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Saturday, April 19. 2008Dr. Mercury's Computer Corner: Lesson 2 - File Structure Lesson 2: File Structure Brace yourselves, this won't be pretty. No cute pictures of LOLcats, no dancing girls, no saucy remarks about Chelsea Clinton. Just the rather demure woman over to your right getting her gear ready for this weekend's reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg which took place during the awful War of Northern Aggression. [also known as the "Civil War" in some history books] By the way, I live in Florida. In fact, if I were you, I'd consider leaving immediately. We're going to discuss one of the most boring aspects of the computer imaginable: File structure. On the plus side, though, after we've finished there's one question you'll never have to ask again: "WHERE'S THAT !#$%#&! FILE I SAVED TWO WEEKS AGO?!?!" So you'll have that going for you. This is a long lesson, so if you find yourself drifting, take a break. Come back when you're fresh and pawing the ground. It's long, but it's important to get a handle on the way the overall system is set up before diving into the innards. Having spent years interacting with people in the field (tutoring and seminars), writing and reading billions of messages on the Internet and hanging out in webmaster forums reading results from surveys, I'd say that, without doubt, the most common question asked by rookies is, "WHERE'S THAT !#$%#&! FILE?!" In this week's lesson, we're going to learn three things: how computer files are organized, how to find lost files, and how not to lose them again. The Big View Computer terminology is somewhat based around a real-life office. "Files" are stored in "folders", which are in the main "file cabinet" (aka the hard drive) and you work on the "Desktop." The actual hard drive is a small metal box with a spinning disc inside (like a small CD) and sits inside your computer. A "partition" is an area of the hard drive created with a program and the average hard drive is divided into two or three partitions. The main partition is the "C Drive", which is where all of your programs and Windows files reside. If you open up 'My Computer', you'll see your C Drive and hopefully a D Drive. Following any hard drive partitions will be your ROM drive(s), followed by any portable storage devices like smart cards and USB flash sticks. Note: If you don't see a 'My Computer' icon on your Desktop, click on the Desktop with the right mouse button, open 'Properties', 'Desktop' tab, 'Customize Desktop' button, then check the 'My Computer' box. To continue with the office analogy, your hard drive is like a big multi-drawer file cabinet. The first partition or "drawer" is labeled 'C'. If you have a second partition on your hard drive, then that would be drawer 'D', etc. We pull open the C drawer and inside are a bunch of file folders. One real fat folder is the 'Windows' folder. We look inside and see a whole bunch of folders and a bunch of files. Inside some of those folders are more folders, and inside some of those even more. So, each folder can hold both files and other folders, and each of those folders can hold further files and folders. There might be areas on your computer that are ten folders deep. To switch analogies for a minute, picture the roots of a tree and how they branch out into more and more roots, just like the C Drive does with its folders. Like the office analogy, this is also appropriate because the actual 'surface' of the C Drive, without going into any folders, is called the "root" of the drive. From there it branches out further and further, with most of the 'branching' taking place in the 'Windows' folder. Let's take a look at my C Drive: Make sense? You should, of course, poke through your own C Drive just to get a feel for things. What's important is to get an idea of where you are on the drive. For example, if you wanted to save a file and you opened up the save requester and found yourself 'buried' deep in the Windows folder, like in that "binary" folder, above, but wanted to save the file in the 'Audio' folder, you'd know to go up, up, up to the root of the drive, then down into the Audio folder to save the file, just like going up one partial root system to the base of the tree, then going down another partial root system. If you backed up one more step in the requester you'd be back to 'My Computer'. Which, to return to the office analogy, is like closing the 'C Drawer' of the file cabinet. From 'My Computer' you choose which 'drawer' to open, or, in computer terms, which device you want to access. If It Was Good Enough For Grandpa Dept. Personally, I like the old style of each folder opening its own window. The 'browser look' that Windows incorporated at some point, with its single-window 'Back' and 'Forward' routine, is just awful. It's far, far easier to understand what's going on when each folder opens its own window. Yeah, it can get a little confusing when you've got eleventeen windows open, but you can always close the ones you're not using. If you want to give it a shot, close down all windows except 'My Computer'. Go to Tools Menu, 'Folder Options'. Click "Open each folder in its own window", OK. (you