Maggie's Farm

I got mugged on a side street in NYC. A bad man jumped out from behind a tree and held a very big Glock with 22 rounds in it and said, "Gimme yer dough!". I said, "What?". He said, "Gimme yer dough, bitch!" I said, "Yer the bitch." and before I realized my adrenaline was surging I did a high-flying back roundhouse kick and kicked that Glock right out of his hand onto the back of a passing Yellow Cab. We looked at each other and I was going to whap that bastard good with my purse when the cab stopped down the block and the gun fell off. We both took off running down the cobblestone street calling each other 'asshole' as we ran. I thought fast and said, "Look!" and pointed to the left and he looked and that's when I got the advantage and scooped that gun into my very own hands and aimed it him and said, "Dance, bitch." He just stood there and I said, "You know 'Riverdance?'. He nodded and I fired a round at his feet and said, "I want Riverdance dancing, sumbitch." and fired off another round. He started tap dancing and I kept firing til I had one bullet left. I said, "One bullet you miserable dancer. You can run for your life or make my day." He ran and I fired the last shot and knocked his baseball cap off and went home.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Yeah. alas... You know you have attitude when you call a junkie an 'asshole' for some toast.

I am dutifully ashamed, but I want to be president.