Maggie's Farm

re: mow your own lawn.

Yes I do. Good exercise and I am more careful about not mowing down new blueberry bushes, etc. Also, I can tell the difference between perennials and weeds. I might be tempted to hire some day laborers to weed out the pachysandra except that I have seen them in operation at the neighbors: they do not laborious dig out the incipient swamp maples as I do, but lop them off...back in a month...You get what you pay for!

Plus, if you do it yourself you can rationalise buying a bigger tractor with more cool attachments....

As for the more troubling rationale for illegals, that they help working mothers. Study after study is coming out on the problems with putting kids in child care that only confirm common sense. A few small gains supposedly in social skills, and some rudimentary others. Many behavioral problems.

I would like to know how a kid could possibly be better off drinking formula with someone who does not speak English and cannot read than with a loving, attentive breastfeeding mother with a master's, who reads 20 books to her over the course of a day, never turns on the television, paints, gardens, cooks, plays ball, takes them to the beach, and plays at home with her children?

I know, tell us how you really feel, Retriever! This is simply a personal opinion, so if you feel differently, don't attack me, convince me otherwise...

Is a child a weedy lawn that should be bid out like any other needed service? I don't doubt the diligence and afffection of many non-English speaking child caregivers. I merely wonder why you would contract out the care of your beloved child to any but yourself?

Don't tell me that some people are forced to it. I realize that there are plenty of people who genuinely can't afford to have one parent stay home with their kids. But those aren't the people hiring help...Also, whatever happened to the old fashioned idea of waiting to start a family until one had a spouse and had the resources to feed and care for the children adequately? Single parents abandonned by their mates are in a unique position, obviously, but they do not constitute the entire day care population.

As for me: For the eight years that I was home (til youngest went to kindergarten) we were dirt poor. Every household item and item of clothing came either from thrift shop or Caldor's (the days before the Evil Walmart came to our region). Cloth diapers and line drying of all clothes. Use it up, mend it or do without. Happy children, happy mom, proud father. Yes, I permanently damaged my "career" but being a mother full time during those important years was a blessing for our entire family. On their deathbeds, nobody ever regretted doing what they could to love and serve their families, but plenty regret sacrificing family on the altar of career.

Sure, I felt tired in those early years, but better to do it for yourself.

Now that I have to work full time, the tenor of the household has deteriorated, because most of the work that makes it a pleasant and nurturing place traditionally falls on females and, in our case, rightly so since I am better at them. I often think enviously of my at home neighbors who hire gardeners, maids, nannies, buy take out. Because of course I am exhausted.

But my other bias (besides child care) is cooking your own. Why do otherwise intelligent people buy so many meals out? Do you really want someone you don't know ( handling your food?) Take a cooking class, get a cookbook and learn to cook.

Look, I have all the lazy impulses of the next, and I still think it is unfair that women carry most of the burden at home (I know the Maggie's Farm males are more chivalrous than most) but the bottom line is that if you want it done well, you have to do it yourself. Every night I think wistfully "Oh, wish I could afford to take home Indian, but can't afford it..." Then i go home and make the effort to make Indian myself (or Chinese, or English, or whatever) and the effort re-energizes me and delights my family...

Feminism often amounts to beggar thy family. The legitimate impulse to use the talents and skills of individual women in whatever jobs or profession God fits them for, is one thing. But militantly denying one's family because it is unfair that one does the disproportionate share of certain tasks, is just mean spirited.

I realize that there are often exceptions. Bird Dog, as we all know from his cool recipes, loves to cook. Go for it! But my better half has never responded to gentle nags of the "Most of the great chefs in the world are men, so why you don't you read the book the children gave you for Christmas "Dad's Own Cookbook". I could whine about it and make his life even more miserable than it already is being married to me. Or I could make us all happy and cook dinner.

Do we want to be right or do we want to be happy?

Off to bail out the basement after doing so jointly (flooding is an equal opportunity employer) grateful to God that this wimpy noreaster was manageable by our pump and our aching backs.