may have to do this again after the next reboot before it'll 'stick') Since you also don't need the browser-type stuff, go to View Menu, 'Toolbars', un-check the top two entries. Then go to Tools Menu, 'Folder Options', 'View' tab. Click 'Apply to All Folders'. If you find multiple folders confusing at first, give it a chance. It's really a much more intuitive way to handle files than some daffy single-window 'browser mode'. And you'll pick up a few habits to help you keep things sorted out. I always put my source folders on the left and target folders on the right so I end up doing a natural left-to-right routine when copying or moving files. Storing Personal Files To do this right, you need a D Drive with a fair amount of space. If you don't have a D partition, you might be able to split your C Drive into two partitions (depending upon how much free space the C Drive has), but the procedure far exceeds the scope of this lesson. All things considered, it would probably be better to buy a second hard drive and just leave your C Drive alone. Open 'My Computer', click on the D Drive's icon with the right mouse button and open 'Properties'. You're looking for the 'Free space' figure. There are two things to note:
If your D Drive is almost full and you don't have any other partitions, then you'll have to leave everything alone for now. Hard drives are abysmally cheap these days, and you only need a small one, and they're (relatively) easy to hook up, so I'd be seriously thinking of installing one. You can keep personal files and such backed up with an external device, like CD, DVD, flash stick, memory card, etc, but if you want to save absolutely everything (like email and bookmarks) come melt-down time, you'll want a D Drive. Geek Note: If you actually attain official geekdom through these lessons, I guarantee you that you'll melt down your system more than once. You'll basically just fiddle your system into nonworkability — like we all do. So if you don't have a D Drive, get one. One further note: If your D Drive is almost full and it's the 'restore' files that came with the computer that are hogging all the room, you can dump them. The "restore" file you really want is a fresh, up-to-date image file which you're going to make next week if you're going along with the program and can cough up the dough for the program. Pay Attention Dept. Next week is possibly the most important lesson of the series. I'm going to teach you how professionals back up their systems. It's going to cost you $49, so start saving your nickels and dimes. This will be a far cry from the usual backup routine the articles suggest. I promise you, the first time your system melts down and it takes you 6 minutes to completely restore it without a single file lost, you'll figure it to be the best $49 you ever spent. Fans of Ed Morrissey (now blogging on HotAir) are aware that just a few days ago Ed's computer went into the toilet. Off to the shop for a week at last report. If Ed had been using this system, he would have been back online inside of 10 minutes. Homework Time The integral factor to making this backup system work is NOT storing personal files on the C Drive. So right now, today, you're going to start storing them on the D Drive. When it comes to your email and browser bookmarks, we'll store both of them on the D Drive as well during the 'Backup' lesson. Give some consideration as to how you want to organize your files. If there's nothing else on the D Drive, then you might want to just make your main folders right on the root of the drive; "Pics", "Vids", "Text", etc. If there's a bunch of other stuff on the drive, then you might want to make a general "Mystuff" folder, then put the main folders inside of that. Whatever you're into saving, now's the time to organize things as you copy them over from the C Drive. If you've got tons and tons of pics scattered throughout the place, start making sub-folders to sort them out. "Blondes", "Brunettes", "Redheads" — you get the idea. Next week, when we get to the 'Backup' lesson, I'll expect every single personal file to be off your C Drive and onto your D Drive. As noted above, this doesn't mean email or bookmarks. But every picture, video, song, soundfile, document, text file, etc, should end up on the D Drive. Once you're assured it's copied over, delete the original on the C Drive so there's no confusion in the future. Before you start madly copying things over, however, there's an important note to make about icons. A "shortcut" icon looks like the original icon but it has a tiny arrow in the bottom-left corner. Glancing over the no-doubt plethora of icons cluttering up your Desktop, you should see both types. Constantly bear in mind that shortcut icons are NOT the real file and copying them to the D Drive will NOT save the file. To figure out where the real file is, click on the shortcut icon with the right mouse button and open 'Properties'. The path to the real file will be in the 'Target' box. It'll look something like this: C:\Program Files\Pics\coolpic.jpg Getting Started If you're looking for a starting point to dig up all your files, most of the things you've saved are probably in: C:\Documents and Settings\<user name>\My Documents