Maggie's Farm

 
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The fun part, of course, is that you think I'm kidding.

Actually, fooling around with hardware is quite addictive, to the point where you're sadly disappointed that the project's over and you have to go back to that regular ol' computin' stuff.  Those guys at the repair shop are the ones who didn't go back.

And if there's a point to make immediately, it's that hardware items are extremely easy to replace these days, especially compared with just a few years ago.  I can add or replace a hard drive or ROM drive to my Compaq computer and never touch a screwdriver. 

On the other hand, when it comes to adding or replacing hard drives and ROM drives, I don't want to delude you.  There is one small step where you may have to make an adjustment to the new unit, but it's not difficult and I'll walk you through it.

When it comes to upgrading the peripheral devices (keyboard, mouse, monitor, printer, speakers), most everything's straight plug 'n' play these days.

Keyboard

There's been a sad trend in keyboards over the past few years, and for no real reason.  Apparently, in a concerted effort to reduce the manufacturing cost of each computer case by $0.00000319 they seem to be doing away with the PS/2 jack.  Like computer mice and printers, there's been a big drive to push keyboards to USB jacks.  Unfortunately, this has two problems:

• Like, there aren't already enough devices on the USB port?  For 20 years the keyboard and mouse have been getting along just fine on the two PS/2 ports (and the printer on the parallel port), but the cheapskate manufacturers have decided to dump everything on the USB port.  And if the sheer numbers of USB devices out there aren't bad enough, Windows XP actually has an acknowledged bug with the USB port which is why not all of your USB devices might appear upon boot-up.
   


• I bought a USB keyboard a few years ago and never could get it to be recognized by the computer at boot-up.  I tried five or six things in the BIOS (using my old keyboard) on the tech rep's suggestion and it never did work.  Worked fine once Windows was up, but that's not going to help if I need to adjust the BIOS or run some boot-up program like a memory chip tester.  In 20-odd years of computing, that never happened once with a PS/2 keyboard.

Bottom line: If your present keyboard has a PS/2 plug (the round, usually purple one), and you're going to replace it, I'd suggest you get another PS/2.  If you have a USB keyboard and it seems to act erratically at times, get a PS/2.  Most keyboard companies still offer both.
 

In my opinion, there are two things that make a keyboard exceptionally easy to use: a large Backspace key and a large Enter key.

The difference between a 'keyboardist' and a 'typist' is that a typist keeps his or her fingers in the standard typing position the entire time.  Someone who's familiar with the keyboard as a whole tends to wander more.  When I'm editing some document and possibly shuffling a few paragraphs around, I'll keep my left hand hovering over the Ctrl-X-C-V keys and my right hand on the arrow keys.  If I'm touching up some picture in Photoshop, my right hand will be on the mouse and my left hand will be sitting on Ctrl-Z, ready for a quick undo.  If I'm playing some action game, my fingers could be on the F Keys or the < > keys or the numeric keypad or who-knows-what.

From any of these positions I want to be able to stab out and hit the Enter key without looking or hesitating, and to a lesser extent the Backspace key.  For that, they need to be large.
 

Here's my keyboard of choice, the Classic P1/P2 model.  Click on 'Keyboards/Product Matrix' on the left.

Note the large keys.  A very sure, very responsive, very quick keyboard.
 

Maintenance: Most keyboards can be taken apart and cleaned if a key gives out.  Usually it's some micro piece of dirt that got in between the thin 'contact sheets' of plastic.  You could try banging it gently around, like sideways, in hopes of dislodging it.  Don't be surprised if you disable five other keys in the process knocking all the dust around.
 

Turn it over, remove all of the small screws, turn it right-side up and slowly pry it apart, watching to see what falls out of where.  If you want to give the whole thing a good cleaning, pop off all the keys.  Use a couple of butter knives or small screwdrivers to pop off the ones you can't get your fingers on and make sure you pop them straight off, not at an angle.  Then dump all the plastic parts in the sink and blast them with 409.

Clean the clear flimsy 'contact' pieces of plastic that sit under the keyboard carefully with some paper towels and Windex.  Blow out the air from inside the rinsed keys with your mouth or an air can so they'll dry well.  If the contact point where the cable connects to the keyboard is two strips of copper, take a clean pencil eraser or copper cleaner like Brasso and clean them up.  Reassemble the whole mess and pop the keys back on.

Note: The space bar can be kind of a bitch to get off.  Use a small screwdriver to pry the wire 'catch' off the hook, if that's the type you have.  Try not to actually break anything.  It pops back on easily enough.

Mouse

If you're thinking of buying some big fancy ergonomic mouse that molds to your hand, make sure you actually place your entire hand down on the mouse during normal use.  I find I just touch mine with my fingertips, so an 'ergonomic' mouse would be a total waste.

