I've seen this term used to describe Kavanaugh and his friends. It is used in a pejorative manner, designed to wrinkle noses and cause people to roll eyes. A Frat Boy isn't welcome. He considers himself exclusive. He is boorish, usually a heavy drinker and engages in wild behaviors, often degrading women and/or abusing them. He is a troublemaker, not much of an academic, usually superficial and probably narcissistic.
I'm a Frat Boy. Proud member of Delta Tau Delta at Syracuse. Gamma Omicron chapter, and my younger son is also a member. My older son was in Kappa Sigma at Miami University (OH). My grandfather was in a fraternity at Penn, the name of which eludes me. When he heard I'd joined a fraternity (first of his children or grandchildren to join Greek life) he was ecstatic. I never got a chance to share stories with him, he died my junior year. My niece joined Delta Delta Delta and my sister was in Alpha Phi. So I think it's fair to say many in my family are 'Frat Boys' of some kind.
While I understand the negative connotations of the term, I reject them all. After all, I was a shy introverted kid trying to find his place at a large university. I had no money, so I'd go to fraternities during Rush to drink for free. One of them kept inviting me back. I liked all of the guys and had a class with two of them. I turned down their offer. They said think about it. A week later I said yes. The fraternity helped me develop lifelong friendships with people who I won't see for years at a time, and we'll pick up where we left off when we do get together.
Sure, we partied, we had fun, we were wild in many respects. But we didn't degrade women or abuse them. Heavy drinking? Some took place, I did my share. We did have at least 3 people wind up with addiction problems over my 4 years, but that's out of 160 people who passed through the house. Basically 1.5%, but that is well below the estimate of 9.4% in the US as a whole. These 3 are all recovered now (although that's a lifetime thing). I'd say that while we did quite a bit of drinking and smoking, we were pretty a pretty solid group of young men. When our friends announced their addiction, we didn't turn our backs. We were there for them, not as crutches, but as supportive friends. I'd say our fraternity reduced the addiction likelihood because it's an accepting and supportive culture.
We were also very academic. We won Chancellor's Cup 3 of the 4 years I was there. Part of that was an academic component. Our GPA was always very high. I remember one member left after sophomore year, and we were all shocked to learn his GPA was below 2. That's how rare a low GPA was. When I struggled learning to code software, our in-house genius (now works for the Navy) took time to assist me. Three of us took Buddhism together, and had a grand time learning the intricacies of that way of life. I doubt I'd have spent a semester in London if not for my fraternity roommate, who encouraged me to join him.
While Animal House or Revenge of the Nerds are what people think of when they try to describe their conception of fraternity and sorority life, neither is remotely close to the truth. Aspirationally, we tried to party as hard, but we knew it was more a joke than reality. Besides, we were very athletic. Part of Chancellor's Cup was an athletic component, and we competed hard in every intramural sport, taking the top spot in at least 40-50% of them each year. We were particularly good at bowling, volleyball (where we were entered 2 teams - every fraternity could enter 2 teams in 3 sports they considered important - and these 2 teams regularly met in the finals), track and field, horseshoes (2 teams), football, and soccer. The athletics meant sometimes partying was less important. Nobody wanted to show up at floor hockey with a load on. That's a recipe for disaster. Even bowling, designed for the drinking life, required a drive of several miles. So very little drinking there (I have to admit that wasn't as true for me, since I would relax as I drank, and my scores rose throughout the night, but I wasn't driving).
When I joined a fraternity, my father was concerned and tried to make sure it was something I really wanted to do. He warned if my grades faltered, I'd have to drop out. They went up, not down. My brother made fun of me, goofing about secret handshakes and weird rituals. I pointed out to him that he'd lived with the same 6 people every year of his college life, they'd just change residences. The only thing they lacked was a ritual and a handshake, but they were a fraternity in every other aspect of life.
My brother and I spent the summer of 1982 at the Jersey Shore with 6 others. We had a house, and it was a great summer overall. We recently had a reunion. The first time in 36 years that everybody (not the entire house, one member died of AIDS in the late 80's) had gotten together since my brother's graduation in 1983. Kavanaugh's travails occurred after that reunion, but don't think we haven't discussed how we'd all be treated if we ever entered public office. That was a 'fraternity' and we were Frat Boys that summer. But we weren't really. We all spent a better portion of our summers working jobs or at my father's house painting, cleaning or trimming hedges because the work came with a great meal my stepmother would put together.
I am STILL a Frat Boy. I'm going out tonight to play a poker tournament with 50 people. My male friends and I get together at least once a month to drink, play cards, BBQ, or just relax. Our wives join us sometimes. We take an annual weekend trip to Atlantic City. We play pranks on each other.
Yet when I think back to my fraternity, I don't think of wild debauchery and abusive relationships. I remember that we regularly raised more money than any other group for Muscular Dystrophy EVERY SINGLE YEAR from 1972 until about 1987. My fraternity started one of the first Dance Marathons in 1972, and at one point it was the largest in the nation. It was held in Manley Field House, and I had the honor of dancing and representing my house my senior year. During my son's tenure in DTD, he was the #1 fund raiser for JDRF in the house (and the house was #1 fraternity in fund raising) for 2 years. I taught him the power of networking - and while he may not realize it, part of the reason he has a job today has to do with his fund raising. One person I sent my son's donor link to has juvenile diabetes (I did not know this) and he donated $600. His firm is where my son now works.
I haven't been able to find proof of this, but I have heard from my contacts at the alumni office that former fraternity and sorority members send the most back to the school in donations every year. I heard it's over 50%. Greek life was only about 14% of Syracuse enrollment while I was there. It's never been much more than that. In addition, fraternity and sorority members tend to have legacies. My son was in DTD with the sons of several other people I went to school with. Universities may not like the image of the fraternity, but they will suffer without fraternities.
My feeling is if Kavanaugh is a Frat Boy, then I like him more than I did before. It means he has all the great stuff that makes fraternities so long lasting. Honor, friendship, loyalty, academics, athleticism, community service and a commitment to something other than himself.
While hazing is something people think of as a negative, my son started a workout program for himself after having to wake up at 5am and get to the house and do calisthenics. Making them workout is hazing (can you believe it?), but my son embraced it and ran with it. Good for him. I love that he goes to the gym almost 5 times a week. He has transformed from a thin rail into a rock hard specimen who has done two Spartan Races.
It's time to do away with the negative Frat Boy image. At least, if it's going to be a negative image, then I'm going to embrace it and own it. I'm a Frat Boy and I'm damn proud of it. I'm not going to let the Progressive Cultural Revolution take away all the good things it provided for me.