Did that long pathname make more sense this time around? The above means you'd open your C Drive, look for a 'Documents and Settings' folder, then look for a folder with your 'user name' on the computer, and inside of that will be the 'My Documents' folder. Most of your saved items will either be in that folder, or in a sub-folder like 'My Pictures' or 'My Music'. Just go through them one by one, copying any personal files to the D Drive and deleting them afterward to avoid future confusion. Remember: no shortcut icons on the D Drive! Finding Lost Files Meet 'Windows Search', your new best friend. It's on the Start Menu, 'Search', 'For files and folders'. When you pop it open, grab hold of the corners with the mouse and move it so that it almost fills the entire screen. Close it down and the next time you open it, it'll be almost full-screen size. If you pop it open to full-screen mode, it'll revert to the small window the next time it opens. This same trick works with Internet Explorer when launching it from Desktop icons. Click on 'Change preferences', then 'Change file folders..'. Click the 'Advanced' setting, OK. If 'Indexing Service' is on, turn it off. Click 'Back' to get out of Preferences. If that pesky mutt's running around you can get rid of him. You should be looking at two empty text boxes. The top one just searches for a file or folder name, the second one actually looks inside of each file for a piece of text. If most everything on your computer is on the C Drive (except for the personal files on the D Drive), then you can leave the 'Look in' area alone. If you have a larger system with multiple (semi-filled) partitions, then you'll probably want to select a certain drive to search in, if not 'Browse' to a particular folder. Go to the View Menu and select 'Details'. Windows Search seems to have this odd penchant for 'Thumbnails' view, so if it slips into it, go to the View Menu and slip it back. Assuming you know all or part of the file name, type it into the top box and let 'er go. When Windows Search finishes, click on the box at the top of the display window to sort them however you think best. Remember, it has to be in 'Details' view. You'd probably start by organizing them by 'Name', but if that doesn't work, 'Date Modified' is usually the next best bet, as that'll allow you to zero in on the file by going back in time. If you remember it being a particularly large file, sorting by 'Size' might pop it to the top of the list, and 'Type' can help you sort them by the type of file it is. Click the heading twice to make it reverse the order. What makes Windows Search particularly nice is that these are the actual files, not just a listing of them. This means you can copy them, rename them, delete them, etc. This can occasionally prove to be quite handy. If you don't have a clue what the file name is, there's still hope, but a lot will depend upon the format it was saved in. Let's say you hurriedly scribbled down an address in a Notepad (TXT) file one day and stored it away, but now you can't remember the file name. But let's say you remember one part of the address, like it was on Jaywalk or Jayhawk Lane — something like that. So, type "jay" into the second box and let 'er rip. It'll take forever to scrounge through all ten billions files on the system, and you might end up with 2,000 listings, but start using the various means to sort them and you'll find the little rascal. And the reason I'm confident Windows Search found it is because Notepad saves in 'pure' text, so it was right there for Windows Search to find. A word processing program, such as MS Word or Word Perfect, saves in a binary format and chances are the "jay" will look like Klingon in the actual document and it won't be found. However... If you weren't sure what format the address was in, just knowing it's probably a DOC file (because Windows Search would have found it if it had been a Notepad file) is a big help, as now we can go back to the first box and search for ".doc", which should produce only MS Word files (or ".wpd" for Word Perfect files, etc). Sorting by 'Date Modified' or 'In Folder' would split up them up even further and eventually you'll spot it. Wordpad files (.WRI), while having binary headers (the unseen identifying part of a file) still keep the text as plain text, so they should pop up using an in-depth search like Notepad files do. Summation The reason people lose files is simply because they often don't understand where they're saving them in the first place. Many, if not most, programs will default to either the 'My Documents' folder or one of its sub-folders like "My Music', but some programs actually default to their own program folder, and the person — being used to 'My Documents' — goes ahead and saves the file. And now, two minutes, days, weeks, months or years later, he doesn't have a clue where it is and we're back to "WHERE'S THAT !#$%#&! FILE?!" But now you have an idea of how files are organized, and whenever you save a file in the future you'll know how to direct the save requester to the proper folder on the D Drive. And there it'll be — minutes, days, weeks, months or years later. Do your homework, and watch out for those shortcut icons!