If you're still using a mouse with a roller ball, upgrade to a laser mouse ASAP.  You'll love the sure feel.  I use a standard Logitech mouse with the scroll wheel acting as a double-click button.

I don't have any feedback on wireless mice, never owned one.  As long as they have a sure feel to them then I suppose that's the route to go.  I've also never used a trackball, but in all fairness I should note that I've known a few people here and there who swore by them.
  

Maintenance: Old-fashioned roller ball mice need constant cleaning.  Remove the rubber ball and wipe it down with a little isopropyl alcohol on a paper towel.  Put some on the end of a Q-tip and give the two small plastic rollers a good scrub.

My last Logitech mouse had small indented areas for the feet and would scrape horribly when one came off.  If your mouse is similar, they're called "glides" and there are companies around that sell them.  My new Logitech mouse has glossy built-in feet and no glides, praise be.

Monitor

Given that your next monitor will probably be an LCD, there are two things to keep in mind:

• Get one the next size up from your present CRT monitor.  If you like a 17" CRT, get a 19" LCD.  I guess it's just an optical delusion, but LCDs definitely appear smaller.  I replaced my 17" CRT with a 17" LCD and went "Yikes!" the second I set it up.  It felt like I'd downgraded to a 16".  But the ultimate test is in the store.  Stand the normal distance away from it and pretend like you're reading a full-screen document.  If you find your head's moving, not just your eyes, it's too big.
   


• The one place LCD monitors still pale in comparison to CRTs is what's called the "response time", or how fast the screen refreshes.  Obviously, if you're into 'fast' things, like action games and video, then you want a monitor with a fairly fast response time, measured in 'ms' (miliseconds).  In general, the lower the number, the better, but how it looks in the store is really the ultimate test.  High-intensity gamers will still probably require a CRT until LCD technology takes another leap.

Also, do NOT buy a 'widescreen' monitor for your computer unless 99% of what you're going to do on it is watch movies.  Your Desktop will either look real 'fat' as it's stretched out to the sides, or have to use an extremely high resolution if you want things to have the proper aspect ratio.  For computer work, you won't like it at all.
 

Maintenance: CRT monitors are flat-out dangerous and should never be opened except by qualified personnel.  The electricity stored inside even an unplugged one can kill a person.  LCD monitors are obviously unrepairable by the average person.

In regards to cleaning LCD monitor screens, never use anything with ammonia in it, like Windex, and never use liquids or they might slip between the layers of laminate and wick up the screen.  Use Windex Wipes, more info here.

Printer

Like the mouse and keyboard jacks, the cheapass manufacturers did away with the dedicated jack for the printer, unquestionably saving a barrel of money.  Hey, when you only buy these things in case lots of 500 million, what kind of price break can you expect?  No wonder they got rid of it.

Printers have come a long way in the past few years.  Even the cheapest piece of garbage at Staples will print respectable photographs these days.  As such, about the only difference is whether it takes individual color ink cartridges or not.  My Epson does but I don't especially like it.  I'd rather just replace one color cartridge, and it'd probably be cheaper than three individual ones.  On the other hand, I had a roommate a few years ago who printed a lot of blue sea pictures (with blue skies) and because he went through the blue ink cartridges three times faster than the other two colors, he thought the individual routine was great.  So it depends on use.  Otherwise, I consider all printers about the same.
 

Maintenance: If something's actually mechanically wrong with it, toss it.  Printers are too cheap these days to bother repairing.  If it seems to be a software issue, use Control Panel, 'Add or Remove Programs', remove the printer driver if it's listed and reinstall it.  You should also open Start Menu, Settings, 'Printers and Faxes' and make sure your main printer is the 'default printer'.  The icon should have a little checkmark on it.  Use the right mouse button on the icon if it doesn't.  If you have two icons for your printer (not uncommon), right-click on the extra one and remove it.

Important note:  If you're installing a new printer (or having problems with an existing one), leave the USB cable unplugged until the setup program calls for it.  This is also true with the Verizon Wireless modem and many other USB devices that require software to make them work.  Remember this, because with so many USB devices around, it's quite possible that at some point you'll be in an office or at someone's place and their setup program won't be recognizing their new USB device.  Unplug it, reboot, plug it in when the setup programs says to.

If you're still having problems, you could try a manual install using 'Add Hardware' and loading the printer driver manually, but you'd have to more-or-less know what you're doing.
 

Scanner

The only thing I can think of to mention in regards to scanners is the way they output their scans.  They usually come with their own software, but if you're using something more sophisticated, like Photoshop (or Paint Shop Pro?) or a desktop publishing program, the program might very well have a scanner input.  Look for a 'TWAIN' entry somewhere on the File Menu.  Then you can scan directly into your program of choice, rather than the ditzy program that came with the scanner.

