Sorry, not sorry. A neologism which I hear young people use frequently, and now people my age are adopting. It's a great phrase. People want you to be sorry for something you did, you feel you're in the right. Sorry, not sorry.
Urban Dictionary has its first reference to this in 2012. It became a Twitter hashtag at about that same time, maybe 2011. This was predated by an alt-punk song from an obscure band, Amen, titled Sorry Not Sorry, but it seems to have come into common usage around 2011/2012. Today it's used primarily as a sarcastic comeback or response, usually for humorous purposes.
There is another aspect to this, though. It revolves around empathy. At least, that's where I see it coming from. Mainly because I tend to have so little empathy (and I'm told that's a problem). Sorry, not sorry for lacking that empathy.
Point is, I don't know why we have to be sorry for so many things. President Obama was on an "I'm Sorry" tour for 8 years and what did it get us? Not much. If the US did it, he was sorry about it. Why? Saying "sorry" doesn't change the past. It doesn't even change the future. Stuff happened, and I wasn't involved, so don't judge me on that.
Many things he was sorry for occurred long ago. I'm sorry Hiroshima happened, it was terrible. I'm sorry for all the death and damage and horrific after-effects, but it was war, so I'm not going to quibble whether Hiroshima or Nagasaki were worse than Tokyo or Dresden. Death happens in warfare. We don't have to be sorry for killing people in warfare.
Slavery will always be a massive blot on the moral credibility of our nation's history. Despite this, I'm not personally sorry because I wasn't there, though it seems some people think I played a role since everything is about race. However, my ancestors came to the US well after slaves were freed. I'm sorry slavery happened, conceptually. It's reprehensible our predecessors singled out a particular group in such a fashion. But I'm not sorry because I don't owe anyone anything but personal respect based on their behavior today - not the historical nature of their existence in this nation.
I've been concerned how my tone of speech may cause more problems than what I say. I know that's an issue. But sorry, not sorry. I spend time with people who are tedious, dull, ignorant, annoying, and I'm civil to all of them. I listen to what they have to say and be polite and still consider their thoughts valuable. So if my 'problem' is how I'm saying something, rather than what I'm saying - seems to me that's not my problem so much as it is anyone else's. I've made accommodations for them, they can make accommodations for me.
That sounds childish, I know. I'm not throwing a temper tantrum and complaining "Nobody understands me", though. I'm simply being realistic. We all take time to try and understand the nature of other people. If my tone is your reason for discounting a well-thought out and researched position, then the problem isn't me, it's you because you have chosen to pay attention to the superficial aspects of my sharing rather than the depth of it. It's this superficiality which is tearing society apart at the seams these day. "Safe Spaces" aren't about knowledge. They are about being thin-skinned and unwilling to think.
I'm reminded of the story The Little Prince and the discovery of the asteroid B-612 by a Turkish astronomer. The facts and figures were ignored mainly because of his style of dress. When he returned and presented his data in stylish Western dress, the information was received more favorably. This kind of behavior is very normal, most people employ this kind of bias from time to time. But we'd be wrong to employ it and then blame the Turkish astronomer for not indulging our biases. What often happens today is worse, though. The Turkish astronomer would be accused of 'offending' the distinguished group he was presenting to. But one reason I've stopped trying to adjust my tone to every situation is that life means we're free to be offended. We're not free from being offended. We're free to be heard. We're not free to force people to listen. If my tone offends you, if it causes you to discount what I have to say, if it causes you any kind of problem, well, it's your right to feel that way. Good luck with that.
I'm content, at this point in my life, to behave the way I behave and let others accept me or not. Sometimes it hurts when they don't, but I can deal with that kind of hurt. I'm not going to change just so I can have one more friend. By the same token, I try to teach my children the limitations of my viewpoint, making it clear at their age it's easier to learn adaptations and present in a more socially agreeable fashion.
I'm simply not going to say I'm sorry about it anymore. I used to, but I no longer understand the relevance of being sorry for who I am just because someone else doesn't 'get' me. Besides, sometimes it's fun being an asshole just to be an asshole. Sorry, not sorry.