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Buddy - Finding a lot of entries for the name, but nothing that looks computer-related.
i don't know of any formal translation into computer apps -- but the valuable idea is that the file-organizing principle (frequency of use) is something other than the standard alphabetized topic headings. Here's something good from BoingBoing:
http://www.boingboing.net/2005/10/13/filing-system-optimi.html Noguchi is the name of those boots. They're not Gucci's, see? Oh, I just love mine! I wear that very same outfit when I'm on my computer and the boots make my hard drive run so smoooth. I don't care about a file. What is a file, anyways?
Buddy, you can borrie my boots any time! haw -- i oughtta take you up on that, meta -- since these days i seem to be stuck in my Nonuki boots --
Want I should send my panties along, too?
Throw the Nonuki's away. Man, they suck. I just load (free) Cygwin and use XP as if it were a linux system, except all the windows apps work.
"and use XP as if it were a linux system"
Bwah-hah! Only a true geek would be able to appreciate how much of a slam that was. :) I think the most interesting talk right now is about Windows 7, and how MSoft might end up treating Vista like ME and just blow right on past it to Win7. The serious thing about one of those Vista links I posted was that the problems mentioned in the article were still there after the SP1 package came out. By development standards, that's plug ugly. Thanks for your efforts and info Dr. Merc. I am not the brightest when it comes to computer files. Already am finding they are a bit of a mess, on a fairly new computer. Would be nice to get a handle on them.
One suggestion. RE: underwear models. Prefer Theos' taste. IMO, he posts sexier underwear and classier scanty clothes then what I have seen from you so far. I would file Britanys pic under sex drive tragedy. hahaha. Old Walt Disney must be spinning in his grave. Patina -
One of the things that really makes a system messy is allowing programs to install themselves right on the root of the C Drive, as many of them want to do by default. As you see in the pic above, I have an "Audio" folder for audio-related programs, "DTP" for desktop publishing/word processing programs, etc. So getting where programs install under control is a big step toward keeping the system neat and tidy. As far as personal files go, I hope you'll be able to do the D Drive thing. For those who do, and can hack the $49 for the program, next week's lesson is going to mark a turning point in their computer evolution. "Prefer Theos' taste. IMO, he posts sexier underwear and classier scanty clothes then what I have seen from you so far." A challenge!! Actually, I lose immediately. While I have some kinda-sex-related pictorials on my site, like this one, I don't have any outright totties. Theo does have great taste in babes, though. This site is, for the most part, family-oriented and you're expected to treat it that way. If you must cuss, keep it on the light side. Risqué pictures will be tolerated as long as they're in good taste and in context with the comment.
Also, now that racial issues are in the spotlight due to the election, please keep any rampant bigotry to a low mumble. Commentary should generally try to stay on-topic with the post. If a comment of yours has been deleted and you wish to fight the issue, there are numerous free 'instant blogsite' companies around where you may do so. So, this is a family site now? QUOTE: This site is, for the most part, family-oriented and you're expected to treat it that way. "So, this is a family site now?" Nope. Just "family-oriented", meaning articles about that "real life" stuff we read so much about in Time Magazine. Cigar humidors, the history of elevators, how flies land on ceilings, where to find that !#$%#&! file on your computer, sexy girls on sexy tractors -- you know, usual "real life" stuff. As compared to the ethereal world of, say, politics. And you in particular will be delighted to learn that it's only family-oriented "for the most part". That means that as long as you spend the bulk of your time here not being a total asswipe, you can spend the rest of your time being as asswipeish as you like! Live free or die!, good friend, that's the New England state motto, and that's how we here at Maggie's Farm feel! Yikes, yall have a New state , too?