Speakers

One thing to note is that the music coming from the average MP3 is actually a real high-fidelity sound, but you'd never know it listening to the average computer speaker system.  If you actually wanted to do it right, you'd run a Line Out from the back of the computer into a small receiver and power a couple of regular bookshelf speakers with it.  Next best after that would be to buy a quality set of computer speakers that include a subwoofer.  The small speakers will give you decent highs, but if you want the music to actually sound like music, you're going to need a subwoofer for the lows.  Stick it on the floor somewhere, preferably in a corner so it'll be out of the way and the bass will resonate better.

If you're planning on getting some type of 'surround sound' system, make sure your existing audio card (most likely built into the motherboard if it's a newer computer) can handle it.  If not, you'll want to pick up a specialized sound card.  See the 'Adding PCI cards' section, below.
 

Maintenance: Probably the most common problem with any kind of small, cheap amplifier is the volume knob getting 'scratchy' as it gets older.  You can twist it back and forth a number of times to clean things up for a while, but it'll be back.  There actually is cleaner for the problem in the electronics world, but you'd have to take the speaker apart and hope there was a small opening in the volume knob to spray the stuff through.  If there was, though, that would fix it for a while.

If for some reason a plug goes bad, the jacks can be bought at Radio Shack, but you'll need a small soldering iron to solder the wires.

The Tower or Case

If it sits upright, it's a tower.  If it lies flat, it's a case.  Whichever it is, the one thing you don't want to do is place it on the floor.  Because dust is heavier than air, the bottom foot or so of room air is much dustier than a few feet up.  Since heat is the enemy of electronic components, and dusty components run hotter, it behooves you to not only keep the tower out of dusty situations, but you should open it up ever six months, haul it outside and blow the hell out of it with a can of compressed air.  At very least, hook up the brush to the vacuum and suck off what you can.  But compressed air works much better.
 

Regarding the handling of hardware:

• You don't have to unplug the unit to fuss around inside the case.  All of the 120v stuff is kept inside the enclosed power supply.  Also, if you unplug it, the following step won't work.
   


• Touch a hand on the bare metal of the case before reaching inside, just to discharge any static electricity that may have built up on your body.  Get enough built up, reach inside the case and accidentally brush against the motherboard and you can literally fry a chip.
   


• Use a magnetized screwdriver for the screws.  It'll keep you from dropping them and make putting them back in much easier.
   


• If a cable's jack doesn't seem to want to pop right out, don't force it.  Some, like ethernet cables, have catches on the jacks, and some, like the monitor cable, have thumb screws.
   

Regarding the two cables going to the hard drive and ROM drive:

• If you have a newer computer with ATA drives, both of your jacks will look somewhat similar and require the little release to be squeezed to come off.
   


• If your computer has the usual IDE drives, the cables will look quite different.  The power cable is much smaller and has four big wires going to it; the hard drive cable is a flat thin thing.
   


• Do NOT pull on the wires when unplugging the small 4-wire power plugs.  It can be a real bitch but work out the actual plug.  Try prying it with something or grabbing it with some pliers.
   


• As far as the flat IDE cables go, you'll usually have to pull on the actual cable part and yes, occasionally one might bust.  It would be a good idea to have a spare around.
   


• You'll note that each IDE cable has two wide jacks on it, which means it supports two drives.  If your motherboard has jacks for two cables (as most do), then your system can support four IDE drives.

Removing a hard drive or ROM drive is usually fairly simple.  The screws, if any, will be obvious.  ROM drives usually come out the front, hard drives usually come out the rear.  The front plate comes off the tower with either a few screws or some plastic clips.  It'll be obvious when you look at it closely.

Once you have the drive out, look on the back for some little prongs and possibly a jumper block, like so:
 

 
Somewhere on the outside of the unit will be a little diagram explaining the jumper positions.  There are a couple of ways to phrase the three settings but basically they're 'Master', 'Slave' and 'Cable Select'.  Look at the diagram on the old unit and note which position the jumper block is in, if there's even a jumper.  On many units no jumper block at all means the same as the 'Master' setting.

If you're replacing the unit, turn to the replacement drive, read the little chart on it and put the jumper in the same Master/Slave/Cable position as the original.

If you're adding a drive and there's already a unit taking up one of the cable's two spots, you'll need to make sure the jumper of the new unit is the other position.  If the original unit is set to 'Master', set the new unit to 'Slave' and vice versa.  If the original unit is set to 'Cable Select', do the same with the new drive.

If you don't want to bother taking out the original unit just to read the jumper position, just set the new unit to one of the three and fire it up, then try another if you don't see it in 'My Computer'.  You can't hurt anything with the jumper block position.

