayed calm and could see she was getting frustrated that I wasn't taking the bait so she pulled out the big guns and started telling me about her best friends new bf and how amazing he was and how jelous she was and said"why can't I meet someone like that" that stung really deep and that was enough I walked out of the bar with her hurling insults at me she followed me and said "hey I was joking you know Im just playing don't you come on lets eat" so grudgingly I walked across the road with her to a take away joint and realised I needed to get some cash so I said"I need to go to an atm" she immediately started throwing abuse and insults at me so I walked off and got in the car she got in and kept going for 45 mins I drove around so ground down I drove in circles with her belittling me and devaluing me from the passenger seat me apologising non stop just wanting it to stop eventually Id had enough and said "who do you think your talking to?" she put her face to mine and screamed"maybe I should just get out here you psycho" I was furious I hit the brakes the car slid to a halt tyres screeching and said "maybe you should" she got out and walked of calling me names....
Six months later she calls out of the blue again so old story back to good times until sunday night watching tv on her couch she's all cold towards me until its time for bed and she asked me to stay I said yes but could she put her alarm on for six because I had to be home in the morning my daughter was being dropped off so I could take her to school camp...she started yelling I didn't reciprocate its her house Im not going to make a scene she stormed out to the kitchen and came back I was sitting on the bed she stood over me waving her finger in my face insulting me I put my tshirt back on and picked up my shoes and headed for the door and said "I'm not arguing with you Im going" she screamed at me"well then I never want to speak to you again then you ---- go and ---- off" I opened the door and said"thats lovely thank you very much" i had one foot out the door hadn't even put my shoes on and she ran at me from behind jumped in the air and brought one elbow down on my neck and one knee into my hip and I turned around and she punched me in the face I was dumbfounded I said"are you serious" she is lucky Im a decent guy with strong morals and would never hurt a woman under any circumstances Im 6.5 and 100kg and work out she could've been in a lot of trouble if I was an asshole but Im not.
I just walked out and said "your a psycho you need help" I pulled the door closed behind me and sat down to put my shoes on she was screaming insults through the closed door.
I walked away physically,emotionally and for good I will never go back was dumb going back so many times but thats what co dependants do.
But I deserve better...as I sit and write this I can't turn or lift my head to look up my necks real sore she mustve hit a pressure point.
I apologise for the thesis but just wanted to show guys out there how bad it can get if you suspect someone your seeing or planning to see has NPD or BPD do yourself a favour walk away and don't look back take it from someone who knows unfortunately its very rare that they will ever change and even if they do theres always a little of it left and the chance of relapse.
Beside the boy scout type, and the narcisstic person being couple with a borderline female (most are females ,as the males are generally more power obsessed, manifesting in sociopathic cognitions as the dominant "movement of evil," (and yes, that movement is a position of evil within...growing, and one day can consume such a person as "evil identity disorder--no longer a person reachable, game played out too long, hormones too depleted for the recovery stress needed to free one of evil) Borderline females are, what I term "emotio-pathic (emotional sociopaths)"---feeling only for themselves and are obsessed with others to get their own feelings as they need...a bit sad, but true...ergo the massive manipulations by both the male "cognio-path" and female "emocio-path.")
However, there is another group of males that can be coupled with these victims, at least for a short time (a few months to the end of the sexual stage MAX, and they will tire, and grow out of it -- or be consumed by it.)
There is a group, true Empaths, that often are "psychic feeling", can see into others, and connect strongly with their inner pain and ultimate stuggle. These people are not attached in the unhealthy way of the boy scout or the narcissist, but have not realized that, by nature, they attract, with their unique energy, the needy, unhealthy, sick etc. It is the role of the Empath to advance and someday realize that they are healers. However, along the way, there are traps (I know this from experience)...and tending into various relationships with those socio-types can happen. When it does, the energy of the empath is fed off, and preferred by those with low energy (the lowest form of energy are those riddled with shame by the way--they drain most severely). And borderlines will, if they manage to come across an empath (INFJ is prime rib) become addicted to their energy, and try to suck it out of them. What keeps the Emapth is the idea that, since they can see the inner child, these is a way out (and there is) but only if the socio person sees it. The female socio is most tricky because she will sincerely bring out her inner child, but it gets "used" by her "negotiator." And the Empath can get locked into this struggle...every healthy type has a kryptonite...takes time to "fit into the shoes."
The ultimate struggle for this empath (male INFJ's account for 0.5% of the population) is to become more in tune with their nature, trust what they feel, and to avoid the notion that a "saving type person" is ALWAYS unhealthy. A few of the population are really healers, just a fact (talk to one and you will notice their uncanny abilities, some more than others.) But they need to realize that their societal role is a bit different, and the sick, needy, unhealthy will always come to them. It is for them to figure out what is best in relating to people...and this is most difficult to discern as there are really few support for them...and so many for those who are truly sick.
Don't believe Empaths exist? Even Jesus (historic, human Jesus, not the religious myth) drew them, and frequently retreated to re-energize. Read the new testament, and you will notice this cycvle, of him tending/healing (or saving), and then keeping his own balance in check. However, as a transcended EMPATH (end stage for them), he had superceded his sexual path, and no longer attempted stressful illusion-filled coupling with those coming into his path (which is something an Empaht will ultimately have to face, or perish draining encounters of varioius forms. However, even though transcended, he still was murdered by a male borderline-Judas Iscariot. Judas was a borderline, as he killed himself after seriously manipulative, jealous behavior which caused Jesus' demise.
I do understand that contemporary counseling theory deals with the masses, and INFJ Empaths are a small minority--and do not make problems for others, and those with substantial emapthic impact are even smaller...but to tell some more advanced empaths, coupled with female borderlines, that their "saving" potential needs to come to a death...is actually, not only frustrating, but has an element of ignorant abuse thrown in as well. They are not narcissists, but those who have gifts they have not gotten into clear focus yet. (and many perish from a lack of support--via the slow energy drain route.)
What needs to be done is to assess if you have an empath, narcissist, boy scout (they tend to not think very deeply) in that situation, and then, if it is an Empath, help them to realize who they attract, why, what their gifts are, and how they are squandering them and their energy.
How do you know if you are dealing with an Empath? They will tell you they can stand in a room, or with a person and feel drained without reason...they will tell you something they sense in another that you cannot discern how they know that etc. etc. Some understand this in themselve better than others, and many struggle with inner balance between energy generation (alone, in pristine energy surroundings) and giving (with others)
As long as therapy is a "coat of paint" splashed on numerically to people from ignorant people reading books and spewing "psycho-pap," some people will continually get erroneously "packaged" by those who think they know more than they actually do.
...just meant as food for thought.
I too have been in several relationships with a narsistic women . My last one was at least honest and told me she was narsistic .. Went in to see a therapy and discovered why
all these relationship ended quickly . I was asking for a commentment when all of them ended . In the begining they all were what i wanted ,, after they had me hooked the abuse came out showly . The cheating and lying was the last step.
When dating you have to look closely and observe their actions closely. It takes time to develope a close relationship . Beware of the ones who want to rush and sex is thier hook .