Rules are good sign of civilization's progress. Thanks for the lessons, Doc. New England State? What if you merged New Hampshire and New York --you'd have to call it either York Hampshire or New New.
I'm a little confused here. Is New England a state or a province? You'll have to excuse my geographic ignorance -- I was raised in California. To a Californian, everything beyond the Sierras is just "out there somewhere."
Anyways, I just assumed "Live free or die" was the official New England state motto. You ever hear anyone say "Qui transtulit sustinet", the motto of the township of Connecticut? Of course not, which proves I'm right. Eye candy: This is a family blog is the same sense that we are a centrist blog.
defined by the fields of interest into which it digs, it becomes a state of mined.
Although your position seems rock-solid, I find it a bit picky. Ore you listening to me or not? While granted there's a silver lining around this hole you've dug, it appears you've struck it rich by axing the right question, rather than tapping out and getting the shaft.
I mean, if you can dig it. just in over the transom:
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Abortion clinics now available in every Middle School in United States. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 IRS sets lowest tax rate at 85 percent. Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines. Hahaha... a couple of those are going to get you into trouble Mr. Larsen.
all i did was copy/paste -- especially that japanese camera one
:-\ Heh. Cheesecake will always get you loads of comments.
This is what you sillies deserve: http://minx.cc/?blog=86&post=260575 Dear Lesley:
"Cheesecake will always get you loads of comments." Exactly, and sharp of you to spot. Goddamn site stats shoot through the roof every time they post some hot chick next to an article. Why is that so? I dunno! But, for some odd, quirky reason, it seems to work. I would, however, argue your point that a mere 48 comments on Ace's site would be construed as "loads" of comments. More like a "mere smattering" for the moronosphere. Plus, as "Alice H" was so desperately trying to haul out the snark and be an Ace wannabe, she apparently overlooked that the article, itself, said the whole thing was "tongue-in-cheek", which basically made here look like, well, an Ace wannabe. Kidding people who openly admit they're kidding? Sheesh. Slow news day, was it? Dr. Merc
I have a Vista system with C and D drives. The C = 105 Gig and the D = 6.55 Gig. All my personal files are on C which includes about 35 Gig of digital music. If I'm going to move all those to D I'll need to change the relative sizes of the two drives. How do I do that? Great stuff...thanks! (cough!) 35 gigs of music?? Holy Shiite, Batman! Are they in APE format or similar? Hold on a sec...
(scribble-scribble, scribble-scribble) In MP3 format, figuring an average of 5K a pop, 35 gigs would hold (cough!) seven million songs. Anyways, to the problem. You didn't say how much of the C Drive was being used of the 105 GB, and is the 6 GB on the D Drive the total amount, or the free space? If it's the total amount, then you'll have to do something, but if the overall partition is larger than that and most of the space is being hogged by some 'restore' folder, it can be dumped and the space gained back. But we'll assume there's tons of room on the C Drive and the D Drive partition is too small to begin with. The problem is that you need a means to store the 35 gigs while you're re-partitioning the system. With a normal system, the image file you'd make of the C Drive would be 3 or 4 gigs, which would fit on a DVD for temporary storage. But in the case of 35 gigs, you obviously aren't going to be able to fit it onto anything except a second hard drive. And, of course, once you have a second hard drive, then there's no reason to re-partition the C Drive. Just leave both partitons alone and use the new E Drive for your personal files. If you don't want to to that route, the alternative would be to either have some techie friend bring a hard drive over to plug in temporarily (to store the 35 gigs of music while you re-partition the hard drive), or perhaps, um, buy a USB plug-in external hard drive for the temp storage, then return it when done. Assuming you can get the music collection safely stored, the procedure from there is fairly straightforward. You'd make an image file of the C Drive (next week's lesson), re-partition the hard drive, then copy the image file to the new (smaller) C partition. Copy the music collection to the new (larger) D partition and you're done. Overall, though, it would be best to just add another hard drive. You can pick one up for $5 at the computer-type flea markets. There are complete instructions for adding a second drive in the 'Windows Help' area of my site. Get back to me with any questions and we'll take it from there. 35 gigs? Gawd! I work on a laptop so your advice to use a USB external drive is probably the best solution. I'll read through your upcoming lessons and perhaps repartition the C and D drives so that the D drive is the large one.