If the original unit is set to 'Master' or 'Slave' and setting the second unit to the other position doesn't work, try reversing them.  Also try setting both to 'Cable Select', and try reversing the jacks.  If you're dealing with two problematic hard drives, try swapping the second one with the ROM drive.

Power Supply

If your power supply dies, it's quite easy to replace.  Note that the jack(s) that plug straight into the motherboard from the power supply probably have release clips on them.  Unplug all of the cables, undo a few screws and haul it down to the electronics store for an exact replacement.  If it's less than 400 watts, upgrade while you're there, but take the new one out of the box and compare it to the old one to make sure everything's exactly the same, both the cables and where the screws go.

Memory

If your machine is acting strange, like suddenly rebooting or you're getting some weird error message in a program, it's possible your computer's memory chip has a problem.  Just do a Google search for "memory test" and all kinds of free programs will pop up.  Most likely they'll need to be copied to floppy disk or CD so they'll run at boot-up.  The test will take a while, upwards of an hour.  If the program detects any errors, replace the chip.  If you want to add a bigger chip (or additional chips) at this point, it's usually possible to upgrade the size, but not always, so check with the salesperson and make sure it's returnable if it doesn't work.

Memory chips pop right out by pushing down on the little gadgets on the ends.  Putting them back in, however, is another matter.  Make double-sure the little slot in the bottom of the chip is lined up correctly, then give it a big push.  You have to get it down far enough for both of the little clamp things to engage in the ends of the chip.

Adding Extra PCI Cards

Most machines have three or four slots for 'cards', or small circuit boards that perform a specific function.  A few examples would be:

• If you have a newer computer it might come with an ATA hard drive, rather than an IDE drive.  As such, there will probably only be one IDE slot on the motherboard, which means you can only run two IDE drives.  In my case (no pun intended?), I have two DVD burners and a spare IDE hard drive, so I needed three IDE slots.  I picked up an IDE card, slapped it into one of the PCI slots and there ya go.
   


• If you had a number of USB devices and didn't have very good luck with 'hubs', putting a card with a bunch of USB jacks on it might do the trick.  The cards are arranged so one edge of them runs along the back of the computer for easy access from the outside.
   


• If you wanted a more advanced sound card than the one that comes stock with the machine, it would go in a PCI slot.

Some PCI cards come with software, some don't.  The one for my IDE drives won't work without software with a stock Windows XP, but one of the hardware updates in Windows Update upgrades something and it works right out of the gate if I add it later.

Backup Power Supply

In all honesty, these things are a waste of your money unless you actually work on projects of any type where it would cost you some serious time if the power suddenly went off.  In the middle of leaving a serious comment on a blogsite does not count.  Being an hour into some project does.

For that matter, many programs have auto-backup routines every 10 minutes, so if everything you did was in MS Word, the most you'd ever lose would be 10 minutes of work.  Big deal.

Where backup systems really come to the fore is in areas that start incorporating graphics, like desktop publishing and webmastering.  Those programs usually don't have auto-backup routines, and you wouldn't want them even if they did.  You might fuss with a new design for 15 minutes and by the time you decide you don't want it, the auto-save has overwritten your original.  With such programs, the only thing you can really do is make a save when you know you want it, and an hour or two might go by before you get around to that point.  And if the power goes off, poof!  Goodbye, hour or two.

I would recommend this little honey.  Without getting into a long dissertation, it's the "joules" that count, not the "hours".  This is a much better unit than the similarly-priced APC unit.  Best of all, the beeper that goes on when the power goes off can be turned off.  I actually dismembered my old APC to get rid of the beeper, it was so annoying.  A button disables it on the Geek Squad unit.
 

You Sing The Body Electric

It'd be a shame to have all this spiffy hardware ready to rock 'n' roll, only to have the main piece break down.  If you missed or skipped the lesson on ergonomics, then you're the weak link in the chain at this point.
 

Summation

You can see why fussing with hardware is alluring.  Clean, bright, shiny, small without being overly compact, not all that complicated, and getting easier all the time as certain aspects become more and more standardized.  And cheaper, too, for that matter, which allows us the luxury of just tossing some recalcitrant device away, rather than spending endless hours and money desperately trying to nurse your $850 1989 Hewlett-Packard scanner back to health.

My only advice is don't be hesitant to jump in and upgrade something.  The jacks are all specialized and only go one direction, you can't break anything and there's no electrical danger.  Just go for it.

I haven't used the word "money" yet, but there's that, too.  A little gumption on your part could obviously save you a bundle in certain cases.

But, as a budding hardware junkie, you don't care about any of that, do you?

No, sirree!

You just want your next fix!
 

See y'all next week!