“The unthankful heart…discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour some heavenly blessings!”~Henry Ward Beecher
My Senior VP has been in place for just over a year. He's made some changes to our team which are, without going into detail, good. He's altered many of the previous cultural differences between our department and others we work with, and has found a way to eliminate much of our own department's internal strife. Many of the changes he's made are superficial. Overall effectiveness and productivity is unchanged. He'd say morale and confidence of the group are higher. I wouldn't disagree, but it's a subjective opinion. My view has always been an efficient and productive department has the highest morale. People like be useful and productive. It carries its own rewards.
Still, I can't fault him for following the path he has. Either groupthink has set in (my view) or he's made real, tangible differences that will last. I'm a natural skeptic. People can feign behaviors for only so long, but I hope I'm wrong and he's right.
One behavior which he has instituted, however, has me cringing. Not because it's terrible. Not because it's wrong or subversive or disturbing in a broad sense. From my perspective, based on my own personality and 36 years of working, it's just uncomfortable and personally intimidating. Thank you is something for me and whoever I'm with. I'm curious to see what others think. I've shared this with many people and gotten many different responses.
At the start of each meeting, our SVP requires a few moments to go around the table and say "Thank yous" to people who are either at the table or not at the table. A public thank you with an explanation of why you're thanking the person or group. I have been the recipient of one thank you, and it made me feel queasy. I guess I'm supposed to be grateful someone noticed me, but I didn't like having people clap and giving me recognition for what is, in essence, doing my job. Yes, I went above and beyond. But that's what you're supposed to do.
I have never said thank you to anyone during this session. It's not that I don't say thank you. I'm very grateful for people/teams who give assistance. I say thank you in emails, over the phone, in person. From my perspective, saying "Thank You" is a very personal thing. Sharing that to a wider group isn't in my repertoire. That's not a lack of gratitude or graciousness. It's between me and the people/teams I work with. Thank you, for me, has a place in few public forums. An entertainer thanks their fans. A politician thanks their base of voters/supporters. Those are public roles, with public audiences.
Many friends of mine have said "Just play along, fake it, do it because that's what he wants, play the game." I'd like to do that. But that's not authentic. Authenticity, sincerity, is essential to do this sort of thing. If I just do it, it's not authentic.
I've done some research to see what makes saying thank you important. Here is what I've found.
We live our lives under broad rules of conduct which require some common sense and courtesy. Free markets require trust, sincerity and a high level of gratitude (on both sides of the exchange) to operate properly. We learn as children that certain situations require an expression of gratitude. We learn to express this in other situations as we go along, and develop behaviors to show that gratitude. While some rude and ungrateful people exist, they are by no means the norm. We should not be put off by these people, nor should we necessarily hold their lack of gratitude against them. It is important to say thank you as acknowledgement of the choices the people you are thanking have made. Nobody has to do things a certain way, and they certainly don't have to do things for you. The vast majority of the work we do and behaviors we employ are voluntary. Thank you is a personal acknowledgement of our dependence on others, and appreciation of the effort and time provided. In Economics, the main theme is scarcity and distribution of scarce goods. What is more scarce than time and effort? While prices put a value on that time and effort, "Thank you" recognizes the time and effort in a personal manner. Not saying "Thank you" doesn't mean we don't care about others and their effort, but it may imply we don't. It is a sign of respect. Without any gratitude, graciousness, or thankfulness, life can be empty and not very enjoyable at all.
What I noticed, as I studied this, was that "Thank you" is a personal choice, it's a personal acknowledgement.
That's when I realized the public "Thank you" at the start of meetings is similar to what is known as the "Humblebrag". You publicly thanking others may make you look gracious - but in reality you're holding yourself up to show that YOU are gracious enough to thank others. Thanking others publicly in the situation of the meeting may make some people feel good for being recognized for work they've done, but from my standpoint it's the person doing the thanking who is holding themselves up in a manner of "See How Gracious I Am?"
If you're unfamiliar with the "Humblebrag" I'm certain you've seen or heard one before. "I'm so thankful you were able to drive me to the airport so I could fly to Italy and meet the Pope. Your effort is greatly appreciated."
Most "Thank Yous" in these meetings aren't "Humblebrags" in that sense. But the reason I feel they are is because the SVP keeps track of who says thank yous. He knows who says them and who doesn't. He requires people to speak up. As a result, not saying thank you publicly means you're not gracious. From my perspective, however, saying "Thank You" is tantamount to self-promotion. Because a good, well-rehearsed or funny "Thank You" gets a compliment from the SVP.
It's my job. I do my job well. My "thank you" is in a pay packet every two weeks, and in a bonus (hopefully) at the end of the year. It shows up in promotions, or rewards if they are available. It shows up in days off here and there. "Thank You" is evident every time I want to work from home and I'm allowed to. The very real "Thank You" is the fact I have a job when others don't.
I don't begrudge him and his desire to build a culture of graciousness. That's a net positive. We SHOULD be gracious, caring and say "Thank You". But I am very uncomfortable with the forced nature of opening meetings with a "Thank You" - to be honest, I find it very disturbing for myself. Maybe I'm just overly skeptical.
I have a habit of posting longer pieces, but this will be relatively short. A friend called today, asking if I could help her daughter find an internship. Of course, I love helping young people, so I said fine and asked what her major was. &q
Tracked: Oct 03, 18:22