Regarding the music, I've loaded everything in Apple's AAC set at highest bit rate. Quality is pretty good but if doing it over would have ripped my collection as MP3s. I actually only have about 9000 songs ripped so far. Got about another 9000 to go. Buddy:
"just in over the transom" As site rules specify, would you please not do this in a computer-related thread? If you really must "blog" by posting entire articles in a comments area (and I've never seen anyone do it but you and Habu), the appropriate place would be the 'daily links' area. T'anks, Doc You aren't serious are you?
And if so, your 'eye candy' is computer related... how? "You aren't serious are you?
"And if so, your 'eye candy' is computer related... how?" It's digitized. How much more computer-related can one get?? But you're missing the point. The rules say to "generally" stay on-topic, which gives us the latitude to goof around, but "pulling a Habu" and posting an entire (non-computer-related) article crosses the line. That's what links are for, and especially with our new ability to embed them in the comments. A bit of a stretch and a large sidestep for an answer to my question 'Doc'... but whatever.
"A bit of a stretch and a large sidestep for an answer to my question"
I can't figure out how it's a "large sidestep". You asked how it was related and I gave you two reasons. The first one (that it's digitized) was obviously tongue-in-cheek, but the second one answered your question directly. We "generally" stay on-topic, but it's fine if we goof around. That's a far cry from suddenly posting an entire non-related article from another site. What part of this do you find confusing? "but whatever." Just curious, but are you a Lefty?
#16.1.1.1.1
Dr. Mercury
on
2008-04-21 16:04
(Reply)
didn't realize i'd been doing that 'walls of text' thing -- maybe once a month -- but i will accede to your demands, Hall Monitor Mercury, sir!
Dear Dr. Merc,
Typical me, I should have made my point more clearly. I was teasing y'all by hoping that you'd take a look at the cheesecake shots of the "mothers." After looking at pictures of young, beautiful, air-brushed women in provocative poses taken by professional photographers, I found it quite amusing to think of the reaction some might have to the "mothers" by comparison - especially the fur beclad woman with the gun, well....because there are some avid hunters on this site. It was a gentle tease, all in fun. Men and women are so different. My eyes might linger on a photo of a man in a Brioni suit ad, but my eye candy would be endless pages in Vogue of a Paris runway show or JEWELRY ADS!!! (wink) Buddy - Didn't mean to get on your case. Habu's the one who usually does it. Doesn't he have a blogsite? Why doesn't he post them there, comment on them, then leave a link here if he deems it worthwhile? You know -- like bloggers!
I mean, if he's not opposed to "advertising" his site. (wink) Lesley - I had to read your post twice before I actually understood the deep, underlying revelation it contained: You mean you actually wrote a serious article on Ace's? No wonder it seemed so confusing. I kept thinking, "Is she being snarky? If so, it's not very apparent!" Obviously, the fact that you were writing on the up and up never occurred to me, given where I was. Deepest aplogies. :) s'ok, DrM -- you're right to defend yore thread when you see fittin' --
Dear Dr. Merc,
Boy, do I ever feel like a complete dope. I can now understand why my teasing failed so miserably. To try to explain my lame attempt at humor will render me even dopey-er. Suffice to say, I wasn't being snarky. My dear departed husband, much as he loved me, didn't get my humor or find me particularly funny (at least intentionally), either. You find yourself in excellent company - he was one hell of a man. ;) All the best, Lesley Leslie:
"Boy, do I ever feel like a complete dope. I can now understand why my teasing failed so miserably." Exactly. Pity the poor innocent web surfer who blithely follows your link and unknowingly ends up on Ace's site, expecting snark, sarcasm, vile invectives, rampant Eisenhower moralism and the complete denegration of the human race. And what's he get? "Suffice to say, I wasn't being snarky." My Gawd, woman, no wonder people are confused! Pretty courageous of you, though, I must admit. I hesitate to use the term "ground-breaking" or "trend-setting", since I'm pretty sure some semi-serious articles have been posted in the (long distant) past, but after reading six articles on brain-eating bacteria in Florida ponds and then arriving at one of your articles, well, let's just say the sudden change of pace is probably too much for most people to bear. I liked the pictures on your site. (By the way, guys, did you know that Strongfortism builds muscular bodies?) You have a nice eye for framing, levelness (levelosity?) and I like the way your camera doesn't "enhance" the colors -- as referred to, say, every personal picture that Glenn Reynolds posts. No writing, though? That's a little disappointing. I can tell from the questions that you ask in Ace's comments that you're a pretty sharp cookie. For a moron, I mean. :) Dear Dr. Merc,
Oh dear. Oh dear. I did not write that post at Ace of Spades. I should have typed "the" link instead of "my" link. I intended to convey some humor about cheesecake photography (compare/contrast the photo you had posted vs the photos of the moms). I now realize the only way someone could have made sense out of my initial post was to have been a mindreader. In the future, I will try to comment in an understandable written manner and not telepathically. Your friend, Mrs. Muddled "In the future, I will try to comment in an understandable written manner..."
What, and break years and years of blogosphere tradition? You've sure got your nerve, sister. If you want to "fit in", I strongly suggest you write skewed, off-center, out of balance hyperbolic comments just like the rest of us. Why stick your neck out? Go with the flow, that's my advice. Now, as far as this goes: "Your friend, Mrs. Muddled What happened to that "departed husband" stuff? Wouldn't that be Ms. Muddled? Oh, the web of deceit you appear to weave, young lady! Dear Dr. Merc,
I AM "Mrs." Muddled. I just happen to be married to a dead guy. Your friend, MRS. Muddled P.S. Given your charming response (and it was truly charming), I shall happily continue to comment in my muddled manner. "I just happen to be married to a dead guy."
You're a necrophiliac??? No, wait. Wrong word. That would mean you're a lesbian, right? Otherwise, there'd be no reason for a ripe, luscious 35-year-old hottie like yourself to hold your (male) suitors at arm's (or something's) length with the "Mrs.". Right? Of course it's right. That's what good investigative reporting is all about. Obvious facts, obvious conclusions. A perfect example is the way I recently uncovered American Airlines' disgusting plot to kill hundreds of thousands of people in order to make a quick buck. Obvious facts, obvious conclusions. I just call 'em as I see 'em. BTW, as a Coloradan you might enjoy this little number. So, you're in Thornton? I hung out in Englewood quite a bit when I was younger. Had a bunch of cousins who lived there. Ah, Denver. "The mile-high city." In complete truth, though, when I hung out with my cousins, we were a lot higher than a mere mile. :) Anyways, back to the subject. So, what's it like being a lesbian? I imagine there must be a number of advantages: - Don't have to contend with beard stubble. - Don't have to shave your armpits and legs. - Get to lift heavy boxes and deal with the stuck mayonaise jar lid all by yourself, proving to all around you that you're free from the tyrannical oppression of society's dictums. - Never have to hear the word "quickie" again. In fact, when you start adding it all up, I think you're on to something here! I'm seriously thinking of turning lesbian myself! Thanks for being such an inspiration, Doc Dear Dr. Merc,
Necrophilia? Heavens no. The dearly departed is properly buried on a panoramic hill top spot in a small town in Nebraska. When one's husband manages to escape one through death rather than divorce, one gets to keep the honorific of "Mrs." as long as one chooses, thus I remain Mrs. Muddled. Also, when one has (at that time) three young children by dead escapee, the preference is to hang on to the Mrs. part. The Ms. biz might convey that one's children are the escapee's bastards which would be rather cruel, don't you think? I was a thirty-five-year old hottie twenty years ago, but thanks for the affirmation. However, it is a tribute to your powers of divination that you can identify former hotties. Lesbian? No. And no thanks. But you could try it if you like. I've encountered four types of Lesbians. (1) women with wallets connected by a chain to their belt loop, clad in white tee-shirts with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve, and short, spikey hairdos (2) women who vaguely resemble Oscar Wilde with intense eyes, Bohemian dress, and pageboy hairdos (3) women who wear makeup, style their hair nicely, and wear beautifully tailored trousers (4) women who wear bad shoes, indifferent clothing (with an heavy emphasis on plaid flannel), and pay no attention to their hair. If you find a category to which you can relate, try Lesbianism, by all means. I was clueless until age 24 that such women existed. Homosexuality, in general, came as rather a shock to me so I'm probably not the best person to offer you advice on such matters. Um, Dr. Merc.....one of the reasons you want to become a Lesbian is so that you don't have to shave your armpits or legs? Am I to take it that you (whom I assume to be a man) shave your armpits and legs? So being a Lesbian would be a time-saver for you? Your friend, Mrs. Muddled Dear She Who Was Formerly Named Muddled:
Actually, we've both seriously muddled up this thread. I thought you were "Alice H", so I went to her web site (via the link on Ace's) and that's where all the talk about online pics, Thornton and you being 35 came from. Another typical online romance shot to shit, in other words. :) "Lesbian? No. And no thanks. But you could try it if you like." Thanks, and I've already taken my first steps. I didn't shave my legs or armpits this morning and I'm now in the market for a tough-looking gal with a blonde butch haircut. Hey, I found one! Yep, I can honestly say that I'm ready to take the big plunge into lesbianism! "Am I to take it that you (whom I assume to be a man) shave your armpits and legs?" Ah, I see what you're saying here. It would be "unmanly" to shave one's body hair, is that it? Yet professional male swimmers and football players shave theirs, so are you saying a 320-pound fullback who could snap you in half with his little finger is "unmanly"? You sure have high standards, lady! Oh, wait -- damn. Calling you "lady" was un-PC of me. I believe the correct term these days is "person of the female gender". You sure have high standards, person of the female gender! Personally, I prefer "maleistically-challenged". Okay, so if you're not in bee-utiful Thornton, CO, where the hell are you? A tiny town in the aforementioned Nebraska? I've traveled by VW micro-bus across this great land of ours a number of times and one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen was Omaha at sunset from the hills to the east. It was the first time I ever truly understood what the term "big sky country" really meant. It's quite akin to the foliage changes in New England. Both are literally -- in its truest sense of the word -- impossible to describe in words. Or photos or video, for that matter. Hokay, got to get to work on tomorrow's computer lesson: Step 1: Delete everything on your hard drive and reinstall Windows. Think that's too much for them at this point? |
It's an amazing thing, really. Consider what a phenomenally different reaction I have when my system melts down than you do:You're innocently typing away on a blogsite, or reading some article, or working on a personal project. Suddenly, the computer loc
Tracked: Apr 25, 12:30
In an effort to round out Maggie's Farm and make it truly eclectic, Bird Dog has invited me to add the geek factor to the mix. But, rather than just adding a few geeky articles here and there, I thought it would be fun to actually get serious about the w
Tracked: Apr 25, 14:29
Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-screen mode every time it opens, and for small programs that tend to open wherever they want (like Calculator), it will make them open righ
Tracked: Nov 29, 10:02
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-s
Tracked: Jul 10, 11:23
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-s
Tracked: Jul 10, 11:26
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-scr
Tracked: Jul 22, 19:49
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-scr
Tracked: Jul 22, 21:40
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-s
Tracked: Jul 23, 13:08
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full-s
Tracked: Aug 28, 08:32
Here's an index of my Maggie's Computin' Tips. I can't guarantee all of these will work on every Windows operating system, but most should. Programs AutoSizer — This has two great uses. It'll pop open the browser (or any program) in full
Tracked: Jan 08, 20:00